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A legacy. That's all Ivan ever wanted, and when his friend suggested for him to train to be a firefighter, he felt like he would finally have a legacy. So he worked his ass off. Day and night, training with the local fire department. The training was intense. It made him tired almost daily, and would leave him sore and in pain. He almost felt like it wasn’t worth it. He did this for about six months. That was until he got a job. And when he did, he was ecstatic. He came home that day and jumped into Andrew’s arms, smiling with tears in his eyes.
“What’s got you so excited?” Andrew chuckled, rubbing Ivan’s back and smiling. Ivan looked up at the other man, grinning ear to ear. “Andrew, I got the job. I’m a firefighter now.” Ivan was barely containing his excitement. The moment he finished his sentence, Andrew’s eyes lit up.
“Oh my god, Ivan! I’m so proud of you!” Andrew hugged him tightly, picking him up and spinning him around. Ivan laughed, reluctantly pulling himself away. He was smiling so much, his cheeks flushed from being close to the other man. The two pulled away from each other, and Andrew stretched.
“I’d offer to celebrate but I’m exhausted, and my back hurts. I was about to sleep, actually.” Andrew yawned, laying on the couch. The couch must not be helping his back, and Andrew didn’t exactly have anywhere else so..
“Why don't you sleep in my bed?”
The question shocked Andrew, even more himself. Andrew whipped around at him, his eyes widened and his cheeks flushing. Andrew spoke once more, with a sleepy edged tone. “Um. Sure? I wouldn’t mind if you don’t mind.” Andrew rubbed his neck, looking away.
—
And that's how the two ended up intertwined in bed. For the next few weeks, they slept together in bed. Ivan would make a stupid excuse, and Andrew would buy it every time. Ivan would typically wake up at the crack of dawn to go to work, prying Andrew off him. One time he even kissed his forehead. Of course, it was strictly platonic. Ivan didn’t want to call it anything else, afraid of making Andrew uncomfortable. He didn’t want to have him leave again.
The morning was normal enough. Ivan woke up at 6:30 AM, and pried Andrew off him, who grumbled a little in his sleep. Taking off his bonnet, he left a soft kiss on the other man’s forehead, and got up to get ready. He began to shower, slipping off his clothes. He hummed as he showered, washing his curly hair for the week. He stepped out after a bit, checking the time. 7:00AM. Perfect. Ivan got dressed, and then left for the day.
The car ride was long, but nothing that he couldn’t handle. Besides the morning traffic, Ivan had a decently smooth ride. He decided to turn on the radio, tuning into the news. Nothing really interesting, just weather and some stuff about the current politics. Boring, really. He began to think about what his day would be like. Maybe he and Andrew could play a board game when he got home, like they had been planning to. The two could play until the hours of the night, and he could fall asleep in Andrew’s arms again. He loved spending time with his friend, more than anything in the world. Ivan still wanted to make a legacy, but Andrew was more important to him nowadays. Just thinking about the man made his cheeks flush, a blueish tint spreading across his grey cheeks. He smiled. Maybe someday the two wouldn’t be platonic, and he and Andrew could adopt a kid someday. He didn’t want to have a biological one, if Andrew even could while he was on T. Ivan didn’t know much about that stuff, admittedly. He just knew he supported his friend, and that was all Andrew really asked him for.
He snapped out of the trance he was in, almost missing his exit on the highway. Oops. Whatever, he still made it. The rest of the drive was relatively quiet, with the occasional thought of his friend popping into his mind.
He arrived at the fire station at 7:50AM. He puts on his uniform, and begins checking the equipment. Once Ivan concludes that the equipment is safe, he starts to gather the materials for washing the truck. That was until they got a call. Someone’s home was on fire. The station began to bustle with movement, as the firefighters all scrambled to get to the scene of the fire.
The drive was blurry for him. A coworker was instructing him on where to go as he drove. He got there as fast as he could, nearly hitting someone who refused to move to the side. Nevertheless, they got there smoothly. Almost too smooth.
When they arrived, they sent Ivan and a coworker he didn’t know the name of to investigate. Well, it was definitely on fire. The person who had called, a woman who seemed to be in intense distress, was crying. She pleaded with them to save her child, who was inside the fire. His coworker assessed the house, and said it’d be too dangerous to go in. Ivan didn’t listen to what his coworker said, he just thought about his legacy. He could save this woman’s child. He could build his legacy.
“I’ll go in.” Ivan stared at the woman, fireaxe in hand. He began to walk in, ignoring his coworker’s calls to him. He decided to search first. The house was fairly large, so he was careful. He was scared, sure, but he needed to keep moving. He needed to build his legacy. Ivan ran through the halls, trying to be quick.
The smoke was suffocating. It was beginning to become hard to see, and it worried Ivan. Maybe going in wasn’t a good idea. Whatever, he couldn’t turn back now. He needed to get through this mess. He ran through the collapsing hallways, swinging his fireaxe at anything that blocked his way. But for some reason, he couldn’t find anything. He began to panic. Smoke was almost to where his head was, and the hallways were collapsing. Shit, he was so stupid. Why did he go in? Shit, he was going to die, wasn’t he? He was so, so stupid wasn't he?
This was so stupid. He started to cry. Then he felt it, the smoke starting to leak into his mask. Ivan began to cough, trudging through the burning building in the way he came. He needed to get out of here. Now. He began to run through the halls, but they seemed so much bigger than they used to be. He had no clue how he was still alive, he was fucking terrified. Maybe he was already dead, maybe he had already died and all of this was a huge hallucination. Why couldn’t it be anything good? Why couldn’t he hallucinate him never going to work this morning, staying in Andrew’s arms, and laying there for a little longer. Then it hit him. He wouldn’t ever be able to tell the other how he felt. He’d never be able to tell Andrew that he loved him if he didn’t get out of here. He would never be able to have a future with him, and he’d never be able to share his bed with him again. Ivan needed to get out of here.
He wasn’t looking where he was going. That was his first mistake. The second one was from earlier when he was carelessly swinging his axe. It happened in an instant. The structural supports must’ve been weak from him swinging his axe around, because in a split second he was on the ground. The wood beams, charred and hot from the fire, came crashing down on him. He could barely hear over his own screaming and ringing in his ears. His heartbeat was through the roof, and his vision blurred. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. Fuck, he was going to die. He knew he was. He couldn’t move, and he couldn’t move his legs. He was going to die here.
Ivan didn’t want to die. He screamed and screamed, but nobody came to save him. He wasn’t even sure anyone could hear him. Ivan didn’t want to admit it, but he was fucking terrified. He was never going to see Andrew again. Shit, he was never going to see him again. He was going to be dead, in whatever the fuck kind of heaven or hell they had for fools like him. He hoped Andrew wouldn’t wake up and realize he wasn’t coming home. He hoped Andrew wouldn’t miss him too much, or even at all. He really wanted to believe that his friend would be okay without him, so he made himself believe it. He’d probably find somewhere else to stay, or be able to pay the rent on his own now that Ivan was off the lease. He prayed he would forget him. He hoped Andrew would forget about him, and never think about him again.
He thought back to the other night when he couldn’t sleep. Andrew had held him close and told him it’d be okay, he had been plagued with nightmares after all. He’d never have that again. He’d never have Andrew running his hands through Ivan's curls and holding him close. It’d never fucking happen again, and it was his fault. He’d never be able to hold the man he loved so much in his arms. He’d never be able to touch him again. He’d never feel his breath on his skin in the middle of the night and get those stupid goosebumps he always got when he was flustered.
He never got to tell Andrew any of those stupid fluffy feelings he got when the other man giggled at a joke he made, or smiled at him. He was so fucking stupid. He should’ve listened to his coworker when he said for him to stay and let the building burn. The structure of it had crumbled on top of him and it was his own fault for going inside. This was his first major job too. He wouldn’t be remembered as a hero at all. He’d be remembered as an idiot who ran inside a burning building without thinking of the consequences. No legacy in sight. He wouldn’t even be a hero either way, he hadn’t even found the kid. Oh well, it didn’t matter now. He and the kid would at least not be alone, they’d die together. Maybe it was terrible for him to think like this. Maybe he was stupid. He might’ve been able to pull himself from under the beam, he was pretty strong in his upper body. But what would it matter? He’d be forever paralyzed, never able to support him and Andrew. Andrew would have to take care of him more then he had to now. He’d be like a fucking tumor. He’d have to be attached at the hip to the other man.
His vision began to blur. He knew it would happen eventually that he would die, but he didn’t expect it to happen so soon. He didn’t want to die, not like this. Not like his dad. He was at least glad he didn’t have a kid of his own. The bloodline would die with him. He thought of his mother. The news that her child died in the same way as her husband would ruin her. All the times he had attempted suicide, he never once wished it worked more then now. His mom would at least have him die differently. Not like an idiot, he would die to be someone he never wants to be again.
It was over in an instant. Almost as soon as it began. Ivan let out one last strained breath and he fell limp, his heart stopping. His body would burn, forever “forgotten” in an inferno of his own making.