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Sometimes, winter came and went like a friend you hadn't met in a while. It breezed in, said hello, stayed to chat for a moment, and then left as smoothly as anything. The temperature never dropped too low, there were no terrible storms, and life continued on mostly as normal.
Sometimes, winter hit like the worst school bully you ever had. It showed up, left tension in the air, periodically beat you up, and left you shivering and worried all the time until, finally, the school year ended and you could escape.
There was no heat in the Ueda house except for the kotatsu and a space heater. The heater stayed in dad's room at night, as he was 'too old to be lying on the floor like that.' Sometimes, Tane slept in dad's room. Which left Minoru and Yutaka tucked half under the kotatsu. When the nights got almost unbearably cold, they also piled blankets on and around them wherever the table's heat could not reach.
Tonight was not one of those nights. For the first time in a week, the nighttime temperature was relatively mild and the kotatsu, and a few layers of clothes, were enough to keep warm.
Minoru was already tucked under the table when Yutaka returned from the bathroom, all ready for bed. Instead of picking an unclaimed side of the table, Yutaka slid in next to Minoru. He shuffled and rearranged the quilt as he laid down, and then immediately turned and cuddled into Minoru's side.
It was a normal occurrence, and yet Minoru knew how adverse Yutaka was to touch on a regular basis. Not with him and Tane, of course, but with anyone else. Even Minoru's father rarely received physical touch of any kind from Yutaka. When they first met, and for months after, every touch from Yutaka was a shock, even to Yutaka. But now, he willingly curled into Minoru without a moment's hesitation.
"Hey, Yutaka?" Minoru murmured, long enough after they'd laid down that he wouldn't be surprised if Yutaka were asleep.
He got a muffled hum in response.
"I love you."
For a moment, Yutaka did not respond. Then, slowly, he pulled his head out of Minoru's neck enough to cautiously meet Minoru's eyes.
"Love?" he asked.
It was Minoru's turn to hum, in the affirmative.
Yutaka's fingers tightened their hold on Minoru's sweater, then released. "I…," Yutaka struggled to say. Shutting his eyes, Yutaka took a quiet but clearly steadying breath, then, "I love you too. I'm sorry I don't say it back enough."
Minoru gave Yutaka the best side hug he could manage. "It's okay. I know anyway."
He knew in the way that Yutaka cooked for them and always included something special just for Minoru.
He knew in the way Yutaka pushed himself out of his comfort zone to do things Minoru or Tane wanted to do—going to crowded places, dealing with loud noises, trying on new clothes because Tane thought they looked so cute even though they were scratchy as hell.
He knew in the way that Yutaka would sit beside him even when he was overstimulated and needed space and quiet, the silent trust he had that Minoru wouldn't try to fix anything but would simply be there until Yutaka was ready to talk again.
He knew in the way Yutaka would open up about his childhood, his worries, his hopes, his interests—because he knew Minoru would listen and not judge.
He knew in the way Yutaka would reach out and gently take his hand in public, when something or someone was overwhelming him, because that simple touch helped ground him.
Minoru knew Yutaka loved him without needing to hear the words—because the words were too much and yet not enough for Yutaka—thanks to a million tiny things each day.
"Why…did you say it now?" Yutaka asked, nervously.
A shrug. "It's cold."
The reasoning was so silly and nonchalant that it made Yutaka laugh quietly, as Minoru had known it would. But truly, Minoru didn't have a reason to say it. He just wanted to. Because sometimes he looked at Yutaka and was overcome by the fact that Yutaka had chosen them to love. Somehow, some way, Minoru—and probably Tane. Probably a lot of Tane—had crossed all of Yutaka's barriers and reached his heart. And now he got to experience Yutaka's form of love every day of his life—in blistering summers and freezing winters alike.
Speaking of—a rough breeze buffeted the walls of the engawa loudly. Yutaka's attention was drawn toward the thin doors between them and the engawa, and Minoru tugged him back, gently placing Yutaka's face back against his shoulder.
"Come on. Let's stay warm and get some sleep."
"Oh," Yutaka let out softly, then snuggled in closer. "Mm."
This time, Minoru let the silence last. It was late and Tane would wake them up early the next morning. It was cold, and talking would make Yutaka pull away again, taking his heat with him. So for now, Minoru let Yutaka curl up against his side and enjoyed the warmth both along his body and within his chest that it caused.
…
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fin