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Tommy doesn’t know where to go from here. He leans in front of the toilet bowl and vomits again. His breathing is heavy and he can’t stop shaking. All he can do is think about how he got here.
Tommy Bowe had never been normal. Not just because of the obvious, but also because he was a faerie. And no, that was not a gay joke. Although that was also true, Tommy was an actual fae. It hadn’t affected most of his life until people started introducing themselves to him. It really surprised him how many people just willingly gave him their True Names. Until he realized that they hadn’t actually known that’s what they were doing.
The Rules of the fae were known, but most people just waved them off as myth or a folktale. Not Tommy, but he obviously knew different. So when he was twelve and a boy introduced himself with his full name, Tommy was surprised. How could this kid just give Tommy that power? He told his mother about it when he got home from school, and she told him to never speak to that boy again.
Tommy didn’t listen. He liked the boy, and he wanted to be his friend. They hung out every day at school for weeks without incident. Tommy was overjoyed and glad he ignored his mother, because he really liked this boy. He wouldn’t understand the intensity of that feeling until later, but it wouldn’t end up mattering.
The boys got into a fight one day, and Tommy was upset with letting it sit. After school, his friend tried to ignore him until Tommy finally called out, “Jake, come over here!” And almost instantly, the boy’s feet began to move towards Tommy. Jake was shocked, staring at his feet like they were the reason. But Tommy knew what had happened. He was surprised Jake couldn’t feel it, the pull at the use of his Name.
Tommy ran away right after. He never spoke to Jake again.
He figured out other ways of finding out people’s names without having them directly spoken to him. Listening to roll call during class, peeking at the name written on homework, you name it. So long as they never spoke their name directly to Tommy. It got tricker as he got older and job managers introduced themselves to him, because of course that was common courtesy. He made it work though, and simply just never spoke to his managers after the first meeting.
Then, he got a job at Defy. Frankly, he sort of wished he could use the company owner’s True Name on him because of the poor conditions they had to deal with. But every time he thought about it, he unfortunately had to remind himself that he would be unemployed without this job.
Everyone aside from the company heads were really nice, Tommy came to realize. He only got a direct introduction from Ian, and Tommy would never dare use his True Name, so he somehow was able to actually sit in a room with Ian after their first introduction. Ian was the one who introduced Tommy to everyone else, or otherwise introduced him to someone who could tell him other people’s names.
That was how he met Spencer. Their desks were near each other, seeing as they both worked in the editing bay, and they talked to each other frequently. Tommy didn’t actually know his name until Courtney told him, which was exactly how he liked it. And Spencer never even knew that Tommy hadn’t known his name before that.
Spencer was funny, Tommy came to realize quickly. He had a way of making even the dumbest joke something you want to laugh at so hard you fall out of your chair. Not to mention, he just seemed to care. “Out in space again, Tommy?” Speaking of.
Tommy tilted his head up to see Spencer leaning on his desk. His head was tilted just slightly, a hat almost covering his furrowed brows. “Just a little,” he replied. “Better space than staring at the upload screen all day.” He gestured to his computer where the upload bar had been slowly filling up. Very slowly.
Spencer winced sympathetically. “I feel ya, man. Mine just finished after, like, two hours.”
“I’d be lucky if this takes two hours,” Tommy groaned. “I’ve already been here for an hour and a half. This guy’s not gonna be done by midnight at this rate.” They both turned to the screen, where Tommy’s upload was sitting at a very sad twenty percent. Then he looked at the time and tilted his head back with a groan, letting it fall back past the headrest. He looked at Spencer upside down. “I’m not getting out of here on time.”
Spencer gave a hum and patted Tommy on the head gently. He tried not to pout when Spencer stopped. “There, there.” He said dryly. “I’m sure our lovely company won’t care if you don’t get this one uploaded on schedule.” They waited a beat, then both scoffed.
“I wish.” Tommy rolled his eyes. “You leaving soon, Spencer?” Tommy liked saying Spencer’s name. It rolled off the tongue nicely, and he didn’t have to worry about having a command attached to it. He checked the upload again. Twenty three percent. He was never leaving this building.
He watched Spencer shake his head. “Nah, you’ll be bored if I leave.” Tommy tried not to smile too widely.
“How sweet.” He deadpanned. He tried not to think about what it meant that his sarcasm there wasn’t considered a lie. “What video game are you gonna ask me if I’ve played only for the answer to inevitably be no?” He teased.
Spencer’s face flushed. “I wasn’t gonna do that,” he mumbled. Tommy raised a brow and he caved. “Alright, maybe I was gonna do that. But seriously, man, if you’re gonna stay here all night, I’m not gonna just… leave you alone.”
Tommy softened. “Fine, fine, you can sit with me while I wait. Hopefully it won’t be too long.” Spencer reached over him to knock on the desk twice. Tommy snorted. You’re an idiot, he tried to say. But he knew it was a lie.
Tommy’s friendship with Spencer only got stronger after Defy shut down and Mythical bought Smosh, continuing further after Anthony came back. They grew closer and hung out more outside of work. Tommy tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered every time they interacted. Spencer was definitely not helping with that, as he seemed to love teasing Tommy in such a homoerotic way that he couldn’t tell if it was just teasing anymore.
Pointing it out on shows like Who Meme’d It didn’t seem to deter Spencer at all. In fact, Tommy noticed it seemed to spur him on even more. Even when there were no cameras on or anything. And the odder thing was that Spencer didn’t seem to do it with anyone other than Tommy. Maybe he did when Tommy wasn’t around, but for some reason he doubted that.
He doesn’t get to dwell on it for too long before the skit where Tommy starts to regret everything. It’s a normal shoot so far, and Tommy is getting into place for his part. He and Spencer are playing the parts of an old married couple, which Tommy thought was a little on the nose.
The slate comes up and they start the scene. “Oh dear,” Tommy flails, “what did you say your name was, again?”
Spencer frowns in character. Now, Tommy expects Spencer to say his character’s name. Because that’s what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t expect him to say, “My name’s Spencer Agnew.” They both freeze; Spencer because he just messed up his line, and Tommy because Spencer just gave him his Name.
He can’t hear anything over the rush of power that suddenly pulses through his body. He sways a little and eventually manages to get his mouth moving enough to say “bathroom,” before quickly exiting the set.
He vomits into the toilet bowl again as he finishes recounting the events that led him here. Of all the Names he never wanted, Spencer’s was at the top of that list. It’s been so long since he’s been given someone’s Name, and he would take all the others in the world to never get Spencer’s.
Someone knocks on the bathroom door and Tommy is forced to pull himself out of his spiral. “It’s me.” Courtney calls out. Tommy reaches out just enough to unlock the door. “Brought you something,” they smile gently, holding out a mug for him to take.
He takes it thankfully, feeling the warmth take over his hands. He takes a small sip and pauses in shock. It’s milk and honey. “How did you know?” Tommy rasps.
Courtney closes the bathroom door and leans against it. “I knew someone in high school.” She tells him. “I wasn’t sure until now. Y’know, ‘cause of…” They don’t have to say it. He knows.
“I don’t want it.” Tommy pleads, as if Courtney can do anything.
All they do is look sympathetic. “I know, bud. You have it now, though. There’s nothing you can do.” I can avoid him. Tommy thinks. But he already knows that won’t work.
There’s another knock on the door that proves his point. “Hey, uh, it’s me.” Spencer says from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”
“Leave me alone, Spence.” Tommy groans without thinking. His eyes widen as he realizes his fuck up.
There’s a pause, before, “Courtney? Is that the actual answer?” Tommy snaps his head up to stare at the door. Courtney’s eyes widen as she seems to realize something.
“We’re good for now, Spence,” they tell him. “Tommy’ll come talk to you later, alright?”
Spencer hums. “Yeah, alright. Hope you feel better, man.” Neither of them takes a breath until Spencer’s footsteps fade out.
“Did that-?” Tommy can’t even finish the question. He doesn’t want to be wrong.
Courtney grins. “Nicknames aren’t True Names.” They claim. Tommy blinks at her before he realizes they’re right.
“Nicknames aren’t True Names.” He echoes. Then he laughs. “Holy shit.”
Courtney pats him on the shoulder. “See? You’ll be fine. Now get cleaned up and go tell him you’re not sick and dying.”
Tommy nods slowly, still taking in the past ten minutes. “Alright. Thank you, Court.” He looks to her as he says it. He’s not saying it lightly, and Courtney knows that. She nods and leaves the bathroom, leaving Tommy alone to gather himself before he has to inevitably go talk to Spencer.
Tommy drags his feet as he finally exits the bathroom and walks over to Spencer’s desk. His heart skips a beat as Spencer perks up when he hears Tommy walk towards him. “Hey Tommy, you feeling better?” He asks.
“Yeah,” Tommy nods. “Yeah, I was just- got really nauseous all of a sudden.” Sometimes he really hates not being able to lie.
Spencer gives a jerky nod. “God, now we’re gonna have to do that whole scene over again.” He groans. He tilts back precariously in his chair as he does, and Tommy has to try really hard not to think about it.
“Why’d you mess up the scene?” He can’t help but ask. Because Spencer hadn’t just done a silly little slip up, he used his actual name.
Spencer’s face turns red. “Uh, I just- I dunno. I was in a meeting right before that, guess I got mixed up.” He sits back upright in his chair, scratching his neck. Tommy squints at him. They both know he’s lying, but for some reason Spencer won’t let up on this one.
“Alright, Spence, whatever you say.” Tommy decides to let it go. It’s not like he knows what the truth could be, so what does it really matter? Spencer blinks at him for a moment before humming and going back to work. Tommy takes that as his cue to walk away, hiding a sigh of relief as he does.
Nothing changes after Tommy is given Spencer’s Name. They keep up with the jokes and their overall friendship. If anything, Tommy seems to see more of Spencer now. Like right now, he muses as Spencer walks over to his desk. “Hey, Spence.” Tommy greets him. Spencer smiles and nods at him in greeting but doesn’t say anything more. Tommy frowns. “Did you need something?”
He shrugs. “Nah, not really.” Tommy hums and goes back to what he was doing. He feels a little tense with Spencer staring over his shoulder. “You wanna hang out this weekend?” Spencer blurts out eventually.
“Of course I do.” Tommy answers without a beat. He pauses typing to look at Spencer sideways. “What did you have in mind, bub?” It’s been odd, only referring Spencer by nicknames, but he thinks he’s adjusted to it nicely.
Spencer, however, flounders at the nickname. Tommy watches his face turn red as he splutters. “Uh, I dunno, actually. I was just sorta thinking we’d, uh- yeah.” Tommy grins slyly but doesn’t laugh. Spencer huffs and grabs at his jacket sleeve. “Video games at my place?” He asks.
Tommy lets his grin slip to a gentle smile. “Yeah, that sounds great. What time were you thinkin’?”
He shrugs. “Seven?” Tommy nods. “Cool, alright. I’ll uh, let you get back to work then.” Spencer stutters out before he leaves. Tommy can only blink as he watches Spencer go. He’s never really seen Spencer act like this. All flustered and hesitant. He shrugs it off and goes back to work.
Courtney corners Tommy at the end of the day on Friday. He isn’t sure why until he realizes that he’s been staring at Spencer all day. “What’cha thinkin’ about, bud?” Courtney asks him. Tommy opens his mouth and then closes it when nothing comes out. He frowns at himself. Courtney grins smugly. “You were gonna lie to me.” Tommy folds his arms and sticks his nose up instead of trying to speak again. “C’mon, you can tell me.”
Tommy huffs, looking away as Courtney tries to puppy-dog their way into an answer. “It’s nothing im-” his mouth practically glues itself shut after that. Okay, fine, maybe it’s important. Maybe Tommy’s been stressing about hanging out with Spencer all week. But Courtney doesn’t need to know that.
They seem to realize that he won’t let up and she sighs. “Alright, fine. Just know I’m always here for you, alright?”
Tommy smiles at her gently. “I know, Court.” They nod and stare at him for one more second until Shayne walks past them to the exit, and she runs to catch up with him. Tommy leans his head against the wall and sighs before walking towards his car.
Tommy knocks on the door and waits for Spencer to answer, leaning on the door frame. Spencer opens the door a moment later and grins. “Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here.” He greets Tommy.
Tommy laughs. “But of course.” He says back in an accent. “And what’s on the schedule today, good sir?”
Spencer steps to the side to let Tommy into his apartment. “Co-op games and a movie, of course.” They slip into a familiar groove, moving to Spencer’s couch and setting up a game to play. Tommy sits on one end of the couch and Spencer sits on the other. Somehow, they both move closer until they’re sitting right next to each other.
Spencer doesn’t seem to notice, but Tommy’s heart is beating out of his chest. Spencer’s knee keeps knocking against his every time either of them moves with their controller. Tommy’s character dies on screen and he throws his hands up. Spencer stays focused on the screen, moving his character around quickly until he finally beats the boss.
Spencer jumps up from the couch in excitement, and Tommy just about joins him. “Nice one, Spence!” He cheers. Spencer falters for a moment and sits back down. Tommy blinks at him, not understanding what just happened.
“Why do you keep doing that?” He asks quietly. They haven’t paused the game, so the game music keeps playing in the background.
Tommy tilts his head. “Doing what?”
Spencer sets his controller down. “You keep- you haven’t said my name in weeks.” Shit. He thought Spencer hadn’t noticed that.
“You don’t like the nicknames?” He tries to tease. As long as he avoids the question, he’ll never have to answer it.
Spencer’s face turns red. “That’s not the point, man,” he mumbles. “You just- why’d you stop saying my name?”
Tommy laughs nervously. “Why’s it matter? I use nicknames more than people’s names all the time.” And it was true. Even if he doesn’t have their Names, he’s made it a habit to avoid using them when he can. Well, except for-
“Not me.” Spencer argues. And he’s right. “You use my name all the time.” They’re too close, Tommy realizes suddenly. Spencer is leaning into Tommy’s space, crowding him against the couch armrest. He leans away for a moment and whispers, “it felt more special than the nicknames.”
“Well, maybe I just wanted to start using more nicknames for you, bub.” His voice cracks on the name. It’s a very poorly hidden half-truth.
Spencer huffs frustratedly and stands up from the couch. “I just want you to be honest, Tommy.” The command strikes something in Tommy. Spencer doesn’t mean it, he knows he doesn’t, and it shouldn’t matter because Spencer doesn’t have his Name. But Tommy’s hackles rise anyway.
“I don’t have to tell you. There could be no reason for it.” Tommy argues. His hands grip tightly onto the blanket that Spencer gave him.
Spencer’s eyebrows furrow at his aggression. “But we both know there is, man. Why won’t you just tell me?”
Tommy’s asked himself that question before. He knows why, obviously. Explaining why he no longer uses Spencer’s name would mean telling Spencer that he was fae. “Have you ever considered I don’t want you to know?” He bites out. Spencer flinches back.
“No,” he says quietly. “I haven’t.” Tommy feels so guilty so suddenly. “And I thought, y’know, if it was what I thought, then there’d be no reason to keep it from me. ‘Cause like, what other reason is there?” His voice cracks at the end, and Tommy only just notices that Spencer’s been pacing this whole time.
“What did you think it was?” Tommy can’t help but ask.
Spencer stares at him for a moment. Then, without saying anything, he walks up to the couch and kisses Tommy on the lips. Tommy freezes before leaning into it, letting go of the blanket in favor of grabbing Spencer’s jacket. It’s gentle, so gentle, and they kiss leisurely for a few seconds more before Spencer lets go. “Was I right?” He rasps.
Tommy goes to reply, opening his mouth only for nothing to come out. Yes, he wants to say. He wants to say yes so badly. But he can’t, because the question was if Spencer was right about that being his reasoning for the excess nicknames. Spencer’s face drops the longer it takes for Tommy to respond.
He huffs, pushing away from the couch. “Right, okay. Well then what the hell is it?” Tommy sits up, still mesmerized by the feel of Spencer’s lips on his. “Because I can’t think of anything else anymore. And- and listen, we can just forget about that, alright? ‘Cause clearly, I was wrong. I just-” he throws his arms up. Tommy stays frozen. “What the hell is it about nicknames that you feel like you can’t tell me?”
“Spencer,” Tommy finally speaks. It’s a mix of exhaustion and anger. Not at Spencer – never at Spencer – but rather at this stupid situation as a whole. He’s so angry and exhausted that he doesn’t even realize what he’s saying. “Be quiet.”
Spencer’s mouth clicks shut. His eyes widen and he looks down at his own mouth. Tommy’s heart starts beating rapidly in his chest. No. Spencer’s eyes turn to Tommy, but whatever other emotions are on his face aren’t what Tommy sees. All Tommy can see is fear. Spencer is scared of him. He jumps up off the couch and practically bolts out of Spencer’s apartment.
He’s halfway down the block when he remembers he drove to Spencer’s apartment. His car is probably sitting hopelessly in the parking lot while Tommy pants for breath on the sidewalk. He leans against whatever building he’s by to take a breath. As he finally starts calming down, his phone starts ringing. He ignores it, because he knows it’s probably Spencer. He can probably speak again by now, but that only means the first words out of his mouth will be that he never wants to see Tommy again.
He lets the call ring out only for it to immediately start ringing again. He sighs and pulls out his phone, blinking at it when he sees Courtney’s name on the screen. Without thinking, he answers. “Hey,” he rasps out, his voice scratchy from running.
“There you are,” Courtney sighs, clearly relieved. “Spencer called me all worried ‘cause you ran out- what happened?”
Tommy inhales sharply. “He didn’t tell you?”
He can hear her shake her head on the other side of the call. “Not really. He said you guys got into an argument.”
“He uh,” Tommy swallows, “he kissed me and then I used his Name on him?”
Courtney is silent for a moment. “Huh. Okay. Well, one thing at a time. Did you like the kiss?”
Tommy doesn’t have to think about it. “Yeah. I- I really did, Court.”
They hum. “Okay, then what’s up with the Name?”
“He realized I was only using nicknames for him,” Tommy explains. His eyes start to burn as he recounts the events. “And I- I couldn’t just tell him, but he kept pushing so I-” he clenches his jaw shut as a tear falls down his face.
“So you told him to stop asking.” Courtney finishes. Tommy gives a hum as confirmation. “Well, you gotta go back at some point. Are you gonna tell him?”
He lets out a wet breath. “Does he even wanna see me? I just forced his mouth shut, Court.”
“He’s worried about you.” They counter. “I bet he doesn’t even know what happened. You just gotta talk to him, bud.”
Tommy takes in a deep breath and sighs. “Okay,” he says shakily. “I’ll- I’ll talk to him.”
He can almost hear Courtney’s smile. “Good. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”
“Okay, bye Court.” He hangs up and stares out at the street blankly. Then, he starts walking back the way he came.
Tommy barely knocks on the door once before it opens. Spencer stares at him wide-eyed before it falls to relief. Tommy tries not to flinch as Spencer grabs his arm, dragging him into the apartment. “Jesus, man, I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour. Where the hell did you go? I didn’t think it was that bad.” Spencer rambles, trailing off with a nervous laugh.
“It wasn’t.” Tommy tells him. He feels awkward, standing in Spencer’s living room after having run out.
“Oh.” Spencer blinks. “Well, then what was it?” His arms are folded, but that doesn’t hide the way his fingers are tapping against his arm quickly.
Tommy takes a deep breath, then gestures to the couch for them to sit. Once they’re both seated, he takes another breath. “What do you know about fae?” He asks Spencer, looking him in the eye. He can’t bring himself to look anywhere else.
Spencer scrunches up his eyebrows. “You mean the folktale? I mean, I know the basic stuff.”
“Okay,” Tommy nods. He still can’t believe he’s doing this. “Now, take all that you know, and apply it to me.”
Spencer frowns. “What? The hell does that have to do with…” he trails off as he seems to realize. Tommy holds his breath. “Holy shit, man.” He doesn’t expect Spencer to break out into a grin. “That’s awesome.”
Tommy rolls his eyes. “Yeah, awesome. It’s not like I just forced you to shut up after not being able to tell you I liked kissing you or anything.”
“That’s what happened?” Spencer asks quietly. Tommy forces himself to watch Spencer’s face shift through almost every emotion possible. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Spencer, I have your Name.” Tommy tries to stress it as much as he can. “I could tell you to do anything I wanted and you’d be powerless to stop it. Is it really so surprising that I decided not to risk that?”
He isn’t sure how much the urgency passes through, because Spencer just grins at him. “You seemed just fine using it right now.”
Tommy blinks slowly. He hadn’t even realized he’d done that. “Oh.” He mumbles.
Spencer snorts. “Yeah, dumbass. That’s so like you, worrying over nothing.” He teases. Tommy rolls his eyes and stifles a laugh. Spencer leans into Tommy’s space, a sly grin on his face. “So, you liked kissing me, did you?”
Tommy grins back. “I did.” Spencer nods, and without a second thought, the two of them are kissing again. It’s longer and slower, but no less gentle than before. They both pull away smiling. “Still do.”
Spencer laughs and leans into Tommy’s side, snuggling up against him on the couch. “Good,” he mumbles sleepily. “Hope you still like it tomorrow.”
Tommy can only look down at Spencer fondly, watching his eyes droop closed as he curls closer into Tommy’s side. “I will.”