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The day the boys were caught off guard by a surprise party thrown by the staff to celebrate their 100th day as CORTIS was an emotional one. It was a huge milestone to mark the beginning of their budding careers, yet in hindsight so much time had already passed. The unexpected nature of the party evoked deep emotions from the members; especially Seonghyeon. The boys were standing shoulder to shoulder after having listened to the heartfelt video messages from their parents that brought them to tears, but for Seonghyeon it was only the beginning of a floodgate that was yet to be released. As each member went down the line to give their thanks, James carefully watched the younger to his right with a suspenseful gaze as it was Seonghyeon’s turn to speak.
“I just wanted to say-” Seonghyeon’s words came to a halt as he choked up, unable to speak while fresh tears rolled down his cheeks and pooled at his lips. The crowd ooh-ed and aww-ed in sympathy while the rest of the members jested and teased, urging the boy not to cry and cracking jokes here and there to lighten the mood. Several beats of silence passed as Seonghyeon reached a desperate number of failed attempts to convey his words of gratitude. The boy struggled to get a hold of himself as he turned around in a feeble attempt to hide the onslaught of tears. It was as if his face were a canvas, and his tears were the paint. The members awkwardly huddled closer, trying to hand him napkins and sprinkle words of encouragement to continue his speech, but nothing was getting through to him. Nothing could calm the boy down as they silently marinated in the discomfort of emotions, repressed feelings, and boyhood. Just then, Seonghyeon’s eyes met James’ in search for guidance, support, anything.
And James knew he had to intervene in his own way.
He placed his palms on both sides of Seonghyeon’s face, caging him away from the rest of the world and forcing him to focus only on what was directly in front of him, which was him.
“Look at me, Seonghyeon.” James softly commanded. The younger’s blotchy wet eyes flitted towards his dry ones. His lip quivering and his chest was heaving, James knew Seonghyeon wouldn’t be able to calm himself down from this point. “Listen, it’s just you and me right now. I need you to breathe,” James kept his instructions simple as he took a deep breath through his nose, modeling so Seonghyeon could follow along. His steady hands remained at the sides of the younger’s face, and his attentive gaze remained, nodding in approval as Seonghyeon took deep breaths instead of shallow ones.
“I can’t do it” The momentary composure Seonghyeon gained was abruptly lost as he panicked once more, his face contorting into a sob as James hurriedly brought his face closer, the cage built from James’ hands becoming more contained and safer as he shook his head.
“Seonghyeon, we’re not doing anything else but breathing right now. Breathe deep, not short. Okay?” James reminded him in a whisper, doing his best to comfort his distraught friend while prioritizing his privacy while mic’d up in a room full of cameras and lingering eyes. Go figure, he thought. James didn’t care how long it took, he refused to drop his hands until he knew he was okay. They continued breathing like this momentarily as Seonghyeon began to calm down again.
Seonghyeon felt safer, as if the two of them were in their own world, as if they weren’t standing in a room full of cameras and people waiting to hear the words come out of his mouth. He was just breathing with James.
“That’s it.” The eldest encouraged, a satisfied grin bloomed on his face, welcoming Seonghyeon back to himself. It was a sight Seonghyeon was so familiar with and immediately set his emotions at ease. “Push. Let your words be heard." Seonghyeon nodded and let out a shaky breath.
“You’ve all...worked so hard and done so much, so I’d like to say I’m really grateful to all of you. Thank you.” The end of Seonghyeon’s message was met with cheers, claps, and a barrage of party blowers as Seonghyeon bowed in appreciation. The members cheered and clapped as they smiled at one another.
Seonghyeon’s smile lingered on James a moment longer as he mouthed thank you in English, to which James nodded and continued to clap towards the crowd and the cameras.