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It's a gloomy night. You can hear the heavy rain outside and it's soothing, yet unsettling in your current state. Self harm has always been an on and off struggle. Recently, everything has felt like a blur. Work is overwhelming and you feel like you've not got much will left to continue on. Your mind drifts back to late nights where you'd take the edge off. The pain, the blood. It was always so relieving. You give in to the temptation once more, feeling dissociated and numb. It wakes you up - makes you feel alive again, to indulge. You lose track of time as you let yourself feel.
It's around 1am, and you can't think of anything else but what you're doing to yourself. When you pause to look at the wounds, you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You feel like you're in a trance at the same time. You barely notice the sound of the front door opening.
Your girlfriend, Himiko Toga, was out doing.. whatever villains do at 1 in the morning. She knows that you used to struggle with self injury, but she's never experienced you fall back into the habit. She'd only trace her fingers over bumpy, old scars when you're relaxing together after a long day. She never thought about how she'd feel if you were to relapse while she was with you. You feel guilty for feeling like this sometimes, especially when you have someone there for you. But you can't help what other parts of you life do to you mentally.
Toga feels relief as she walks into your shared apartment, taking off her coat and hanging it up. She really adored you, and she felt so safe with you. She holds back her intense ways of showing affection so that she doesn't scare you off. She's aware that you'd probably accept her anyway, but she can't help being wary after how others in her life have responded to her love.
It's not until Toga calls out, "I'm home!" in her cheery voice, that you realise she's home. You're not quick enough to hide your blade and bring your sleeves down over fresh cuts. Toga, blissfully unaware, opens the door to the bedroom. Her eyes widen as she sees you, on the bed, your eyes puffy, yet empty and dull. You look tired. Like you barely care about anything. Her eyes fall to your arms. Deep cuts along your skin, some still bleeding, a small bloodstain on the mattress under you.
You're panicking internally, your breathing shaky and you feel frozen in place. You feel sick. What will she think of you now?
She feels suppressed urges arise at the sight of you bleeding, but it's quickly replaced by a deep concern, especially as she sees the look on your face. She closes the door behind her and she carefully approaches you. She's never experienced anything like this before, and she's not quite sure what to do or how to comfort you. She wants to reach out, but she's scared you'll back away. Instead, she speaks, her tone soft and light. "Hey... You don't have to say anything. And you don't have to hide from me. Can I.. at least patch you up?"
You swallow the lump in your throat and hesitate before you slowly nod in agreement, blinking away the tears building in your eyes. Even knowing how caring Toga is towards you, you wasn't expecting kindness or acceptance. Likely due to past experience you didn't want to acknowledge right now.
Toga walks over to get the first aid kit from the bedside table drawer. It's a little bare - only bandages, wipes and antiseptic ointment of some kind, but it's enough. She sits on the bed beside you, unsure if you want space or not, she keeps some distance. She's patient and so gentle as she cleans your cuts and bandages them up. She pauses every now and then. She cares for you, but she also loves you so much. She wants to give in to her own habits. She wants to feel like you. Maybe then she'd understand you better.. she'd know exactly what to do for you. It's not like they could share thoughts or feelings, but being in your body might still give her the guidance. Surely wanting more understanding isn't bad, right? It's just how she shows love. And your blood is right there.. she wouldn't even have to cause you pain herself.
You notice Toga staring at a cut, seemingly in a trance. You tilt your head, still a little out of it and unsure how to feel about all of this. You speak, quiet and tired. "..Toga?" She blinks, swallowing and looking up at you. She feels a little guilty now. She smiles apologetically, "Sorry.. I got lost in thought there."
You did know snippets of Toga's past. You felt for her, as she thought she was only ever being loving. Surely she doesn't.. feel that way now? You think about it a little more. Seeing someone she loves bleeding in front of her.. it's probably making her want to go back into those feelings. Becoming the one she loves and feeling them fully.
You feel your heart beat faster. Would it be so crazy to.. offer it to her? You love her too.. you want her to be able to express her love for you in her own way. You had a feeling she'd been suppressing these feelings. After mustering up some courage, you mutter out, "You can.. turn into me. I don't mind it much.. if it makes you happy. And you wouldn't have to hurt me or anything."
Toga looks up at you, her yellow eyes widen in shock, and a hint of something else that lingers beneath.
"What.. you.. seriously?" She's so confused. You're just offering your blood to her. She thinks you're just a bit out of it from blood loss, but then you nod in confirmation. She swallow, not sure how to respond. She should say no.. but deep down, she wants to. You look at her with such trusting eyes, saying she's allows to take your blood.
Certain, you hold your arm to her. A few cuts are still exposed, and a drop of blood forms, sliding down the side of your arm. Toga watches intensely, the smell of blood faint, though it feels like it's consuming her. She looks up into your eyes again, silently asking again, if it's okay.
Then, she slowly leans closer, her hand gentle as she holds your arm up closer to her face, her fingers around your wrist. She's hesitant at first as she dips her tongue out to the drop of blood, licking up along the trail of red. Shivers go down your spine at the feeling, the sting of the cuts long forgotten as your heartbeat picks up in speed.
Toga gets a little lost in this, feeling a warmth engulf her as she licks up your blood. She doesn't directly lick the cut in fear of you getting any infections, but she licks around them. She hasn't activated her quirk yet, so she hasn't changed her appearance. She's surprised to find that she just likes tasting you, even in this obscure way.
You shift a little, and this pulls her out from her trance again. She smiles apologetically, though you were enjoying it just as much, and she licks the blood that stains her lips before letting her quirk activate. It's always fascinating watching how her power works.
Her face and body morphs into yours, her clothes changing too. It creeps you out a little at first, seeing your girlfriend turn into you in front of you, but you force yourself to get used to it. Seeing the joyous, loving smile on Toga's blushing face makes you feel good. Even in your body, her smile is wide and shows off her teeth, her eyes a little crazed, which always gives away Toga's disguise, no matter who she uses her quirk with.
She pulls away from your arm fully, the bleeding stopped. She just looks up into your eyes, adoration filling her own.
She looks at your lips then. She's expressed her love in her own way, she figures she should now show you love in a way you'll understand it better.
She appreciates your acceptance of her, but she knows you like to be shown love in more.. humane ways, so she does everything she can to see the love radiating off of you too, and she loves to see you in pleasure, despite what her tendencies may convey.