Work Text:
It was snowing on the day that Izuku was due to move in with Katsuki.
The blond found himself standing outside the nerd’s apartment with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, seething as the flurry of precipitation dampened his jacket. His scowl deepened when he rang the buzzer once again, only to receive no answer. His breath puffed in front of his face as he clicked his tongue, clenching his fists.
Katsuki pulled his phone out of his pocket, glancing around and pulling his hat lower over his head. He knew it wasn’t common for many people to be walking in this weather; the snow was coming down pretty hard. He sucked the air in through his teeth and braced himself against a rather strong gust of wind that threatened to knock him over. As if Katsuki Bakugo would lose to some lame puff of air.
Fingers numb, the blond fiddled with the device in his hand and mis-tapped a few times in his struggle to move the appendages. He wrinkled his nose and tucked his face into his scarf, only his eyes showing between his many layers of clothing.
Finally, he managed to stumble his way through his phone and find Deku’s contact. He tapped the call button and lifted the device to his ear, flinching away at the freezing sensation against his skin, then muttering angrily under his breath and tucking the phone against his shoulder.
It rang once. Twice. Three times. Katsuki was about to give up and simply blast his way up to that idiot’s balcony and let himself in when finally there was a soft click and a familiar voice trickled into his ear like a warm melody leaking from the radio on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
“Kacchan!” Izuku sounded breathless, and Katsuki sneered.
He better be running his ass off to get down here.
“I’m so sorry!” Izuku was rambling incessantly. “I was getting so side-tracked— I started tackling my All Might merch while you were on your way, and I got lost in a box of my older stuff, thinking about how I got all of it and where it came from— And then I started thinking about my memory box from UA, too, and I just got so distracted that I—“
“Just let me in already, damn nerd!” Katsuki all but shouted into the phone, hanging up and shoving his hands back into his pockets. A moment later the door buzzed and clicked, and Katsuki swung it open, stepping inside.
The rush of warmth was a welcome one. The building’s heat enveloped him like a warm breeze on a summer day. Katsuki huffed, cursing the winter under his breath. He forged ahead and entered the elevator, jerking his chin in an awkward greeting to the doorman.
Deku lived on the second floor, so the ride was short. The blond stormed down the hall, kicking his partner’s door sharply when he arrived. There was a thud, followed by a muffled yelp, and then hurried footsteps pattering towards him. He took a step back as the door swung open.
Izuku burst out of the doorway, colliding with the blond and dragging him down into a searing kiss. Katsuki froze up, still unused to the gentleness of interactions like this. It may not have seemed gentle— Izuku pulled the hat from his head and threaded his fingers into Katsuki’s hair, tugging so hard that there was a sharp jolt that ran down his spine. But it wasn’t violent either.
The blond shoved his partner off with a huff, cursing the warmth in his cheeks and chalking the way they were likely bright red up to the fact that he had just been standing in a snowstorm for ten minutes. Izuku stumbled back but beamed up at him as he stormed by, hearing the door click shut behind them.
The taller of the two kicked his shoes off at the door, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the hook by the entrance. He only realized after a moment that he had been so dazed by the kiss that he hadn’t noticed his boyfriend beginning to speak.
“— and I found some photos of us and the others from the School Festival!” The greenette was raving, and Katsuki followed him as he slid past into the kitchen. There was a kettle on the stove and Izuku lit the burner, pulling a box of tea bags out of his nearly barren cupboards.
They had been dating for the better part of a year. Katsuki had walked through this door countless times since and even before then, sneering at the All Might posters on the wall. He had even made Deku throw out one or two figures that were unsalvageable, lamenting that it was better to let him rest than continue to suffer.
As a part of this arrangement, Katsuki had also refused to sleep in Deku’s room. It was plastered from floor-to-ceiling with figures, posters, cards, magazines, literally anything that you could possibly imagine that had his mentor’s face on it. Katsuki thought it was creepy. He may have his own small All Might shrine in his closet— consisting of a few magazines and a figure shoved in a shoe box stashed away on a shelf— but that was it, other than the trading card that hung from a keychain that stayed on his person at all times.
The words “dating” and “boyfriend” left a bit of a sour taste in Katsuki’s mouth. To him, Deku was just… Deku. Deku was his. He had been, ever since they were children. The same way the sun rises every morning, and sets every evening, he and Izuku simply were. It was a shame that wasn’t something that could be explained to the media easily.
Katsuki looked up as the kettle began to whistle, realizing he had started to tune his partner out as he got lost in thought. He walked over to the ima and sat down on the couch. The apartment felt a little bit sad now that it was empty. Katsuki wasn’t one to be sentimental— at least, not outwardly. But he did feel a little sad to see this place go.
“We kissed each other for the first time on this couch.”
Katsuki looked up to see Izuku standing with a mug in his hands, offering it with a shy smile. The blond reached out, a spark igniting in his stomach when their fingers brushed. Would this feeling ever go away? This feeling of being overwhelmed if Izuku looked at him for too long? The feeling of being out of breath just because their shoulders touched?
“So?” Katsuki rasped, bringing the mug to his lips. This was another thing Izuku had always been good at; he had always known Katsuki’s favorite things. The blond wasn’t sure how he did it, though he usually chalked it up to more of the nerd’s creepy stalking.
“So aren’t you a little sad to see it go?” The greenette sat down beside him and leaned on his shoulder. Katsuki stiffened. He inhaled sharply through his nose. The tea was lapsang souchong. The smoky aroma eased his rapid heartbeat, and Katsuki took a small sip, the warmth of the beverage reaching every inch of his frozen body.
Izuku’s hair tickled his cheek. He hesitated, then settled back a bit against the couch. He put his cup down on the table in front of them and shifted his hand on his own knee, pinkie just barely grazing his partner’s hand. He felt Izuku’s shoulders shaking and he turned his head, scowling. Deku was smiling, clearly holding back laughter.
“No,” Katsuki finally answered. He grabbed Izuku’s hand and threaded their fingers together, saying with a low rumble in his throat, “I can kiss you wherever I want now.”
“So why don’t you?” Izuku pressed, sitting up and turning to face him. Katsuki averted his eyes, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand.
“Because I’m not some fuckin’ cheese ball like you,” he huffed. Izuku sighed and slumped his shoulders. He looked like a kicked puppy. Katsuki sniffed, reaching out and ruffling his hair forcefully.
Izuku peered up at him with those stupid eyes, and Katsuki rolled his eyes, grasping the front of Deku’s shirt and crushing their mouths together. Izuku squeaked in surprise and then hummed contentedly. He wasted no time, climbing right into Katsuki’s lap and curling his arms around his neck. The blond placed his hands on his partner’s hips, pressing his thumbs into the dips and holding him still.
It was slow, and a lot softer than usual. Katsuki knew that Deku was probably thinking something stupid, like how this was some sort of “goodbye” to their first shared intimate moments together. It was all bullshit in his opinion. He was lucky to even be allowed to be an acquaintance of Izuku’s, let alone to be able to touch him like this.
The thought spurred him onward and he leaned into the kiss, lifting his hands to cup his partner’s face. He pulled back for just a moment to kiss the freckles on his cheek, fingers trailing against the rough skin on the other side of his face. Their foreheads touched lightly, breaths mixing as Katsuki fitted their mouths together again, less carefully. He could feel Izuku’s grip on his hair tightening and his breath hitched at the sensation.
When they finally broke apart he kept his hands on Izuku’s face, holding him close. Wide green eyes stared at him with that sort of wondrous glimmer that Katsuki would never understand. It was the answer to everything, to why they had been so wound together since the beginning of time. But he figured that if they truly were connected by some sort of thread that transcended space and time, then it didn’t matter to him that he couldn’t understand it.
Everything would always lead him back to Izuku.
Katsuki’s gaze trailed back down to the man’s cheek. His scar had swallowed his freckles whole, and with them it had stolen a part of him. Katsuki often found himself reaching out to touch it without thinking. Now, he simply brushed his hair out of his forehead and leaned forward, kissing the spots where the freckles should be. He wished he could kiss back the freckles that had been stolen from him the way his childhood had been stolen all those years ago.
“What are you doing, Kacchan? That tickles~” Izuku was giggling, and the weight on Katsuki’s lap disappeared as his partner got up to walk back towards his kitchen. The blond felt cold where his partner had just been, and he frowned, picking up his tea and warming his hands with the mug. He got to his feet and followed his idiot nerd into the other room.
“I need help with my room,” Izuku admitted, placing the kettle that had held Katsuki’s tea into the sink now that it had cooled off. He turned the faucet on and water ran, the white noise helping Katsuki’s shoulders relax. “I’m pretty much done with the All Might merch. I just need my closet itself cleaned out and boxed up, but I’m out of boxes. I was hoping you could get started organizing the junk in there while I run out and buy some more.”
Katsuki grunted, enjoying the smoky aftertaste of his tea as he padded towards Izuku’s bedroom. The ima, he noticed, wasn’t actually entirely empty besides the furniture— there were a few boxes lining the wall between the bathroom and Izuku’s bedroom. Each one was labeled as neatly as it could be in Izuku’s chicken-scratch handwriting. Katsuki grimaced at the sight, making a mental note to re-label them later when they were finished.
“Kacchan, wait!”
He paused in the doorway and turned to see Izuku hurrying over. He instinctively put his arms out as the more energetic of them leaned into him, rising onto his toes and pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek.
“Get off me, shitnerd,” Katsuki grumbled, reluctantly standing still throughout the onslaught. “Don’t you have places to be?! Beat it!”
Izuku finally peeled himself off of his partner and turned, headed for the door with a shout over his shoulder of farewell. Katsuki watched him leave, gaze sliding down below his waist for a moment before he ripped his attention away with an awkward cough.
The blond sighed, turning and entering the room with a scowl.
It was true, he realized with a start as he took a few strides in, looking around. The walls were completely barren, the shelves devoid of any merch. He assumed that must have been what filled all of Izuku’s boxes before he could pack away his clothes and scoffed, rolling his eyes. That damn nerd was never going to understand when the line between ‘enough’ and ‘too much’ had been crossed.
He ventured into the room and glanced around, momentarily unsure of where to start. Then his eyes settled on Izuku’s bedside table.
That would be easy enough. It was mostly a junk drawer with extra wires and cables for his various devices. He opened the drawer and pulled the pile of tangled junk out, opening one of the trash bags his partner had brought into the room. He tossed the useless belongings, things that were easily replaceable, and things that he already had at his own apartment.
Katsuki pulled out what appeared to be a piece of cardstock paper, flipping it over and pausing. It was a photograph of four people. He recognized it instantly, because at his parents house there was the exact same one sitting in some old photo album.
It was Inko Midoriya, Mitsuki Bakugo, and their children. They had to have been around four when this photo had been taken, seeing as how Katsuki had an arm slung around Izuku’s shoulder and a big toothy smile on his face.
The idea that Izuku had clung on to this version of them through everything that Katsuki had done to him made his stomach churn. It was sickening. He had been long forgiven, but it was still hard for him to bring himself to accept the gentleness with which Izuku would touch him. It felt like punishment— like it was going to be dangled in front of him for a short time, and just when he finally began to believe he could love someone and be happy, it would wash away like the tide going out at the end of the evening.
Like the sun setting every night.
Katsuki took a grounding breath, placing the photo on the bed. He reminded himself that Deku was too stupidly sappy for that. He would fight until the world ended to be with Katsuki if that was what he wanted. He had proven that much after first confessing. It had taken him three years and a night of heavy drinking for him to convince Katsuki to give them a shot. Katsuki had woken up with All Might staring at him from every direction the next morning and realized that just like always, he had lost to Deku once again.
Though this loss was more bittersweet than anything else. It was like a chocolate flavored poison. Sweet, but deadly. If he kept drinking it in like this then it could come back to bite him.
Katsuki finished sorting through the drawer, setting Izuku’s multiple (now detangled) wires and charging blocks aside to be boxed up. He turned to the closet and braced himself for the mess that he was going to be faced with, placing a hand on the knob.
The door swung opened with a low groan, and Katsuki agreed with that sentiment, but was pleasantly surprised to see a neatly arranged row of clothes lined up on hangers. The floor had a pair of dress shoes and a pair of flip-flops. There wasn’t much else in there.
At least, not until he looked up.
There was a box on the shelf. It was labeled, Hero Notes for the Future. Katsuki snickered under his breath, reaching up and grabbing it hastily. He sat on Izuku’s bed and lifted the lid off of the box, sifting through the different volumes of notebooks. The lower in the box he got, the earlier the volume. He flipped past the singed copy that he had destroyed in junior high, grimacing slightly at the memory and digging until he got to the bottom.
He lifted all of the notebooks out and stared at the one at the bottom, confused.
Hero Notes for the Future | Vol. 2
Volume two..? So where was volume one? Katsuki flipped back through the previous few notebooks to see if they were simply out of order, but that wasn’t the case. He opened the one that he had singed and turned the pages gently. Everything seemed to be normal and intact.
As he neared the end of the journal he paused. A few pages were missing. They had been torn neatly out of the book, leaving almost no trace that it had been there. But Katsuki could see the edge of the paper that had been there hiding in the seam of the booklet. He hesitated, glancing back at the closet.
Izuku never tore pages out of his books. Katsuki knew because even when they were younger, if a hero was involved in a scandal or otherwise got denounced in the public eye, he had never torn their pages out, no matter how upset he was; he simply wrote an amendment at the top of their entry explaining what happened. Even when Katsuki would suggest tearing it out and burning it up, Izuku would protest, nearly driven to tears by the very idea.
So Katsuki didn’t understand. He slowly closed the booklet and placed them all back inside the shoe box, getting to his feet. He walked back over to the closet and flipped on the light switch, illuminating the inside of it and peering further back on the shelf.
He hadn’t found it on purpose. There were three boxes.
Each one had a name printed on the front of it in Izuku’s sloppy handwriting.
Mom
All Might
Those two were fine. Katsuki supposed they were memory boxes, containing things from home or personal tokens that All Might had given Izuku over the years. But when his eyes shifted over to the last box, he felt all of the breath leave his body.
Kacchan
He read it again, unsure if he was seeing things. He stumbled forward and reached out, grabbing the box and pulling it down. He sat on the rug in front of Izuku’s bed and stared down at the box, the noise in his brain almost too much to handle. He swallowed thickly, lifting the lid with steady hands.
On the very top of the pile of things was an envelope. It was, once again, addressed to “Kacchan”. Katsuki picked it up and flipped it over, carefully ripping it opened and pulling out the paper inside of it.
He was immediately thrown back into their years at UA where an envelope just like this one had been left at his door. The sickening feeling that had gripped his heart at that moment when reading that note hadn’t loosened its grip on him until Deku had been safe at UA— maybe even past then, until they were all safe after everything.
Katsuki’s bad arm began to ache and he grimaced, flexing his hand and wincing at the strain in his muscles. The cold always made his old injury act up. He silently cursed the snow, unfolding the letter with one hand and gripping his other hand into a fist.
I know what you’re probably thinking.
Katsuki breathed in sharply through his nose.
You’re thinking I’m a stupid, reckless idiot. And you’re probably right. But if you’re reading this, then it means whatever I did worked. I hope.
Still not quite understanding, Katsuki’s brow furrowed and he looked back at the top of the page, eyes settling on the date.
Oh. Oh.
This was written the day before the Final War. The realization dawned on him and he felt nauseous all over again.
This was a goodbye letter.
I suppose I should start by telling you everything that’s been on my mind these last few days. There’s so much to say, but I don’t want this to be too long. I don’t know if you’re even going to read it. You might just blow it up the second All Might gives this to you. But I really hope you don’t.
I really need you to know something.
Kacchan… I don’t know why this is so hard to say, even knowing that when you read this I won’t be alive to see your reaction. I shouldn’t be afraid to say it, knowing that I won’t have to deal with the consequences. I won’t have to deal with whatever rejection would have come my way. But somehow it still feels cruel to leave this with you. I don’t want you to feel responsible for never noticing, or never giving me closure. Because I really don’t blame you. I never wanted you to find out anyway.
Did you know that when you held me in the rain, I could feel your heart pounding in your chest? Mine was, too. I’m sure you already knew that. I chalked it up to both of us coming down from the rush of chasing each other around. But honestly, my heart was racing for an entirely different reason.
I love you, Kacchan. My heart was racing because I have wondered for a really, really long time what it would be like if you held me up when I was too exhausted to stand. Or even if you just did it because you wanted to. I’ve wondered what your arms around me would feel like. What it would be like to have my cheek pressed against your chest, listening to your heartbeat.
And now I know. So I think that’s all I need to die happy. That’s why I wanted to tell you. You don’t have to feel sad, or worry that you didn’t do enough.
You have always been enough, Kacchan.
I never want you to worry again.
So smile, okay? I don’t think you realize how much your face changes when you really smile. It’s like the weight of the world lifts off your shoulders. And you are so, incredibly pretty.
Ah~ I should wrap this up now, I think. Otherwise I’ll begin muttering on paper the same way I do in real life, and you’ll never hear the end of it. I know you’d hate that and call me creepy haha
I’m sorry that I had to leave you as soon as we became friends again. I had hoped that we would chase after each other for the rest of our lives. I guess One For All had other plans for my future.
I’ll see you again, Kacchan! Just hopefully not too soon. Remember to always go beyond!
Love,
Your Deku
All of the breath was gone. There was no oxygen left in the room. Katsuki felt like he was choking on nothing, and he quickly tossed the paper aside as his palms heated up. Sweat poured down his brow and he swallowed back a strangled noise, unsure what exactly he was feeling.
Izuku hadn’t died. Really, this shouldn’t mean anything, right? He was alive, and this was simply a note that nobody was ever meant to see. Because even though things didn’t go entirely right, they had won. They had won, and they had both survived.
But then… Why had Izuku kept this? Was it just out of sentimentality? Why would he want to remember something like this? Answerless questions swirled through Katsuki’s head and he could feel his lunch disagreeing with him in his stomach, threatening to make its exit.
He turned his attention back to the box and stiffened upon seeing what was now at the top of the pile of things inside. It was a stack of papers. They were the same size as Izuku’s hero notebooks. They were all paper clipped together neatly. With shaking hands, Katsuki pulled them out and carefully removed the paper clip.
These were all of the notes Izuku had taken on Katsuki over the years. The pages that Izuku had torn out of his books… had been the ones about him? So that he could keep them in the event that Izuku died?
Katsuki thumbed through them absentmindedly, stopping for a moment on a page from when they were still in junior high.
This was different from the rest.
It was lacking any written notes or numbers or charts. This was just a drawing. A drawing of Katsuki.
It was just his side profile. It was a bit sketchy and amateur. But there was such a gentle smile on his face. The hard lines of his eyes were softened and there was no crease in his brow. He simply looked at ease and happy.
Katsuki flipped the page over and on the other side there was a quick note jotted down.
Kacchan is usually mean to me, so I don’t get to see him smile like this. But when I’m walking home after school, sometimes I’m lucky enough to see him on the other side of the street. If nobody is looking, then sometimes when we pass that cat that lives on the street downtown, Kacchan will stop and pet it for a little while. That’s when he smiles like this.
He looks so pretty. I wish he would smile at me like that.
Katsuki’s heart skipped a beat. He put the notebooks aside, bringing his hands up to his face and rubbing his eyes tiredly. This was too much. Why did Deku have all of this? There were various photos and knick-knacks in the box too, cards that they had collected as kids, a dried and flattened godetia flower. His cheeks flushed. He had always liked when the local florists would put these out in the windows. Of fucking course Deku knew that. He somehow knew everything.
A sudden surge of strong emotion crashed into his chest and he leaned forward, clutching his head in his hands and gasping for breath. A hot searing pressure was building up behind his eyes. He wasn’t afraid to cry; he had cried more times than he could count in the years after and leading up to the Final War. But he somehow felt like he couldn’t get it out now. The tears wouldn’t come. Instead, a strangled cry left his throat and he covered his mouth, biting his knuckle so hard that a metallic taste touched his tongue.
He gave himself a few moments, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing himself to breathe. His heart rate was increasing, and he could feel himself struggling to keep up. His head was getting foggy. He needed to slow down. He counted to ten in his head and blinked his eyes opened, turning back to the box.
He was halfway through the contents now. The next bundle of papers seemed to be some sort of dream journal. There was a sticky note on the top that mentioned All Might saying something about writing down dreams when you wake up helping to ground you when you had nightmares.
Katsuki took the sticky note off and began reading the first page.
It’s always Kacchan.
Dead.
His breath hitched. His throat got a bit tighter and he swallowed with some difficulty, gripping so hard the papers began to wrinkle.
Every time I close my eyes, that image is burned in my mind. I can’t stop seeing it. I’m afraid to fall asleep because I know I’ll wake up screaming. Sometimes I even throw up.
Sometimes seeing Kacchan pass in the halls helps. The days that we spend time together are the easiest. It’s like I have to convince my brain that he’s alive, because it’s still processing his death.
The doctors said that he really was dead. It wasn’t just an unconscious state or anything. His heart was basically gone. I feel sick even thinking about it. I don’t know how to say everything that I feel about it.
If he hadn’t been saved by Edgeshot and Best Jeanist, then he would never find out that I love him. I still don’t know if I’ll ever tell him, but this is the closest I’ve ever been to snapping and just saying it. The idea that there was a very real chance that I never could.
I hope I don’t dream about this tomorrow.
I'm just so tired.
Each page held similar sentiments, with Izuku getting more and more exhausted with each entry.
I want to go home.
I want to see him.
He doesn’t want me to be around while he does rehab.
I need to know he’s okay.
We’re graduating soon, and I don’t know how to feel.
I think the ember is almost gone.
Katsuki stopped skimming on the last page, the first line catching his attention.
I am Quirkless again. I dreamt that Kacchan will hate me again. He probably will. I know what he said while we were in the hospital, but I’ve only ever known him to think of me as useless before I was a hero. I dreamt that he was leaving me behind, chasing his dreams and becoming the hero that he wants to be.
I was so happy. But it hurt, too. I want to be with him, and chase after him. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t ask him to slow down for me, either. Even if I did, he would laugh in my face. I’m going to hold him back. I can’t say this to him, though. He’s convinced that the ember will stay with me forever, and we can start an agency together.
I don’t know how to tell him. I’m afraid he will get angry. In my dream, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me, yelling that I was always destined to be useless. I know that won’t happen in real life… So I'm not really that scared.
I’m just sad.
Katsuki lowered the pages and dug back into the box, desperate for more answers. More of what Izuku had been thinking but never told him. More of the Izuku that he had been too blind to know in their past. More of the pain, so that when his partner returned home he could kiss it all away.
The thing that appeared to be the last item in the box was another envelope. Katsuki frowned, ripping it opened and unfolding the paper. Why was there another note specifically addressed to him? Could it be an attempt at a confession letter? This time he read the date at the top and his heart leaped into his throat.
Izuku had written this a month ago.
Kacchan!
We are moving in together in a month. I’m so excited! I haven’t added anything to this box since I lost One For All. I didn’t think I needed to, since there was no real danger of me dying anymore. I was just going to live my old, Quirkless life again. But… Three years ago, you gave me my dreams back. Not only that, but last year you gave me even more. You let me call you mine.
That was a dream I gave up on a long time ago. I let go of it over the last eleven years. You got busier, we drifted apart, and I thought that last nightmare I wrote about was kind of starting to come true in a roundabout kind of way.
But then you gave me the suit.
And then you kissed me two years later.
And now I’m scared again.
We are heroes. Our jobs are scary. Sometimes when you get hurt, I have nightmares again. The same ones from after the Final War. Sometimes you’re there when I wake up, but on the nights that you have to spend in the hospital, I wake up alone.
I think that in this line of work, it’s important to leave stuff behind for the people that you love. I never want you to wonder what I was thinking if I die. So I think that from now on, whenever I have something I want to share with you, or something that I want you to hold on to in the event that I die, I’ll put it in this box with all of the other stuff.
How does that sound?
You’re sleeping a few feet away from me while I write this. I’m sitting at your desk. You look so peaceful when you sleep. Kind of like when you really smile, but… more serene. I think that when I come back to bed, you’re going to wake up… and you’re going to grumble at me about it, telling me I’m a shitty nerd and I don’t need to stay up so late taking notes when I’ve already long graduated. And then I’ll giggle and kiss you, and maybe you’ll wake up a little bit more.
And I’ll show you how much I love you.
Remember that?
Katsuki did remember that. His cheeks flushed at the thought of that night. It had been awkward, and terrifying, and exciting all at the same time. But Izuku had smiled the entire time, even falling asleep with that stupid grin still faintly etched on his face.
Katsuki let his hands drop to his sides. His knuckles brushed against the box and he grabbed it, pulling it onto his lap so he could put everything back in order. He heard something shift inside it and paused, glancing down.
There was a small rectangle of paper obscured by a sticky note that was pressed to it.
I heard yours got ruined during your fight.
Katsuki peeled the sticky note off carefully and his jaw tightened.
It was an All Might collector’s card. The same one that he had on a keychain in his pocket, only this one was in pristine, mint condition. He stared at it, unsure of what to do. He knew that this meant more than most would think it did. This was one of Izuku’s prized possessions, the same way it was Katsuki’s. He had once made himself sick with worrying when he thought he had lost it in the move to the UA dorms. It had simply been at the bottom of one of his merch boxes.
Katsuki turned it over in his hands, reading all of the information and statistics that he had already memorized years ago. Something swelled up in his chest, and he felt himself finally beginning to cry.
Love.
That was what this warm, light-headed feeling was. He supposed he had always known. Izuku always said it to him. But he had never felt like he deserved to say it back.
He had never thought about how much Izuku deserved to hear it.
A loud thud jolted him from his thoughts. He looked up with vision swimming with tears and saw the blurry outline of his boyfriend standing in the doorway. Katsuki blinked and the tears breached the corners of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and leaving glistening trails behind them. Izuku had dropped all of his boxes, staring at Katsuki with a mixture of confusion, terror and anxiety contorting his face into a panicked expression.
“K-Kacchan,” the greenette stammered, taking a step forward. “You… weren’t supposed to find that.”
“Not yet, anyway,” Katsuki laughed humorlessly. He wasn’t angry, but he felt a bit bitter. He felt that maybe he had deserved to know about this— deserved to know about Izuku’s past feelings once their current relationship had started.
But then he was met with the sinking realization that Izuku didn’t owe him anything. Katsuki didn’t deserve anything from him.
“I love you,” he said suddenly, surprising even himself. Izuku froze, a stunned expression settling on his face. His mouth hung open, and Katsuki wished he would say something. The silence stretched, and the blond looked away, sniffling pathetically and wiping at his cheeks with his palms.
He didn’t look up even as footsteps padded up beside him and there was a rustle of clothing beside him where Izuku sat down, grasping his hands and pulling them into his lap. Katsuki finally looked at his partner and his face crumpled, a choked noise welling up in his throat.
“It’s okay,” Izuku murmured, firm hands coming up to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m not sad anymore, Kacchan.” Katsuki took a deep, steadying breath and willed himself to calm down. His heart was fluttering again, and he pressed a hand to his chest, wincing as his bad arm flared up again. Izuku’s fingers trailed down to his shoulders and he rubbed comforting circles into Katsuki’s upper arm, humming a calming melody.
“I love you,” Katsuki said again, in case Izuku didn’t hear him the first time. His boyfriend sighed into the top of his head, lips pressing against his forehead. Katsuki felt small, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t hate that. “I don’t deserve to say that to you. But you deserve to hear it.”
“Kacchan,” Izuku said, and although his tone was level, the blond knew it was a protest. “You know just as well as I do that I forgave you a long time ago.”
“I’ve never forgiven myself,” he managed to spit out. It felt like gargling gravel to speak on his own self doubt— to admit that he thought so lowly of himself. He was supposed to be tough and a perfectionist. This was the opposite of that.
“Then we’ll work on that, Kacchan,” Izuku murmured against his skin, squeezing his bad arm comfortingly. Katsuki felt his shoulders begin to relax. “You may not realize it, but you have saved me many times throughout our lives. It sounds silly saying it out loud, but it’s true. And… Kacchan… If it weren’t for you, I never would have gotten One For All.”
“That’s bullshit,” Katsuki laughed, flicking Izuku’s forehead playfully. The greenette grinned, shoving him gently.
“It’s true!” He insisted, getting to his feet and offering a hand.
For a moment, Katsuki was a kid again, and he was staring up at his best friend from where he had fallen into a river.
He reached up and took Izuku’s hand, allowing him to pull him up to his feet and into a loose embrace. Katsuki wrapped himself around Izuku, wishing he could simply tuck him away in a pocket and have him everywhere he went. Then, he thought about it and decided that would be too irritating.
“You’d have run out to save any old bastard,” Katsuki grumbled, dipping his head and kissing his partner sweetly. “I just happened to be the unlucky idiot who kicked a bottle that had a slime monster inside.”
“But Kacchan…” Izuku pulled back just long enough to look up at him through his lashes, an earnest smile on his face.
“I couldn’t move until I realized that it was you.”