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“YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?!”
Pure Vanilla shifted his gaze away from his furious boyfriend- ex boyfriend before him, his arms crossed trying to hold his composure.
“Yes…”
“YOU CAN’T BREAK UP WITH ME!” Shadow Milk shrieked.
‘YOU CAN’T’ Pure Vanilla had felt guilty about breaking up with Shadow Milk till he heard those words. This was why he’d made the decision in the first place. When they first met Pure Vanilla had thought his senior was sweet and supportive, but once they started dating they had become possessive and controlling. Pure Vanilla had had enough.
“Yes I can,” he snapped.
Shadow Milk seemed to falter at this for a moment, his eyes widening in surprise and that guilt pulled at Pure Vanilla’s heart again. But then Shadow Milk’s face twisted into a snarl again.
“NO! You can’t! You can’t break up with me! Everything was perfect, why would you want to ruin that?!”
“I-I thought so too,” Pure Vanilla admitted, “but Shadow Milk, nothing about our relationship is healthy… I was so stupid to not see it. My friends warned me about you-”
“Oh I see,” Shadow Milk scoffed, “This is all because of your so called friends! They turned you against me! I knew they were jealous of our relationship!”
Pure Vanilla was getting frustrated, Shadow Milk never listened to him. “NO! No, this has nothing to do with them. I never believed the things they told me.”
“Why not? You seem to hold them in such high esteem!”
“Because I trusted you!” Pure Vanilla’s voice cracked, “...I wanted to believe you’d never lie to me.”
“Everything I’ve done is for you,” Shadow Milk insisted, “To make your life better!”
“That doesn't make this,” Pure Vanilla waved his hand between the two of them, “Okay. I’m breaking up with you and you are just going to have to accept that.”
“NO I-!”
Pure Vanilla doesn't hear whatever worthless words were about to spill from Shadow Milk’s mouth as a bunch of classes let out sending a flood of students around them. They stand there a moment, just staring at each other; Pure Vanilla waiting to see if Shadow Milk will try to cause a scene. Shadow Milk waiting for him to take back his words. When nothing more was said he turned to leave.
“Goodbye Shadow Milk,” he said more softly than he should have after everything his senior had put him through, “Don’t try to contact me.”
“PURE VANILLA! YOU’LL REGRET THIS! YOU NEED ME!” Shadow Milk yelled in retaliation, turning heads.
Pure Vanilla felt the slightest sting of sharp nails cutting into his skin as Shadow Milk grabbed for him, but he quickly pulled away, refusing to look back. Not confident he wouldn’t give into Shadow Milk’s begging if he did.
He thought he would finally feel relief when he cut ties with his boyfriend- ex boyfriend, and he did, but the feeling that was currently overpowering everything was a heavy sense of loneliness.
The window of a nearby car rolled down and he's surprised to see Dark Cacao behind the wheel. His friend popped the passenger door open, “Get in.”
Pure Vanilla hesitantly crawled in.
“You didn’t have to wait for me.”
“Yes I did,” Dark Cacao said firmly as he pulled away from the curb, “Who knows how that psychopath could have reacted.”
“He’s not-” Pure Vanilla bit his tongue, wasn't he just worried about the same thing a few moments earlier? And why was he still trying to defend Shadow Milk anyway? The man didn’t deserve his protection. He rubbed the red half-moon shaped marks on his arm anxiously.
“Thank you,” he said instead.
Dark Cacao drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “Mhm. We’re all here for you, you know.”
It’s then that Pure Vanilla realized it had been a long time since he’d hung out with all his friends together. They used to do everything as a group; going out to eat, the movies, attending each other's extracurricular events, but the last time he actually hung around for something like that was… very early into dating Shadow Milk. Had he really been that blind to his ex's controlling influence?
“I’m surprised you still are,” he admitted shamefully, “I’m realizing I haven’t been a very good friend lately.”
“But you are still a friend,” Dark Cacao stated, “One that just got a little lost that's all.”
Pure Vanilla laughed dryly, “Heh. Yah.”
A few minutes later they pulled up in front of a motel with a cheery sign that read *Cheese Bird Motel* in dripping yellow letters and underneath in smaller lettering *Grate nightly rates!* that did nothing to improve Pure Vanilla’s mood. He’d checked in earlier in the day after packing up everything he wanted to keep from his apartment that he and Shadow Milk had shared.
“You could always stay at my place,” Pure Cacao suggested.
“No, it’s alright. This will suffice until I can find a new apartment.”
And he needed some time to himself.
Dark Cacao patted his arm, “Okay, but I’ll be stopping by to check on you tomorrow and I want you to come out for dinner with everyone this weekend.”
Pure Vanilla nodded, but the thought of seeing his friends after being so distant and surly to be met with a ton of questions from them made him sick to his stomach. Maybe he’d feel better when the time came…
He watched Dark Cacao pull out of the motel parking lot, giving a small wave before opening the door to his rented room and stepping inside. It wasn't much; a double bed, a vanity, and an outdated tv, plus a small bathroom only containing a sink and a toilet. But it was safe. Away from Shadow Milk’s control. There was still the worry in the back of his mind that his ex would find him - either here or back at school it wouldn’t be too hard and they would most likely cross paths again sooner rather than later, but he didn’t have the energy to deal with the thought right now. His body felt heavy as he stared at the suit cases laying on the bed. His whole life packed up into a few boxes. There was a lot he’d chosen to give up. Most of it he didn’t want back.
I suppose I better unpack since I’m going to be here for a while, he sighed.
Pure Vanilla opened the first suitcase and began to remove his clothes and put them into the vanity drawers, after neatly folding them - he hadn't taken so much care when packing them.
He picked up another clump of clothes and flinched when something fell out of them onto the bed.
A blue clown doll stared up at him with its creepy button eyes. Shadow Milk was obsessed with creepy stuff with this, almost as much as he had been obsessed with him. Figures something would find its way into his bags in his haste.
He picked it up, a bitter taste rising in his throat. He just wanted to forget Shadow Milk. Forget the miserable existence he’d lived in when they were together and start over. Yet… Pure Vanilla’s lip trembled. His life had revolved around Shadow Milk for so long he wasn't sure how to do that. He took a deep breath reminding himself he’d already done the hardest part. He’d be okay.
Pure Vanilla threw the doll into the trash can, covering it with some tissues so he didn’t have to look at it.
♧♧♧
It was harder than he thought.
The feeling of loneliness washed over him again as he laid alone in an unfamiliar bed. He didn’t miss Shadow Milk, he didn’t want to go back to him but… he missed the feeling of his arms wrapping around his warm body, burring his face in his long dark blue hair that smelled like blueberry shampoo, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing as they drifted off to sleep.
Pure Vanilla’s heart twinged in pain. The feeling was unbearable.
He found himself sliding an arm out of the tacky cheese cloth styled sheets and reaching down to the trash can. He clutched the doll to his chest, burying his face into the plush fabric. It smelled just the slightest like blueberry shampoo. Tears began to roll down his cheeks and he prayed that the ache in his chest would go away soon.