Chapter Text
"Hey... Uhm... Daichi? Are you okay in there?"
Kousuke knocks on the bathroom door once more.
No response.
This was very unusual for both of them. In these kind of situations, Daichi would at least let out a huff or make some strange, barely recognizable sound to let his husband know that everything's fine. It was one of the ways they usually communicate and many, many times, it was just enough for them to understand each other. But this time? Silence. Not a single small creak, sniff or any other kind of sound or a reaction could be heard from behind the bathroom door. And at this point, Kousuke was visibly worried.
"Hey Daichi... If something happened we can talk about it, you know... I'm here for you."
"Daichi???"
***
Earlier that evening, Daichi was on his way home. It was one of those days where he could go early after finishing all of his work for the day and it was his favorite kind of work days, unsurprisingly. Despite all the fatigue, he would always pass by a bunch of small restaurants and cafés he and his husband would regularly visit together when they got the time for it or had the opportunity to test out what new savory meals, desserts and drinks have been added to the ever growing menu. There was also a bunch of other spots they have known about for a while, such as a small convenience store, very well hidden in the corner of the street, where Daichi used to buy some snacks when hunger got him on his way to work and back home.
At last, across the street, a small stand selling cigarettes, with a short, old grandma sitting inside and smiling at anyone who passed by. Occasionally, she would wave at Daichi and wish him the best of luck for the day, motivating him. He would always wave back at her and it made his day instantly better. Such a sweet old lady. Sometimes, Daichi would even buy a magazine at her stand, just so she could have some money for that day, even if he never ends up reading them or ends up throwing them away shortly after. However, this evening was different... very different.
Daichi spotted the old lady again, selling cigarettes and magazines as usual. He wasn't in a hurry, so this time, it has been decided it was time for him to make the old lady's day better instead, in return for her doing the same. Daichi slowly approached her stand and came up with few lines to say, until he stood right in front of the booth.
"Good evening, miss."
"Oh, hello there, it's you. The guy that passes by on his way to work, correct? Are you here to buy a magazine again?"
"No, not really."
"Oh? Since when do you smoke, young man. Sure, you can buy some cigarettes if you want..."
"It's not that either. I was just thinking about how you sit here all day, waiting for people to buy something... How often do you get the chance to buy some groceries?"
The old lady smiled at him, as she usually does.
"I buy groceries shortly before the nearby stores close. They don't have much stuff left by the time I walk in but they always have enough for me to cook a good meal once I'm home. Truly juuust enough."
"Hm... And how about this... You can grab your stuff and close the stand for the day, while I go get you some groceries? You were always so nice to me, I felt like I should do something for you too."
Daichi always had this grumpy expression of his. A lot of people would assume he doesn't mean what he's actually saying but luckily, they couldn't be more wrong. Daichi always cared about people around him, even if it was a struggle talking to them, the tone of his husky voice not making the awkward conversations any less uncomfortable. Yet still, whenever he asked if he could help someone, he always mean it and wanted the best for them.
The old lady was caught off guard a bit, since she was used to doing everything entirely by herself. Clearly, no one has offered her help in a long time and it instantly melted her heart.
"I knew you were sweet and caring young man, despite your cold, grouchy face. If you really want to help me, I'll write down a list of things I need. It's not much but it's just enough for me. I can take it with me back home."
"We can walk to your home together, you must be pretty tired, after all. I can carry all that stuff, it's no big deal." Daichi replied.
"That is very considerate of you, young man. Thank you so so so much, I truly appreciate it. I've been doing this by myself for years now, ever since my husband passed. I don't usually ask for help, but since you truly mean it..."
She wastes no time and immediately grabs a small piece of paper and starts writing.
Shortly after, the old lady gives Daichi a short list of things to buy. It includes only a bunch of vegetables, chicken and a small cheesecake.
"Here. That's all. I don't want to borrow too much of your time, young man. Oh, and the cheesecake is for you. As a small thanks from me. You clearly seem to enjoy some good food, so i hope you'll like it. You know that local convenience store, right? They sell amazing cheesecakes. Trust me, go and get one."
Daichi was quite surprised by her remark about him "clearly enjoying good food" but he knew the old lady meant it in a good way and let out a small chuckle in response.
"Alright then... I'll be back in few minutes."
"Thank you."
***
Upon entering the store, Daichi immediately felt the smell of many familiar delicacies enter his nostrils. From the freshly baked pastries, and yes, somehow, there were some freshly baked goods left at this hour, despite how late it is, to a bunch of smaller cheap snacks and fizzy drinks, with barely any of them remaining on the shelves, in comparison. Seems like a lot of people felt hungry today and went after his favorite snacks, huh. Unfortunate.
Daichi immediately rushed to the meat section for the chicken and bought some cucumbers, carrots and broccoli, as instructed by granny's shopping list. Soon enough, the only not crossed out item left was the cheesecake.
In the sweets section, only two last cheesecakes were remaining. Daichi stopped for a moment, thinking if he should really get one. He knew the moment Kousuke sees the large cake he bought for himself, he won't stop being annoying about it. Somewhat funny yet sometimes slightly annoying behavior of his. Not that Daichi cares, of course, he's used to it at this point. Actually, to be fair, he enjoys it quite a lot. Kousuke's infectious energy is sometimes what keeps him going and works as a constant reminder of how much he actually cares about his big, chubby, grumpy man. It feels like having an energetic puppy excitedly jumping around you and you can never say no to him, no matter how hard you try to resist the bickering.
While Daichi was standing there, reminiscing about all the cakes his husband used to buy in the past for them both on their dates and even now in their stable relationship, a strange, slightly drunk middle aged man suddenly bumped into him. Daichi was caught off guard and almost dropped everything but instead of apologizing, the strange man instantly flipped him off.
"Hey... What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Why are you standing in my way, you fat fuck. Get your fat ass out of here, you're blocking the way."
What an attitude. Daichi was shocked. There was clearly enough space behind him for the man to just walk by but instead he immediately started insulting him for absolutely no reason.
"Why don't you mind your own business, huh? I'm just here to buy some groceries. Let me live."
"Of course you are, you fat bitch. Why won't you go and buy the whole store while you're at it. Look at you, man. I bet you'll just lie here and eat all of this shit that's still remaining after today. You should be ashamed of yourself."
Daichi froze. What the hell is he talking about? He shouldn't take it so seriously, that man looks obviously very drunk. Daichi just shook his head at all those remarks, ignoring them.
"How about you go to the liquor section and buy all of their remaining alcohol. You seem like you would reaaaally enjoy it. Your drunk ass should leave people alone."
The weird guy was pissed, ready to take out his anger on the rusty shelf right next to him but only let out a deep sigh. Instead, with eyes locked onto the floor tiles, trying to hide the embarrassment, he mumbled back a bunch of swears and then looked back at annoyed Daichi.
"Fine... Just get out of my way, you fat bastard. I don't want to squeeze behind your lard just to walk through to my destination. I bet you're sick anyway, you fat fuck."
"Mind your business, asshole." Daichi replied and it was clear as a day that he was over it. Some people genuinely need to stay away from alcohol.
As Daichi was about to grab the cheesecake, those words suddenly started ringing and echoing in his head. "Fat bastard", "You should be ashamed" and "I bet you're sick anyway, fat fuck". It suddenly felt like his heart... broke. Shattered into pieces. He was staring at that big delicious cheesecake but couldn't bring himself to grab it and take it home. He suddenly felt... Awful. Ashamed. Sick of himself. And sick of the way he looks...
***
"Here are your groceries... We can walk to your home now."
Daichi came back with all the groceries he was supposed to buy, except for the cheesecake, which was left in the store, presumably until someone else picks it up tomorrow.
"Thank you so much, young man... But... Why did you not get the cheesecake? Did you forget?"
He felt so awful in that moment to the point that grumpy expression wasn't even *just* grumpy anymore... Daichi looked like someone just tore off and stole a bit of his soul. The look of someone who's tired and disappointed yet it's not too clear why, perhaps since Daichi rarely displayed any emotions. But still, he reassured the old woman that everything is fine and he just forgot.
"If you say so... I just wanted you to have a nice evening and eat something good. It's fine. You can get it next time, right? Or do you not like cakes?"
"..."
"Right... Sorry, you're probably tired. I still really appreciate your help, young man."
"Hmph..."
***
After helping the old lady with her groceries and walking with her home, Daichi simply left. The old lady thanked him and he told her to have a great day, as one would. Now, on his way home, thoughts began to flood his brain. All of them being... very unpleasant.
"Maybe... All those times I was eating those cakes... And those rice balls... And those delicious ribs and steaks... Fuck... Maybe I should stop indulging so much... Fuck... Why the FUCK am I like this... What is wrong with me... Why can't I be normal about food like everyone else? That strange guy... Is this how people REALLY see me? As a weird, fat bastard who can't just leave the store without some huge fucking meal in his hands, ready to stuff himself till combustion? All those calories and god knows what else… It's not good for my waistline, huh… Shit."
Daichi genuinely never felt this awful about his body before. He didn't mind the idea of putting on some weight honestly. After all, his husband was originally chubby just like he currently was, before Kousuke started working out, and he was the most adorable looking guy ever. Not only that, but Kousuke clearly loved Daichi's body too. His soft love handles, round chubby cheeks, overhang that was impossible to hide from Kousuke's obsessive gaze and all of his other soft features he gained in their relationship, regardless of the fact if it was intentional or purely by him getting much more comfortable over time. Sometimes, even Daichi himself would stand in front of the mirror and touch his soft spots and his thick meaty hands, feeling like a fuzzy round teddy bear. It felt.... Good. So damn good. He felt so confident this way but never talked about it in front of anyone. And yet... Suddenly... He was sick of it...
"I'll just go to the bathroom and... Think of what to do next... I can't tell my husband about all of this... That idiot is gonna be worried sick. Ugh… Kousuke…"
Once he entered the apartment building, the sound of his keys and small trinkets (gifted to him by Kousuke, of course) could be heard jingling on the staircase the moment Daichi started to walk upstairs. He felt so exhausted by just walking up and it made him feel even worse and demotivated to even do anything, sensing his stomach press against the clothes. He was used to walking since him and his husband love hiking but... Daichi was just too drained, both physically and emotionally. Daichi just couldn't forget about this encounter... And he didn't know what to do next.
The moment Daichi finally made it to his and Kousuke's apartment, he slowly opened the door, making sure not to make too much noise. Kousuke immediately greeting him is the last thing he wanted to happen right now but was worried that's exactly what's gonna happen anyway, just like every other time when he comes back from work. After slowly and quietly opening the door, Daichi walks in.
Expecting Kousuke to jump out of nowhere and tighly hug him against his will, he scanned the whole apartment and listened to all familiar sounds nearby. None of them belonged to Kousuke. Daichi was relieved and took off his large boots as he put them in their designated place, right next to Kousuke's favorite pair of sports shoes and also couldn't help himself but notice how much of a difference there was between the sizes of the two shoe pairs. That was an unexpected humiliation ritual. Then, to simply forget and calm down for a bit, he finally approached the bathroom door.
As he soon as he did, Kousuke walked into the small apartment, using a pair of in-house slippers. Of course. He was just downstairs, trying to borrow something from their neighbors, it wasn't necessary to use some regular shoes. Dammit. Daichi didn't think of that at all.
Immediately after hearing Kousuke say "Hi big guy, how was your day?", Daichi quickly shut the door and locked himself in the bathroom, almost as if he was scared.
"What the hell??? Daichi, what's going on?"
Kousuke immediately approaches the door and tries to open it but can't, since it's locked.
"Daichi, did something happen, sweetheart? Please, talk to me. Please..."
Fuck. Why did he react like that? It was so stupid. Now Kousuke is gonna stand behind that door the whole time and won't go away unless he speaks up. This was just so embarrassing for Daichi.
"Daichi... What is happening? Can you at least let out a sound so i can be sure you're okay in there? You scared me shitless...."
"Daichi???"
Daichi is standing in the middle of the bathroom, half naked, staring at the mirror, completely ignoring his husband's pleas. It's almost like he couldn't hear him and as if the world around him was no longer important or even existed in the first place.
"Huh...", Daichi sighs as he tenderly grabs his stomach, recognizing how it's bigger and a bit rounder than most people on the larger scale around him, who were all still significantly smaller and much healthier compared to the body he was staring at right now, built on mostly chocolates, Kousuke's cooking and unhealthy amounts of ramen noodles. In that moment though, he felt so many emotions... So many different things, all at once... He was embarrassed, slightly aroused and yet absolutely disgusted. This was the closest he's been to crying in ages. He felt... Horrible. Is this really him?
Kousuke is now just standing there, hopeless, his forehead pressed against the door as he's looking at the ground and trying to calm himself down. There must be a reason Daichi just locked himself in there and won't let him in, right? Mayyybe he should give him some space to figure everything out. For one last time, he knocks on the door, hoping to get an answer back this time.
"Hey... Uhm... Daichi? You okay in there?"
"..."
“Daichi... If something happened we can talk about it, you know... I'm here for you babe...”
“...”
"Daichi???"
Just like that, Daichi wasn't answering. Something was wrong with him and Kousuke can't do anything about it right now. He lets go off the door handle and sits on the couch, now staring at the ceiling instead. Sinking into the fluffy cushions, resembling the softness of Daichi's big yet gentle body, felt quite comforting for him. Or at least it would, but given the situation, he couldn't even think of it like that.
On the other side, Daichi does the same... He's sitting in the bathtub and glaring at the ceiling, while his soft belly fondly rests on his lap.
"What the fuck am I gonna do...", He starts to think to himself.
Both of them close their eyes and ignore the world. Daichi almost gets lost in his thoughts but eventually, due to him being extremely tired, starts falling asleep. Same goes to Kousuke, who ends up finally closing his eyes, hoping his husband will feel better upon waking up. As they slowly fall asleep in sync, each in a different room, with Daichi snoring and Kousuke breathing heavily out of fear and anxiety, a small sound of two birds chirping could be heard outside, next to the window.
The birds are clearly teasing each other and having fun, trying to steal a worm from each others beaks. One of them grabs it and flies away, while the other watches him and waits...
But the other bird is already gone...
And then, everything goes silent.
***
The sun slowly starts to set as the two men are still asleep. And who knows... Maybe this is what they needed. Have a good sleep to regain energy. This whole day was a lot for both partners involved.
In the end, after at least two hours, Daichi slowly woke up in the bathtub and looked at his body, then at the ceiling again. He still feels uncomfortable... But he's much calmer now.
"Fuck... Maybe I really should tell Kousuke about all of this… Hm… That idiot… He's not gonna take this well, but… I can't really blame him… I need to be honest with him."
Bathtub felt a bit slippery at first but after a bit of a struggle, Daichi stands up and loudly sighs. It was time to reveal the truth. The truth he's scared to face...
Or...
Is this *really* the truth?