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Lucy has never been fond of organization.
Now that she's packing up the last five years of her life into boxes simply labeled with the scent of sharpie lingering in the air, she finds herself becoming emotional.
It's not quite sadness but quiet confirmation that she is moving out and on to the next chapter of her life. The most formative years of her life happened within the safeguard of her apartment and saying goodbye has become harder than she anticipated
As she makes her way over to pack up the belongings clumsily scattering the desk, she picks up insignificant objects and tucks them away into one of the many boxes currently surrounding her. Items such as her picture from the academy and the papers pinned to her bulletin board make her smile, reminding Lucy of how far she has come.
Lucy reaches for her jewelry stand which adorns many pieces that comes with memories - like the necklace Tim had gotten for her on their first Valentine's Day together - and pauses when she comes across her moonstone ring.
Oh, my moonstone ring.
Lucy picks up the ring and runs her fingers over the cool metal of the silver band as the memories flood back to her.
This ring had saved her life once and had been with her for every significant moment after. When Lucy felt unsafe after being taken, her moonstone ring was one of the many reminders that she did not die that day - she survived.
She clutches it in her hand for a moment before placing it in the box with the memories alongside her other pieces, grateful for the man who found her because of it and for the security it still provides.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
I am so beyond exhausted
Lucy's thoughts echoed through her head as she fumbled with her key entering her home.
Their home
The truth bringing a small sense of comfort after her shift.
Todays shift resurfaced the worst day of her life and all she wanted was to rest. She vocalized these desires to Tim and of course, he agreed.
As Tim got up to get their dinner, Lucy was left with the first moment of her day where she could think clearly. Unfortunately, that meant reflecting on her actions and second-guessing every moment with Samantha.
Should I have told her about my experience?
I definitely screwed up.
What if she just wanted to be left alone?
Come on Lucy, how incredibly insensitive are you?
The need to criticize herself bubbled up. From years of being belittled by her mother for not doing things correctly flooded her mind and suddenly every move she made way the wrong one.
How dare you compare your one day to her three years, do you know how self-centr-
"Lucy,"
Her string of depreciating thoughts get cut off by the sound of Tim's voice and his hand gently on her knee.
"You doing alright?" he asked softly and handed her the plate of Italian food.
She looked up at him and only nodded, her teeth digging into her lower lip.
They ate in comfortable silence, Tim discreetly checking on her through the corner of his eye to make sure she was eating. She took small bites, her gaze somewhere far away and he knew that she needed to process. Years of knowing and loving Lucy Chen taught him that she will talk when she's ready.
She smiled gratefully as he stood up and cleared her plate along with his own and brought them to the kitchen.
When he came back he glanced at Lucy who had her brow furrowed and bottom lip pinched between her teeth. He instantly knew she was back in her head. In an attempt to save her from her own mind he picked up one of the many boxes scattered around their home and held it up.
"Ready, supervisor?" Tim spoke with a gentle but teasing tone.
"Yeah, ready." Lucy replied.
He took note of her soft voice and began unpacking, following her guidance as her took each item out of the boxes.
Should I even go back to the hospital tomorrow?
Would she even want me there?
Did I ask too many questions?
The right questions?
I pushed her too far, didn't I?
If I had shut the door all the way, she wouldn't have heard me, wouldn't have gotten triggered, wouldn't have gotten hurt.
You messed up, Lucy.
Lucy's mind was relentless, making her question every well-trained decision she made. With every thought, her eyelids became heavier and sleep pulled her under. However, her dreams were not the escape she'd hoped for.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
In her dream she wasn't in the safety of her own home, it was dark.
Too dark
The air smelled faintly metallic and yet - familiar?
No
Suddenly she knew why it felt so familiar, she was back in the confined space of the barrel, slowly having the air thin around her.
Nonononono
Tim glanced over at Lucy on the couch, grateful she had surrendered to rest but yet, she didn't look peaceful. Worry was still etched on every corner of her face.
Juarez had been updating him all day about their case. As Watch Commander, he is now involved in every high profile case but he appreciated the officers updates on how Lucy was doing as well. He knew she had a rough shift, so whatever sleep she is getting is going to be beneficial.
It's getting harder to breathe.
This isn't real, Lucy. Tim will find you, remember?
Her ring. She had dropped her ring - a beacon of hope flickered within her.
The air continued to deteriorate around her but hope remained. Even in her dream, Lucy's subconscious continued to belittle her.
Samantha had no one, how could you think someone is coming to save you?
You don't deserve to be saved.
She had nothing. Nothing to cling to, nothing to give her assurance that maybe someone would find her.
In the darkness she peered down at her hand, the moonstone ring still resting heavily on her finger. The realization hit her like a truck:
No one is coming to save me.
She took her final breath.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Lucy began to twitch, making small noises in her sleep. Tears beginning to stream down her face.
Setting her plethora of cookbooks on their shared shelf, Tim noticed the sudden shift in her and padded across the wooden floor to her.
She started thrashing more vigorously now, clutching a throw pillow to her chest. Kojo looked up from his bed, tilting his head in concern for his mom.
"nonononono" she chanted out.
He needed to wake her up. He reached out his hands, putting one one each arm, gentle but firm enough to restrain her if she wakes up panicked and were to immediately go into fight mode.
"Lucy, wake up," he said loud enough for her to hear but not startling. "come on sweetheart, you need to wake up." He shook her biceps slightly.
Her eyes shot open, wide and frantic as her breathing quickened.
"Hey, hey. You're okay, you're safe. I got you." he whispered softly in attempt to calm her.
Lucy's breaths evened out but her mind was still somewhere else. "I-I.. Where is it?" she looked briefly down at her hand.
Confused, Tim wanted to help her in any way he could. "Where's what, baby? I can help you find it if you tell me what you want." he spoke in an assured tone.
She stood abruptly, darting her head around the remaining boxes searching for a reminder of the words she spoke to Samantha earlier.
"I survived."
Without the physical evidence, her movements became more jagged and less precise. "My ring, I need my ring." she muttered.
Where did I put my damn ring??
I need to find it.I need to find it. I need to find it. I need to find it. I need to find it.
Had I lost it while packing?
Tim carefully walked over to her, understanding the significance of the ring to her in this moment. He grabbed her hands, capturing her full attention.
"We will find it, okay? I'm here to help you, I'm sure it's in one of these boxes," he gestured around the room "Let's check the bedroom first to see if you had already taken it out, okay?"
Lucy swallowed the knot in her throat and nodded slowly. Having such a stable voice of reason in this moment where she felt as though she couldn't trust her own mind was vital and she so deeply appreciated Tim for all he was doing for her.
He led her to their room, squeezing her hand three times before letting go. They fell into a search pattern that resembled one of the many they had learned over years in the LAPD. They meticulously searched the house; as they approached the last drawers and counter spaces, they still hadn't found it and the combination of frustration and anxiety had peaked.
I can't believe I lost it.
You were responsible for one item, Lucy. One. And you couldn't seem to manage it.
How can you expect to be there for Samantha when you're unable to keep track of a silly ring?
She had stopped searching and buried her face into her hands, quiet tears streaming down her face. There was a pit in her stomach, sadness and disappointment all balled up inside of her. Her adrenaline had crashed and the exhaustion was creeping up on her.
The realization that she may never lay her fingers on the smooth moonstone again caused more tears to fall.
His hands rubbed up and down her back, trying to relieve some tension and give her peace. "We will find it, sweetheart. I promise," he muttered "Today has been a really long one, how about we call it a night and continue to look in the morning?" She looked up with sad eyes and damp cheeks and nodded. He wasn't expecting her to comply so easily, the sight of her defeat hit him hard. He knew he needed to get her to rest.
Omitting their usual night routine, they settled in their shared bed. Tim opened his arms and Lucy immediately rolled into them, her back pressed against his chest, gentle hands stroking through her hair.
"I need to get it off my chest," she started. He knew she would open up eventually, that's something he came to expect and love about her, how she processes things verbally and makes her feelings known. "I think I messed up today, with Samantha. I told her - I told her about Caleb." he felt her tense a bit under his touch at the confession of the name. Nonetheless, she continued. "I don't think I should have done that, it was selfish of me to compare her experience to mine. She's so young, Tim. I can't imagine going through that and I just made everything about me. I thought I was being helpful, but now I- I just don't know." she rambled.
"Lucy," he began but she cut him off, her own thoughts like a waterfall, unable to be stopped until she was run dry.
"And then I came home, and I couldn't stop thinking about everything I did wrong and it brought me right back to after it all happened," her voice shaking now. "when I beat myself up over not watching my drink that night and being so naive to trust him and comparing myself to Samatha today. I am sure I pushed her too far, it was unfair of me, Tim. I get the luxury of coming home to you, a man who ordered dinner for me and was willing to have me sit on the couch while he did all the hard work, but she doesn't get that." her thoughts continued to pour out in rapid succession and Tim held her through it, humming in acknowledgement so she knew he was intently listening, letting her say what she needed while offering the support of physical touch.
"I think my mind was trying to punish me, because when I fell asleep I was back there," she shivered slightly and he pulled her closer, resuming running his fingers up and down her scalp. "back in that barrel. I had a moment where I thought it would all be okay, because you were coming to save me. You would find me and get me out, but this time I hadn't dropped my ring." she noticed her breathing was becoming erratic again so she inhaled deeply to steady herself before continuing. "I hadn't left it for you to find, it was still sitting on my finger and I felt like I was running out of air all over again." she finally exhaled and angled her head to look at Tim.
"Then I woke you up." he stated, still grasping her words. "Okay, I need to say something now."
She nodded and settled back into her original position.
"I read your report, you handled everything properly and I'm not just saying this because I'm your Watch Commander now. I mean it, Lucy. You handled yourself perfectly. Even someone who hadn't survived something like you did would not have done so well with this case. Ordering dinner and treating you well is not ever a burden, I need you to know that I love taking care of you, it's part of being in a healthy relationship." Tim spoke with certainty, not once wavering his awe of the woman wrapped in his embrace.
"As for Samantha, there is no way to know for sure how she was feeling but I know that having conversations with people who have had even remotely similar experiences is something they taught us to use in therapy. Whether it hits her now or later, you helped her, Luce. You may not see it, but I do, I really do."
Those last words echoed through Lucy's head, realizing they are the same ones she spoke to Samantha hours ago.
"I need to find it, Tim. Not even to wear, just to know I have it and that it never left." she whispered, eyelids beginning to droop.
Understanding, he kissed the crown of her head. "I know, we will." Both their bodies finally fell into sleep - their chests rising in tandem and love surrounding them.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
The morning came rather quickly, sun casting light rays on their bodies - still joined together.
Tim's alarm interrupted their relaxed state, the noise echoing through the room. He groaned, tapping the screen to silence it. Lucy woke as well, stretching as the light contunued to fill the room.
"I'm going to let Kojo out." Tim's voice carried through the quiet room, deep from sleep. She hummed in response, tossing over in their bed to rest for a couple more minutes before Tim came back.
"Morning, buddy." he greeted to the dog, following him to the sliding glass door to let him do his business. He entered the kitchen, preparing a pot of coffee knowing that they'd both need it after last night. The gentle sunlight basked their home, illuminating the love that is accompanying their new chapter.
Kojo trotted back into the house with purpose, almost like he was determined to find something. He started to sniff around the shelves, finally settling on the one containing their most precious frames. Images of every era of their lives before this one encapsulated the wooden ledges.
Tim curiously glanced at Kojo who was now making his way over to him. Then he did something he had not done in a while, Kojo jumped onto Tim, trying to capture his full attention and it worked.
"What's up bud, what happened?" He asked, exasperated that the dog would disregard his extensive training just to get Tim to look at him.
Kojo guided him to the bookshelf, gesturing to a particular frame with his nose. Curious, he picked up the frame and smiled at the picture of him and Lucy from Nolan's wedding. They're smiling at each other and her moonstone ring glints in the dim light of the venue. Still confused, he crouches down to put the frame back and that's when he sees it, her ring.
Quickly setting the frame down, he grabs the ring and clutches it tightly, pumping his fist in victory. "Good boy, Kojo! Mom's going to be so relieved." he says, happiness lacing his face. Kojo huffs in approval and follows his dad into the bedroom to relish in his accomplishment.
Lucy is now awake, staring at the ceiling. "I think we should go through the boxes again, maybe it ended up in there? We have some time before we need to head out." she expresses.
The smile hasn't disappeared from Tim's face when he speaks. "I don't think we need to." Confusion is written all over Lucy's expression.
"What?" she questions
"Kojo is going to need some butt scratches after this because he found it." he announces.
Her face immediately shifts. "Wait, actually?? He found it?" relief filling her voice. Tim tosses it to her and she places it on her finger, clutching her hand close to her heart. "Come here, Kojo." he quickly follows her command and snuggles with her on the bed.
"You know he's not supposed to be on the bed right?" Tim teases, still smiling at the sight of Lucy thanking Kojo with kisses and scratches.
"I think he earned it." she retorts.
I can't believe my dog found my ring
In that moment Lucy realized that she really had everything. The ring that saved her, the dog she got to help her heal, and the man who found her. No matter what, she would never be alone again and she was determined to help Samantha realize that as well.
Gratefully smiling at him, she crawled out of bed and wrapped her arms around his body.
"Thank you." she whispered into his chest.
He kissed her forehead "Time to get ready, yeah?" he replied.
She nodded, prepared to face the next challenge with her moonstone ring still by her side.