Chapter Text
Bakugou katsuki was loud. He didn’t do calm or acceptance. He didn’t do feelings or weakness. That was why it was so hard for him to accept his feelings for Midoriya Izuku or what he called ‘Deku’. He felt inferior in every way which made him upset. He didn’t understand why he felt this way and he didn’t WANT to accept that he liked Deku. Whenever he heard, “Kacchan” his heart did a massive flip which he absolutely hated which is why he kept treating Deku like trash. He knew he was being an asshole especially since he liked the boy, but what could he do? He sure as heck wouldn’t have confessed because he needed his life to stay on routine. People pointed out his rudeness to Deku which made him even feel more like garbage.
“Why do you always treat Midoriya like that??? I can tell you care about him..” Todoroki asked with full brute bruntness. That was just his personality, pure straight up honesty which Bakugou didn’t have the courage to be like.
Bakugou never liked being called out. He also felt inferior to Todoroki in certain ways he would never admit, let alone dwell about.
“Your wrong you damn weirdo and what’s it to you?! Acting as if you’re his boyfriend.” That hurt Bakugou to say since he knew that HIS nerd felt some way towards the half n half bastard…
“Bakugou!! Please don’t treat Todoroki like that, he has a point you’ve already apologized yet you still treat him horrible…” Tenya Iida pointed out.
Anyone with eyes could see how Todoroki’s eyes always lingered a bit longer on the class president. They both had similar traits. They were blunt, straightforward, high morals, kept uniform and they were brutally honest but in the most endearing way ever.
From across the room Midoriya stared at Todoroki with stars in his eyes while Todoroki would never notice while looking at Iida. Luckily or unfortunately, Iida told Todoroki that Midoriya seemed to need him so Todoroki listened. Midoriya just thought that Todoroki had noticed him and smiled as if the whole world had been offered to him. This made Bakugou’s heart twist even more. He thought about how he apologized to Deku but was brushed off. It was as if he didn’t care which was supposed to be good meaning they could be friends since he didn’t linger on old wounds. That just made Bakugou more bitter, did Izuku never think or care about what I did?… was I the only one worried and panicking if he was hurt? Did his heart already heal because of Todoroki. Was all my worrying useless… HAH!
After that he didn’t stop his behaviour, it wasn’t like he could even if he wanted to. It had become a habit and a way to protect himself. His heart could never move on anyway…
Midoriya had already captured Bakugou’s heart from the first time they met. His heart could only carry the memories and the huge wound that he would never get his feelings reciprocated. That didn’t matter to him, the only thing that mattered was Deku. Bakugou didn’t do things half way which is why he couldn’t let go, even if his mind desperately tried.
The one thing that eased his pain a bit was Kirishima. They were friends. He felt easy around him and the other nerds he wouldn’t admit to. They were simple, loud, annoying similar to Bakugou. Bakugou was the leader of their group which made him feel safe and in control. He didn’t need to feel inferior to the others because they didn’t try to be competitive or challenge each other. Life was smooth…
Some things weren’t so smooth. Inside everyone had something they couldn’t ever speak or think about. They all wanted something they couldn’t ever have or reach…
The way Kirishima had looked at Bakugou when he first started was just admiration. Later he realised how Bakugou made him feel like someone worthy to fight. That gave him confidence and allowed him to grow as a person. He also tried helping Bakugou grow which made him mature and realise he should apologize to Midoriya. Contrary to popular belief, Kirishima wasn’t as oblivious as others thought. He knew who people liked. He was attentive and especially when it came to the first person he had feelings for. He knew Bakugou had liked Midoriya the first time he caught Bakugou looking at him when he thought no one was looking. The tenderness in his eyes was only reserved for his ‘Deku’.
It hurt but he wanted to support him just like how he supported everyone else. That was just Kirishimas nature. He did everything he could and if he wasn’t trying to fix the weird obsessive nature of Bakugou and Midoriya’s weirdly dependant relationship. They both knew they wouldn’t be the person they were if it wasn’t for the other. Be it good or bad.
Kirishima understood he could the years of childhood that the two share, but he wanted to be ATLEAST a sense of comfort for Bakugou. Kirishima always tried to help people feel safe, comfortable and chosen. Maybe one day he would be the one being chosen. His feelings didn’t matter though, he wanted to at least help Bakugou be friends and be closer to his crush.
Kirishima followed the rule of “treat others the way you’d want to be treated.” So he did whatever he could. Even if it meant that his cover as being ‘The unbreakable hero!’ was starting to crumble. Little by little the insides had chipped but no one noticed, or no one cared enough to notice.
Sometimes Kirishima stared late in the night at his ceiling hating himself for catching feelings. Maybe it was just all a joke and he would wake up normal. He felt filthy, disgusting and his heart was so ugly he was sure. Everything felt wrong.
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Kirishima felt so disgusting. In the middle of the night he got up and ran to the bathroom. (Silently so that he wouldn’t wake up anybody, especially not Bakugou…) He knew no one would be up at this ungodly hour and if they were they would probably stay in their rooms…
As soon as he got in the bathroom he stared at himself in the mirror, but he didn’t see himself. The look on his face wasn’t the ‘confident manly bro!’ It was the face of a vulnerable, weak, sensitive middle schooler who couldn’t get out of his feelings.
It felt so wrong. Like he wasn’t meant for have these feelings or his body. It felt his heart was too big and it needed to escape. All he could think of to calm himself down was calling his other middle school friend Tomo.
“Hey bro… what’s up??” Tomo said sleepily with a yawn as any normal person would react to when they get a call at 3:15 am…
“Hi… im not feeling very well. I just needed to hear something or maybe just you.” Kirishima responded shakily with a bit of a sob as he was crying.
“Hah- I know that you wouldn’t obviously call me because you miss me! But I meant whats ‘up’” He said with more firmness that held some comfort.
“Well im sorry if I start to ramble but I just like can’t handle this without you. It’s so hard, like im trying so har- FEELINGS ARE SO COMPLICATED … I can’t… I can’t do this please it’s too h-hard…” kirishima spoke while sobbing.
“Shhh its okay hunny. It’s all okay, you are so strong okay Ei? You can handle it for a little longer just breathe tommorow you’ll go back to talking about being manly! Just go to sleep now and maybe we can meet another time.” Tomo said while waiting for Kirishima to calm down and hang up.
The silence was comforting like a warm blanket hiding all the issues. Kirishima felt safe, completely safe and chosen with Tomo. They were bros. The type where when Tomo gets married Kirishima would see his wife as a sister. They were each others, other half.
Kirishima walked back to his room with a bit more of a smile on his face not realising someone had the complete opposite turmoil right now.