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Look, I know you’ve all heard things about me. You’ve heard them from famous writers who think they know everything, but let me tell you what really happened. I didn't mean to marry Eros, I didn't mean to tick off Aphrodite, and I definitely did not mean to become a goddess! But if you ask me, it’s all my parents’ fault. They should have never gone to the oracle! No one should go to the oracle! They went looking for reassurance, but instead, she said I would marry a monster!
I should probably start from the beginning.
You may have heard I jumped off a cliff. Ridiculous, right? Well, I did! The oracle said that I would meet my husband at the top of a hill, but nothing was happening, so I followed my gut! Then, Zephyrus, the West Wind picked me up and dropped me off at my new home. I met my husband, and he was amazing!... with the slight downside of him refusing to let me see him.
I was happy for once in my life. Until my sisters ruined it. They convinced me my husband was some bloodthirsty monster, like the minotaur. So that night I lit a lamp, snuck in while he was sleeping, and saw that my husband was Eros. I was married to literal Cupid!
But then a drop of stupid lamp oil fell onto him and woke him up. He was furious. And why shouldn’t he have been? I betrayed him. He said he never wanted to see me again, and I honestly didn’t blame him.
I stayed in my castle, broken hearted and numb from the pain of losing him. For the first few days all I could do was cry, until I decided to find Eros, to believe he could love me again, that not all hope was lost.
I was going to have to ask Aphrodite. His mother. And that did not sound appealing. She hates me. The moment I stepped foot into her temple she appeared.
“P-please,” I stammered. “I need to find Eros and apologize.”
“And watch him get hurt again? I don’t think so, girly. His shoulder is still inflamed from that lamp oil!” Aphrodite said heartlessly.
Wait, that was only a drop?
My husband is such a baby.
I love him so much.
“Pleeeeease,” I begged and dropped to my knees. “I’ll do anything.” My face was wet with tears. I was so scared.
Aphrodite said, “Anything? Well, okay, I will help you. If you pass my trials.”
“I’ll do it,” I agreed. “When do we start?”
“How about now?” Aphrodite smiled slyly. She grabbed my wrist and the world as I knew it disappeared. When I opened my eyes, all around me… were piles of different types of grains..
“Sort all these grains by sundown,” said Aphrodite. “Oh, and before I forget, fail and I will kill you. Have fun!”
She popped away before I could complain about my newfound death sentence. Because I didn’t even recognize half of those grains! I collapsed to the ground, crying, when I heard a sound below me..
“Oi, down here. I heard you could use some help.” It was an ant. Not a particularly special ant. Just a normal ant. But any help is better than no help at all.
He whistled, and suddenly there were thousands of ants. “All right, troops,” the first ant called. “Let’s get to work.”
Half an hour later, there wasn’t a single grain out of place.
“Thank you!” I breathed. “But why did you help me?”
“That's easy. Demeter, goddess of agriculture, sent us. She’s rooting for you and Eros. Almost everyone is.” Then, in a flash, the ants left.
When Aphrodite showed up, she was mad that I had accomplished the impossible task. Ha!
“Well…I’ll bet you can’t do the next one,” she smiled and chuckled softly. “I’m running low on beauty,” she started, “so I would like you to find Persephone, Demeter’s daughter, and get her to give me some of hers.”
“B-but Persephone will be in the underworld, and the only way mortals can get there is by dying,” I protested.
“Well then, better die fast. But if you get the beauty, which you probably won’t, don’t you dare try to take some. I will know.”
And then she disappeared…again.
I know that last bit shocked you but I’m fine. I got into the underworld unscathed. Zeus helped me. It’s not important. Persephone gave me a box of beauty.
Now, you may have heard that I became vain, that I opened the box to take the beauty for myself, but I’m offended that you would believe that! I would never do something that stupid.
Here’s what really happened.
I was so excited! I would finally see my beloved again. I ran so fast that I wasn’t looking where I was going until I tripped over a rock and fell, dropping the box. It opened, spraying the beauty in my face. I stood up, hacking, only to find Aphrodite standing in front of me, smiling sweetly.
“I warned you not to take my beauty. You didn’t listen.” Then, with a flick of her wrist, I was on the ground.
I don’t really know how to describe how dying felt. It was kinda like falling asleep, but different. Hey, stop worrying, I’m fine! Sheesh, stop crying so I can finish. Eros had been watching over me, making sure I was okay. As soon as I hit the ground, he came. But it was too late. There was nothing anyone could do to bring me back to life. So he beseeched the gods and in the end, all, minus Aphrodite, voted to make me a goddess–the goddess of the human soul, actually, with Eros as my husband. So now I’m just chilling in Olympus, getting to know all the other gods and learning all my godly duties. I’ve never been happier!