Chapter Text
“I just can’t do it! Nothing works! I’m useless!”
“No, my dearest,” I say, holding her tightly. “No. You are not useless. Even if we can’t see the changes our actions cause. Trying to help others is never pointless. Doing the right thing always does something even if you can’t see it yet. You are the one that taught me that,” I say, trying to keep the sniffle out of my voice as I remember all of the small actions of Jivane and many others that gave me succor during the darkest days of my past.
“But it’s all broken!” She wails between the fits of sobbing wracking her body as she cries into the skirts of her robes.
Oh, It hurts so much to see my beautiful sunrise like this. It reminds me too much of myself fourteen years ago with all of the expectations of my life laying shattered around me. My purpose stripped from me and my belief in the certainty of the future demolished. I can still feel the echos of that raw aching uncertainty. The bafflement that was overwhelming as my life was suddenly without structure. The suffocating feeling that without my purpose I was not myself. Even though my purpose had not been a pleasant one, the loss of it was devastating.
Jivane was there for me then. She helped break me out of my isolated lonely shell and encouraged me to live and hope again. She was the one who told me stories as we walked through the gardens. Stories of those who had found the light in their lives. Stories of what could be done with the freedom of obscurity. Stories of everyday lives outside of the halcyon hell that was my young adulthood.
Now it is my privilege to return the support and unending care she gave to me until she can find her way again. I fiercely hope with a desperate corner of my mind that I have learned enough empathy and communication skills to be as good a partner to her as she has been to me.
I pray to any gods still listening that I can help her find the peace she deserves. The empire was kind to none of its children. Least of all those at the peak like Jivane and I. We have already lived through more trials than most have endured, but this broken magic is uniquely hard on Jivane. It is as if an indelible part of her life was suddenly removed leaving her with no support or foundation. And worse yet, the magic seems to be draining from all of those who regularly practiced it before the fall. As if the cracks in the world are sucking it all away out of everyone’s reach.
We knew the world had broken. Shattered into pieces like a plate dropped on the floor. Time and magic dripping through the cracks leaving everyone left with the sharp edges of our own hubris. Leaving us all in isolated pockets reliant only on ourselves and those around us, for good or for ill.
“Magic might be broken for now, but how many times have you told me that it’s the repetition of our actions that makes it truly powerful? That amplifies the magic? That’s the whole point of all of the daily rituals. Every person that does them every time helps to shape the magic. This magic is just shapeless. You’ve said you can’t feel any other wizards in the weave of it. That it’s like the weave is just gone. It’s your chance to do what you’ve always wanted. To try and make things better. To make things right and fix what you’ve always hated about the priests and magics of the empire. How many years have you been ranting that it didn’t need to be so damaging? That half of the requirements were put in place to stroke the priests’ egos? This is your chance to change that for the better!”
“You’re right. Oh, by all the gods, you’re right,” she said with her eyes shining up at me through her tears. Her smile, shaky but there again on her face, beautiful to me even at her most blotchy. Beautiful because of the trust learned over many hard years. How long had it taken us to show each other our real feelings? To let the other see past our porcelain smiles to the reality underneath? Now I could only be grateful that we were together in whatever this new reality was.
“But how will I even get it started? The most basic magics barely work. Only the most ancient magics work reliably.”
“Pick something and we will help. Pick a spell and we will have everyone who comes for food or aid repeat it daily as their tithe until things get better. Surely with enough of us we can start to reshape the magic until it’s useful again.”
“Light. We should start with the light spell.”
“That sounds like a perfect place to start,” I whisper as I lean down to kiss my sunrise.