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Her last act on Babylon 5 had been to steal the security codes that would get her through the net of ships and automated warning systems that kept the unwary away from the plague infected Earth.
She was tired. Tired of alternating between being in so much pain she wished she was dead, and so numb that she might as well be. So she'd ditched her uniform and everything else she possessed, including her Captain's commission and her honor.
She gazed down at the seemingly placid Earth, cut off from home.
In the swirling blue and white oceans and clouds she saw the faces of the family she'd loved and lost and others… Talia, who she hadn't been able to give love to, and Marcus who she hadn't been able to accept love from.
.
She had thought at one time that she had understood the compromises and consequences of the war against the Shadows, but she just couldn't see it anymore.
Sheridan was gone to be president of the new Interstellar Alliance. John was her friend, her Captain. No, that wasn't true, not anymore. Part of her was glad he could make the hard choices; that he could take the blood and sacrifices of so many on his hands. That part of her also understood the necessity the war, both against the Shadows and against Clark. She'd backed him to the hilt and nearly made the ultimate sacrifice herself. She ruthlessly silenced the small voice that said that the sacrifice had been intended.
If it hadn't been for Marcus… but here she had circled back to the beginning.
Part of her however, was appalled at Sheridan's ability to throw people, whole worlds into the crucible of war, knowing their certain death. A critical element of his humanity had been lost on Za'ha'dum, exchanged for darkness, and she just couldn't follow him anymore. She trusted him as her friend, but no longer as a leader.
.
She matched rotation with Earth, finding the Urals and tracing rivers until she could see the lights of St. Petersburg. Then in defiance of risk she skimmed her shuttle into the upper atmosphere, dipping first the right wing and then the left in farewell.