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It was a dark and stormy night.
It was a dark and stormy morning.
It was a dark mor- OH, FUCK THIS, IT’S THE SPECTRE’S REALM, YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
Azure woke up to the sound of yelling and something being thrown into the lake.
They also found themselves on the floor of their- cabin?
The Spectre messing around with the layout of the killer cabins wasn’t new, but waking up somewhere different was always jarring.
“I-1SN’T TH@T A-A LITTL3 O-OVER-ER-DR@MATIC?!”
(It’s a PERFECTLY RATIONAL response!)
”Grrrr…” (Slasher, when the king of drama himself is questioning it…)
“Th@t’s th3 3M-EMPER0R-OR 0F DRAM-AMA T0 Y0U!”
(Shut up. You two better not say ANYTHING to the others, or else.)
“Rrrrh?” (Or else what?)
(Nerfs all across the board.)
“G0t-t 1t.”
(I’m gonna go wake the others up. Keep quiet.)
“Mhhr.” (Looks like we’ve got one already.)
Slasher’s head snapped over to a cabin, where Azure was walking out the door.
“Good morning, what’s going on?”
(Nothing. Absolutely nothing.)
Noli and Guest 666 just nodded, trying their best to act normally.
That wouldn't have worked in any other circumstance, given that the killers’ “normal” state was screaming at each other or fighting each other, but Azure wasn’t awake enough to notice.
(…In fact, I was just about to make pancakes, and all of you are just in time to help.)
“This is the WORST DAY of my LIFE!!!”
“Graah?” (Spill orange juice on your notes again, Doe?)
“No! Worse! My round this afternoon got cancelled because-”
“We get it! The Spectre’s a little bitch! Now shut up!”
“1x, you are NOT making this better…”
“That’s my job.”
Azure and Noli were watching this go down like it was reality TV.
At least, one of them was.
Noli was staring at the wall, seemingly entranced by the cracked beige paint.
“Are you ok?”
“Wh@- y-y3ah-h, uh-huh, 1’m g00d, $or-orry.”
As Azure was facing the wall, he noticed something was off.
“Wasn’t there a calendar there?”
“1- uh- h@ve n0-o clu3 what-t y0u’re t@-talking ab0ut.”
Azure looked at Noli, expecting him to burst out laughing, or pull the missing calendar out from under the table, but he was dead serious about this.
After a few tense moments, Noli broke the silence:
“H3y-y, k1nda r@-ando-om, but-”
“Since when were you ever concerned with being too random?”
“G00d po-po1nt. @nyways, uh-h, d0 y-you wanna-na c0me ov3r to-o my c@bin-n t0 hang-ang out t0night? 1 c@n c00k d1nn-inner for us.”
Noli seemed nervous, which was never a good sign.
“Is this the setup for a prank?”
“N0! 3spe-ecially n-not a-@fter la$t t-t1me!”
“Oh, come on! That was just a knee-jerk reaction!”
“T3ll-ll th@t t0-o my fr@ct-actured $kull!!!”
Neither of them were taking this conversation seriously at this point, but unfortunately, they had to get back on track quickly.
(Azure, your round’s in 30 seconds!)
“Shoot, I lost track of time.”
“Uhhh-hh- m33t me @t my c@bin, 6:30?”
“Sure.”
While Azure was busy committing murder, Noli had time to prepare.
First step:
A source of fire.
This was probably the easiest step, as there was always a pyromaniac within walking distance of the main cabin.
Noli flung open the door to C00lkidd’s cabin, where the child was sitting on the floor, drawing a portrait of a pizza bot sitting in front of him.
“K1dd, I’m-m g0nn-na n33d $om3 match3-atches.”
C00lkidd didn’t look up from his drawing, saying:
“Matches? I don’t have any.”
“1 kn0w-w you’r3 l-ly-ly1ng.”
“I don’t have any!!!”
“I w-won’t t3|l $l-lash3r.”
C00lkidd sighed, and pointed to the bottom drawer of his dresser.
“They’re in there, just don’t take ‘em all.”
Even if he’d wanted to, Noli wouldn'tve been able to take all of them, given that the whole drawer was filled with matchboxes.
He took one, leaving with both a box of matches, and the knowledge that C00lkidd’s cabin was most likely going to burn down within the next two weeks.
Actually, make that one week.
Next objective:
Food
Instant Ramen would be appropriate, right?
Candles
He actually already had some, from the time he, Guest 666, 1x, and C00lkidd made a fake sacrificial altar in the basement from Halloween. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to complete it after Azure walked in looking for a shovel, and promptly had a panic attack. Weird response, but ok.
So, Noli found himself standing in front of the garden, debating whether or not flowers would be a little too on the nose.
“Do you need anything?”
Azure had come back from his round, holding some barbed wire.
“N@h, uh-h- wh@t-t’s that-at f0r?”
“1x keeps trying to eat my plants. Last night I caught them chomping on the Datura.”
“W@IT, 1SN’T-NT TH@T TH3 $-SH1T THAT-AT MAK3S Y0U-U TR-RI-RIP BA||S AND D1E? H0W ARE-RE TH3Y $TILL AL1VE?!”
“Pure hatred and determination.”, said 1x, who had been hiding behind the rose bushes, eating Hyacinths and Belladonnas like they were candy.
“Oh my fucking- WHY?!”
1x started laughing:
“It tastes good, and it pisses you off.”
“You- you know what- get oblationed!”
“THAT’S NOT EVEN GRAMMATI-”
1x was cut off by the Rhododendrons, which had somehow gained a mind of their own and were attempting to hold them down as Azure rushed in for the kill.
(Actually, it IS grammatically correct, and what the hell are you guys doing?!)
Slasher had appeared, ready to raging pace + gashing wound the shit out of everyone there.
“THEY ATE MY FLOWERS!!!”
“Y3-yeah, they st@rt-arted 1t.”
(Noli, you vouching for him makes me believe it LESS.)
“F1ne-ine, th3n @zure $tarted it!”
(Not how it works. Azure, let go of 1x right now, so I can go back to sleep.)
“Very considerate of you…”
(Oh, do you just WANT to die?!)
“Die? What about this makes you think I’m going to die?!”
“Y0u’re b3i-ing 3@ten al1ve-ive by fl0w-ow3r$.”
“I DIDN’T ASK YOU!!!”
“Slasher, can I snap their neck now?”
Slasher didn’t respond, and cut right to the chase. Actually, it’d be more accurate to say that he chased right to the cut, as he proceeded to sprint over to Azure and 1x, and began slicing indiscriminately. When all was said and done, 1x was freed from the vines, and one of Azure’s tentacles was freed from the rest of their body.
1x1x1x1 ran away, and Slasher turned around, starting to walk back to his cabin.
“Excuse me?!”
(What?)
Azure gestured towards the tentacle lying on the ground.
(Just use one of your herbal remedies or something!)
“There aren’t any herbs that help with missing LIMBS.”
Slasher just shrugged, and walked away, mumbling something under his breath.
With how often the killers get into completely unnecessary fights, you would've thought there’d be a first aid kit somewhere in one of the cabins, but The Spectre has a strange aversion to caring about the most important things when it comes to giving supplies to the killers.
There was only one other option, which was almost worse than having to deal with grievous injuries on your own.
Asking John Doe for help.
Azure didn’t even bother with knocking, he just stumbled straight through the door of Doe’s cabin, almost tripping on a stack of papers right near the doorway.
John Doe, who was sitting at a desk, surrounded by binders and notebooks, turned around, with a smile on his face.
“Today is the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!”
“Less than half an hour ago you said today was the worst day of your life-”
“THEY MADE ANOTHER WIKI!!!”
Great. This meant he would be talking non-stop about whatever the fuck was on the new wiki for the next few days, or even weeks.
“Ok, nice, but, is there any way you could help me with this?”
Azure held out his wounded tentacle, and the detached segment, blood still dripping from it.
“It’s not supposed to be like that, right?”
“No, it’s not. Has the wiki taught you literally anything about how to put it back on?”
“Hmmmm- Actually, I might have an idea. Get on the bed, and I’ll take a closer look at the wound.”
“...in other news, it looks like Noli vandalized his page again, because now it’s claiming he was an ancient being who was some kind of shady performer, and that he inspired 007n7…”
“Can you please hurry and bandage me up or something?”
“That’s not gonna work. I’m going to need to operate.”
“Operate?”
Suddenly, something sharp pierced Azure’s back, bringing out some of their worst memories-
And it all went dark.
“Can we meet up at the flower field after dark? I have something I need to tell you.”
“Of course! Is it something urgent, I have time now-”
“No, no, I just want a little privacy.”
“Two Time! I told you to get a bucket of water 10 minutes ago!”
“Sorry, sorry, I’ll get to it!”
Two Time turned back to Azure.
”See you then?”
“See you then, my nightshade.”
His bags had been packed, he’d plotted out where they should’ve gone next, they both could’ve started a new life, a second life away from the cult-
But every time, they convinced him to stay a little longer.
Azure made his way up to the field, only after he was sure everyone else was asleep.
The nightshades were blooming. Their deadly flowers were finally ready for the whole world to see.
Wouldn’t it be better if people were that way?
If you could see it coming, identify who was dangerous, and who to trust?
Then again, that would never work. No matter how many warnings you give, someone will come along who thinks that the nightshade’s fruits taste sweet.
Someone will fall for it.
“‘Times? Are you there?”
Azure got no response, but he could’ve sworn he heard someone praying behind him.
Before they were able to turn around, someone pounced on them, driving a dagger into his back.
Somehow, the blade wasn’t as much of a shock to Azure as seeing who his attacker was.
“What have you done…?”
“I’m sorry.”
Two Time appeared to be crying, but it was hard to tell in the dark.
It felt as if time had stopped, or maybe Azure’s brain was beginning to shut down.
As Two Time prepared to finish him off, all of the thoughts running through Azure’s mind seemed to converge, consciousness fading away.
All that remained were three words, repeating over and over:
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you
I love you
I love you
Iloveyou
Iloveyou
Iloveyou
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouvIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou
I loved you.
The grass and flowers covering the ground Azure rested on turned into a mattress and comforter.
“Oh, you’re awake!”
John Doe was standing by the bed, wearing a surgical mask and stethoscope for some reason.
Azure just stared at him, trying to process what had happened while he was out.
“Shit, did the anesthetic give you brain damage? Can you hear me?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. What did you inject me with, anyways?”
“Waitwaitwait, before you question me, I just wanna say that the surgery was a success. Mostly.”
That last word did absolutely nothing to calm Azure’s fears:
“Mostly?!”
“Well, you’re fine, I just miscalculated the dosage of the anesthetic.”
“What time is it?”
“6:18.”
“What did you even give me?”
John Doe glanced around the room nervously, as if he was looking for a way out, before answering:
“I don’t really know.”
“So you just injected me with some mystery chemical and hoped it would work? Who gave it to you?”
“I actually synthesized it myself in the basement a few days ago, but I don’t remember what I put in it.”
Azure sighed.
“So this is why Slasher was so worried about you watching Breaking Bad…”
About 10 minutes later, Azure was praying to absolutely nobody, because he doesn’t believe that god exists anymore, that when he opened this door there wouldn’t be a random food item immediately thrown at his head.
Thankfully, there were no ballistic egg missiles waiting for them, probably thanks to the fact that Slasher decided to keep them in a lockbox in the fridge after the last incident.
Noli teleported to the door, even though it would’ve taken him less than 5 seconds to walk there.
“Wel-elcom3 to my h0u$e, @s you-ou can s33, 1’ve knock3d-ocked ov3r m@ny cha-cha1rs, beca-cau$e 1 get s0 tilt-t1lted @t th3 tower-ower$.”
Azure looked around the cabin, extremely confused.
“There aren’t any chairs knocked over in here.”
“1 k33p for-orgett1ng y0u don’t-on’t get tho$e ref3ren-ferences, 1’ll hav3 t0 sh-show you l@ter. C’m0n 1n, ever-eryth1ng’$ r3ady for-or u$.”
Noli led the other killer to a table set for two.
“BRB, 1 gott@ g0 g-g3t the f00d.”
He teleported away, giving Azure the chance to inspect the table for any traps. Not like they’re paranoid or anything, just- better safe than sorry, right?
He didn’t find anything of note, except for Noli’s weird decorating choices.
Candles? Are the lights not working?
Noli used this as an opportunity to calm down before he did anything stupid.
You got this, remember the plan?
…
Wait, did I have a plan?
…
Dammit, time for plan B:
Fuck it, we ball.
Noli grabbed a root beer from the fridge, and took the bowls of instant ramen from the counter.
What’s his favorite soda again- fuck I should’ve asked him- I’ll bring one of each, just in case.
Meanwhile, back at Noli’s cabin, Azure was starting to worry if he was ever coming back. Was this just some kind of cruel prank?
Suddenly, Noli appeared in the chair in front of him, holding two bowls of ramen. He snapped his fingers, and a few cans of soda fell down onto the table, seemingly out of nowhere.
Except for one, which plummeted all the way to the floor, breaking open in the process.
“...fu¢k, th3re-ere g0es th3 w1tch-itches’ br3w-”
“I’ll pick it up-”
“N0, 1’ll g3t it-t l@ter!”
Noli motioned to the drinks in front of him.
“P1ck @ car-ard, any c@rd- ju$t n0t th3 r00t be-beer, th@t on3’s m1ne.”
Azure hesitated for a moment, causing Noli to- panic?
“Unl3$-less y0u w@nt th-that 0ne!”
“I’m alright, can I have the Fizzly?”
“Gr3at ch-ch0ice!”
Noli threw the rest of the cans onto the couch, making room on the table for the food.
“@lright-ight, 0n our m3nu tod-oday w3 hav3 r@men, a-and ram-amen.”
“Quite the selection.”
“Y3ah, 0ne’s in-n @ r3d bow-owl, th3 othe-ther on3’s 1n a wh1te-ite b0wl, on3’s poi-poi$oned, th3-”
“WHAT?!”
Azure jumped up from his chair, ready to get the fuck out of there.
“¢@LM D0W-OWN! 1T’S JU$T @ J-JOK3! 1F I W3RE AC-ACTUA-A||Y TRY1NG-ING T0 K1LL Y0U, 1 W0ULD-OULDN’TVE M3NT1ONED-ENTIONED 1T!!!”
“What if you’re using reverse psychology on me?!”
“Wh@t 1f it’s R3VER-ER$3-rev3r-erse-p$ych0lo-logy?”
“I don’t think you’ve ever thought that far ahead before.”
“L00k, 1f y0u d13-ie fr0m thi$, y0u h@ve-ave perm-erm1$$ion t0 k1ll m3 onc3 y0u re-re$pawn.”
Azure decided to take the risk. Noli wasn’t acting too suspicious about all of this, but then again, what kind of person invites their friend to a candlelit instant ramen dinner?
The answer was sitting right in front of them, staring at him while he was trying to eat.
“Do you need something?”
Noli pointed to Azure’s bowl, and asked:
“H0w 1$-s it?”
“Well, the broth-to-noodle ratio’s perfect.”
“1 kn0w-ow, wh3n 1$n’t my c00-ook1ng p3rfect?”
“Let me guess, is this your third attempt?”
“F0urth-ourth,” Noli sighed, “but y0u d1dn’t n33d to-o kn-know th@t.”
“Sorry! It- uh- you got it right in the end, and that’s what counts, I think?”
“T3ll th@t to Gu-u3st 666, they’re-re g0nna k1ll my @ss-s wh3n they-ey f1nd 0ut 1 wasted-t3d f0ur d@ys-s w0rth-th 0f the1r lun-unch.”
“I’m still not playing “Never Gonna Give You Up” at your funeral.”
“1 gue-ue$s 1’m n0t dy-y1ng, th-then.”
The rest of the dinner went relatively okay, but Azure couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. He couldn’t help but look at every minor detail, to see if anything was out of place.
Was there anything in his drink?
No.
His food?
Also no.
Were there any of John Doe’s mysterious basement chemicals hidden somewhere?
Not a trace.
Wait, why were the napkins folded into little origami hearts?
Ok, what the hell?
Is he trying to mess with me or something? I mean, he would probably do that, he might just be hitting on me as a joke again. But usually it’s more obvious- should I say something?!
They didn’t have time to question Noli’s motives just yet.
“H3y, d0 y-you w@n-anna $tay f0r @ whil-ile? 1 fin-inally g0t M1necr-in3craft t0 work-rk w1th 2 pl@yers ag@in.”
There was no way in hell this was a good idea.
“Sure, why not?”
I gotta lock the fuck in, Noli thought to himself.
He’d gotten this far, but he just couldn’t spit it out already! It didn’t help that Azure was still as oblivious as ever! So much for his (nonexistent) plan…
“Why-y d0 you-u k33p bre-rew1ng p0t-otion$?”
“Why not?”
“Y0u’ve b33n @t th1-this f0r th3 la$t 2 day-ays, and-nd y0u wa$-asted a|| 0f our-r g0ld-old3n ¢arr0ts.”
“We need the night vision potions for mining.”
“W3 @lso n33d-eed th3 c@rr-arrots f0r $aturation.”
“What’s that?”
“1t’s lik3 ano-n0ther hung3r b@r, y0u can’t s33 it, @nd wh-when 1t run$-uns 0ut, y0ur hun-unger @ctually-ly start$ g0ing dow-own.”
This explanation only resulted in more confusion:
“Wait, so you’re saying there’s a secret extra hunger stat that the game doesn’t tell you about?”
“Y3p.”
“...I hate this game.”
“But-ut y0u k3-eep p|ay1ng 1t!”
“Yes, because I’m doing it with you.”
Just as Azure said this, Noli silently leaned in close to him, causing him to panic. Did he say something wrong? Is Noli personally offended by Minecraft slander? Were they about to get punched? Exploded? Something even worse?
However, another possibility soon came to mind:
Is it strange that he looks like he’s going to kiss me?
…
Is it strange that I want him to kiss me?
I am not doing this again.
It turned out that Azure was overthinking things once again.
“You-ou’ve st1ll g0t $om3 of-f 1x’s bl00d on ¥our f@ce fr-from 3arlier.”
“Really? I didn’t notice.”
“1f 1 were-ere y0u, 1’d l00k in the-e m1rr-irror mor3 0ft-often.”
“Crap, I must look terrible right now…”
“Y0u l-look gr3at! 1 ju$t-”
“No, I get it. C’mon, weren’t we about to go mining?”
“$hi-it, y3ah, w3 were-ere.”
After a few hours, either out of tiredness or fear that Slasher (who had shown he was willing to mutilate anyone who even slightly annoyed him) wouldn’t like it if Azure and Noli couldn’t get out of bed in the morning, Azure decided it was time to leave.
As he walked out of the door, he couldn’t tell if there was some kind of tension in the air, or if his mind was playing tricks on him once again.
Before they could get too far, Noli called out to them, with a sense of urgency:
“W@it-t, c0me bac-ack!”
Azure turned around, seeing Noli standing in the doorway, looking like he had something very important to say.
“Uh-h, 1- uhm-m- y0u- y-you for-org0t y0ur h@t.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
It wasn’t until Azure was in bed when he finally began to ask himself a question:
What even was that?
The candles, the heart shaped napkins, the way Noli was staring at him the whole time-
Was that supposed to be a date or something?
That seemed like it could be possible, but it was equally likely that it was just some kind of weird prank. Did Noli expect him to think it was a joke?
Should I ask him?
Wait, no that’s a terrible idea.
If it was a joke, then that would make things EXTREMELY awkward. But if it wasn’t…
Azure now realized he was being more delusional than C00lkidd and Noli combined. For Pete’s sake, they’d just eaten instant ramen and played Minecraft, that's all! He was just seeing what he wanted to see.
What happened to being one of the most rational people in this godforsaken hellhole?!
As he was falling asleep, Noli tried to comfort himself over his failure. Maybe it’d be better this way, not getting too attached, for his own sake-
Especially after what happened last time.
Just as Noli’s hand was about to connect with the glowing artifact in front of him, he hesitated for a moment, and turned to look at 007n7.
“You sure this is safe?”
The other hacker smiled, saying:
“Safe? We’ll be unstoppable, it’s the admins who should be scared! C’mon, take it!”
A lie.
All of it, lies.
“I don’t want C00lkidd making the same mistakes we did, but I’m worried that he’s trying to copy you already.”
“1t $- crap, sorry- It shouldn’t be too much of a probl3m, Sev- just- tell him to cut it out? Ground h-him?”
“I can’t have him around you anymore. He needs better role models in his life.”
In that moment, a realization hit Noli harder than any admin command could.
007n7 cared about C00lkidd, not him.
“YOU’R3 SERIOUSLY CUTTING-ING ME OFF JUST F0R THE KID YOU FOUND 8 YE@RS AGO ON YOUR D00RSTE-TEP?!”
“Noli, you could’ve retired with me, you could’ve stopped exploiting a long time ago.”
“I D1D IT FOR YOU! EVERYTHING, EVERYTHI-ING I DID S1NCE 1 M3T YOU, @ND NOW-OW YOU’RE T00 GOOD FOR M3?!”
“Please, if you’re not going to be calm about this, then leave. C00lkidd’s asleep upstairs, I don’t want to wake him up.”
Noli couldn’t take it anymore. With tears in his eyes, he teleported home.
Why did it have to end this way?
Did n7 ever care? Was he ever needed?
What changed?
“N0, $3v-ev, why…”
He was too late. The person he’d given up everything for, his mind, his body, his chance at a normal life for, the one he’d LOVED, was lying dead in an alley.
All of that pain, just for someone who so quickly became a stranger.
Someone who disappeared in an instant.
Azure walked into the dining room the next morning, and sat next to Guest 666, who was eating Frosted Flakes straight out of the bag.
“Mrr.” (Hey.)
“Morning.”
Out of the corner of their eye, Azure saw that there was a new calendar on the wall, displaying the date February 15.
While he was processing this information, 666 explained why it was there:
“Mraah.” (Oh, yeah, new calendar. Slasher threw the old one in the lake yesterday, he wanted to murder the inventor of time for making his least favorite day of the year happen right after Friday the 13th.)
“Wait, yesterday was Valentine’s day?”
“Hrrh?” (You didn’t know?)
“...”
“Hrrh.” (You didn’t know.)
Azure could hardly hear the other killer, because his brain was screaming OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK over and over.
“Raagh-” (Sorry, I thought you’d already figured it o-)
“What should I do?!”
“Grrr.” (Not my problem.)
“GUEST.”
Guest 666, still completely unconcerned, finished their cereal before coming up with a less than helpful answer:
“Rrrn.” (You’ve got half an hour before Slasher wakes Noli up. Figure something out.)
They then got up, and left the room.
When Noli woke up to the sound of someone running away from his front door, he didn’t get up immediately, as he was too busy miserable over last night’s events. He was so close, but, of course, he’d chickened out at the last second.
Acquiring godlike powers didn’t change the fact that he was still an absolute no-life loser.
Finally, he decided to go eat, maybe he’d drown his sorrows in a glass of orange juice.
But, when he opened the door, there was something waiting for him on the ground.
A small bouquet of flowers.
Maybe he had a chance after all.