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It was going alright, like most days tend to go. Not much to do around the manor once you knew every corner and crevice, after all.
So, Florian didn’t expect much from today— Not in a bad way, not at all! In truth, he was a simple man that could be happy with the most overlooked aspects of life, most of the time. Peace and quiet was priceless in his otherwise erratic and adrenaline-infused job, and to be able to spend his days in the same familiar, well-known routine every time, was more of a blessing than a curse.
Said day-to-day enthralled mostly reading at the library, or walking the gardens with Matthias’ company at his side. A quiet sense of peace, but one that gave him the perfect amount of pause that he so achingly craved when finally away from the public eye.
A well deserved reward, a wondrous moment of reunion that he longed for after every match. Most other survivors knew it— They didn’t worry much about making it private, after all. Not after the first few weeks it took for Matthias to get used to something as foreign as a relationship.
But Florian could manage, and promised to wait for him. In the end, after those first few days were finally over, and he could freely show his attentive love and care in public, it hadn’t been strange for everyone to see and get used to their closeness.
Sitting together for dinner, spending most of the time with each other, and now, even patiently waiting for Matthias’ matches to be over, the rare times they weren’t teamed up to attend together.
What wasn't as common, though, was for Matthias to walk past briskly, not stopping for a moment to even glance at the waiting blond that had jumped up to greet him as soon as the doors had opened.
And that… Well, that was odd. Enough to be worrying.
With a tilting head and cooling blood he had left the gardener behind, the suspicious feeling of something wrong grasping his heart and spreading quickly with threads of worry. Looking down the hallway Matthias had left, Florian could only catch nothing but air.
Had he left so quickly…? Matthias was someone that tended to move and act in a rather tired and paused manner most of the time, even more after such a tiring match— Where could he go so hurriedly?
Florian knows that the answer could be simple and painless. That it might just be that; That he is tired and wanted to rest. Or that his clothes or doll suffered a malfunction that needs to be urgently fixed.
But this is Matthias. And Matthias…
Florian frowns, squinting his eyes with a complicated look of torn hesitance. Walking a few more steps down the hall, the figure of Louis appears a few meters ahead.
“Hey– Louis, Wait! Wait for me,” He calls out to the wooden doll, stiff and cracking its ball-joints with a light limping on its step. Once Florian catches up to him, he continues with his common, animated tone, “Did something happen? I saw Matthias leave so quickly… Did it go wrong back there?”
“Ughhhh, and now you too–! Really, can’t you ask elsewhere? Don’t bother me now!” Louis spats, and honestly? For all that Louis makes the effort to be a little nuisance, he has never been this cranky. Not to Florian, at the very least.
He had expected a ‘Well, because he got tired of you, don’t you get it yet? And he bothered to make it so obvious! Boo-hoo’, or anything mean and sardonic like that. But to hear genuine, real annoyance, out of someone that never seemed to let their petty childishness slip…?
Florian looked at him with a furrowed brow, doing not much more than gaping poorly at the display of serious annoyance. Down the hall, he could still hear Louis’ wooden teeth clicking in a mutter of how someone had ‘Almost broke my arm, that ugly, foolish, dumb–!’
But Florian didn’t get it, truly. Was it something going so bad that even Louis was this gravely affected? He couldn’t recall much of everything that happened since today’s morning, but he didn’t feel he needed to; Not when Matthias was lost to his sight, and surely even more affected than Louis was.
Whether it was something wrong in the match, someone that acted wrong, an abusive hunter, or Florian’s accidental, own fault— If Matthias was isolated and in pain, reasons didn’t matter right now.
He just needed to arrive and soothe him, tranquilize him enough to solve everything later.
Florian needs to find him. He needs to do it now.
He rushed down the hallway and reached the door to Matthias’ room, the first place he thought of searching. Matthias tended to hide himself here, after all; He often said how, even if the room was dark and claustrophobic to bottle up his fears, it was better than exposing his gloom and souring anyone else’s mood in a public space.
Florian knocked immediately, clear but gentle. More of an ingrained custom than a real purpose, merely announcing his presence instead of asking permission. As expected, he doesn’t receive an answer, but that doesn’t deter him from opening the door.
It’s normal for them at this point, the silent permission given to Florian to enter unimpeded into Matthias’ privacy. Oftentimes, the picture he finds in this same situation is the molten, almond gaze sweeping up at him from the desk, or the thin, sleeping body carelessly resting on top of the covers.
But today, no matter how much he hopes to find that same quiet, safe refuge, what Florian sees in the dimly lit bedroom is none of it. Instead, there’s Matthias; His sweet, dear Matthias. Sitting with a straight back and stiff joints, looking away from the door and directly, frozen, at the wall. As if lost, as if not really there. Unmoving and detached— Eerily inhuman.
Like a doll.
Immediately, all his hesitance and doubt disappeared. As he stepped quickly into the room, there was no more than an aching, overwhelming worry taking root in his heart. Florian clenched his teeth in an impulsive outrage, the only thing he could allow himself as a silent, vindictive thought— If he found who did this…
“Matthias! I’m here, can you hear me, Matty?” Without minding his knees, Florian immediately runs to his side, kneeling down at his feet in front of the bed. But Matthias only seems frozen, unfazed by Florian’s words.
Adapting to the dim light, Florian can notice how Matthias’ eye is dull, and how he seems paler than usual. It’s a terrifying sight; Not for the lifeless look in itself, but by the meaning behind it.
Out of anyone else in the manor, and probably out of everyone else in the world, Florian thinks that he is one of the only people able to discern and recognize this shift. To assign memories and meaning to the grieving behind Matthias’ lacking eye.
After all, Matthias was truly special— For Florian, he was the most wonderful, sacred being on this earth. He loved him, knew him inside out, recognized every crevice and small gesture. But still, he wasn’t ignorant enough to deny just how… complex, Matthias truly was.
For all that he was delicate and shy most of the time, his most discerning characteristic was how painfully sensitive Matthias could be. It hadn’t taken long at all for Florian to realize how, just by looking at his small, subdued gestures, Matthias tended to assume the worst out of any small, passing interaction.
His wrong ideas and antagonistic self-perception went to his head easily, with a frightening speed and iron latch hard to revert. No matter how simple, even the most innocent things would make him double think, accumulating little wounds in his heart quietly until the tear was big enough to break him.
Matthias did that often, before they even started dating; When he was alone, previous to the manor and its unforgiving clutch, he often chose to close himself internally and physically, in his room and inside his own mind. Helplessly waiting until the moment he couldn’t hold on any longer, externalizing his pain in various, heartbreaking spirals.
Florian had to work a hard, long way to get to the point where they are now; In a strong, supporting relationship where Matthias felt comfortable and safe enough to tell him when his thoughts were getting too much.
Steadily, step by step, he even started to allow Florian to help and comfort him, understanding that no matter how often or how troublesome it seemed to Matthias’ eye, Florian was glad to assist him in anything he could need.
And it did work, truly! These days, Matthias has even managed to go out of his shell more often. Walk and share with others, even if only small things or short, simple exchanges. Florian liked to overview and give him the little push of courage, the trust that Matthias couldn’t afford to generate for himself.
Not like his support completely erased the intrusive thoughts either, not fully. It was a thing of patience, and sometimes, when people didn’t hear Matthias’ words by accident or didn’t see him standing in his discreet corners, the puppeteer would always be quick to assume that maybe he did something wrong. That he was a troublesome individual, and that they ignored him because of being a worthless annoyance.
But Florian, even though it hurt his heart to see Matthias torturing himself with thoughts of inadequacy, could breathe in relief now. At least, these hesitant thoughts merely stood on being socially-awkward, and were significantly less dangerous than the ones that had plagued his mind before. Overall, they were easier to soothe.
Matthias had told him often, after crying and sobbing uncontrollably against his chest, that before coming to the manor his mind had been consumed by a neverending void. Surrounded by the intermittent need to end everything, mingled with the forced dullness of desperately obeying others orders in an attempt to reach their expectations.
Like a doll, he had always been controlled and managed, and that strong pressure had left him with a scar even more deep and consuming than the burnt marks of freedom. Florian could only be glad that these painful episodes of desensitization and trauma were more and more scarce these days.
At least, until now.
And this… He hadn’t seen him in this state in so long, that it managed to even throw Florian astray. He could only associate his face to those few times when he catched Matthias alone in a corner, frozen and looking past the present. Beyond, towards a past that Florian couldn’t reach into to pull him out.
A terrified face, shaken pupils dimmed in an endless opacity that covered that usual, gentle glint. Caught inside himself, making the gentle spark of his fragile life almost extinguish in the dark, numb void of his inexpressiveness.
Florian’s breath catched in his throat, but his hands hesitated before touching the cold skin— In those first months of getting to know each other, Matthias once told him about his old home. Lost in painful memories, deeply scarring and coiling, the quagmire of pain from his past ultimately invaded his body, strong enough that even grazing his hand made Matthias tremble and hide with fear.
Florian never again dared to be so reckless after seeing the terrified sight on his face, flinching with the illusion of being grasped, controlled and forced out of his agency by the same tormentous force of his past.
That day, Florian understood that the most sacred thing to Matthias was his own will. The shy, hesitant need to express and act for himself, inexpert but settled to decide and do things on his own. And, protective and attentive, Florian had always tried to give him those options. To stay by his side and aid that deep need Matthias had to feel loved, needed, and capable.
And he had been getting better— Happier. He had been making progress, he was perfectly fine! But if so then why…?
Why— What could have happened to make him look so broken again?
Florian looks up at Matthias’ detached expression, but doesn’t dare to touch him, not yet. Instead, he limits himself to softly whispering Matthias’ name, asking him to look at him, to tell him who is here at his side right now.
It takes time, and Florian’s knees tremble and numb before the stiffness on Matthias’ limbs start to relax and release. Eventually, his brown pupil seems to regain its sweet, moist glint of tired life.
Florian can only sigh with relief, embracing him in his arms immediately.
Loving Matthias means tending to his wounds and soothing his pains, after all. Knowing that, no matter what or how much Florian tried, all his efforts would only make him better, but never fully heal him. Never completely erase all those blank spots that swirled and gripped his thoughts when the pressure was enough to throw him once again back to the same listless, wounded boy that he was in the past.
With Matthias, it was all peaceful until it wasn't. Everything safe and calm, until there was that minor setback; That little groove in the path that threw him months and months back to this same, painful state. Over and over again, no matter how much he tried to prevent it.
Being with him was a constant state of waiting for that relapse to strike. Helpless to do more than being overly careful, if only just to make the fall less harsh.
And it was tiring, sure. Sacrificial and endless, Matthias’ need for validation, love and care. A demand in quantities so devotedly and selflessly big, that very few people could even stand up to the task.
But Florian had always been convinced that all of it was proof— A testament of how, out of anything else, it was the most raw evidence of him being the only one destined, meant to cherish Matthias. The only savior able to take and love him so profoundly and fiercely, to even adore his most dangerous edges.
Careful, sincere and determined to want his everything. Keep him close to his chest, willing to give him his all in the patient, tender way he always did.
Florian understood all about him, and yet, he never felt like it was a daunting obligation to help him stand back up, again and again, when the inevitable fall came.
That’s why he was with him, after all; That’s why Matthias had let him into his heart. Why he had chosen to accept his love, and gave in to love him too.
Matthias was all this, sweet gentleness and delicate pain alike. Why would he ever want the good, without keeping him steady through the rough path? What was the point of anything he said and did, if he wasn’t able to pull him through the hell that licked his boots to pull him back in?
If that fire in the theater had never finished burning… If its flickering flames were the same that enveloped his heart in cold nightmares everynight— Florian knows he would be the only one willing and able, to get in and pull him out to the safe warmth of his embrace.
Because for him, Matthias was worth it. All of him was.
“Are you feeling better now, Matty?” He asks in a whisper, nuzzling against Matthias’ long hair. He feels him nod against his shoulder, still unmoving and tired from the not fully disentangled thread that pulled harshly his stiffened limbs.
Oftentimes, he ends up exhausted after the memories flood his brain, too worn and listless to even have energy or appetite. Florian just holds him close, caresses his back, and mutters with all the love and gentleness he can imbed in his voice;
“I’m glad. You had me worried there, huh? But it’s fine, I’m glad you are feeling better now,” He teases lightly, careful to not sound the least bit reproaching. Matthias is extremely sensible in times like these, and any minor word could trigger a reaction.
Florian knows it well, but he doesn’t feel the daunting pressure of walking on landmines. He only feels immense pride and gratification to be able to know and recognize what are the right steps to take, the right things to say, and how to take care of Matthias properly.
To minimize the chance of making him feel guilty, he also adds;
“Did anyone say something mean to you back there…? You know that Louis is just taunting, and the others don’t intend to be mean with the things they do or say– Much less when everyone thinks of you in such a good way!” Florian smiles and hugs him just a little bit tighter, trying to express his joy. ”You know? Just yesterday, Miss Emma was telling me how kind you were for helping her with the garden. I’d like to see the little sprouts you planted, we should go check them later, hm?”
Matthias keeps quiet, and just when Florian thinks he won’t give him any kind of reply, he nods again. There’s nothing else afterwards, and even though Florian would’ve already felt satisfied with this much responsiveness any other day, the tremors still running sporadically through Matthias’ body tell him that today, something else is going on.
“Matthias…” Florian whispers again, but this time his tone is more serious. Soothing, but carefully decisive, “I know that most of the people here are kind to us– To you. But if someone said or did anything to you… No matter how small or simple, I need you to tell me–”
And at that, Matthias actually tenses.
What—?
Florian freezes over, and at the same time, he feels the heat of something feral running through his veins and making his fingers twitch. A million thoughts running through his mind all at once, each one worse than the last. But when anger and apprehension threatens to spill, he quickly has to rein himself back in.
No. He can’t act like this, not in front of Matthias. He can’t be rash or desperate, much less anything close to violent— If he is careless, if he scares him even more… He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.
Keeping his breath at bay, Florian holds Matthias’ arms carefully, slowly dislodging their embrace to look into his reddened face, covered in a flush by the warmth of Florian’s closeness. Matthias’ eye fidgets and his lips are thinned in refusal, but when Florian softly calls his name, he immediately starts to crumble.
“It’s nothing serious, really– It’s… It’s purely my fault. If it had been anyone else, they wouldn’t…” He trails off, his voice raspy from staying quiet for so long. Florian aches just by seeing the self-blame in his eye, and with raising impatience and worry, he tries to guide him again.
“No, maybe they wouldn’t feel like this. But you are,” With his thumb, he caresses Matthias’ cheek, not knowing if it’s an effort to calm him, or himself. With a sigh, Florian asks, “Matty, please… Can you tell me what happened today?”
Matthias looks tired, worn and fragile. Much more vulnerable than he looks on the daily. But even when his lids droop and his pupil still trembles in that limbo of presence and gloom, he still complies.
“I… S-Someone helped me today– He pulled me away from the hunter’s path…” He starts with a quiet mumble, looking down to the ground in something that Florian perceives as guilt. It gives him a bad feeling, but even when his thumb twitches, he doesn’t stop to caress Matthias’ soft cheek in silent reassurance.
Matthias looks up at him with a squinted eye fleetingly, but when Florian just nods to signal him to continue, he looks down again, “He did to others as well, not just me. But– I don’t know. I didn’t see him nearby, I thought I'd get hit and then, suddenly, he took m-my hand and took me away— And I—!”
Florian inhales, and his whole head seems to tremble with the pressure in which his jaw presses his teeth closed.
Someone. Someone out there went and took Matthias’ hand— To save him, no less!
He should be thankful, and he is. At least in a small part of his heart, he can spare a prayer of gratefulness to God for sparing Matthias at least one wound— But that’s Louis’ whole function! Who else in this wretched place would have thought, irresponsible and trespassing, that they had the right to save him—?
Florian is the one. That’s the only answer, the only right choice. It's always been him, only ever him, and he had spent all his time and effort to make it plain and obvious to anyone that would have eyes and ears to look and listen to his pious, neverending devotion.
By now, everyone in the manor should already know. He was the only one worthy to save him… to take his hand!
Who else could even try— Who would even dare?!
“I don’t know why it happened– Why I became like this again. I think… maybe it’s because I didn’t see him, I wasn’t prepared. But feeling myself get forced to move so suddenly– I… I’m sorry–! I know it sounds stupid, but it reminded me of when–… of… Before”
Matthias’ voice cracks and his shoulders tremble, but he hunches further in himself to hide away. Pitiful, sorrowful. As if still unable to let himself expose all his pain to Florian’s eye, determined not to let him see what for Matthias is his ‘worst side’.
Florian immediately succumbs, however. He hurries to extend his arms again, holding him closer and more carefully than before. His heart aches with Matthias’ broken cries, as if it was his fault to be affected by other people’s uncaring, rude manners.
Holding Matthias’ head close to his chest, Florian kisses reverently the crown of his head while whispering as a mantra ‘It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault’. He could understand him, after all; How the thing Matthias was most affected by was the feeling of helplessness. Of being controlled.
To be taken by surprise like that… Forced to move and act in a way he didn’t intend to— No matter if the intention was right or wrong. For him, who had been so affected by the threads of control, shaped and moved to a beat he never wanted to dance to, being manipulated by anything but his own will was a reenactment of his worst nightmares.
And, being as delicately fragile as he was, Florian couldn’t believe that someone in this place still hadn’t got the clue to treat him with at least a bit of care—!
“It won’t happen again, I’ll ask them, respectfully, to be more careful next time,” If there is a next time, Florian thought bitterly. For the next few weeks, he would have to keep a closer eye on Matthias’ teammates to prevent this from reoccuring.
Just the thought of someone living under his same roof being this disconsiderate made his blood boil again…
“Tell me, was it the lawyer–? No, rather; Did the cowboy lose his lasso ahead of time? I’m sure he will understand if I talk to him,” Kevin was a fairly understanding man, after all. If only just a little bit impulsive. Still, to forgive the cowboy’s misstep came to Florian more easily than to excuse someone as rude as Freddy Riley…
But Matthias, surprisingly, shakes his head instead. Florian furrows a brow, ready to explain that he needs to talk about the situation to ‘prevent the same problem from happening again’ and, honestly, to know who to keep Matthias away from in the future.
What he doesn’t expect, however, is for both his guesses to be wrong.
“It’s not– It wasn’t them… There’s a–” In between steadying sobs, Matthias tries to speak, but just as he is about to continue the door opens with a forceful impact.
“Ah–! What a surprise, the lovefool is here too. I should have imagined the day couldn't get any better!” Louis grits with dripping malice, evidently still annoyed, judging by the loud bang with which he closes the door. ”Ugh–! That low, nasty matador– Forget we are rescuing him anytime soon! Look at what he’s done; I’ll need a fix, Matthias. Stop wailing and help me with my arm! Look, it came loose!!”
Florian holds the still calming body against his chest, but even though he is disdained by Louis’ crude interruption, his words shed a bit more light over this whole ordeal.
The matador…?
Florian has to think and recall for a while, not remembering anyone going by that title. Eventually, the memory strikes him with a frown; So that new man had been the culprit, in the end.
He didn’t know him personally, not anything past the first, short greeting at the manor's door. In fact, he still hadn’t had the chance to play a game with him as a teammate, and his presence was so new and superficial, that it had completely flown out of his mind.
He dwells on it briefly, rummaging carefully over how to address the current situation with someone that he didn’t know at all— At the very least, there was proof that his talents were… overly enthusiastic. Louis’ arm was really dangling loosely, after all.
If he snatched Matthias’ arm with that same force, what would he expect, more than surely spraining his thin wrist?
“Hehe,” Florian looks up at the sound, catching Louis’ mischievous grin. He doesn’t know what expression he’s been doing until now, but judging by the dolls’ knowing face, it must have been upset enough to expose his less than honorable intentions.
Florian has never felt fully proud of joining forces with someone as selfish and childish as Louis was, but seeing their egoistic goals overlapping each other’s, whether by trickery or protection, the thought of working together to keep that man at bay didn’t feel as embarrassing as before.
In the end, the manor always reverted back to its original state, with everyone safe and sound. Would it really make such a difference to close the gate with an airbag and leave someone inside, once or twice…?
Judging by Louis’ prankish chuckles, Florian could only imagine what was already crossing his imaginative mind— Thankfully, the doll was young and smart enough to get away with no consequences. A lucky asset that Louis exploited often enough, for better or worse.
Right now, it was for the absolute better.
Satisfied with the conclusion, and with a fierce determination to retaliate in some way or another, Florian gives one last pious kiss to Matthias’ forehead. In his arms, he has regained his vitality, and the life in his eye steadily brightens into the safety of the present, away from those memories and consuming control.
“Are you hungry, Matty? I’m sure dinner is already served– I’ll bring it to your room, wait for me! I’ll be back immediately, so be patient for a little while!” He disentangles from the embrace carefully, leaving Matthias with the effortless distraction of Louis’ demands for his fixed arm.
Matthias will be fine. He will be safe, today and always, as long as Florian is by his side, keeping him secure.
He is the only one capable of saving him, after all.
With that searing thought in mind, he ventures into the dining room, not even sparing a mindful glance to the man grabbing everyone's attention for today’s meal.
No matter; He will have enough time to demonstrate who is the real hero soon enough.