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When Niall got put in the band with the boys, he could feel something change, the route his entire life was heading shifting.
When they don't win, his heart drops, not only because he feels like he's lost his chance, but he's scared of losing what he has with these four boys who have slotted into his life effortlessly.
They get signed, though, and he feels like his alarm clock is about the blare in his ear and his mums going to come in his room and tell him to hurry up and get ready for school.
Recording the first album and going on the first tour is a blur of the same questions being asked by every interviewer and girls screaming in their faces. It felt like it was going to last forever and like it ended in a week all at the same time.
Recording the second album is a little more stressful. Niall wants everything to be perfect, wants the fans to like it and doesn't want to let down the boys.
By the time they're on tour again, he's just tired. He sleeps as much as he can, between interviews and photoshoots and on the bus, but it seems like it's not making an ounce of a difference.
They're on stage in a city he's forgotten the name of, Harry and Liam are more of the type to pay attention to things like the name of the city's they go through. Finally, they're about to start the last song, and he just can't wait for this to be over.
He loves the fans, he really does. But they need to stop screaming bloody murder every time Louis and Harry so much as look at each other, or when Zayn and Liam play fight. He just wants to sleep. For days.
His head is pounding and he can feel his knees buckling. His visions blurring around the edges and he's dizzy, trying to get someones attention, but all he can do before everything's black is smack Louis' side lazily.
It's not long before he wakes up, maybe five or ten minutes, but when he does he's on a couch in the dressing room, his head on Zayns lap. He blinks his eyes open to see all the boys staring at him, and the look on their faces actually makes him chuckle a bit, low and raspy.
"Shit," Harry sighs, "You scared us to death, Niall! What happened?"
Niall shrugs, yawning and focusing his eyes on the ceiling. "Dunno. One minute I was alright, the next I was out." He smiles when he feels Louis - doesn't have to open his eyes to know its him - slap his shin. "I've been tired lately, I guess."
"Why didn't you tell us!?" Liam exclaims, "You're lucky Lou was there! He didn't catch you but he definitely softened the landing. You could have got a concussion or cracked your bloody head open!"
"Now, now, Liam." Louis says calmly, "Calm yourself. It's true, but it didn't happen, he's alright. Just tell us next time your worn out, yeah?"
Niall nods, shutting his eyes, the lights are causing a dull ache behind his eyes. "I probably scarred the fans for life."
"Probably," Zayn says, "That's the loudest I've ever heard them scream."
A paramedic comes then, checks to make sure he hasn't got a concussion like everyone was worried about, makes sure he's alright, and then they're sent to a hotel.
Paul cancels all interviews for the next day, and they don't have any more shows scheduled for a few days so Niall's happy he doesn't have to worry about disappointing thousands of fans by cancelling those too.
In the car on the way to the hotel, Zayn insists on sitting with Niall, which he's okay with, of course. He slumps against Zayns side, and Zayn shifts so his arms curled around his shoulders and tugs Niall in closer.
Niall yawns again, snuggling into Zayns body heat. He pulls out his phone and sends out a quick tweet saying 'don't worry, i'm alright! just tired, gonna get a couple days of rest and i'll be as good as new! love you guys xx' before shutting his eyes and relaxing for the ride.
Paul insists one of the boys stay with him and it's Zayn, it's always Zayn. Besides, Louis is too loud, Harry's still a fidgeting, excited ball of energy, and Liam goes where Harry goes, so.
Niall feels like his limbs are made of stone, heavy and noodly. He can barely keep his eyes open as they go up the lift, and Zayn keeps him propped up with an arm around his waist the whole way.
When they get in their room, Zayn sits him on the bed, helps him get his clothes off and under the blankets. "Do you want any tea or food?"
"Tea and toast, please?" Niall mumbles sleepily. He's tired, but he hasn't ate in two or three hours, and if he doesn't eat now he knows he'll regret it in the morning.
Zayn turns on the tv and puts Friends on before heading to the small kitchen in the room. Niall almost falls asleep listening to him humming and singing softly as he bustles around.
When he comes back, he's in a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt. Harry's, Niall thinks. Niall slowly pulls himself up, yawning as he props himself up against the headboard.
"You alright?" Zayn asks, setting the toast on Nialls lap, and the tea on the bedside table. "Need anything else?"
"No," Niall shakes his head, smiling up at Zayn gratefully, "I'm okay, thanks Zayn."
"S'no problem." Zayn walks to the other side of the bed, gets in beside Niall under the large poofy duvet. "You scared the shit out of me, you know."
"I know, I'm sorry." Niall says, linking his fingers with Zayns between them with his free hand.
"S'fine. It's not like you meant to pass out." Zayn pulls their hands into his lap, starts playing with Nialls fingers. "I love you, Ni."
"I love you, too, Zayn." Niall replies easily, squeezing Zayns fingers.
"No, I mean like, I really love you." Zayn stares down at their fingers, notices the way Niall has frozen.
"Oh. Well." Niall stays quiet, frozen, for a moment, then squeezes Zayns fingers again. "I love you, too."
Zayns head snaps up to see Niall grinning softly at him, eyes droopy but still bright. "Yeah?"
"Yeah, of course." Niall nods, balling up the paper towel his toast was on and throwing it in his empty tea cup before shifting closer, "Since the beginning, Zayn."
Zayn smiles, tongue peeking out from behind his teeth, eyes crinkling at the corners. He wraps his arms around Nialls waist, stuffing his face in the crook of his neck, making Niall giggle and kiss the top of his flattened quiff.
They settle into the bed, Niall pulled close and cuddled into Zayns chest, legs tangled together. Zayn gives him a quick kiss - it's just a peck, but it's enough for them, a promise of more - and Niall tucks his head under Zayns chin. "Get some rest now, babe." He mumbles into Nialls hair, feels him nod, and his breathing even out only moments later, body relaxing completely.