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Riz wasn't avoiding Fabian. And Riz definitely wasn't in denial, either.
Riz wasn’t avoiding Fabian, because Fabian was his best friend, and he'd had no reasons to avoid Fabian. And if they had been doing different things at the cider mill all day on this Bad Kids outing, well. Riz couldn't help that! It just so happened that Fabian wanted to do the corn maze when Riz wanted to do the haunted house.
Even though the corn maze did sound really fun… and the haunted house was always a little boring for him... Once you've met real zombies, the fake ones lose their luster.
But he wasn’t avoiding him! Because all he had were suspicions, and even if those suspicions were correct, it wasn’t like Fabian knew how Riz felt about those suspicions.
Not that he felt bad about it, really. He was kind of flattered, even, and would be totally down were it not for the fact that he… wasn’t. Didn’t get totally down.
And that was probably something he should tell Fabian. Something that he should’ve told him long before now. Probably something he’d have been super great and awesome about before developing a crush on Riz— not that Riz had any proof of that. Any definitive proof. Just… moments. And hints. Gestures at the idea. And if he was right, it would complicate things. He knew how passionate Fabian was about the things he wanted. It was honestly a surprise that he hadn’t made a bold, daring declaration of love in place of the mild flirting and subtle blushes. He didn’t want to see that spark leave his eyes.
Riz didn’t want things to be different between them, either. Fabian was one of the most important people in his life. Maybe the most important, behind his mom of course. Even though he knew that, for most people, ‘best friend’ status didn’t mean as much as ‘boyfriend’ status, it meant a lot to Riz. It had always kinda made him sad that Fabian would never see it the same way as he would; that there would end up being someone more important than a best friend for him.
Oh, who was he kidding. Riz was avoiding Fabian. He was avoiding the difficult conversation that he was going to need to have with him. He needed a plan, first. He needed to prepare.
Riz tapped his chin, lost deep in thought, when he heard a rough voice say, “Dude, you good? You’ve been staring at that skull for, like, five minutes.”
Riz turned his head back, having to tilt it quite a bit to meet Ragh’s concerned expression. “Yeah, I’m alright, just… got a lot on my mind.”
“Cracking some kind of case?” Ragh asked with a grin.
Riz groaned. “I wish.”
Ragh nodded. “What’re the clues? The ol’ Raghster’s got more WIS than people think.”
Riz chuckled. “Well…” He considered his options. HE sincerely doubted Ragh’s Wisdom was actually all that high, but he was… well versed in coming out, one could say. And he’s also experienced his fair deal of rejection. “I think… I think Fabian has been flirting with me, and I don’t know how to handle that.”
Ragh beamed. “Fucking finally. You two drink each other’s milkshakes, dude, it’s about time you got together.”
“That’s…” Riz grimaced. He was aware of what that looked like, but had always figured Fabian was so confident that he didn’t really care. Oh god, had he been leading Fabian on without realizing? “I don’t… want that.”
Ragh looked at him with incredulity. “You don’t want that.”
“I don’t!” Riz said, a bit defensively.
Ragh shook his head. “No offense Riz, but you’re kinda obsessed with the guy.”
Riz opened his mouth to argue, but he did have a point. “It’s just… not like that. Because I don’t… I don’t feel that way about anybody. I’m Aro.”
“Woah.” Ragh said, suddenly very serious. “Did you just come out to me?”
“Would it have not been coming out to you if I had said I was deeply in love with a man?” Riz scowled.
“Well,” Ragh rubbed the back of his head, “it just seemed kinda…. I mean, dude, have you seen how you dress?”
Riz, once again, was without an argument. “Anyways, yeah… yeah, and you’re the first person I’ve come out to, except for kinda my dad, you could be a little cooler about it.”
Ragh chuckled, “You’re right.” He held out a fist to bump. “Welcome to the family.”
Riz, a little hesitantly, bumped it. “Thanks,” he smiled, small. But then he remembered the objective of this conversation. “But what do I do? I mean, I don’t… I don’t want him to feel bad, or weird, or, since there's the gay aspect to this, wrong, but I also, I mean… I kinda feel terrible.”
“Dude.” Ragh got serious again, he poked Riz in the chest, somewhat aggressively. “The people who love you will always care about how you feel. And if they don’t, fuck ‘em, because they didn’t really love you at all.”
Riz thought on it for a second. He supposed he had a point, even if it would suck to lose a friend that way. His best friend. “You think he loves me?”
“Know it, man. You’re the most important person in his life behind his moms.”
Riz smiled softly. “Y’know Ragh, you are kinda wise.”
“Nah,” Ragh brushed off the compliment, “That was all Jawbone.”
Fabian was waiting outside the haunted house when they got out. “I waited,” he said. “C’mon, the Ball, I’d get totally lost without you in a corn maze. Let’s be real. And I can’t believe you wanted to go to a haunted house, it’s like you’re asking for a Halloween themed combat.” He scoffed.
“And we’re absolutely sure there’s no corn cuties in the maze?” Riz asked, raising an eyebrow, and god, he’d missed Fabian. One second into talking with him actively and it already felt stupid to have ever been avoiding him.
Ragh bumped Riz on the shoulder, gave him a nod, and then headed off.
Riz’s nerves returned in full force. “Hey, um… before we do that, though, do you wanna go for a walk through the orchard?”
Fabian either got the cue that Riz wanted to talk in private, or he didn’t actually care that much about the corn maze, because he said, “Works for me.”
The trees were bright red as they entered through the orchard path. There were others milling about, but nobody that they knew.
“Hey…” Riz said, bracing himself for impact.
Fabian sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Riz’s head whipped to look up at him. He furrowed his brows. “For… what?”
“For…” Fabian stumbled, waving his hand in the air. “I just… I know. We don’t… If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine, we don’t have to, it’s my stupid fault anyways, so, I’m sorry.” He was looking thoroughly down at the ground.
“I… I do want to talk about it,” Riz said with caution. “I mean, I don’t know if we’re in agreance what ‘it’ is, so…”
“The…” Fabian stumbled again, “the crush. I’m sorry. I tried to just ignore it but I keep on accidentally… I mean,” he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again. “I know you don’t… you’re not interested in, in that kind of stuff. And that’s okay, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. So,” he got quieter. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked a little, “Can you forgive me?”
A multitude of thoughts crashed into Riz’s mind all at once. He made a list in his mind, triaging the thoughts so that he said them in the right order. “There’s nothing to forgive. You can’t help it any more than I can,” he decided to start with. “I mean, your feelings aren’t any more or less important than mine, right?” That was probably a good thing to say. “And I love you either way, even if it’s not… Look, if I had those feelings, you’d be the top candidate.”
Fabian chuckled. “I’m honored.”
“Um,” Riz continued, “I didn’t realize you… you knew. About the. The aroace stuff.”
“Please,” Fabian scoffed, taking the opportunity to recede from talking about his own feelings. “I know everything about you. We’re best friends.”
“Yes, we are.” Riz responded firmly. “And that means a lot to me. You know that, right.”
Fabian smiled, soft. “To me as well.”
“So there’s nothing to forgive, then.” Riz knocked his shoulder. “Except for the fact that you stole my coming out monologue from me.”
Fabian’s smile turned gleeful as he shrugged innocently, “Mine was probably better anyway.”
Riz gasped in mock offense. His smile turned gleeful, too giddiness rising up through his body. “Yeah, it probably was.”