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Achilles held little time away from his post within Hades.
Before, during his breaks he struggled to occupy his hurting and empty mind when it wasn't filled with orders. He found ways to keep busy and moving to escape thought.
After Zagreus brought Patroclus back to him, that changed. Any longer break or day off was eagerly spent with his lover. He looked forward to his time off when he never had before.
The fear of getting lost in his mind was nowhere near as present. Instead, he could simply be. His soul and Patroclus' sharing a home.
-
The morning started slow, as they always did. Achilles found himself waking up before Patroclus, as he tended towards in life. Similarly, he relished in it.
Sleep, as a shade, was not the same as it was as a mortal. Perhaps it was more akin to meditation. However, that nothingness and far away drift mimicked sleep spectacularly.
Patroclus was prone to sleep in. Well, it was more like he slept an expected amount. Achilles, on the other hand, was energized completely off of only a couple hours. That habit stuck with him into the afterlife. Sleep was no longer necessary. It seemed their shades still remembered their old habits.
Like in life, there was no greater place to be. By Patroclus' side, that is. He remembered early mornings during the war. They would bathe and share intercourse before falling into restful sleep the night before. Achilles would wake first. With the haze still over his body, he would curl against Patroclus and just exist with the warmth. Not quite asleep, not quite awake. He listened to every breath coming from Patroclus and every beat of his heart. He only ever snored softly Achilles realized.
Death was different. As much as they enjoyed their bathing and their provocative intimacy within Elysium, things were not the same. 'Sleep' did not bring the same sort of comfortable haze. Although, Achilles found himself copying the feeling as he basked in the warmth of the soft Elysian light coming through the window. Body heat, heart beats, and breathing were not present. Patroclus was not exactly cold. However, he ran warm during life and did not share that in death. Breathing and the beating of the heart could be forced by shades. Patroclus had long since been out of the habit. All his decades sitting alone caused him to become stagnant. Achilles knew Patroclus would will his heart to beat for Achilles' comfort. He was not in the habit enough for it to follow him into sleep.
Achilles woke in Patroclus' arms as he always did. He curled himself tighter against the other man. He let out a low, comfortable noise. Patroclus always likened him to a feline that purs.
He stayed comfortably cuddled against his lover until his body became restless. He itched to move. Within his mind, he knew he still wanted to bask in the moment. Achilles sat up and focused on Patroclus' features. He leaned down and placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth.
The state left Patroclus completely still. Patroclus was never a sleep walker or prone to excessive movement in his sleep, but he still made minor adjustments. Those small movements were no longer present. His body was completely still and devoid of any sign of life. He did not share the pale, lifeless-ness that death brought. It still managed to freak Achilles out before he was fully used to it. Back when it was common for dark visions to twist in his subconscious. He would spring awake only to notice his lover unbreathing. It was normal now. He couldn't help but wish it was not.
When Patroclus finally woke, he did so with a soft smile.
"Achilles," Was all he said. It was soft and filled with such love.
"Patroclus," He replied. Achilles never could say his name without showcasing a great deal of feeling through it. The name was not simply a word or title. It represented something, someone he loved more than existence itself. A life so glorious and full gains a name and Achilles would say it like it was the man himself. Tasting the word on his tongue was no different from colliding with the man. Sometimes Achilles found himself saying the word over and over, allowing it to fully encapsulate every feeling and each ounce of unbridled love. It was an addiction he could not get enough of.
"What do you wish to do with your day off?" Patroclus queried. His eyes squinted slightly, as if he was running through ideas.
"I just wish to stay here with you," Achilles answered unabashedly.
Patroclus hummed and kissed Achilles on the head. He left his nose buried against his curls.
Achilles traced his hands along Patroclus' skin. He was not clothed after their night-time activities, leaving free roaming for Achilles. Yet, he did not hunger for further sex. All he wished for was that grasp of warmth. Even with Patroclus there and with his hands feeling the hair on his arms, Achilles felt desperate. The desperation drove him mad. He craved combining entirely with Patroclus. He was consumed by the craving. Achilles was never close enough to him. It was like he missed Patroclus even when they were touching. It could never be enough if they were not truly one. He played at it anyway.
He decided his mind had wandered far too much that morning. Nectar could be a numbing agent. Luckily, Zagreus kept them well stocked. Nectar helped him gain the bliss he looked for.
Achilles reached for one of the bottles held on the bedside table.
"Would you care for a drink, beloved?" Achilles asked with a smile.
Patroclus smiled in return and that was all it took. With the warmth Achilles felt, he would believe it if he were told his pupils formed into hearts in that moment.
He took a sip first and passed it to Patroclus. His eyes followed as Patroclus lifted the bottle, took his sip, and licked at his lips.
Achilles grabbed the bottle back as he placed a peck on Patroclus' lips.
They traded sips, slowly, back and forth until the bottle was empty. In between sips, they could not stop themselves from indulging in simple kisses. As the bottle drained and time passed, the kisses grew longer and more full of warmth.
Patroclus discarded the empty bottle somewhere behind him and turned back to Achilles.
Achilles felt a jump of emotions and fluttering in his chest as Patroclus looked at him for the millionth time. It always felt like the first. The love in his eyes made Achilles' head spin. He could not help himself but lean forward and place yet another kiss on his lips.
He parted moments later and said, "I love you."
The words were too simple and could not encapsulate all he felt. So, he will say it again. "I love you." Another kiss.
Not enough.
"I love you."
A kiss.
It still didn't showcase his love.
"I love you."
Patroclus' eyes were schrunched and his smile wide. He could barely stop the grin as Achilles kissed him yet again.
"I love you," He repeated.
Gods above and below, it didn't feel like enough. Those words couldn't fulfill the feeling. It was the same high he got off of Patroclus' name. He chased after capturing what he felt. He desperately craved putting his feelings into words so that Patroclus could understand and never forget it. Achilles had made many mistakes and had driven a wedge between him and Patroclus for far too many years. He couldn't stand to think that Patroclus would ever doubt or forget his love. He needed him to know.
Soft kiss. "I love you."
Again and again and again.
Patroclus said nothing throughout it. He only smiled with the attention. He looked close to positive tears.
"Gods, I love you so much," Achilles whined desperately. "I need you to understand."
A tear fell down Patroclus' cheek. "I understand." The words sounded so purely genuine.
Achilles let out a noise, similar to the beginning of a laugh in his joy.
"I hope you understand that I love you too, Achilles," Patroclus spoke gently. Tears flowed freely from his eyes. "I love you so much."
Achilles sniffled, finding himself crying as well. "I understand."