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Ilya groaned as he woke up to the sun in his face, feeling around the bed for Shane. He wasn’t there of course, probably up making a boring smoothie. He kept his eyes shut, rolling onto his stomach, pausing when he felt a weird weight on his chest, but deciding it was just the early morning haze.
He tried to go back to sleep, since that’s what off days were for, but once he finally managed to doze off, he felt hands on his shoulders.
“Liliya, time to wake up.” A woman’s voice said, Ilya furrowing his brows. “You’ve been in bed an extra hour.” Ilya sat up, tiredly rubbing at his eyes as he looked at the woman. She looked like what he’d assumed Shane’s sister would look like, freckles scattered across her cheeks and nose, her eyes warm and puppy-like, just like his Shane’s. Her hair was short, a bob ending just below her chin.
“What?” He asked, eyes widening as he heard a distinctly female voice come out of him. Looking down, he saw that he was a woman. He was naked, and it made him feel embarrassed. How could he be doing this to Shane? Where was he?! “What?” He repeated.
“We had a plan to go get brunch together after our morning jog, Liliya.” The woman said, with a pout. “C’mon. Get dressed. Vanya wants to come with us too, he’s been whining at the door downstairs.”
“Vanya?” Ilya asked, wracking his brain. “What- uh- is going on?”
The woman raised a brow. “You okay? Did you hit your head on the ice yesterday?”
“Uh- I don’t remember.” The woman’s eyes widened at this, and she immediately sat next to him on the bed, grabbing his face and starting to inspect him. Her fingers were gentle, rubbing at Ilya’s scalp as she looked at him closely.
“Do you know what year it is?”
“2019?” Ilya responds.
“Good, good.” There was a pause. “Who am I?” She asks, Ilya swallowing. If his name was Liliya, it had to be a girl version of Shane, right? Right? What was a girl version of Shane?
“Girlfriend?” Fuck!
She stared at him. “Babe, be serious. You know we’re married.” She rolled her eyes, getting up. “C’mon. Let’s go take Vanya for a walk and then brunch.”
Ilya had spent a solid half of their jog pinching his arm, and yet he was still not awake. He needed to go back to Shane being a guy. This felt alien to him, and he still didn’t know the girl's name. They were married, he’d figured that out from wedding photos scattered around their house, as well as the engagement ring and wedding ring on his hand. Her hand? He still felt like a him. That was another issue.
“You’re quiet today, Lilya.” The woman said as the dog, Vanya, slowed to sniff a tree. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to cancel brunch? I can call the restaurant-“
“Uh- no, no. I’m just…” he wracked his brain for an excuse. “I think maybe I’m getting a bit tired. Slept weird.”
“Oh.” The woman hummed. “We can head home early, I don’t mind.”
“No, it’s okay. I think the fresh air is helping,” he mumbled, swallowing when the woman wrapped an arm around his waist. This felt weird. They were in public, and girl Shane felt so comfortable touching him. What was this dream?
By the time they had gotten to brunch, Ilya at least had the mental capacity to go onto Wikipedia and search up their names. Searching for Shane Hollander yielded no results, of course, and even Hollander didn’t yield much. Luckily, searching up Liliya Hockey did, and Ilya quickly discovered that the girl version of him and Shane’s girl version got married at the midpoint of 2018. His heart hurt thinking about it.
“Jeanne?” He tried, poking at the dish he had ordered.
“Yes?”
“Do you think guy hockey players could… come out?” Scott Hunter came out, but it was different, even in his normal world.
“What do you mean, Lilya?”
“Like… we are out and married. Do you think… guys can do the same?” He asked. “Like, two guy hockey players?”
Jeanne hummed, chewing thoughtfully. “I’m not sure. Like… people kind of expect women in sports to be gay.” She laughed. “I’m still shocked that no one was surprised when we announced it.”
“For men, it’d be different, right?”
“It shouldn’t be different, but it is.” Jeanne sighed. “Like, you know how everyone expects Ross to be gay, just ‘cause he’s an actor? They probably expect all men’s hockey players to be straight, just because hockey is ‘manly.’” She rolled her eyes at that, Ilya nodding. He finally took a bite of food. “Why do you ask?”
“I just… weird dream?” He tried, Jeanne raising a brow.
“Weird how?”
“I- We were in a world where we were both men and we- the guys… were scared to come out. Even though I wanted to hold and kiss and love…” he trailed off. “I was thinking about it.”
Jeanne had a soft expression on her face, one of those smiles that Shane usually did when he said something cute. “What if you… dream a better ending?”
“What?”
“Like… when I was younger I’d try to dream my dreams again, so I could finish them. Why don’t you do the same, but dream that the guy versions of us could be together.”
“When we retire?”
“No, you can dream whatever. They can come out in your dream and love each other right then and th- are you crying?” Jeanne whispered, leaning forward to cup Ilya’s face. “Babe?”
“I just… I want… to be together in every universe. And happy. Like this.” He looked at her, seeing how she was tearing up as well now, her eyes glassy, a huge smile on her face.
“You’re such a sap.” She kissed him, short and sweetly. Ilya was thankful it was fast. “Tell me how your dream goes tomorrow. I want updates.”
The rest of the day had been… weird. Ilya felt bad at the thought of flirting or kissing someone who wasn’t Shane, even though he knew this was just… Girl Shane. Jeanne seemed to be somewhat confused by it, asking him a few times if she had done something. He couldn’t really answer properly, just mumbling that he felt tired or weird.
Even now, laying in bed, it was weird. Jeanne was watching him, even if she had stopped asking him about what was wrong hours ago. He could hear the book's pages turn every minute or so: Shane would never take that long to read. “Are you… okay?” He tried, turning to glance at her. She was staring at him intensely, clearly not paying attention to the book.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“I already said-“
“No comment about the glasses, nothing?” Oh, right.
“They are very sexy, I am just… tired.”
“No, you aren’t.” She huffed. Ilya raised a brow. “When you’re tired, you get all cute and cuddly and push the book out of my hands and beg for attention. When you’re upset you sit there and try to sleep the day away. I thought we agreed we’d talk about stuff if it bothered you.” She was pouting now, her eyes doing the same thing Shane’s did when he was angry and upset and sad and every negative emotion combined into one. Fuck. “Did I do something?”
“No, no.” Ilya said. “I’m… Not feeling well. I was trying to ignore it.” He mumbled, tensing up when she moved closer. She felt his forehead, gently stroking hair out of his face to do so.
“You don’t feel like you have a fever…” she glanced at her phone. “Okay, let’s go to the hospital-“
“What? No, that’s too much. It’s not like that-“
“You felt sick all day, Liliya!”
“I just… I want to sleep it off. Please.” He tried, but Jeanne had already gotten up, rifling through the closet for something to wear. “Jeanne.”
“What if it's an emergency?”
“It’s not.” Ilya said, sterner now. “I’ll go tomorrow if I don’t feel better.” He added. Jeanne turned around with a glare, staring at him.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Do you at least want tea or anything? We still have some of that stew my mom made-“
“No, it’s okay. Thank you.” He said, laying back down so he was facing the wall instead of her side of the bed. “Goodnight.”
Jeanne got back into bed, silent for a bit before leaning over, gently kissing Ilya’s temple. “Goodnight.”
They resumed their silence again, Ilya listening as she attempted to read her book. She let out a sigh after a few minutes of dull page turns, and turned off the lamp on the nightstand. “I love you.” She mumbled.
Ilya wished that Liliya was there to say it back.
When Ilya awoke the next day, he immediately felt his chest. No breasts. So far, so good. He hadn’t even felt happy enough to enjoy them when he had them, so there was no love lost. He turned in bed, frowning when he saw Shane was missing. Fuck.
“Shane?!” He called out, stumbling out of bed and rushing down the stairs. He almost tripped over poor Anya, but seeing her cute pink collar made his day. “Anya.” He cooed, kneeling to pet her, kissing her forehead. “My little girl, Anya.” He rubbed his cheek against her head, laughing when she licked him.
“Did you call for me?“ Ilya looked up at the sound of Shane’s beautiful, manly voice. He stood up, immediately pulling Shane into a hug, burying his face in Shane’s shoulder. “Feel better today?”
“I missed you.” Ilya said, squeezing him slightly. He could feel the tears trickling out of his eyes. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Shane said, his hands rubbing circles on Ilya’s back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything is perfect.” He hummed, kissing Shane’s neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Shane repeated. “Ilya, are you okay?”
“Yes.” Ilya pulled away from the hug, cupping Shane’s face. He had on his cute little concerned pout. “Let’s go on a date.”
“A date? We can have breakfast by the lake if you want.”
“No, a real date. Like… brunch.” Shane raised a brow.
“Brunch?”
“Yes, at a cafe and everything. Let’s have brunch and hold hands and kiss at our table.” He hummed, kissing Shane gently. “Let’s have brunch.”
“Ilya. I’d love to. But we can’t. You know that.” Ilya pouted, giving Shane his best puppy eyes. “Stop that.”
“Shane.”
“Ilya.”
“I want us to have a better ending. You deserve to have brunch and hold my hand.”
Shane leaned in to kiss him, soft and quick. “What prompted this?”
“I had a weird dream.”
“What was it about?”
“We got to be together. We went on a jog with our dog and we held hands and then we went to a restaurant and we had brunch.” Ilya breathed. “I want that. I want that now. Not when we retire.”
Shane was looking at him, his expression a mixture of adoration and sadness. “I want that too.” He said. “I… Is it okay if I adjust my plan first? We can try to move stuff ar-“
“Of course.” Ilya interrupted. “Whatever you need. Just not retirement.”
“Agreed.” Shane hummed, leaning in for another kiss. Ilya kissed him back.
LILIYA
When Liliya awoke, she thankfully didn’t have to look for Jeanne, as she was looming over her, baseball cap on and everything. “Hello, my love.” Ah, her normal voice. Thank fucking god.
“Are you feeling better?” There was an air of accusation to her tone, like there was a clear right and wrong answer. It’s been a while since she got thrown one of these.
“I always feel better when I see my wife.” She purred, grabbing Jeanne’s arm and pulling her onto the bed. Jeanne huffed, but sat down. “Why are you fully dressed?”
“You said you’d go to the hospital if you didn’t feel better.” Jeanne explained, feeling Liliya’s forehead. “You’re being honest, right? You feel better?”
“I feel fine. Great, even.” Liliya hummed. “You look hot.”
“You didn’t say I love you last night.” Jane huffed. “Well, you said it. But only one time. I think you fell asleep.” She was pouting, glancing at Liliya with a slightly frustrated expression. Cute.
Liliya leaned in to kiss her, cupping her face. She pulled away, rubbing her thumbs over Jeanne’s freckles. “I’m sorry. I will make up all my I love yous today. I love you in this world, and every other world too.” Jeanne was smiling now. When she pursed her lips, Liliya leaned in for another kiss. “Let’s go downstairs. I’ll make your boring smoothie and we’ll go take Vanya for a walk.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Jeanne grinned, Liliya taking her hand as they headed downstairs. “By the way, did we get to have a happy ending? In the dream?”
“What?”
“The dream? You told me about it yesterday.” Jeanne said. “The guy versions of us? Did you manage to dream it again?”
“Oh.” Liliya said. She thought back to the man she had met yesterday, when she was worried sick about her Jeanne. “I think it will take some time. But… I think so. Probably.”