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Muu hated summer.
Well.
She loved the summer camps with her new friends, she loved going down to the seashore and she absolutely adored staying up until the sun was rising with Haruka. That was the part she liked the most. Especially now that they get to do it more often.
But there are parts of summer she absolutely hated. Bugs, sweat, and the likes. And at the very top of that ladder were, surprisingly, swimsuits.
You'd assume a confident, self-absorbed girl like Muu was also really content with her figure. You'd assume that she spends hours looking at herself in the mirror, admiring her features. And she did like to scrutinize her face, making light of every single detail she hadn't noticed before. She liked her face, after all. She didn't have monolids, which already made her stand out from her classmates, and she had blue eyes. Double stand-out. She loved being so different, so unique compared to her dark-eyed companions.
But as soon as she had to stray lower than her face, her expression always fell rather quickly. She was skinny, embarassingly so, with no curves to show up with. Her old friends always said that she'd probably get carried away by the wind. That dresses looked like they were draped onto a stick then she wore them. That if she wasn't careful, she'd collapse into a pile of bones and they would have to reassemble her.
She's hated wearing swimsuits ever since. One-peices didn't suit her at all, but if she wore a bikini, then there's just more of her stomach being exposed, and the same with her hips. Especially now, that she's also got scars on her thighs and arms — it's a nightmare trying to go to the beach without getting judgy stares and parents pulling their kids away from her. Her parents always defend her, and she's really grateful for that, though. She doesn't know where she would be without mama and papa always paying attention to her wellbeing.
And worst of all! Every time she goes to the beach, she has to see these busty girls in their beautiful tops, and then she has to face the fact that she's basically completely flat. It's not like it's a problem in others. But for some reason she can't help but nitpick her own appearance. Maybe because during her time being bullied, a good amount of insults were targeted exactly at how she didn't have much to show in the terms of chest size. She didn't really understand back then and still doesn't — why they made such a big deal out of it — but she's just feeling bad about herself now and that's it.
Going to the beach with Haruka around was much easier. They've only done it once, but she didn't notice anyone staring at her that day. She was simply too focused on him — putting sunscreen on the parts he couldn't reach, drying his hair with a towel or playing with him in the water. The sea excited him a lot. He couldn't resist talking about fish and whatnot the whole time. Even thought it began as innocent rambling, it quickly devolved into the literal anatomy of a fish and Muu decided to just block that and zone out watching his face instead of hers this time.
He wasn't textbook-handsome, but Muu liked him anyway. He had monolid eyes, unlike her, and they were a pretty dark color she thought leaned towards blue. His skin was a little bit darker than hers. He used to have eyebags, but now that he lives with Mahiru, he's looking much healthier — much more like what he looked like when they first met. Muu liked watching him get better.
And it's not like Haruka had a perfect body either. Sure, he was skinny just like her, but uncomfortably so. Just like her. His ribcage was really obviously visible and his fingers were still bony, and even though Muu didn't mind that, he did become target to snarky comments about his appearance. Just like her back then. She felt a little bad for him, but for now, she was way too scared to do something. And she wasn't there when it happened anyway. If she was, or if she will be, something will be done! She's not letting people who make fun of Haruka get off the hook that easily!
Even though going to the beach with Haruka was nice, she wanted it to be only the two of them sometimes. If Haruka didn't make comments on her appearance when they were on a public beach, she guessed he wouldn't if they were alone, but she was so, so wrong. With no social expectations to be quiet and to be reserved placed upon him in the spot Muu found, he had the oppurtunity to compliment her every single chance he got. What were targets of insults back in her old school soon became just another thing for him to praise. She was getting a bit overwhelmed with all the kind words.
There was something at the back of her mind, though, convincing her that he's wrong.
When they got home from Muu's 'super-cool hidden water spot', Haruka immediately collapsed onto his bed and started sleeping. He was probably so exhausted from all the cycling and then the swimming, poor boy. Muu played with his hair until she was sure he was completely knocked out.
She then stood up and looked around the room. People wouldn't expect it, but Haruka could play an instrument — no, not one, two instruments. Truth be told, he wasn't very good at the violin yet, but he was already admirable with his piano skills, especially with the things holding him back. He could double playing either of them for their band with Es and honestly, she didn't expect it to be this easy, finding a violinist, but she was so, so glad that he decided to play both of the instruments he enjoyed. He looked so happy after his exams, and she adored that look on his face.
She quickly snapped out of her thoughts and she remebered why she stood in the first place, so she took her shirt off. She walked to the mirror, standing in front of it, and bent foward, looking at herself. Slightly tilting her head to the side, she smiled. Her face was as perfect as ever. But she touched the fabric of her shirt with her foot and in realization that she shouldn't just let it stay on the floor, she bent down to pick it up. Fatal mistake — after picking up her clothing, she had completely forgotten her one rule of looking into the mirror; No looking lower than your neck, you'll hate it anyway. She caught herself staring at her chest, disdain on her expression before forcefully ripping herself away from the mirror and taking her bra off, too. She needed to see.
She spent the next twenty minutes trying to find a way to appreciate herself, standing shirtless in front of the mirror, but to no avail. She hadn't even considered that Haruka was sleeping about a metre away from her in the bed. Only as the rustling of the blankets snapped her out of her self-depricating did she realize he was, in fact, there. She quickly ran over to him and covered his face with the blanket. He squirmed, confused as to why he was being suffocated. Muu cleared her throat. "Haruka-kun. Please, keep your eyes closed. Muu doesn't have a shirt." He immediately froze, and, seemingly rolled over onto his stomach to bury his face into the pillow. Muu giggled. What a gentleman, she thought.
She made a point of quickly putting her bra on, and placed a hand on Haruka's blanket-covered back. "Muu has something on now. You can come out." He slowly pushed the blankets off, careful not to disturb her hand, and sat up behind her. His cheeks immediately became a little red, despite the fact that he's already seen Muu in her swimsuit about an hour ago. She chuckled at his reaction. He really is adorable. He quickly ducked his head, trying his best not to stare, and she couldn't resist another laugh. "Haruka-kun.. You've seen me in my swimsuit today. If Muu didn't get mad at you for staring then, she won't mind now!" He snapped his head up, like a deer in headlights. "You've.. you've noticed, haven't you..?" Muu just smiled. He was so cute, so terrified of making her mad, even though she wouldn't ever raise her voice. He was so precious to her.
Haruka leaned his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her stomach, humming. "Muu-san, why did you.. ?" He tilted his head downwards, trying to find the right words. He didn't have to — Muu would do it for him. "Muu took her shirt off so she could look at her reflection in the mirror." Haruka made a small noise again and raised his head a little. "You do look g- you look good, yeah. Really." He hid his face in the crook of her neck, most likely embarassed about his stuttering. Muu sighed. "Thank you, Haruka-kun." It was really tempting to just tell him straight up that she liked her face but not the rest. But she had to keep her image up, even in front of him. She was supposed to be someone he could look up to, after all. She couldn't risk showing her own "weaknesses".
But Haruka was just too in tune with her not to notice that something was off. She always answered to him in a cute, bubbly tone, but this time, she sounded almost.. automated. Even she could notice that she didn't have her usual voice, and despite her best efforts, her dislike towards her body was obviously showing. Haruka shifted against her back. "Muu-san, what's bothering you?" She squeezed her eyes shut for a momemnt and put her hands on his. She took a deep breath, blinked her eyes open and exhaled. "Muu sometimes— No, usually. Muu was— Well—" Stupid Muu! How can you mess up such simple sentences? "Muu was bullied for the way she looks. That's it."
He was silent for a moment, as if he was contemplating. "Like.. Like Muu-san's face?" She shook her head. "No. My face is good. Muu would go as far as saying that she thinks her face is perfect for her own tastes." "For my- my tastes too, Muu-san." She giggled. Haruka really was perfect. "You're so cute, Haruka-kun. Muu means— Well, Muu got bullied about being flat-chested the most. That, and how skinny she is." Like I could do anything about that. He was quiet again, and the only sound she heard was the cars speeding by outside.
Before she could say anything more, the warmth behind her back disappeared and Haruka stood up. He walked to stand in front of her and he held her hands in his. "Muu-san, could you.. you— could you lay down on the bed? On your back? Uh— Please." She complied. His speech was really broken, and from that she immediately knew he was nervous — and he wasn't looking into her eyes, either, something he could do with her when he was calm. Even if not with others, he could keep eye contact with Muu for a little. If he wasn't doing that, something was up!
Muu was on her back on the bed when she heard Haruka climb back up, and before she knew it he was above her, looking down with a shy smile. She felt a bit worried, and confused. He'd never done anything like this before and she was scared that he'd end up doing something weird. But just as before, he seemed to catch on exactly what she was thinking about. "Muu-san, I promise I— I'm not going to do anything bad.." He looked a little nervous too, now, so she felt reassured both by his words and hid red face indicating the same thing.
Again, in an action so sudden Muu didn't have time to adjust, he kissed her. She took the hint and put her hands on his arms. He sat on his heels and took her face into his palms, pressing kisses wherever he could. "I like Muu-san's face a lot, but I like Muu-san's eyes the most. You have b— beautiful.. eyes, Muu-san." She giggled a little and moved her hands to his back. He shifted backwards a little and kissed along her jawline, then her neck. "Muu-san is very pretty here, too." She felt her cheeks get warm. He paused for a little and glanced up at her to see how she reacted, and then moved a little again. He kissed her collarbones and then just above her chest. "Muu-san is perfect everywhere." He littered kissed on the cloth of her bra, then below that, and then around her ribs. He seemed satisfied with the job he has done, and so he laid his head on her stomach, tracing circles around her sides with his thumbs.
"I love Muu-san's appearance a lot. You're .. you're— I'm sorry. I'm saying it wrong, but, ethereal."
Muu moved her hands to his hair, playing with the strands. "You said it right, Haruka-kun… I— Thank you.." She tilted her face sideways, and closed her eyes. Even though it should have been a superficial action from his behalf, something that she should let past her, considering that she gets complimented very often, and he could kiss her any time, the fact that he decided to overcome his fear of rejection for the thousandth time just for her was doing things to her heart. She knew she didn't have to, but she wanted to repay him somehow. He was so kind, all the time too, and especially now that her insecurities were worse in the summer—
Haruka sat up on his heels again, and raised Muu's arm by her wrist. He brushed his lips against her palm, then her fingers, and slowly began moving up her arm, kissing all of her scars and occasionally muttering some words against her that she couldn't make it out. Once he reached her shoulder, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and stayed there. She could feel his soft breathing on her skin. He didn't speak for a while, and she made no move to do so herself. It felt sacred. Haruka broke the silence. "Muu-san, i'm sorry if you didn't— if you didn't like that, if you really didn't then, then you can just tell me, I won't—" "You did really good, Haruka-kun. So good, as usual."
Muu knew the effect of her words exactly like the palm of her hand. Haruka melted with praise like no other. If she was going to be praised, if he was going to compliment her, what's the harm in returning his kind words? She could feel his face burrow further into the pillow and she could see his grip on her side tighten. She muffled a chuckle with her free hand. "Muu could handle being kissed all over! Don't tell me my knight in shining armor crumbles when I tell him he's doing good?" Silence, then a sigh. That made her laugh again. "Truth be told, Muu does feel a lot better now. Thank you, Haruka-kun."
So, Muu had a lot to say about summer.
She hated the insects, she hated wearing swimsuits and she hated it when the seaweed stuck to her skin.
She didn't hate her body — she never did, really, she was just afraid of others hating it for her.
But one thing was for sure, Muu didn't hate summer anymore.
She loved the warm weather, the water on the beach, volleyball and cycling. And she especially loved these things when Haruka was around to be with her. And she loved being with Haruka in the summer the most. Loved cycling with him, playing volleyball with him, and like right now, cuddling with him in his bed. He was really good company.
Even if Muu hated summer back then, she had Haruka now, so.
Muu loved summer.