Chapter Text
The dirt path stretched ever onward, the silent trek giving Sakura time to think. Silently, Sakura wanted the path to end, to give her something outside to focus on, yet anything of interest eluded her, and that left her dangerously alone with her thoughts.
After their last mission, Sakura knew she should be more alert. She kept repeating that to herself, but her mind kept drifting nonetheless. She thoughts back to that very same mission.
About the fight with the demon brothers.
About how Kakashi-sensei used his own death as a distraction only to come back at the final moment and save the day. How Sasuke-kun fought and fought well. How he managed to hold off the two attackers until Kakashi was ready to make his move. How Naruto, even when frozen, managed to take a hit for the team and how later, the hyper ninja had enough willpower to expel the poison from his body, albeit in a creative way.
But Sakura… she simply stood and did… nothing.
She did not fight.
She did not distract.
She did not end it.
Back then, Sakura convinced herself it was to be expected, for her to be on the sideline this early on in her ninja career. That she was a fresh genin, barely out of the academy, baby fat still on her cheeks. That fighting chunin was well out of her league, that they were a rank above her for a reason. Chunin are superior to genin. That was a fact, an undeniable hierarchy.
The Hokage, barely a few days ago, had explained it again. The structure of it all, the different ranks of ninjas and ranks of mission. How the two interacted, who was assigned what. Yes, a nice orderly structure. Sakura found herself nodding her head slightly to it, only for her head to freeze mid-nod as a single sentence crashed her train of thought.
'But Sasuke-kun fought them'
Her mind unhelpfully supplied that simple truth. An observation, really.
And so, Sakura trapped herself into this loop. She would begin to convince herself that her meagre participation in their last fight was expected, only to conclude that she should have done more.
'I should have at least spotted the puddle!' she angry thought in the breaks of the mental loop.
Later, when Zabuza appeared for the first time and Sasuke and Naruto managed to rescue their sensei from the water prison, her excuses sounded even more hollow. They used simple techniques. Academy techniques. Nothing special. Nothing complicated. Nothing high level.
But it worked.
And she simply stood there.
When Kakashi-sensei awoke from his exhaustion-induced sleep and began to train them in tree walking, she was over the moon. She excelled, she was the first. And by a lot. On the very first attempt, she reached the top, leaving her two teammates stunned. Even in the academy, she was always good at molding chakra. She was the top student after all. At theory, atleast.
After that, she guarded Tazuna. Alone. It was scary, constantly checking every shadow, but at the same time, she assured herself of her competence. That Kakashi-sensei would not leave her alone if she could not do it. She felt like a real ninja, her Konoha headband a reassuring weight on her head.
She would like to think she did her mission perfectly, though, when she thought back, she hardly did anything in those few days she guarded the construction solo. Perhaps a few strays of Gato's thugs got scared of her presence and decided not to attack. Perhaps.
And then, a few days later, Zabuza appeared, alive and well, with Haku in tow and Sakura was, once again, useless.
'What good was tree walking in all that?' Sakura though angrily in her mind. Sure, it was an extremely useful skill to have, but Kakashi-sensei specifically said they will need it in the coming battle… and no one used it, even once.
She thought of the battle, how it was two smaller battles rather than a single one. That revered teamwork sensei spoke about constantly – nonexistent.
She thought of the team.
Team 7
Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, all led by Kakashi Hatake.
And yet, aside from the basic drills, they barely trained together. Just because they trained long does not mean they trained well. Barely a team and more of a loose collection of people.
'Just because you read something twenty times does not mean you will understand it any better.' Sakura translated her own thoughts to herself.
Their very first lesson was about teamwork and sure, they practiced formations in their session afterwords, Sakura having memorized and categorized them based on situation, terrain, number of enemies and so on. But aside from practicing each a single time, they did not do any training in this teamwork their sensei claimed to value so much.
Their training usually devolved into one-on-one spars and while Sasuke-kun and Naruto fought on, sometimes for hours, when she was involved, it was a different matter.
When against Naruto, the blond was outright hesitant to touch her. He was always gentle, swinging but pulling his punches back at the last moment, the blows barely landing. Yet he always won, ending with Sakura tackled into the dirt.
With Sasuke-kun, it was the same, but different. The Uchiha was direct, quick, efficient. He did not pull his punches. He was not gentle. But he was fast. Barely a single exchange and Sakura were once again in the dirt.
And their teacher, their sensei barely offered any pointers and when he did, they were generic, common. All-encompassing.
'You need to work on your strength.'
'Your endurance'
'Your stance'
Back then, she was quick to ignore her failures, for her excitement overruled all. She had made it. She was a ninja. And even more, she was with Sasuke-kun! And in the safety of the village life, she did not have to worry about enemy ninjas coming out of puddles to kill her with chains and poison and oversized swords.
But now she did, and all those moments during training which she spent looking at Sasuke-kun in the vague hope of catching his attention instead of doing something useful came to haunt her. A constant stream of 'Why did you?!' and 'You should have!'.
She even thought of all the moments when in the beginning of each training session, Naruto would excitedly ask Kakashi-sensei about what cool jutsu he would be teaching them that day.
'Stupid, stupid, STUPID!' Sakura berated herself, remembering how she would yell at Naruto for pressuring their teacher and presuming, when infact she should have been there, yelling with Naruto at Kakashi-sensei to teach them things.
She cast her eyes up, seeing her two teammate up front. The bright colors of Naruto and the dark colors of Sasuke-kun. Her eyes drifted across their forms to the two crests, just barely peaking from underneath their backpacks as they walked. The Uchiha and Uzumaki crests.
The Uchiha name spoke for itself, but Uzumaki was not far behind and Sakura knew her history. Having not been all that good at the practical side of been a shinobi, her theory had to be beyond reproach.
And Sakura knew. She knew of their specialties, of their sealing mastery, massive life force. Of their own hidden village. But if even all that was not enough, one had to merely look at the back of the jackets and chunin and above wore and they would see that same crest.
And while Naruto exhibited little of the 'standard' descriptions of an Uzumaki, he was still good. A brawler, she had heard Iruka-sensei once say. An idiot outside of the battlefield, but once in a fight, Naruto was as if a different person. Still loud and boisterous, but holding his own.
As for Sasuke-kun, he was an Uchiha and that meant a lot of things, especially for Sakura.
It meant he was dark, reserved, handsome, mysterious, powerful, desirable. But now, after all the time they trained together, Sakura could easily add cool, competent, focused. Sakura knew that the Uchiha had special eyes called Sharingan and while this was the extent of her knowledge about it, she knew deep down that those eyes alone put Sasuke far above her when it came to combat.
And Sakura… was just Sakura. No long family lineage. No special powers. No special eyes. Just… Sakura. She idly cast her gaze at the Haruno clan symbol on her clothes. The Haruno clan…. It can hardly be called a clan, barely a normal family that had a few generations of ninjas and as such, chose to have a symbol. The 'clan' had no special powers, no hidden techniques passed down. It was just a normal family.
And in turn that made Sakura just a normal girl.
'No' Sakura stopped herself. 'Worse than normal'
She was below the average. Sub-bar physical. Sub-bar chakra reserves. The only thing going for her was her great chakra control and great intelligence. And while she smiled for a moment, bitter thoughts quickly resurfaced.
'What good is a great chakra control or intelligence in a battle? So I can think how to cast the one jutsu I have chakra for most effectively while people around me fight and die?'
Not that she knew any special Jutsu. No fireball like Sasuke-kun. No shadow clone like Naruto. Just the three basic ones from the academy.
A clone that can do nothing but distract for a moment. Naruto can easily make a thousand of solid clones that can interact and fight.
The henge, an appearance altering jutsu that while useful, can easily be defeated by things like security questions, memory comparisons and the likes.
And the substitution. To replace one-self with an object, to escape. To escape.
She replayed the bridge battle over and over again in her mind, wondering what she could have done with those three jutsus. There was nothing around the bridge to replace herself with so the substitution is out, Sakura briefly wondering if she can use water in the substitution.
The henge was not useful as well. The bridge was open, they would have seen her transform. Besides, what would she have transformed herself into? Perhaps a second Kakashi to confuse Zabuza, though that would lead to Zabuza attacking her directly. Maybe she could have used the Zabuza henge to tell Haku to stand down. Maybe. Maybe.
And the clone? Once again, a momentarily distraction at best. A distraction that would only actively paint a target on her, nothing more.
Sakura briefly laughed in her mind bitterly. 'Oh, you are a genjutsu type. That is great! MAYBE NEXT TIME TEACH ME SOME GENJUTSUS!'
And that once again lifted her gaze to her teammates. How cheerfully they walked back to the village, not a care in the world, happy for a mission well-done. She saw even Sasuke-kun give a rare smile once or twice at Naruto's tenth retelling of their battle. Her team with their many abilities. The battle that they fought. Her with her….nothing. Over and over again, she replayed this cycle in her mind.
Until when the cycle came to the battle again, she examined a specific aspect of it.
Zabuza.
Sure, the man used several jutsus, but she was certain she could find comparative versions in their arsenals. The hiding in mist? Wide-scale genjutsu that she was certain Kakashi-sensei could do. And maybe me if you bothered to teach me. The water clones? Naruto had shadow clones. Water bullet? Sasuke had fireball. No, the only thing he had over them was that dragon, which Kakashi-sensei copied in an instant. That dragon and the sword.
The sword.
That single weapon was, in her logic, the only thing that gave him an edge over them. The only thing that stood out in his favor over them.
"Ano, Kakashi-sensei?" She began before her mind can fully catch up and processed the crazy though that suddenly popped up in her head.
Their sensei lazily looked up from his orange book, his single visible eye swinging over to her form with mild interest. She began to curse in her mind, not having fully prepared, not fully thought out her idea. She wondered how to phrase it, but Kakashi-sensei was waiting now.
"You know how Zabuza, you know, fought with a sword and all… I was wondering if I…" she fiddled, realizing with each word how stupid the end sentence would sound. How she was stupid for even thinking she can compare to someone like Zabuza. Nevertheless, she now had Kakashi sensei's full attention and could not back down.
"I was wondering if I can learn to use a sword?"
She felt the world still around her when she uttered those words, vaguely noting that even Sasuke and Naruto had stopped walking and turned towards her.
"Whoa, Sakura-chan! A sword is cool, but you might get hurt, you should be careful!" Naruto butted in before their teacher could answer. His words, seemingly well-meaning on the surface, cut deep, almost as if Naruto did not believe she can handle herself.
"Tch." Was all Sasuke said before turning forth and resuming his walk to the village, Naruto sparing her a quick glance with a bright smile before rushing to catch up to his friend/rival.
A hand ruffling her hair snapped her gaze back to their teacher.
"Ma, ma, Sakura-chan. You should not worry about such things. Better stick to what you know, to what you are good at. I believe you were a genjutsu type, maybe we will see about you learning a few easy ones when we get back."
A dismissal, that was what this was. Sure, there was the vague promise of specialized training, but somehow, Sakura did not believe it. If he wanted to, he would have already.
The trek back home continued in silence on her part. While she occasionally replayed their last battle, her mind was now focused on her team's dismissal of her. It stung, it hurt. It made her want to cry.
It was not her fault. She was not special like them.
When they finally entered through the village gates, the team quickly dispersed.
Naruto ran off, yelling about missing ramen before Kakashi had even finished letting them go for the day and telling them to meet up tomorrow for their usual training. Sasuke left without a word, simply turning on his heel and walking away. Kakashi briefly met her gaze before giving her one of his eye-smiles and disappearing in a swirl of leaves.
And Sakura was left behind alone. Once again.
Sighing heavily, feeling the weight of her backpack, she began the trek home. The final stretch of her long journey felt the hardest, each step harder than the last, her body about to give up with more than just exhaustion. She forced herself to soldier on as familiar sighs, sounds and smells hit her. Familiar streets, the known stall vendors, the local street-food. A sense of home before she even reached it, lulling her into a sense of normality, as if her last mission was not, atleast from her perspective, a massive failure. The same feelings and thoughts began to creep into her that she had just after Team 7 was formed.
She was in the village, safe. A part of team 7, next to Sasuke-kun. And her last mission was going in the books as a success.
And yet, she could not bring her head up, her gaze on the dirt as she walked.
A few blocks away from home, she paused in the middle of the street, nearby passersby grumbling at her sudden stop, nearly running into her. A familiar shop stood before her, one she had visited many times in her years at the academy. It was one of several weapon shops through the village, this one closest to home. She had purchased things from it many times, the friendly shopkeeper knowing her by name. Sakura remembered his kind congratulations when she came after graduation, purchasing a fresh set of shuriken and kunai.
Her earlier conversation with her team replayed in her mind, their dismissal prickling like needles in her back, forcing her to move forth. 'I do need to replenish my stocks' she tried to reason her action.
The bell dinged as she entered the shop, Sakura briefly aware she is perhaps not the best looking or smelling after a month on the road and fighting.
"Be with you in a minute!" came the shout of the shopkeeper from the back, Sakura taking the chance to wonder the shop. Slowly, she began to explore the familiar isles. She first came across kunai, shuriken and other weapons that shinobi preferred. Small, easily concealed, versatile. The deeper down the isles she went, the greater the variety, but smaller the stocks became.
Kunai and Shuriken were in whole crates by the door. Deeper in, spools of ninja wire, sorted by thickness, explosive tags neatly arranged in stacks of twenty. She saw the sight that always drew a giggle from her – smoke bombs arranged on a carton like eggs at a supermarket.
After passing the isle, she came into a more open-area, larger weapons lining the walls. Katanas, tantos and ninjatos were the most numerous, though even they were barely ten a peace. A few spears, a handful of staffs. A pair of knuckles with blades attached to them. Her eyebrows rose at a pair of long gloves, each finger tip ending in a thin blade.
Having finished her deep wonder at the more outlandish weapons, her eyes swung back to the swords. Mentally, she began to compare them to Zabuza's and unsurprisingly, they all came back lacking. She thought to how Zabuza blocked whole attacks with his blade, Sakura comparing to how she would probably fare with one of the smaller swords on the wall before her.
'These small blades with my pathetic strength and chakra… I would be swatted aside like a bug…'
Sakura went to the corner where a large barrel stood, a variety of weapon protruding from the top. She tried to pull out a tetsubo to little success. Next she grasped a naginata, but when she attempted to pull it out, she accidently stabbed it into the ceiling. Looking around wildly if the shopkeeper had spotted her, she quickly put it back in.
Pushing aside a few katanas in the barrel, she came across a peculiar weapon.
It was a sword, she believed, though much larger than any of the display model, the weapon reaching up to her chin from the ground. The grip was much longer as well, about the length of her forearm and ending in an elongated ball. A tear drop sort of shape.
The guard was abnormal as well. instead of the circular tsubas she was familiar with on other swords, it was a bar of metal, a cross to the blade. She went to grab it, feeling the dark leather grip beneath her palms.
Pulling up, she was surprised at how light it was given the heavy metal adornments it had around the grip area. It was not light, but not that heavy either. What truly shocked her was the long, straight, double-edged blade that was revealed as the sheath remained in the barrel.
She twirled it around awkwardly, the grip comfortable in her hand, but that large tear-ball at the end of the grip would occasionally hit her forearm when she lined up the blade with her arm flat. Still, when she held it out forward, the sheer range it gave her made her feel secure. Safe.
Bringing the blade back closer to her, she inspected it, noting how the sides were not just flat but had a gentle groove running all the way down the blade on both sides.
'Maybe this is why it feels so light.' She wondered. That and the large metal ball on the end maybe serving to counter-balance the long wide blade. Dejectedly, Sakura noted a few tiny patches of rust here and there.
"Ah, I see you found this old junk." Sakura nearly dropped the blade, startled as the old shopkeeper approached. The man only smiled at her.
"Em, what is this?" she asked, twirling the blade slowly around under his watchful gaze.
"Not real sure to tell you the truth. Picked it up years ago, the man telling me it is what they use faaaar to the west, beyond even Suna or Iwa. Thought it would be a hit here, an exotic weapon! Ha!" the man scoffed, his belly shaking.
"Has been gathering rust for years. Noone wants it here. Too big, too flashy. Was hoping for some Samurai to come through on a diplomatic mission or something."
The man led her back to the counter and began to rummage through the many drawers on the wall behind it.
"But the man that sold it to me also gave me these." He put two books on the counter.
Sakura's eyes widened. Books. That was her part, her strength. Books she could understand. Books she could devour. A small smile began to spread on her face as she sat the blade down gently before picking up the first book.
Her smile waned when she saw the unfamiliar script, a language and even a writing system she could not understand. Small angular symbols, running right to left. She vaguely noted that what seemed to be the front cover was also on the back end. When she opened the book, while there was more of the same unknown script, there were pictures and plenty of them.
Pictures, forms, diagrams, all showing grips, stances, positions, swings. Anything and everything.
She felt like Naruto, happy for a book with pictures, but at that moment she did not care. Clearing her throat and returning her expression to neutral, she prepared to haggle.
"How much for the sword and books?" she asked evenly on the outside, while inside she was bubbling. It was happening, she was taking a brave new direction. A bold stance against her team's indifference to her, her training, her abilities.
The shopkeeper looked at her for a moment, a raised eyebrow in a silent question before answering.
"A thousand ryo."
"Just a thou-I mean, I will take it." Sakura quickly hid her disbelief. A thousand ryo bought 5 cheap kunai and here she was, getting a whole exotic sword for the same amount.
"No need to hide your surprise. There is a reason why it was in the "forgotten" barrel. And it has been gathering rust for years, turning an uninteresting sword into an undesirable one."
He gave her a sly grin.
"I would have settled for less, but you already agreed."
Sakura pouted, but she handed over the money. Especially after their recent C rank became A rank, she was certain she could easily afford it, but it still stung. When the shopkeeper went and fished out the sheath from the barrel and brought it over, Sakura felt her smile return.
Awkwardly, she pushed the long blade into the sheath before grasping it by said sheath close to the guard. Quickly shoving the books into her backpack, she bid the shopkeeper goodbye and ran home, renewed energy in her step.
At home, dinner was a quick affair. Sakura was glad to be home, glad to see her parents, to hug them, to entertain them with tales of her adventure. But throughout it all, she kept on thinking about the rusty sword on her bed and the books on her desk.
That night, Sakura did not fall asleep until the early hours of the morning, slumped on her desk over the books.