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"So, how's that ‘WhaleBuk’ of yours faring, huh?" The green snake-like dragon mused while the whale in question cursed underneath his breath. Both eyed the disheartening red line on the monitor that continued to drop lower and lower.
"C-come on Dad! It'll... it'll get better! My stonks... will claw their way back up to greatness! I-I swear!"
"You don't have to swear anything to me, Kyogre," the tired looking snake continued, almost enjoying the latter's exasperation. "I was just asking about what happened to those multi-million-dollar companies that were supposed to turn you into a 'rich whale’? I don’t believe these numbers will be capable of beating out those undesirable cost of living increases." His presence appeared to be cancelling the rainstorm of unpleasant emotions that would otherwise be raging.
"SHUT UP! I'm richer than inflation! I save 75% on all my Temu hauls, and more-” Kyogre flailed indignantly, creating dark and agitated ripples in the water which sent nearby fish flying.
"Hmm... tsk tsk. Perhaps it is time for your lowly son to come to terms with the fact that saving money on some worthless products does not equate to wealth?"
"Hgnhg!" The whale spun round to be semi-blinded by the ethereal light emanating from the being who chose to appear near the beach, presumably to amuse himself. "Necrozma! You stupid… light thing! You don't even have an ounce of money in your non-existent pockets!"
The prismatic dragon only chuckled, if chuckling could be distinguishable from a reverberating reality-bending ambience. "I see no need to own such superficial and materialistic assets, example being money."
"They are NOT superficial, they are-" He started, but the sense of Necrozma’s sheer power trailing at the edges of the words he was about to utter shut him up quickly.
"Perhaps good old Rayquaza here can explain to us all about how you're in the debt of three banks, and that he's been constantly covering them for you since you are yet to have a cent to spare?"
"Don't go there," Rayquaza rubbed his hand on his forehead. "I still have the dignity not to speak of my eldest son's unfortunate and painful bankruptcy, while some legendaries continue to thrive in their income streams.” That was met with the unresisted howling of laughter from Necrozma and the pitiful whine from Kyogre.
"I-I'm not BANKRUPT! I just can’t- You know that’s a very rude way to describe one of the world's greatest crypto-investors-"
"Correction, what remains of one of the world's most prideful investors." Necrozma jeered, indulging in seeing the once carefree and imperious whale forced to face the financial obligations that had finally caught up with him.
Kyogre gestured frantically with one flipper at Rayquaza, hoping his caretaker would find a way to defend him from this humiliation. To his dismay, Rayquaza only returned him a sad smile, before retreating to the skies in a powerful gust of wind. “Well, my work here is done. Good luck."
"Dad! You can't just leave me to this mess! YOU CAN'T!"
Watching Rayquaza fly out of sight with no way to call him back, he turned back to Necrozma with a look of intense hatred. "If you ever try to bring this up to Groudon-"
Necrozma tilted his head in amusement. "Hmph, I have in fact not thought of that, great thanks for reminding me to. I heard he’s making quite a bit, you should learn from him."
"YOU- At least I’m not a sketchy bitch who scams people that put money at his feet to be part of his success! I’m LEGIT!” Kyogre spluttered, though his eyes burned with contempt. “Stupid rock head and his stupid marketing lies. Those idiots really think they’re earning by convincing more people to lick his scummy ass toenails.”
“And still, that legitimacy of yours seemed to have got you, hmm… nowhere. Well, I don’t see my point in conversing with another victim of the market. Just remember to pay your water bills. Peace out-”
Before he could word his half-formed insult made from the most vile things he could think of, the dragon vanished in a distorting rift of an Ultra Wormhole into other dimensions that Kyogre cannot reach.
"Motherf-!" Kyogre dived at the wormhole, baring his full set of teeth, long decayed after he sold his tooth cleaning supplies for the smallest amount of money he could use to pay a fine. The portal fully closed right before he crashed headfirst into the now completely ordinary wall, with no dragon to be seen. The force of a massive whale colliding with the surface sent a shockwave across the shore into the currents. The ocean seethed as he pathetically un-plastered himself from the mundane white panel that appeared to mock him. “...Who are you kidding with water bills you fuckface! I’m the god of water and you can’t charge me-”
After mumbling indescribable profanities for half an hour, Kyogre was forced to check that Arceus-forsaken monitor again. He was about to open the stocks website for any slight misplaced sliver of hope when he was met with a notification that hung derisively on the screen. His eye twitched in a moment of hesitation before it was dismissed in a single, furious swipe.
(Attention to Mr. Kyle Eugeray: The interest rate of your loan had been increased by 20% due to lack of repayment. Please email us for more information...)
A quick glance at his bank account, and he took notice of all the living expenses he had failed to compensate for. He could almost hear Necrozma’s multi-layered laughter as he sunk his head below the stagnant water, tainted with residue from unwanted sources that he couldn’t afford to clean away. “The god of water, yet drowning in his own debts! How embarrassingly ironic!”
“How am I even meant to pay all this shit?” His drowsy voice echoed through the wide space that brought him no comfort. Not with the knowledge that his very presence is racking up three thousand a month. “Do I have to sell my fucking cave?”
Rayquaza reached the stratosphere starved and fatigued. He couldn't wait to get started on that oversized meteor he had set his eyes upon and would have already devoured hours ago, if it hadn’t been for Kyogre inadvertently summoning a typhoon out of the shock from seeing his stock rates.
“Where was it, I could have sworn it was right there before I left…” He stared at the empty void where the snack should have been.
“Sorry. Ate your dinner. Yum.”
Rayquaza’s instincts flared at the hauntingly familiar voice. He felt himself subconsciously charging a Hyper Beam at the sight of the orange and blue tentacles wriggling in the corner of his vision. A low growl tore from the back of his throat.
“Hey. Don’t do that. We’re friends now, remember?”
The sky dragon froze. He was still working on quelling the desire to blow up intruders on the spot. It’s become far more of a problem now that the extraterrestrial beings he had once deemed as “space invaders” happened to be… friendly. “Apologies, Deoxys. It happens sometimes.”
“You look hungry. I left you a piece.”
Rayquaza noticed a small fragment of the meteor behind Deoxys. It wasn’t anything crazy, but it would suffice to quash the hunger.
“Thanks, but I cannot deny that I’m still salty that you consumed three quarters of my meal.”
The alien attempted a shrugging gesture . “Had a party with another. It was too good. Enjoy your quarter.”
“Heh, long time no see, Deoxys.”
The small meteor chunk had done its job, and Rayquaza felt a lot more spirited after he had it digested. Deoxys hovered around, sometimes dangerously close to the dragon who had almost killed it on multiple occasions, asking about the events on Earth.
“No world-ending fights?”
“They still argue, of course. But they appear to be ignoring each other a lot more. Kyogre is going through some… financial struggles, but nothing world-ending.”
“Ocean god is bankrupt?”
Rayquaza sighed at the mention of the word. “I’ve joked about it, but I don’t want to think that he’s really going to be. He’s insolvent b-but- it’s alright. I’ve been helping him with all the bills and everything. I think he’ll be back to a normal income rate in a few months.”
“By how much?”
“Not by much, actually. Apparently, 3000 Hoenn Pokedollars a month is sufficient to keep him running. I was surprised by how little it was that I needed to lend him. They tend to charge a lot more than that.” There was a note of desperation in Rayquaza’s voice suggesting that maybe it wasn’t so okay.
“Hoenn Pokedollars?”
“Is there a problem? He’s a Pokémon from Hoenn. Obviously he’d use that currency.”
“Explain why he lives near Unova.”
“I don’t know, because there’s less water there so he can change that fact- wait.” Horror creeped up Rayquaza’s features as the realization began to dawn on him.
“Deoxys! You don’t suppose he uses Unovan dollars?”
“It is possible. He always sounded Unovan to me. Swears a lot.”
“Y-you don’t know anything about dialects! D-Deoxys, how many Hoenn dollars is a single Unovan dollar?!” As he spoke, his tone became frantic.
“Calculating… one hundred and fifty seven point zero nine.”
His serpentine form slumped in mid-air. The fins that ran down his body drooped downward. How could he have been this much of an idiot?
“What's the matter?”
“...Is he even eating?”