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"In the warehouse that served as the Straw Hats' base of operations, the new normal was complete chaos. The expanded Straw Hat Crew ran rampant, unchecked. Usopp, Luffy, and Franky were playing sumo with Clayface, Solomon Grundy, and Jinbei. Zoro was training with car-sized slabs of metal while Jack, the boy they'd saved, hung around and trained nearby.
Volcana, Cheetah, Ace, Harley, Nico Robin, and Nami sat together at a table, being served heavenly desserts, sandwiches, and tea and coffee by Sanji. They chatted about criminal politics, science, and the latest TV shows until one girl made an offhand remark.
"Sanji, goddamn your food is soooo good. But hell, you have to do something about how fattening it is," Volcana said, tempering her compliment with a backhand criticism.
Sanji recoiled, confused by the complaint. "That is odd. My cooking should have prevented that."
The girls—Harley, Volcana, and Cheetah—exchanged collective side-eyes, equally confused.
"Wat da yous mean by that?" Harley asked.
Sanji stood up straight, puffing his chest out, ready to explain his legendary cooking, born from years of study and refinement. "You see, ladies, my cooking is not only prepared to ensure you don't exceed your daily caloric needs; the meals are packed with nutrients designed to stimulate the hormone glands in your body. Even if you sat down and ate nothing but my food, you would not gain weight, and your body would develop into its peak form. This is what is called ATTACK CUISINE!"
Cheetah's eyes widened. "Wait, so your cooking causes the body to produce more hormones? I'm not even going to ask how, but have you always been doing this?"
Nami chimed in, "Yep! My chest grew by 10cm since I got back, and my hips got fuller too."
Robin smirked slightly. "Fufufu. His cooking has even cleared some imperfections in my skin."
Volcana and Cheetah looked at Nami and Robin's tight, taut midsections and were even more confused. "But why is his cooking causing us to gain weight?"
Chopper appeared mid-conversation. "I think I can explain."
---
The girls and Sanji were now in Chopper's doctor's office with Luffy, who was chewing on a slab of bone-in meat, half-listening to Chopper's upcoming explanation.
"Now, as you all know, the other Straw Hats are from another universe," Chopper began. "Both universes have humans, but the humans in our world and yours are very different. Humans where we're from have many tribes: the Long Arm tribe, Long Neck tribe, Long Leg tribe. Their names are fairly obvious. Even without these tribes, humans can grow to about 29 feet tall. The tallest human in this world is about 9 feet tall."
"29 FEET TALL!" Cheetah cried out.
"We also have similar blood types: A, B, AB, O—positive and O-negative. We have F, S, X, and XF. Interestingly, from our tests, A can transfuse to X, F to B, S to O, and AB to XF."
Chopper continued, "But that is not the only difference. You see, Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji are normal humans in our world."
Volcana was incredulous. "Normal? Zoro can out-muscle Grundy, and Sanji—I've seen him do things only the Flash could do. And Luffy..." She watched as Luffy twisted his body while Sanji gazed at Volcana with heart eyes.
"Right. However, this was achieved purely through training—except for Luffy's rubber powers. Humans in our world, with enough training and willpower, can accomplish amazing things," Chopper explained.
"Gramps can chuck cannonballs the size of mountains," Luffy claimed casually while picking his nose.
The girls looked at Sanji and Chopper. A deafening silence fell as no one could quite believe that statement, though it was terrifyingly plausible. Sanji broke the silence. "Yes, that happened."
"A couple of years back, we were on islands where a pirate had floated them miles into the air for about 20 years. The civilians he had enslaved grew feathers on their arms and could even fly with them—simply because they willed themselves to fly," Chopper continued.
Cheetah struggled to understand. "How is that even possible for a human body to do that?"
"Okay, Chopper—fine. What's your point?" Volcana pressed.
"Right. I believe your current situation is because your hormones work differently from ours. You see, our estrogen and testosterone are so potent that at high enough doses, they can actually create female and male genitalia," Chopper explained.
Cheetah, the most biology-minded of the group, balked at this statement. "That is absolutely impossible. To generate mass and tissue... the human body should not be able to do that."
"Yes, it's quite common for our bodies to do this," Chopper said matter-of-factly. He retrieved a pair of pincers. "Luffy, would you mind providing one of your teeth?"
"Sure, Chopper." Luffy reached into his mouth and ripped out a tooth.
"JESUS!" the women of this world cried in unison.
"Now, drink this," Chopper said, handing Luffy a white drink in a glass.
Luffy gulped it down in one shot, and slowly, his tooth grew back.
"So what was that—a hormone drink? Fluoride? Some tooth-growth solution?" one of the girls asked.
"Milk," Chopper replied flatly.
"...What?" the girls said, their spirits breaking.
"Plain old normal milk from a dairy cow."
"...WHAT?"
"The strength of our hormones makes this possible. Sanji's cooking balance is perfect for male and female crew members, enhancing our growth without hindering it. But you ladies are feeling the effects of too much estrogen. You're not gaining weight so much as your bodies are becoming softer—or more accurately, the fat in your bodies is being redistributed to unwanted places."
"So Nami and Robin's fat is going to their tits and ass, while ours is going everywhere else?" Volcana exploded.
"And since testosterone makes men stronger and tougher, they haven't felt the negative effects," Chopper confirmed.
"Basically, yes—to a point. When it comes to hormones, women got the short end of the stick. I noticed the changes in your bodies. I wanted to complete my tests before confirming anything. What is theory without data?"
Sanji straightened up, determined. "Don't worry, ladies. I'm going to balance your meals with this new information."
And so the women of this Earth learned, even the cooking of the Straw Hat Pirates defies reality.