Chapter Text
Tobias: feeling bored gonna dox a fish.
Tobias: ok here goes.
Tobias: ocean.
Darwin: what the hell man.
Gumball: Come on, I wasn't that ***SUGAR HIGH*** last night.
Darwin: You were flirting with Penny.
Gumball: So what? She's my girlfriend.
Darwin: You asked her if she was single.
Gumball:
Darwin: And then you cried when she said she wasn't. (do not get the twelve year old drunk please)
Mr Small: Do you have Aries placements?
Darwin: Nooo I have autism…
Gumball: *makes darwin a cup of tea with SALT how devious*
Darwin: *sips tea*
Gumball:
Darwin: *sips tea again*
Gumball:
Darwin: *sips tea multiple times*
Gumball:
Darwin: *finishes tea*
Gumball: Didn't it taste bad?
Darwin: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Gumball: Darwin.
Bobert: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?
Tobias: What did you just say-
Bobert: Foetons! *laughs*
Tobias: Wh-what?
Gumball: I’m ***SUGAR HIGH*** I made this hamburger helper with no milk this shit tastes like cargo pants.
Tobias: …Why do you know what cargo pants taste like?
Gumball: I be in situations. (no the twelve year old cannot be on drugs either)
Gumball: Today at 7 am, mom poured a Monster energy drink in her coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Darwin: I watched Mrs Mom brew her coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think she ascended into the astral realm.
Anais: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.
Nicole: Why are you two always out during rainstorms?
Darwin: It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of rain!
Gumball: Dad bet me I couldn’t get struck by lighting, but he’s WRONG.
Leslie: If you can't beat them, dress better than them.
Gumball: Penny, you love me, right?
Penny: Usually I'd say yes without question but I'm worried about where this is going…
Darwin: I want mac n cheese but i’m allergic to life.
Gumball: Eat the mac n cheese.
Gumball: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gonna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?
Nicole: Why should I feed you if you’re just gonna die anyways?
Gumball: I'll go make my bed-
Darwin: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that are why Mrs Mom made me get tested.
Principal Brown: You have to apologise to Leslie!
Gumball: Fine!
Gumball: Unfuck you, or whatever!
Gumball: everyone has a shirt they like wearing too much.
Alan: her shirt 💕💕🫶🫶🥰🥰
Gumball: shut the fuck up.
Gumball: If Darwin and I were drowning, who would you save?
Penny: You two can’t swim?
Gumball: It’s a hypothetical question, Penny! Who would you save?
Penny: My time and effort. (this is abotu that one episde with the dreams and gumball feeding penny thumbtacks)
Bobert: Guess what?
Darwin: What?
Bobert: No, you have to guess.
Darwin: Uh, I don’t know.
Bobert: My mother is in the hospital.
Darwin: Wha- why would you make me guess that?!
Darwin: What happened???
Toddler Gumball: Wanna know a secret?
Nicole: No.
Toddler Gumball: Okay.
Nicole: …Do you smell smoke?
Toddler Gumball: The secret is the house is on fire!
Richard: I have a question. Is the S or C in scent silent?
Gumball: Oh fuck, I’m going to be thinking about this all day.
Nicole: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent.
Darwin: Yeah, but sent is also spelled the same way.
Anais: The C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent.
Darwin: What if both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound.
Anais: Darwin, you’re not allowed to talk anymore.
Tobias: first one to reply is gat.
Tobias: *gay
Tobias: wait...
Gumball: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.
Darwin: These are handcuffs.
Gumball: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!
Richard: What type of dog is this?
Anais: That’s a turtle. (ahahaah evil turtle reference)
Darwin: I don’t even use tubberware anymore.
Gumball: What are you saying? Say it again.
Darwin: Tubberware.
Gumball: Say it again. Slow.
Darwin: Tuuuuubbbbbbberrrrrwwwwwareeeeee.
Gumball: Slow, very slow- actually, say the first syllable.
Darwin: Tub.
Gumball: Wrong.
Darwin: What do you mean, wrong?
Gumball: You’re saying tub. It’s P.
Darwin: What are you talking about?
Gumball: It’s tupperware. Tupper.
Darwin: No, it’s tubber!
Gumball: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be.
Darwin: Really? I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub
Gumball: Alan-
Alan: *sighs* Carmen used to call me Alan...
Gumball: ...Because it's your fucking name. (that one episode where carmen and alan broke up)
Richard: Aw, why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Anais: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Gumball: Three of us saw it, Anais. How do you explain that?
Anais: *points at Nicole* Sleep deprivation. *points at Darwin* Paranoia. *points at Gumball* Delusional personality disorder.
Gumball: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.
Darwin: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.
Gumball: They're not.
Darwin: Haha, very funny.
Gumball: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?
Darwin: No... what happened?
Gumball: Why would you fall for this again.
Victim of friendship: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together!
Anais, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.
Darwin: Gumball, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life?
Gumball: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.
Darwin: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?
Anais: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Darwin:
Darwin: Water you doing?
Principal Brown: Gumball got into a fight at school today.
Nicole: Oh no. Did he win? (he did not)
Darwin: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this.
Gumball: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.
Sarah: your portrayal of mpreg jesus is seriously laughable. you really think he would suddenly start developing seahorse mannerisms as early as in the first trimester? give me a break. everyone knows you're just projecting because youre a furry. can’t wait to read the next chapter though! :)
Sarah: i think i sent that to the wrong blog i apologise.
Darwin: congratulations!!! this is the funniest ask i’ve ever received. please don't tell me what seahorse mannerisms are.
Nicole: What's gone wrong, boys?
Gumball: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to your kids! Just because we’re calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.
Nicole: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?
Darwin: Well… there’s a crisis.
Tobias: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to chest*
Teri: We have heart?
Tobias: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.
Gumball: Okay, Darwin, you were right! I was... less right!
Anais: What the hell was that?
Gumball: *picks up a flashlight* Only one way to find out!
Anais: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the spooky scary banging!
Darwin: Yes we do, Anais. We always do…
Julius: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed.
Darwin: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Julius!
Darwin: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Gumball: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Anais: In that case, we're definitely lost.
Nicole: Darwin...
Darwin: Oh no, 'Darwin' in b-flat.
Darwin: You're disappointed.
Gumball: If I run and leap at Darwin, he will most certainly catch me in his arms.
Gumball, running towards Darwin: Coming in!!!
Darwin: No! I’m holding stuff!
Darwin: *drops it all and catches Gumball*
Gumball: If I run and leap at Darwin, he will most certainly catch me in his arms.
Gumball, running towards Darwin: Coming in!
Darwin: *sips soda as Gumball falls to the floor face first* (both are very plausible depending if they feel like loving eachother in the moment)
Alan: It’s beautiful outside this morning!
Gumball: It’s 2AM…
Alan: It’s beautiful outside!
Bobert: We are indoors.
Alan: It’s beautiful!
Carrie: It’s storming?
Alan: It’s!
Darwin: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.
Gumball: Heck.
Darwin: You're on thin fucking ice.
Darwin: Oh no-
Nicole: I'm at a loss for words!
Gumball: Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, mom yelled at us for the next 45 minutes.
Darwin: Isn't it weird that people kill mosquitoes just because they're annoying?
Gumball: Huh, you’re right. I mean if people did that to each other, I would've died years ago.
Carmen: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?
Gumball: It actually does.
Darwin: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".
Gumball: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?
Gumball and Darwin texting Nicole: *sends a voice message*
Nicole: texting back: i’m a little busy, is it urgent?
Gumball and Darwin: no, don’t worry, just listen later.
*later*
Nicole: *presses play*
The voice message: MOM THERE’S A FIRE-
Wilson: So, what are we doing?
Clare: Wasting our lives…
Wilson: I meant for lunch.
Anais: Gumball, Darwin, if you two don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car.
*click*
Anais: DID YOU JUST TURN THE CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!