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“Ah, I'm so tired!” The boy slammed his body down the bed with full force. A tournament like the International Wizard Cup shouldn't be hard to face when the boy comes from a long line of prestigious knights. He thought the arm pain was received from multiple training sessions without rest. Memories came back to him once he closed his eyes. That the pain was from the enemy's basic casts and struck a nerve within his wrist. And with his stubborn high achieving values, he chose to swing his halberd during breaks. Only hoping the pain will go away on its own.
“It's usually gone by now,” he pondered as if something was missing from his daily routine. The dorm was no different than any other night. One side had a mess on both the bed and bookshelves. No doubt another busy day of studying for one roommate. Another side was disturbingly clean, as if no one lived there. The two boys that own those beds are off to who knows where, nor did he care. His gaze seemed to stop at Daniel's bed, unsurprisingly empty. He's always off to brew potions or busying himself with one of Slughorn’s requests. It's true that the dorm had nothing out of the ordinary, yet his heart trembled at the emptiness of what was supposed to be there.
He looks at his wrist again. If this was any other day, he’d hear his kin’s voice saying: ‘you are too stubborn, Curtis! You can't keep relying on my potions every time you get hurt!’ and those words are always followed with a dose of healing potion and a bandage. Daniel had always set aside his work just to heal his comrades as if it was second nature for him. He remembered how the aspiring potioneer would talk about his sister. How she would use muggle medicine to patch him up. How he tells him that he used to wish the pain didn't last so long. But right now, the timid boy is nowhere to be found. They haven't been meeting each other for the last few months. Only meeting during the day and night where both are too tired either from extra work or training. And if the two weren't so busy, this arm pain wouldn't last a second.
He woke from his rest realizing the clothes worn were still layered with sweat. The last time he did sleep without changing clothes, Daniel was there to slam his palm repeatedly on the squire’s back. And Curtis could only repeatedly say the words ‘sorry’ after every sentence the latter said. But there was no time for that, he needs to change before drowsiness clouds his consciousness again.
His hands were stopped after the last two buttons of pajamas. He wondered once more, believing that he's either getting sick or too tired. Why are the thoughts of Daniel flooding him so much? The potions, the medicine, the overnight training shirt. Curtis wasn't sure how not seeing his best friend affected him so much. As if three years they spent together felt like three months. And 6 months without him felt like three years.
“I’ve gotten seriously ill, have I?” He sits on his bed. Only after rubbing his eyes that he realised he was facing Daniel's side of the room. After which, he immediately slammed his back against his bed once more. He doesn't understand this feeling. And the more he asks the more he doesn't want to know. Even if it was the Dalai Lama, nor Sir Gawain himself were to tell him, he still wouldn't understand. What made him feel so unreciprocated? When he was trained to hold back, helping others without anything in return, what made him feel like he deserves more than he already has?
He was too lost in his thoughts to realise the door opening. ‘Oh no,’ was one of the many words scrambled in his mind. Scattering every thought he formed so they can return to the back of his mind. He jolted himself causing the other party to pause as well. “Are you ill?” Daniel asked. His red hair tied in a low ponytail. Not a splatter of potion liquid found in that oversized brown jacket of his. Curtis paused, staring at the boy for as long as he intended to. Just enough to make sense of his mind.
‘Such a selfish thought,’ he said to himself.
“Welcome back, Daniel.” He wore a comforting half excited smile. Yes, such thoughts are too selfish of him to admit. An honorable knight cannot allow himself to ask for reciprocation. The descendants of Gawain are known to fight with mercy and be ruthless to the self. And even more horrific was the promise he made as the Gwyar heir. There's a saying that only a fair maiden can win a Gwyar’s heart, much like Dame Ragnell to the knight of the roundtable himself. But there stands Daniel Page right in front of him. Not attractive in a most popular sense, neither is he a woman.
Curtis felt warmth from his forehead. It was meeting the back of Daniel's palm repeatedly. “Have you been taking care of yourself? Honestly, too much potions can have an effect on you even if they're less likely to hurt as much as muggle drugs,” the boy asked. Right at that moment Curtis released a mental sigh of relief, “May I be selfish?”
“What are you on about?”
“I was just asking.” He answered too quickly. But he was so scared of giving more context that he skipped right to the question. “Well? May I?”
Daniel, understanding the level of his best friend’s fatigue, immediately nodded without thinking much. “Alright, yes you can, you bloke!”. More questions filled his mind the moment Curtis smiled without a thing to say. It was normal to see him smile sweetly even after being insulted by the redhead. But after that question and that reaction, he wondered if something might've happened.
And for Curtis, hearing the boy say with his usual tone made his heart flutter. A dog is not normally caged, but always gets excited when given so much freedom even when it's not from its owner. And a dog he sees himself as. A brute who gets too much attention and is asking for more just so that he can get a brand new collar. But when looking at his companion, he thought it's not so bad to be a dog.
“Are you brewing potions again tonight?” He said finally asking after his small epiphany.
“No, I’m too tired.” He placed his belongings on the bookshelf. Wanting to reach his bed but a misstep caused him to almost fall face down the floor. Luckily the squire caught him just in time before he fell. The arm holding his stomach squeezed tight enough for Daniel to push it gently. Enough for him to feel the tremors.
“What happened to your arm?”
“Ah, sorry… The tournament… I think the duel struck a nerve in my wrist and now it's a little damaged.” He looked down while trying to release the grip in his arm. Placing it behind his back as he kept his gaze on his feet.
“Well don’t hide it, let me have a look.” He hurriedly took the other’s arm out. “God, you're shaking like a Chihuahua! Let me guess, you went to train your halberd thinking a wiggenweld could fix it anytime?” Curtis couldn't do anything but let out a sheepish chuckle. Though it was immediately stopped after Daniel gave him a bitter look. “Sorry,” he continued.
“You don't even know the effects of too much wiggenweld, do you?”
“Sorry.”
“Do you realise how many times I have to go back and forth to the greenhouse just to make it for you?”
“Sorry.”
“I don't hate making it for you, but you need to know I won't be around every time to heal you.”
“Sorry.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Thank you for always being there for me.”
Daniel stopped. The color of his face turns slightly into the color of his hair. It seemed like all he wanted to say was immediately erased in a single sentence. After a few scratches on the head and heavy steps towards his bag, he finally handed Curtis the wiggenweld. “I’m not sure if it's perfectly brewed, you’ll need some ice later.” The other boy smiled cheekily “Will you give me some ice?”
“What? Why couldn't you do it yourself?”
“So you don't want to?”
“It’s not about that, you can just– fine, give me your hand.” The more they argue the more they'll forget about time. Both of them knew this is how the heir of Gwyar gets what he wants without being too direct. And it's something only few, including Daniel can manage. Only this time, both just wanted to enjoy each other's company for the time being.
The dark hands felt more rough, even veiny after looking more into it. Evidently, the owner didn't care much about his hand. And right now he seems to only care about who's holding it. Looking at this genuine kind hearted boy. Not even flinching from the cold ice pack his friend manually made. He didn't know what to say, but he knew he needed to say something. Not anything too grand, just words that show how much he appreciates his friend. But his brain and heart had a battle for his mouth. As if being hypnotized, he said the words he truly felt.
“Thank you, Daniel… For being in my life.” The healer paused. Somehow out of the many cheesy words his friend uttered, this was the one that touched him. Curtis tries not to think much of it. His friend was tired from brewing potions day and night. They haven't seen much of each other so perhaps he forgot how he would react to his words of ‘wisdom’ with utter cringe. This time, he opened his mouth, and closed it. Only to open it again.
“I like being around you," he muttered. Gwyar's eyes widened like a laborer receiving a big check. “Can you say that again?” He asked.
“No! I'm not saying it again! Honestly, how do you wake up every morning and say these things?”
“Hmm…. with you beside me?— ow! What did I say?” he hissed from the pain after Daniel hit the wrist. Truly believing he didn’t have any faults after saying that. In truth, it's only their sides of the room that are next to each other. And just like any other ambiguous sentence he genuinely believed his words had no malice.
“But what if one day I did things you didn't like?” His reaction calmed down into something more peeving. The red hair covering the side of his face as he kept looking down at the already healed hands.
“We can try to fix that.”
“And if it's not something any of us can fix?”
“...Then I’ll learn to like it.” The answer gave a glimmer of hope in his eyes. The other boy didn't know what happened during one semester but he knew something was troubling him. Gently, he held those pale arms, the contrast between them had always been so harsh. Even with the difference, not only in the choice of color where one enjoys cold colors while the other enjoys warm tones, but even then there are so many differences in experience and personality. Curtis always wanted to lift the weight he carried. Not just because he comes from a family of knights, but because of the boy that would stay up late to make sure his friend gets enough sleep. The boy who would duel with enemies when he didn't even want to. The boy who wanted to be strong to protect his sister. Because it was Daniel that reminded Curtis what he's fighting for. Not honor, not nobility, but out of genuine kindness to others and himself. And if there comes a day where his best friend becomes despicable and unremorseful, he couldn't imagine it. But he would stay. He would stay and try to make it right. So when he couldn't, then he’ll be damned.
“Why did you ask?” He wanted to peek in without wanting to make him uncomfortable. But no sound filled the room except the occasional creek of the bed and the sounds of crickets from above the common room. Without a sound he nodded like he knew what happened. It was only a moment of understanding. If Daniel Page had nothing to say, then he won't dig any deeper. Even when the words are one dig away from how deep he already is. However scared he is for the worst. When his late older brother died from keeping to himself so much. He still stayed back, because he knew talking about it would only make him bitter.
Not wanting to make his kin angry, he only held his pale arms. “Then stay,” he muttered. “I won't ask for anything. Just for you to stay.” A few moments passed afterwards and the other boy’s shoulders relaxed. The small ponytail seemed looser than it already was when he came in.
“The ponytail makes you less gloomy,” Curtis added, trying to make the atmosphere lighter. Daniel chuckled mostly from the sudden change of topic. “Me? Gloomy? I’m just honest.”
“A little too honest, keep it up and you’ll beat Filch.”
“Ew, don't compare me to that old rag.” The redhead laughed.
“Of course, I hope you don't grow up to be like Argus Filch.”
“Ok now that was said with malice.”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” the boy huffed.
Both laughed at the banter, knowing the fact that there is a secret they're both keeping from each other. Not wanting to pry but trusting one another enough to get rid of their anxiety.
“But, you can't overdo it too, okay?”
“I’ll stop when I’ve done enough.”
“That’s not convincing.” Curtis paused at that retort. Thinking of the right words to say.
“I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, but I need to know you’ll be alright too. I don't want you to end up like… Like Esme. No matter how strong you are, you still have limits.”
‘Limits,’ the other thought. It was the word he hated the most. Pushing beyond the limit had always been his own way to live. Depending on Daniel so much showed how he's pushing way past it. He won't be able to continue without any help from potions and healing magic. If he were to be honest with himself, he doesn't know where the limit could be. Every heal he receives cannot make him shake away the thought that he's further from his goal. Whatever that goal is.
“If I don't go over the limit… Will you stay?” Will he stay beside him when he's weak? Or a more pressing question, he wanted to know if the timid boy would leave once he finds a better life. “Will you stay if I’m no longer fit to protect everyone? If you found… Something better for you?”
The other boy went quiet. Those words seemingly struck something in him that he was holding back from saying. Curtis squinted his eyes slightly, trying to find what could make the bot have that reaction. He was told that his friend cut off all ties with Elliot Evers. Or maybe it was Evers that's putting pressure on Daniel. That was the conclusion he was sure of. But he won't ask, not until he is the one who tells him first.
“I won't go anywhere,” the red haired boy said so earnestly. If this was their first year, the Gwyar would believe it as a lie. But now he's so awe struck by that voice that he wants to believe everything he said. Those words were no doubt the truth. But there were other times he's said them so casually that it didn't matter if he left. Now, he wants to believe it as a promise, even without declaring it as one.
Curtis smiled, his eyes slightly squinted, brows relaxed. One could imagine extra lights reflected from his eyes. It was a genuine smile that he rarely showed. A tad different from his usual polite smile. A privilege to those who are closest to him. Daniel couldn't help but hold back his grin. Though there was no way to hide the redness of his face. He would say to himself that this isn't something a student should focus on.
“You're stuck with me now,” Curtis chuckles. Eyes full of mischief as he stares at his closest kin.
Daniel shrugged, “I’ll live.”
As the crickets sing above them, their banter continues. Hiding a secret that both know is kept from each other. Being sure of each other enough for the day they can finally express their true thoughts. But for now, Curtis Gwyar waits, staying put until his companion gives him a signal. And Daniel Page, with how scared he is, feels safe for the time being.