Chapter Text
"Y-YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR AGE???"
Mirabelle exclaimed in disbelief while staring at you with wide eyes. You squirm in your seat on the log as your family stares at you.
Did you do something wrong..?
Well. Yeah. Not knowing your blinding age. Which, definitely isn't normal. For normal people. Like—not—you.
Odile pinches the bridge of her nose, pushing up her glasses, “How is it possible that in the complete amount of time we’ve all been together, which isn’t little mind you, we never asked for your age?” She sighs, looking at you with a quirk of her lips that it almost seems she wants to laugh from the absurdity of the situation.
But, something in the back of your mind makes you think that you're older than Mira and Isa, so...
"Well, I think I'm around...28..?" You say, hoping they all heard you beneath the cloth of your cloak. It'd be awfully embarrassing to repeat that sentence.
Most of them seem taken aback, and... you're not sure why.
"Huh..." You hear Odile.
"Huh!" You listen to Isa.
"HUH???" You wince at Mira.
"WHAT. FRIN..." And then your head turns to Bonnie, seeing their jaw basically on the ground, "That's like. Old. Super old. Almost 'Dile old."
You're able to hear a faint "excuse me" and a stifled chuckle, even with the buzzing in your ears after Bonbon's comment. Are you old?
Hm, you grin. "Doesn't make me any less bold."
Almost immediately after the words left your mouth, you hold back a grimace as you cringe.
Okay. It was terrible. And...it sounded way better in your head. Stars. Ah well, you suppose you could have sold it better.
HA! See, that's it! But it's too late now. It's always too late. Can't even make a blinding joke right!! Stupid, stupid, stupid-
The sound of loud BOOO-ing snaps you back to reality, and you look at your family members.
Bonnie—obviously—was the one booing at you, their mouth crinkling in the corners, telling you they wanted to say something.
"Frin. That was terrible. Even for you. But I'll let it pass!!! JUST THIS ONCE!!!!"
You pout playfully. Now's your chance! "Yeah, well. I guess I could've sold it better."
"NOO!!!!!!!"
Mirabelle ends up stifling her laugh, and Isabeau does laugh this time!—even though you're sure he'd wanted to say something earlier. And Odile....well, she sighs.
And still. This sense of familiarity, seeing your family smiling at you, is enough to help you calm down. You breathe in, and out.
You smile.
"Very amusing, Siffrin," Odile starts, voice dripping with sarcasm, yet you can see the touch of fondness in her eyes, "but could we please return to the topic at hand?”
You nod seriously.
“Heh. I apologize beforehand, but does this by any chance have anything to do with, your loops?"
The air felt heavier the moment she mentioned the loops—you could say she almost seemed hesitant to bring it up.
But you're pretty sure this goes way back.
...Or does it? How long were you in the loops? How much have you truly forgotten? Did you spend years there? Should you be older? You feel older.
You...don't think about that.
"No, I don't think so." You end up replying, shrinking beneath Odile's piercing gaze—even if you know she doesn’t mean harm. But you know she knows you're telling the truth.
She nods slowly, softening, "Hm. Well, I suppose the origin does not matter as much as the result." You know she's lying, "So, you'll stay with 28 years old, since we have no more information."
You look down. From the corner of your eye, you can see Mira clutching her tear brooch tightly.
"Uhm, Siffrin, does that mean... you don't know your birthday?" She gazes at you, seemingly queasy, but holds eye contact.
Huh. You're almost a hundred percent sure that, yes, you don't know.
...What was a “birthday" again?
"Frin. Don't tell me..." Bonnie starts, looking like a disappointed parent.
Mira gasps, "Siffrin!! Did you forget what a birthday is??"
You hide in your cloak. And miss your hat for the third time this week...
"It's a celebration for you because you were born, in the day you were born, Sif!" Isa laughs, but responds rather encouragingly.
Yeah, you remember now.
...Did you ever celebrate your birthday?
Hm. You don't think about it either. You know how that goes. Yep! No headaches for tonight, thank you very much! Though you suppose you should talk about it with them sometime.
You made a promise after all.
But still, you try and think for a moment, scurrying through your stupid brain for something to give Mira so she's not sad anymore. You don't wanna make her sad, but you did, so...
Blinding brain! The one time you have actually wanted to remember something—other than Its name—you ca-n't...?
Oh!
"I-I think it was around the ninth month?" You manage to get out with a small, but satisfied smile. You did it! You look at your party-no, family! Remember!!
...why are they looking at you like that?
"Um, Sif, buddy? Are you sure you're not misremembering something?" Isa chuckles, but you can feel his hesitation while he eyes the others.
Odile hums, squinting at you with interest, "Did you mean Septembre, Siffrin?
Huh? Septembre? Wasn't it-
>>>
...
" ...Yeah. That."
Your family members—minus Bonnie, who merely stares at you—exchange glances without a word.
"How much into Septembre you think it was, Sif?" Isabeau questions with a tilt of his brow, swiftly moving on...whatever was that happened, and quickly pulls back the memories of this conversation.
You hold back a sigh. You know it's something not meant to be known, not since that fateful day.
...
So...Maybe...
Maybe you could just say whatever from now on! It's not like you'll remember anyway.
Even your own name isn't actually yours.
"First I think? It was very early into Septembre at least." You end up replying.
Septembre. The word feels outsider through your lips, your accent. A word you were never really meant to use. Stars, one you didn't even remember existed!
"So," Odile muses, "You're not sure. That's...concerning, but almost expected coming from you." She ends with a smirk. You scoff playfully.
"WHAT????? You- what???" Mira exclaims—with possible frustration??—while her gaze flickers between Odile and you, before settling on you.
You blink.
"IT'S-IT'S JUST-” Deep breath, “We're just two days from Septembre????" She looks at you, and now she sounds… almost worried? Huh?
"Yes..? What happened?" You lie. You have no idea what day it is since you left Dormont–you remember that day, you were so blindingly happy. All you know is it's been like, a month, or, maybe three...
"It's-It's just- AUGHH Siffrin...!!" She covers her face with her hands while she pouts. You don't know what to do. You feel yourself making a face because-
HUH?????? WHAT?? WHAT DID YOU DO?? YOU'RE PRETTY SURE IT'S YOUR OWN BLINDING FAULT BECAUSE SHE GOT LIKE THAT WHEN YOU TALKED BUT WHAT DID YOU DO? Oh yeah, YOU UPSET HER GENIUS!!!
"Aw, there, there Mira," Isa scoots over, closer to Mirabelle, and starts patting her back soothingly, before he starts whispering, "it's alright, we'll figure something out. I'll help you!!"
You hide in your cloak. Again.
You feel left out. Like they're talking in code or something. You don't understand a thing here!!- like huh? Figure out what??
You flinch as you suddenly feel a hand patting your hair. Your head snaps to the source—and it's obviously Odile.
She has her hand hovering over your head with this look on her face. You break eye contact as you look down, slowly taking her hand and placing it over your hair again as your face burns.
"Hm..." You hear her mumble, starting to pat your head again.
"Siffrin." You hum, "Don't think too hard about..." She gestures to Mira and Isa's forms, hushed voices and oh so very subtle giggles, "whatever that is they're doing. Nobody is upset here. So try and breathe, alright?"
Nobody is- huh?
You must be making a face again because she chuckles, "Yes Siffrin. You think surprisingly loudly for someone so small."
You hide beneath in your cloak (AGAIN!), if only you still had your hat... and now you realize Odile has taken her hand off of you.
You frown, but try and smooth it out.
"AW!! Siffrin is hiding again!!" Mira's sudden happy noises nearly make you flinch, "Catfrin!!!"
You grumble something illegible and try to hide deeper.
You hear Isabeau chuckle, "Aw Sif, it's okay! And. Well. Without your hat...there's not much space left to go anyways."
You know!!
You sigh deeply and plop back to lie on the grass, staring into the night and obviously not missing your hat.
And you remember one time, one you were just like this. With a lightless sky, full of darkless stars, and in the middle of a forest with your family together.
"H-Hey Siffrin!" Mira, "Sorry if I upset you!! It was a joke!!! I'm sorry!!"
You breathe. You're not mad, of course not, you never could be mad with Mira even if you wanted to.
Not that you'd ever want to though.
But you're just feeling...nostalgic. Maybe...maybe you are missing your hat again…!
"It's fine Mira, you didn't do anything wrong." You respond with a hopefully convincing smile, even though you're still lying on the grass.
"Oh. Phew. Okay then!!" You listen to Mira's relieved breath. You chuckle. They really care about you, don't they?
"Heh-Oh. It was me then, right? OH IT WAS ME RIGHT!!" You hear Isabeau's cries and you can perfectly picture what face he must be making right now.
"No Isa. It's fine. Neither of you actually did anything?? Bad???" You say, hopefully easing both Mira's and Isa's concerns.
"Oh. So we DID do something." ...You're not even sure if it's Mira or Isabeau right now with how similar the both of them are with this type of thing.
"Gems, you children." You hear Odile abruptly interrupting whatever sputtering they were going to say, "Siffrin is not upset over anything. He's just being, Siffrin."
Oh. Yes, you suppose. Pretty much so. Thank you Odile.
You listen to two "ohhh"s before small giggles and laughs break out, then it gets silent once again. A comfortable one, but a silence nonetheless.
Which makes you think...
"Is Bonnie asleep?" You ask, still staring into the night sky.
"Bonbon? Oh they-" You hear Isa stifle a laugh, "Yes. Completely passed out."
"AWE!!"
"Shh!!"
"Right! Sorry! AWEE!! so cute!!"
You snort at them.
"Heh. Right." You hear creaking besides you. Must be Odile standing up from the log. "It's sleepy time. I'll be off to my tent then, goodnight everyone."
"Oh!! Goodnight!!"
"Goodnight Madame!!"
"Night!"
And slowly, they all started getting ready for sleep, with Isa carrying Bonnie over to their shared tent alongside Mira.
You don't move an inch.
"Siffrin?" Mira's head suddenly hovered in front of you—which would have panicked you but since it was nighttime no weird loop panic for you—a soft smile adorning her lips, "are you not going to sleep?"
You close your eyes with a grin, "Sure, I'm soo good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed."
"Hehe!! Aw Siffrin, but seriously, will you?"
You sigh, but open them to meet Mira with—what you think should be—a reassuring smile.
"Yeah, don't worry Mira. And anyways, it's my turn for the night shift you know?" You added with a grin.
She frowns, "Siffrin...you do remember we don't really do that anymore right?"
What??? What about the-
Oh, wait. That's true. You all—mostly—stopped doing that when you realized most Sadnesses vanished with the King, around…two weeks into your new journey.
You sigh, you were looking forward to spending some time on your own outdoors tonight.
As you sit up and start dusting yourself, Mirabelle pouts while looking at you, her eyes twinkling in with the stars.
"Mmm...fine!" She blurts out of the blue—wait, what's bloo? "You can stay outside for tonight."
You visibly beam at her words, like a puppy being told they can have more food, "Okay! Um, thank you."
She smiles once more, "Take it as a… pre-birthday gift!" Giggling, she steps away and disappears into her tent before you can ask what that means.
Huh.
You dismiss her comment to unfold later again. For now, you peacefully stare at the stars, no longer blinded by your anger at the Universe, because…
You just think of Loop when seeing them.
…You wonder if they would have remembered your birthday, or if it's the same as yours.
You wonder if, wherever they are, they're still able to age.
…
Blinking back tears you hadn't noticed were there, you finally sit up.
Pheewww. That's enough reminiscing for a night.
Tiptoeing just in case, you slip back into your tent with Isa, who's fast asleep—did you really stay that long outside?—and swiftly change to get to sleep.
You can't help but remember the conversation earlier at seeing him, the whispers between them. You know they would never harm you—...would they?—but you can't shake off the feeling that tugs in you r st om
No. Stop it.
You take a breath in, and out. You'll save that up for later.
For now, you just close your eyes.
And, slowly but surely, drift away from consciousness.
You dream of stars.
Like many times before.