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Being a college student is harder than I've ever imagined. Not when I have to go on a different faculty and have to separate from my friend. My best friend forever, Law.
We've known each other for almost a decade. The other who doesn't know him enough might think that he's cold and cruel. But he's the best man I've ever met. He always pass his note when he notice that I didn't write it. He waited in line with me. He's always there when I need him the most.
Maybe I'm just trying to lie to myself if I say that I didn't like him. I never want to be alone without him. I get mad when I saw him talk closely with other girls. I get too worried when he doesn't answer my messages. Maybe I'm too protective to him even if we just friends. But I couldn't help it after all.
Law chose medical while I choose art. It's allowed me to express my thoughts and forget all the problems behind.
He often surrounded among the people while I have just a few.
I'm now painting on my canvas in the topic "My feeling". I drew myself hugging a snow leopard which is symbol of him, but no one will know this right? The painting held on my own emotion and it's make me feel emotional on it. My headphones still connect with my phone when the songs keep playing. That's when second best thought had first come into my mind. Our gap start to torn apart from a small molecule into a bigger tissue.
Does he still thinking about me at all?
Did he study too hard so now he has no time to reply my texts?
He barely reply me, even if he does. It'll usually be just short answers or some stupid emoji like he doesn't want to talk to me.
What change? Did he already find a new girl to spend all his time with? Did he forget how to use his phone?
I miss him. I hate him. I need him. I don't know what to think of him anymore.
My friends suggested me to find some company and keep my life fill with a color. So I give a try, it wouldn't be so bad right?
My first date start within fancy restaurant and this is the first time I wear heels. My date he's a gentleman. Not too poor or not so wealthy. I like him because he reminds me of Law. No no I can't think about him right now. I force myself to smile and listen to him while he talks.
He keep talking about himself and barely ask how mine is. I lied to him that my mother call so I can get out from that situation. When I can now escape, I blocked his contact and fall asleep.
I dream about having a date with Law at the beach where we always go when we were kids. He hugs me when I run to. Our lip touch and it felt so good.
I joint awake from the alarm clock. I have class to attend. The university is so large, sometime I got lost like this time. I walked pass med class and I couldn't help but looking for him. There he is, focusing on the lecture like he always does. Then I can't a glimpse at corner of my eyes. A pretty girl sitting next to him. My distance to them is so far, I can't hear what they talk but I saw her burrow his highlights without asking and he doesn't mad? What's wrong with him. He almost shut me up every time I asked to burrow any of his items. But what does she has and I don't?! She's just a pretty and study medical.
I see.
She's not only smart. But she's pretty too. Even if she's not wearing any makeup on her face. Her beauty is beyond my awareness.
He did find someone better than me, I get it now. My footsteps start to move away again and I'm not looking back for him anymore.
I stay overnight in my art classroom, to finish the assignment before anyone else. When I finished my work it's already late 9p.m. And not a lot of students nearby. As I pack my stuffs and start to walk out. I feel scared for being alone, I still care about him. I wish we can walk home together like how we used to do. Not took me so long when I see some figure under the moonlight. The shadow that I know very well.
"Where have you been and why are you stay here so late?" the med asked.
"Why would you care about me? It's not like we're friends anymore." I replied him sharply.
He stay quiet for a moment and move closer to me. I'm so glad that he doesn't know how much his presence has an effect on me. He still wear the same cologne. The same hair shampoo smell that I bought for him on his fifteen birthday. And here we are, glued on our foot like we're some strangers.
"I'm sorry."
He is what?
"I'm sorry that I haven't call you back. I don't want to say this but I've been too focus on my work that I forget to call you. I'm sorry for not being the one who walk you home." His voice echo in my ears and his eyes look into mine, hope to hear my word. But the pain he doesn't know he makes. Already memorized in my mind. He forget me not just once but more than that. And not to mention that girl in his class.
"Who's that girl? She sat next to you in your class." I asked him quietly, hope he'll say she's just classmate. I saw him smile and move to brush stray of my fallen hair behind my ear.
"She's my cousin. We happen to study in same class." I sighed in relief but didn't pull back from his touch. That's when I give up and hold his hand up so I can rub my cheek against it.
"Law" I whispered his name, the stupid tears falling on my cheek again. I miss my leopard boy so bad. I asked if we can walk back to my place which he agreed.
We spend our night quietly, just enjoy each other company. I stick close to him all night like there's no barrier between us. I did forget that we're just friends, but who care right now? I have him all by myself and be able to hug him all I want.
He's the only person I've allowed to sleep on my bed. I wear my pajamas while he wear my oversized t-shirt and my short large pant. I cuddle him as he let me buried my face into his soft chests.
"Law" I said his name with my sleepy voice, he looked up and let me continue.
"Can we go to that beach? At our hometown." I smile softly.
He smiled and nod. "Anything you want (Y/N)-ya."
I giggled and fall asleep in his arms. Looking forward to our next trip to the beach.
We went to the beach like he promised. I run on the sand while he carry the picnic stuffs. I sit once he finished adjust the sit. I hug his arm and pull him to stand up, we walked bare foot and I write something on the sand.
Will
You
Be
My
Boyfriend? <heartshape>
I drew two boxes which have only "yes" choices.
Law chuckle and draw a heart in the square. I'm now too focus on his laugh not notice my legs are up in the air as I get carry on.
He smile as he look into my eyes, he softly said "I love you."
I jumped to hug him tighter and we lean to kiss.
My first kiss, I gave it to him. My best friend who's now my lover, and will be until the death took us apart.