Work Text:
"I want to feel loved,
but I don't feel like I deserve it."
Another late night at the office leaves Akaashi exhausted.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the coffee machine wasn't broken, or the bus back home wasn't so overfilled, or a myriad of other things that contributed to his abysmal mood. It's tiring.
Day in, day out.
Out the office, in the office.
He wipes a hand along his face, sliding against the door as it clicks shut behind him.
He's so, so... tired.
The bag holding is laptop drops to the floor with a small thump but he doesn't have it in him to check if it's okay. Not yet at least. His body moves on autopilot towards the fridge, grabbing the milk box and gulping the contents down. There's no sound coming from the room, no stupid instagram reels being played so he suspects Bokuto is asleep - which he is both extremely grateful for and silently resentful, because right now he wants nothing more than to be held and told it'll be okay.
He scowls quietly to himself.
Upon returning the milk, he finds himself grabbing a tub of cut melon from the fridge. You could argue that maybe you shouldn't eat something so sweet before bed but Akaashi couldn't care less right now. He's exhausted.
There's a sour thought inside of him as he brushes his curls back from his head - teeth biting through the mush of a fruit - a sign it was clearly nearing it's expiry date.
"Is it so wrong to want to be loved like everyone else?"
As soon as the melon is gone, he feels sick.
Probably a symptom of his obvious overtire.
He doesn't care all that much.
Feeling is something is more than feeling nothing and he'd rather not go back to feeling nothing like his high-school days pre-Bokuto.
He sighs softly, putting the empty tub in the sink to be washed at a later time before guiding himself into the bathroom.
From the opposite room he can hear the small echoes of a snore - definitely asleep then.
His stomach aches a little more. He wonders if Bokuto had a good day. He probably did. It makes him smile at the thought but it's soon drowned out by the whispers of his own self-despise.
Another breath escapes him as he brushes his teeth - and as gross as it is, he watches his spit go down the sink. It's almost therapeutic watching the grime of his mouth disappear into the abyss of a drain. He slides his toothbrush away with ease after washing it.
There's something akin to a stabbing pain in his chest.
He dismisses it.
Because even though he was asleep, Bokuto was waiting.
"I want people to be afraid of losing me."
He clambers into bed silently, or as best as he can to be silent. It's a bit of a struggle when Bokuto is starfishing across half of the bed but Akaashi manages to move his arm just enough to squeeze into place - into a semblance of a hole where he might belong. The blanket covers him in a way that doesn't seem logical but he doesn't care enough to think about it right now.
Being in his own head hurt too much and he'd much rather focus on the heat of the man beside him.
He knows after some much needed rest it'd go away and the feeling of looming emptiness would dissipate.
When he awakes, Bokuto is no longer beside him but practically on top of him, curled onto his chest like some sort of big cat- a lion or maybe even a panther. He was awake too. Scrolling on his phone that was beside Akaashi's stomach.
"Kou?"
The older pauses his silent scrolling, looking up at Akaashi with big golden eyes, "Morning, baby."
He snorts. He'd never get used to the petname no matter how many times Bokuto insisted it was cute.
"I tried stayin' up for you," Bokuto says in his hoarse morning voice - Akaashi wasn't sure how long his boyfriend had been awake for, but he finds warmth in knowing that he had been quiet all that time, he also finds warmth in knowing his boyfriend wanted to see him last night. "I kept the bed all toasty."
Akaashi nods, his smile widening a little, "I could feel that."
Bokuto grins.
"I love you."
And of course, he responds because his star should really know, "I love you too."
And somehow, Bokuto's grin widens.
"Man, 'Kaashi, what a great way to start the day."
And then the world was spinning again, because even though last night had been terrible. Being here with Bokuto? That was worth all the negative thoughts in the world.