Chapter Text
Dear journal?
To be honest this seems a little weird writing my thoughts down in a 'diary', but shinobu said it'll and whatever shinobu recommends Im usually able to trust. But calling it a diary feels a little personal so id rather stick with calling this a journal.
Well... I dont know how to explain this really, i tried asking shinobu about it but she couldn't understand what I was talking about she told me to write down my feelings so I could understand them better and here we are now.
Truthfully I quite like the feeling its warm and tingly its quite similar of the times me and my late sister tsutako spent together the days full of warmth and excitement never worrying about our future those days were some of the best days I can remember i dont think ive ever had a good day since she left... well enough of that, ive realised theres more to the feeling than warmth, I cant put my finger on it but I find that occasionally whenever the tingly sensation and warmth in my body ends this normally happens when shinazugawa who is our scar-face chaotic classmate with crazy wild white hair that sticks out in all directions (i personally think the hair suits him) decides to stare in my direction my face starts heating up rapidly and my chest starts to kinda hurt?
i really don't think he means to stare directly at me or anything, afterall i sit right next to the window so hes probably just zoning out.
maybe its just fear i dont really love attention much so someone staring at me even for a second causes me to freeze up sometimes. I never really get any attention much anyways so it dosent happen often.
ive been wondering if Ive ended up catching a cold or a virus my immune system is quite weak so its not unlikely the symptoms of my throat going dry and my face heating up must mean im catching something. I'll have to try and remember to ask shinobu about that. Maybe I'll just write it on my hand so I can remember hm?
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"Agh this is so stupid!!" Giyuu complained banging his head on the wooden desk causing the leftover paperwork that he never got the time to complete to scatter all over the floor making his bedroom a bigger mess than it already was.
Giyuu reached a hand out and stuffed the remaining onigiri in his mouth chewing down rubbing his temples, attempting to recall all his memory's of the day before, nothing incredibly big had happened just the same sorta thing that happened everyday the occasional gossip, people desperately urging students to join clubs, mitsuri pestering giyuu asking him for his hair routine, and obanai giving him the classic silent death glares.
"If tsutako was here... maybe she'd know what im feeling..right?" Tomioka whispered to himself before suddenly slapping himself in the face a couple of times "no no no theres no time to think about such stupid things!" he yelled at himself attempting to regain control over his thoughts.
he sighed while laying his head down on the hard wooden desk and longingly staring at the old oak dining table which hadnt been used in years from the small open crack in his bedroom door how much he wished he could reverse time and be sitting at the table eating dinner with tsutako those small moments were his world.
Thats when he suddenly remembered something, apart from shinobu mitsuri is great at diagnosising people's problems her and shinobu are quite close so its not a suprise or anything. Tomioka decided that asoon as he sat down in class tomorrow morning he would ask mitsuri about his problems if she couldn't diagnosis him then he'd be incurable.
Tomioka quickly climbed over the pile of paperwork scattered around the floor desperately trying not to step on anything, he managed to reach his bed and sat on the edge slipping his slippers off and beginning to turn the lamp near his bed off the warm light of the lamp slowly dimmed out making the room incredibly dark.
he was just a lost shadow in the darkness, squinting his eyes barley able to see his phone and set his alarm. Giyuu whispered to himself barley audible "maybe i should try to speak with shinazugawa tomorrow?" He questioned himself before rolling his eyes at the useless idea deeming it stupid and unnecessary before getting comfortable on his bed he could only hope that he could have a pewceful uninterrupted sleep.
Giyuu layed on his back looking up at the paint peeling off his chipped ceiling which was definitely due for a repaint. He continued contemplating about all of the things and decisions he's made throughout his life so far and which ones he regret, there were alot.
he sighed needing to get some rest for tomorrow after all he cant spend all night staring at the ceiling like a crazy schizophrenic person, he moved onto his side using his hand as a pillow ( his pillow is under the bed and hes too lazy to get it ;-;).
He tightly shut his eyes hoping to sleep throughout the whole night and hopefully tonight the nightmares would stop. It sounds pathetic like only should children get nightmares and only children should be afraid to sleep. but tomiokas been having these same nightmares since sabito dissappeared and tsutako died It hadnt helped that tomioka witnessed tsutakos grueling death, that just made the dreams worse, plus he's been doing horrible at shcool because hes always dozing off during class due to the lack of sleep.
slowly but surely he started to doze off his face softening and body relaxing like it was releasing heavy weights of stress he picked up during the day. he was relaxed now but surely the 'dreams' will pop up during the night.