Chapter Text
I remember feeling pain. I remember the sweat tickling my arms and legs as I ran. The strikes against my face from forces unseen. The weight of myself when I finally couldn’t bear it anymore. The feeling of the warm floor beneath me, heated graciously by my own blood. Above all, I remember her smile… Her laughter… Her joy. How could I ever forget a moment so pure? So impossibly perfect? I know now that nothing will ever truly be able to take that exquisite pain from me…
I found myself waking up curled up on a couch I’d only recently come to recognize as my own. I hid the trails of tears streaking down my face by sinking myself deeper into the cushion. It wouldn’t be right to let him see me like this. Not after all he’d offered me in spite of his own guilt.
I raised my face up from my morning stupor to breathe in the air around me. I could smell the scent of bacon just out of sight within our little apartment.
“It smells wonderful, Komaeda!”
He peered out of the kitchen at me, as I began to sit up, and cast a smile my way which seemed to light up the room.
“Good morning, Miss Nanami. I hope you still enjoy pancakes! I wanted to make you something nice as a proper welcome to your new home.”
He spun on a heel and wandered back into the kitchen, where I heard him turn off the gas and begin getting out plates.
I had told him once about my undying love for pancakes (and breakfast foods in general). The conversation had happened so long ago that I was surprised he had remembered, which, in its own right, was incredibly sweet. I slowly pulled myself up from the couch and tried my best to get myself seated in my wheelchair.
He appeared again after only a few moments and rounded the couch to place a tray of dishes onto the coffee table in front of me. Once complete, he rose to his full height in front of me with a soft look on his face.
“Is there anything else I can get you?”
I glanced up at him just as I seated myself and began rolling up to the table.
“No, this is perfect, thank you Komaeda!”
“Of course, Miss Nanami!”
He leaned over me and poured a hot cup of black coffee. I noted that he had already placed cream and sugar on the tray next to a pile of perfectly perfect pancakes. I let out a yawn and began pouring an ungodly quantity of cream and sugar into the mug along with the aforementioned elixir of life. He laughed a little to himself at my blatant display of heresy, set down the pot of coffee next to me, and moved around the table to sit down across from me. His own mug full of dark black coffee and nothing more. He smiled at me once again before saying,
“I hope all of this is okay. I know it’s been hard for you since we graduated, but the moment I heard you were moving back, I knew I had to reach out! I’ve really missed seeing you around, Miss Nanami.”
I paused briefly as I sipped my coffee… (It was absolutely perfect)
“No, this is probably just what I need after being away for so long. I’ve missed all of you terribly since graduation, but college had to become my priority after… everything.”
He frowned at that and seemed to look into his mug for an answer that would never come.
“I hope this isn’t too soon for you, I still feel so… so…”
His words began to fail him as his voice quivered. An impossible silence stretched between the two of us, as we began to look everywhere but each other. A tear fell, breaking the silence between us. He looked up at me with tears forming in his eyes as he began to find his voice again…
“I hope I can make you comfortable here, and I hope I can give you the sort of life you deserve after all you've done for us… for me… after all I failed to do for you.”
He stared down at that last statement, and I found myself wheeling around the table to him and prompting him to lay his head in my lap. He did so hesitantly. He felt so warm. I ran my fingers through his messy bleached hair, and held him against me so tightly as to bring him back into the moment. Then I raised his head up to meet my eyes, which also began to fill with tears for the second time that morning.
“You have never once failed me, Komaeda, do you hear me? Not once, and just knowing that you feel that you owe me breaks my heart. I know that you’ve been hurt too. She hurt us, and I refuse to let her continue to hurt you like this. I am so grateful that you have invited me into your home to live with you this year, but I want you to know that I only view this as a gift between friends. Not as some sort of penance for something you’ve never done or even failed to do. You are my friend, Komaeda, and nothing she’s done will ever take that away from me. Please believe that?”
He did his best to smile up at me, and then, in that moment, it was as if my pain could be taken away. I smiled back at my friend, and whispered,
“Why don't we finish our breakfast?”
He nodded vigorously.
“I’d like that… Miss Nanami. I’d like that very much.”
We continued to eat in companionable silence until I caught him looking at me with those sweet soft eyes. He suddenly noticed me noticing him and quickly sat up a bit straighter before saying, very quietly…
“Thank you.”
I leaned forward, gestured at everything around us, and laughed a little before saying,
“Thank you!”
We finished eating together, and I offered to help clean up. He graciously accepted, and we soon had our dining room converted back to our living room/ my bedroom. We moved back to the couch as I began the arduous process of moving back over to it from my chair. Komaeda quickly sat up, and asked,
“Can I help you?”
I hesitated briefly before consenting with a curt nod. He bent down at the waist and wrapped his arms around my waist, shoulder, and hips, and slowly lifted me straight up before setting me down gently on the couch next to him. I felt the heat flush my cheeks… I had not expected him to pick me up entirely with so little effort. I looked over at him as he kicked his feet up and continued to sip his own mug of coffee. I felt a gentle sense of gratitude fill my heart as I let myself sink back into the couch. I let my eyes close slowly and breathed out a sigh of contentment that drew Komaeda’s eyes back to mine.
“Was that alright?”
He asked with a hint of concern in his voice. I nodded at him hiding the blush I remembered still plagued my face…
“You're more than alright Komaeda, I think you’re perfect…”