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Language:
English
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Published:
2026-02-09
Words:
758
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
5
Kudos:
26
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179

Jesper is an ipad kid

Summary:

Six of Crows au where everything is the same but Jesper uses a bunch of slang/brainrot terms to the point that no one can understand him. It pisses Kaz tf off.

Notes:

Got peer pressured into making my first fic by the people of pinterest lmao. Not planning on writing any more chapters.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Inej leaned back onto the window sill, her eyes wandering to the pointy gabled roofs that outlined a setting sun. Kaz had invited her and Jesper, who was now sitting on the floor against the door frame while boredly flipping his guns around, to his office to discuss a new plan to jump some high ranking member of the Razergulls.
“...and if that doesn’t work, I need Jesper to grab Hooks from beh-”
“Wait, are you for real?” Jesper put his guns down and looked Kaz straight in the eye. “He’s literally a big back!”
Confusion mixed with horror washed over Kaz’s face while Inej turned to stare at Jesper in equal bewilderment. What in all the saints did he just say?
Jesper raised his hands up in fake surrender, “WHAT? I’m just speaking facts, no cap.”
“That doesn’t even… nevermind,” Kaz gave Jesper a hard look before moving on. “Yes, if we can’t get him to pay the ransom, I need you to grab Hooks from behind so I can slug him.”
Jesper folded his arms and stared at the ground like a pouting child for the rest of the meeting. Inej didn’t know exactly how long it lasted, but the moon was definitely up when they descended into the streets.
They walked in silence for a few blocks, the sound of rowdy partygoers floating up from the Staves. Inej slowed into step with Jesper, who had trailed behind her and Kaz since they left.
“So what was that about?”
“W-D-Y-M?” He pronounced each letter on its own like he was sounding it out.
“...that.”
“I aint the weird one here, yall are,” he turned his face up to the lamp-light as if about to say something meaningful but stayed silent. Inej took that as her cue to leave and hurried back up to Kaz.

***

“You know the deal, Hooks.” Kaz spoke in that cold voice the Barrel had come to know as Dirtyhands. Cruel, ruthless, and definitely not above beating people half to death if they don’t pay their debts on time.
Jesper squared his shoulders and hooked Hooks’ arms behind his back. The Razergull was at least twice his weight and looked twice as tough, but together Kaz and Jesper wouldn’t have a problem. Inej was mostly there to keep lookout for anybody who got wise and moral support.
I’ll spare you the bloody details, but a few minutes later Hooks was moaning on the ground with more than a few broken bones. Jesper and Kaz stood over him catching their breath and congratulating themselves.
“I think this was a very sigma mission,” Jesper suddenly said
“What does that even mean?” Kaz’s voice had a hint of desperation.
“You just wouldn’t understand it, twin.”
“Just wouldn’t understand what? What are you hiding? What does it mean?” Kaz was fully facing Jesper now.
“Woah woah woah, one at a time fam,” Jesper took a step back, revealing himself in the street light.
When Inej glanced into the crowd, her blood ran cold. Four figures clad in purple uniforms and guns slung across their shoulders were pushing through the crowd. Stadwatch. “Hey guys? This seems like a really important argument but it's time to go. Now.”
They got the message. All three took off down the opposite side of the alley and sank into the shadows, hurrying along behind street vendors and drunk partiers who had been kicked out of their bars. Kaz still seemed to be whispering at Jesper, who replied with things like “holy crashout” and “it’s not that deep!”
After running down a series of winding allies, they seem to have lost the stadwatch. Kaz, Jesper and Inej now lay panting next to some kitchen’s dumpster, still steaming hot from the night's cooking.
“Ok. You’re really going to explain this now.” Kaz turned on Jesper, cornering him into the dumpster.
“Come on! This is not skibidi of you,” Jesper crossed his arms and leaned backwards.
“WHAT in the world does skibidi mean??” Kaz growled, clicking his cane against the cobblestones.
“Uh…” Jesper suddenly seemed nervous. “Yeah I don’t think you want to know that.”
“Well stop speaking in riddles! No one can understand you,” suddenly he gave a rough sigh. “We’re going back to the Slat. If I hear you say a single word we can’t understand on the way back, I’m locking you out.”
Jesper glared at Kaz but nodded, falling into step with Inej. All Saints, please say he isn’t cursed or something she thought as they slunk into the warm night.

Notes:

BTW: Hooks is a made up character! He does not exist in the SoC universe!!