Work Text:
Chris Traeger was a positive, reasonable guy. And he liked to think that others saw him like that.
When he took the job as City Manager he had read through all the rules of the government that he had to enforce, the majority of them he agreed with, but there was one he knew that he would struggle with.
Government employees cannot have relationships with each other.
He wholeheartedly agreed with that rule, he had seen departments fall apart due to break-ups and affairs within departments, however he did find himself having to suspend a lot of people who started an innocent relationship with their colleagues.
He knew he was going to struggle with keeping his employees within humping distance of one another, especially when he caught Leslie Knope kissing Tom Haverford. He had to take her into his office and give her a strict telling off because of this.
Relationships interfered with work and he couldn’t have that.
Two days prior to Leslie’s kiss, Ben casually started a conversation with him about possibly dating someone in the government Chris had to shut that down. He knew Ben hadn’t gone on any dates in a while and he was lonely, but he oversaw every department, if things ended badly he would have to avoid that department and then he would become depressed.
He couldn’t have Ben becoming depressed.
Chris couldn’t put his finger on why everyone in the government wanted to date each other; there were plenty of places where a person could meet their significant other, like the gym, or a wholefoods store. The possibilities were endless.
He also had no idea why two of his favourite worker bees were wanting to start their own relationships. Ben and Leslie worked well together and if one snuck off to start an affair with someone it would surely bring down their worker dynamic and he couldn’t have his favourite work duo slacking.
He thought about how well Leslie and Ben worked together as he looked at the email he had recently received about the Indian Little League Baseball Tournament.
If anyone could win that bid, it would be them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I am sending you two on a trip”.
Chris beamed at Ben and Leslie as they both anxiously stared back at him.
“Really” They both answered in unison, looking a little unsure.
He gathered them both to tell them all about sending them to Indianapolis to win the chance for Pawnee to win the Little League Tournament. They were his dynamic duo.
As he told them the plans and told them about a nice restaurant that was close by that literally did the best salad he had ever had, he noticed the tension between then, the nervous glances at one another, the blushes when they accidently caught each others eyes.
The day that they left he had tried to put a finger on why they had been so awkward with one another. Had they had an argument, a week or so before they all went to the Snakehole Lounge and he knew Ann and Leslie got into an argument, but had Ben and Leslie argued that night too?
No that couldn’t be it, Ben would have told him.
He pondered to himself as he went through all his old emails trying to clean out his inbox, he found some old emails from himself and Ben during their time as state auditors, he remembered their first week or so in Pawnee, how they emailed the first all about how they would help the Pawnee government.
He smiled as he re-read these emails, then he noticed one where they discussed Leslie:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: Traeger, Chris.
From: Wyatt, Ben
We need to do something about Leslie Knope in the Parks Department; she is being such a pain in the ass.
Kind Regards,
Ben Wyatt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: Wyatt, Ben.
From: Traeger, Chris.
Really? She seems lovely!! If a bit forceful in her opinions…
Kind Regards,
Chris Traeger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: Traeger, Chris.
From: Wyatt, Ben.
She’s driving me nuts! She has sent me more than 80 memos! In the last one she compared me to Idi Amin…
Kind Regards,
Ben Wyatt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: Wyatt, Ben.
From: Traeger, Chris.
Why are you so focused with Leslie Knope??
Kind Regards,
Chris Traeger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: Traeger, Chris.
From: Wyatt, Ben.
I’m not!! Whatever!! Shut up!!
Anyway. The weather wasn’t great today… I hate rain…
Kind Regards,
Ben Wyatt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chris paused as he read the emails back to himself, then he went a re-read them just in case he was seeing things, then he leant back on his chair in horror.
Ben was so focused on Leslie because he liked her; she was the girl from the government that he wanted to socialise with.
Leslie had been curious to find out, and also caused a fuss when Chris tried to set Ben up with Cindy Miller…
“Oh. My. God” He gasped and bolted up from his seat. Leslie and Ben were in love with each other! And he just sent them on a road trip together!
And he told them to go to that nice Italian restaurant!!
Chris grabbed his coat and checked the time; they would be there by now and possibly be about to ruin their careers by kissing each other. He had to stop this. They were both excellent employees and he couldn’t lose them.
He buzzed the intercom to get through to his receptionist, “Stacey, I will be out for the rest of the day, I’ve got two employees to save”.
He made it out to the car park when he received at text from Ben telling him that they had won the bid. For a brief moment he forgot all about the fact that they potentially could be making out with each other and text Ben back.
‘Congratulations!! Together you are unstoppable!!’
Crap, poor choice of words for this moment in time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chris arrived in Indianapolis a little after 8:30, he knew exactly where they would be, in that nice restaurant he had recommended, he parked up and bolted towards the doors.
He could see them; they were sat and looked in deep conversation. Two wine glasses were next to their plates, alcohol and crushes never mixed well together, Chris thought.
He needed to jump in at the right time, he told the waitress who was trying to seat him that he was trying to look for his friends that were here and insisted he was near sighted so had to look extra carefully. He needed a good moment to jump in and stop them.
Finally his chance came when Leslie rose from her seat and scurried away. Chris straightened his tie and stepped forward, loudly announcing to the waitress that he had found them.
Ben’s eyes widened in shock when he saw Chris walking towards him. “Chris!” He gasped, “What are you-.”
“I just had to come down straight away and congratulate you both!” He said grabbing an empty chair from the table next to him and sitting down, “Can I have some?” He asked, grabbing the wine bottle and a spare glass.
Chris had poured himself a glass of wine when Leslie returned, “Leslie!” Chris cried out happily when he saw her surprised face.
There would be no sexual tension here tonight!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the interruption at the restaurant the next stop was to get them back to Pawnee with no other hitches. They both told him they were going to drive back together, but Chris refused. He had a condo near by where he could keep an eye on them.
He had hoped they would both go straight to bed upon arriving, but as Chris tried to settle down he could hear the TV turn on and them chatting.
‘Nope, nope’ he thought as he jumped out of bed, ‘not here, not ever’.
He bolted into the lounge where they were both on opposite ends of the couch however were leaning close to each other, as soon as they spotted Chris they jerked away.
“Sorry, I keep myself very well hydrated and my bladder is the size of a thimble” He said as he gripped his crotch, “I roughly urinate 12 times a night”.
And with that he walked into the bathroom, no one in their right mind would be sexually charged after a conversation about urination!
Chris didn’t need to pee, not yet anyway. But he pressed his ear against the door hoping to hear them going to bed.
But…nothing.
In fact he heard Ben start talking again and telling Leslie about how she did great today, Chris panicked and flushed the toilet, doused his hands under the faucet and opened the door.
Once again the pair jumped away from each other upon Chris’s arrival, “Well that was quick at to the point!” He announced.
“Here’s a tip, the key to a healthy urethra? Radishes!”
“Good. I’m gonna go to bed” Leslie said quickly as she stood up from the sofa, Chris bid her goodnight and looked back at Ben.
He wasn’t going to get away so easily; Chris knew if he went back into his room there would be a chance Ben would sneak in with Leslie. He had just the plan to stop that from happening.
“Well now I’m up…you wanna Boggle?”
Chris saw Ben’s face fall and he knew that his work was done here tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their journey back wasn’t much better, Chris saw some more longing glances and knew he had to put a stop to it, he started talking about an article he read about ladders and when Ben put some music on, which strangely enough was banjos, he started playing an ‘air banjo’, no one would want to make out around that!
He even put his legs out between the two seats while he had a nap, just to stop any hands wandering over.
Chris knew he had done his job, when they all went back to City Hall there were no more looks, no more smiles. They both went in their separate cars and drove home.
“Another love vanquished” Chris muttered to himself with a smile.
He really thought that he had stopped them both from ruining their careers, until about a year later when they both walked into his office looking worried.
“Leslie Knope! Ben Wyatt!” Chris greeted, “How can I help you both this lovely morning?”
Leslie took a deep breath; “Actually, we’re here to talk to you about something”.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as Chris watched their hands lacing together, Chris’s face fell.
“Oh no”.