Work Text:
Out of all the faces Jaemin expects to see on his screen as he mindlessly and endlessly swipes through the Bee app, Jeno stays at the very bottom of the list. Yet there he is, with a photo he hasn’t and probably never will upload publicly. He likely has no intention of breaking his mysterious online façade. Empty Instagram feed and all, save for a few highlights that barely feature his face and instead show more of their corporate events. Jeno has always been that kind of co-worker. Probably why Jaemin least expects to find him here, of all people, and in all places.
A grin makes its way across Jaemin’s face as he scrolls through Jeno’s profile. He honest to God didn’t think Jeno would have this many selfies in his gallery. It’s not just surprising that he’s here. It’s also surprising that Jeno actually has the time and puts in even the bare minimum effort to take photos of himself inside his car. Jaemin recognizes the outfits he’s wearing. He must have taken them before going to work. Jaemin smiles at the thought of Jeno lingering in his car, snapping photos of himself before heading into the office. Cute.
As expected, Jeno barely includes any information about himself on his profile. Save for his height, his star sign (does Jeno even give a damn about astrology?), the fact that he’s actively working out, socially drinks and smokes, doesn’t have nor want children, and that he’s agnostic (good).
But what surprises Jaemin the most is that Jeno has also indicated what he’s looking for:
Intimacy, without commitment.
Jaemin guffaws and nearly chokes on his own laughter at what he just read, curling in on himself from laughing too much as he rereads the line. He’s already thinking of hundred different ways to torment Jeno about this. Before anything else, Jaemin makes sure to take a screenshot of what he just saw.
Evidence secured.
Should he swipe right just to mess with Jeno? Would Jeno swipe right on Jaemin too? Is he on a premium? Is he going to see that Jaemin swiped right on him and delete his account out of sheer embarrassment? Jaemin can already picture it, the flustered look, the blush creeping up Jeno’s cheeks.
No. Ending the fun now would be a waste.
Instead, Jaemin closes the app and goes to sleep. When he opens it again the next morning, Jeno’s profile is still sitting right at the top of the stack. Which means he hasn’t seen it yet. Or at least hasn’t swiped left.
Jaemin considers telling someone. Haechan, maybe. Or Chenle, who would tease him just as mercilessly as Jaemin plans to tease Jeno.
It’s not like there’s anything embarrassing about it. They’re all single grown ups anyway. And Valentines’ day is fast approaching. There’s nothing wrong about being on the app. Jaemin himself is there too. The only thing that makes everything amusing is how uncharacteristic it is for Jeno, of all people. And that of all things, that he’s looking for intimacy without commitment.
Jaemin briefly wonders if he knows of the other app, the orange one, that will probably get him get what he wants faster and with far less effort, if he really needs to get dicked down on Valentine’s that badly.
Jaemin isn’t exactly a new resident out there, but he finds himself installing the app again. Just to check. Just to prove a point. To see something. But after swiping on a few shirtless torsos, Jaemin laughs at himself.
Why is he even so curious? Worse, why is he almost eager to find Jeno here?
Right. He’s just trying to find more material to tease him about. That’s it.
But is it really?
Eventually, Jaemin gives up and deletes the app again. He’s past his hookup phase anyway. His profile already says as much. Long-term relationship. Life partner. He’s just a single twenty-five-year-old romantic with barely enough time to breathe, let alone sleep around.
But if it’s a certain someone, then it could be worth it.
Damn the consequences of hooking up with a coworker later.
💻
Jaemin comes to the office the next day ready to torment Jeno all day long. This is premium blackmail material after all. He thinks of all the ways and all the things he can get in exchange.
But then it hits him.
Is it even a secret?
How many other people could’ve seen Jeno there? Which of their coworkers might’ve already come across his profile? Might’ve even seen Jaemin’s too?
The longer he thinks about it, the less funny it feels. He doesn’t quite understand why he reacted the way he did the night he found Jeno there.
Or why, buried somewhere deep and uncomfortable, there’s a selfish part of him that hopes no one else has.
Still, he wonders how Jeno would react. Would he deny it? Ask Jaemin to keep quiet and actually follow through on whatever Jaemin demands? Shrug it off like he does everything else? Or scoff and tell Jaemin he’s being childish?
Jaemin would never actually out him. Which is why, after turning it over again and again, he decides to keep it to himself. No Haechan. No Chenle. No one.
He even considers not telling Jeno at all.
But then again… where’s the fun in that?
And more importantly, is it worth it?
He’s starting to feel guilty just thinking about teasing Jeno. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal.
Jeno walks into the room as Jaemin swivels on his office chair, staring at Jeno’s lingering profile on the bee app as Jaemin contemplates his next move. He can approach Jeno. He could do it now. Walk up to him. Tease him. Get a free lunch out of it or something.
Jaemin sighs and quietly laughs at himself. God, he’s acting like a university kid. He has so many things to do. Job orders on top of another. Key visuals after key visuals and storyboards to work on. He should be on Photoshop instead of a dating app right now.
So despite the hesitation, despite the way his eyes flick toward Jeno as he sets his laptop down and starts another stressful day of client emails, Jaemin finally swipes left.
And then—
“You missed a potential match.”
Jaemin freezes.
He almost chokes on his Americano.
Huh.
💻
Jaemin is far more distracted than he’d ever admit. Even as he works, refining tiny details only the clients would notice, his thoughts keep drifting back to Jeno.
So Jeno saw him. That’s what it means, right?
Yet he’s showing no indication at all. Jeno acts completely normal. No teasing. No awkwardness. Nothing.
Right, Jaemin has been the only one who overreacted about it. Goes to show how he reacted so immaturely about it. Was he the only one who assumed that they’re on that level of closeness that will allow him to tease Jeno about it? Would he be crossing a line if he ever brought it up? They’ve went out and drank together on a few after work hangouts anyway. They interact beyond work topics and exchange friendly banters on a daily basis.
Jaemin thought that meant something.
Unless Jeno has no intention of teasing him.
He swiped right, after all.
And Jaemin swiped left!
Heat crawls up Jaemin’s face and neck out of embarrassment. Why is he the one getting embarrassed now? How could the tables have turned that quickly?
As expected of Jeno anyway. Typical Jeno. He’d thought of this very same reaction anyway. Calm, nonchalant, unbothered. Guess at least he knows Jeno that much by now.
Jaemin jolts from his seat when the subject of his thoughts appeared beside him.
“Hey, Jaem. Busy?” Jeno casually sets his laptop beside his.
Jeno leans against the table and uses his one arm to steady him as he leans forward closer, to Jaemin, or to his laptop, other hand scrolling through his trackpad, eyes glued to his laptop screen despite talking to Jaemin.
He’s too close. Jaemin instinctively wheels his seat backwards to provide some space.
“Sorry. I think you were in the zone.” Jeno chuckles. “Should I get back to you later?”
“No, no. It’s fine.” Jaemin shakes his head, rolling back into place once Jeno shifts away, finally realizes their proximity and moves slightly further away from Jaemin.
Bold of Jaemin to think he’d be doing any teasing today. Not when his chest is pounding like this, when Jeno’s cologne is filling his senses and he hates that he notices. He notices everything. He’s hypersensitive of everything that has something to do with Jeno. The way his hair had grown longer, the way his glasses slightly slide off his nose as he leans down, the way Jeno’s tongue slips out from his lips, the protruding veins on the arm he’s using to lean against the table. Jaemin hates it.
Jaemin thinks this could be the perfect moment to bring it up. Or Jeno might bring it up now. But he realizes this is some work matters. He needs to get his shit together.
“Alright. Do you have a lot on your plate right now?” Jeno asks him, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his index finger.
“Not really,” Jaemin says, despite the key visual, storyboard, and social media cascades that he’s supposed to complete by the end of the day.
“Be honest,” Jeno chuckles, meeting his eyes. “I can talk it out with the client if it’s not realistic.”
“Fine,” Jaemin sighs. “Is it urgent?”
Jeno rolls his eyes, “Everything is urgent anyway.”
Jaemin huffs and lets out a pfft, “Okay. How urgent?”
Jeno proceeds to explain the job order and revisions asked from the client. By the time he’s done, Jaemin notices how close they’ve become again when Jaemin leaned closer to take a look at Jeno’s laptop screen. He pushes back when Jeno’s done.
“All clear?” Jeno asks.
“Yep. I guess.” Jaemin nods and gets back to his own laptop, unconsciously avoiding Jeno’s gaze.
Oh this isn’t him at all. Why is he being so anxious around Jeno? It’s because he feels like Jeno’s about to drop a bomb anytime soon. An impending doom and anticipation, as if he’s waiting for a jumpscare that’s never going to happen in a horror movie.
“So when can we get this done?” Jeno opens up his calendar. “Friday? EOD?”
That’s Valentine’s day. Not that it matters anyway. Jaemin doesn’t have any plans. Yet.
Unless… his inner voice stubbornly whispers.
This is the perfect moment. Bring it up!
“Yeah… sure. Friday works. EOD.”
“Cool. Friday it is. Thanks Jaem,” Jeno straightens up and picks his laptop off the table, “Just ping me if you have any questions.”
Jeno smiles and walks away.
That’s it?
Huh.
💻
Jaemin hates how much he wants the upper hand back. He hates feeling flustered, affected, exposed. It’s not like he’s lost it. He just doesn’t like the thought of getting flustered by Jeno or anyone. And most of all, he doesn’t like how he’s feeling all weak, shy, anxious, and entirely affected by this whole thing than Jeno, obviously.
Jeno, meanwhile, remains completely unfazed. For a fleeting second, he’s starting to think it might not be Jeno after all. Someone might be using his photos or something. Because Jeno can’t be acting this normally if it was really him, right? But where could those photos be from? Jeno doesn’t have anything in his public social media save for his profile picture that he’s had since their team exchanged Instagrams after last year’s year end party.
Unless Jeno really is just very good at pretending, pulling up an innocent act. That’s more characteristic of him. That’s what he’s always been anyway. Innocent. Reserved. Never engaging in anything remotely dirty, save for shy smiles behind his glasses and quiet laughs.
And that’s exactly why Jaemin just won’t let this go. Not when he finally found a fissure in Jeno’s innocent facade.
So back to his original plan to torment Jeno about it.
Why is he so nervous about this anyway?
Jeno swiped right on him on top of everything else. More material to tease him about on top of looking for intimacy without commitment.
It could’ve been easier if only Jaemin doesn’t have a secret attraction to Jeno that he never really admitted to himself. He’s always been, anyway. That if someone has to ask him for his office crush in exchange of coffee or money, he’d say Jeno without hesitation.
That if someone has to ask who he’d fuck, marry, and kill, Jaemin will find himself conflicted whether to want to fuck or marry Jeno.
Yep, it had been one of those scenarios he’d conjured in his head to make himself sleep.
Maybe he have always known that he’s had a crush on Jeno all this time. He simply never had the chance to admit it, not even to himself. And maybe that’s partly why he’s so eager to use this opportunity and see if he’s got a chance. See where this goes.
Jaemin tries his best to focus and get back to work. Be professional. You’re in a work setting! He mentally scolds himself. But it’s getting hard to ignore. Not when he’s become hyper-aware of everything Jeno does. Of Jeno’s scent, voice and everything while the thought of being intimate with him, without commitment, starts to creep in his mind.
It’s not Jaemin to back down, lose the upper hand, and be all affected over a man. He needs to get his shit together.
So when their teammates invited everyone to go out for a quick coffee run during the afternoon break, Jaemin takes the chance and hangs back to basically corner Jeno when the rest of their team walked ahead of them.
Jeno walks alongside of him while checking his phone. No hints of striking up their pending conversation at all. As if he isn’t even aware that he and Jaemin needs to talk about something.
Jaemin breathes loudly through his nose and grins. Shakes his head and shoulder bumps with Jeno who finally looks at him. As if he’s surprised that Jaemin’s beside him the whole time.
“Hey, Jen. Think I can move the deadline? I just remembered I have Valentine’s plans.” Jaemin starts, his mouth pulling up on a wide grin while looking at Jeno and pushing the cafe’s door open for him.
“Oh.” Jeno flushes, at the gesture or the question or hearing about Jaemin’s Valentine plans, he’ll never know. “No.”
Jaemin scoffs. Oh. So now he’s teasing. Perfect moment.
“Really?” Jaemin begins to threaten.
Before he gets to follow up with his blackmail material, Jeno laughs and says, “Kidding. Valentine’s huh. A date?”
So he’s curious.
“Nope.” Jaemin playfully smiles,”I’m just kidding too. No plans yet.” He emphasizes on the yet.
Jeno smiles with his usual eye smile and goes back to checking his phone as they queue for the cafe counter.
That’s it?! Jaemin thinks. That basically confirms he has no plans of talking about it at all. The ball has always been and never left his side of court after all. Jaemin laughs.
This can only go two ways: Jeno denying that it’s him or discovers on the spot that he has a catfish.
“So…” Jaemin starts, pushing his sweaty hands insides his pocket. “Intimacy without commitment, huh?”
Jeno freezes, turns and looks at him, flustered. Wide eyes behind his glasses and all. He clearly knows what he’s talking about. His reaction satisfies Jaemin. Feeds on the ego blooming in his chest. Upper hand reclaimed.
After a few silent moments, Jeno rolls his eyes after looking around them, subtle to check if anyone’s listening.
Before he can say anything, Jaemin continues. “And apparently. I have lost a potential match. I was going to backtrack but I would rather buy myself another cup of Americano.”
“You swiped left on me?” Jeno blurts, genuinely offended. Disappointed. Really? That’s his initial response? This isn’t one of the ways Jaemin was expecting this to turn out.
“I-” Jaemin stutters, thinking of different ways to explain himself but he blanks out.
He can’t just confess right on the spot. And instead, he’s fixating on the fact that Jeno was disappointed and expecting him to swipe right. What does that imply?! Why does he find the need to explain himself, take it back, make it up to Jeno for his obviously hurt and offended reaction.
“I wasn’t expecting you’ll swipe right!”
Jeno hushes him as they move forward in the queue. Looks around to check again. Their teammates are now ahead of them, waiting for their orders.
“So you’ll only swipe right on me if you knew I swiped right on you?” Jeno narrows his eyes at him. Inquisitive. Accusing. As if giving him a chance to redeem himself.
Wait. Jaemin pauses. Wow. He’s dead serious.
“Yes! No! I mean-” Jaemin opens and closes his mouth. He can’t believe Jeno is leaving him speechless and defeated.
“We’re not looking for the same thing anyway,” Jaemin says. Not even denying the implication that he’s attracted to Jeno and that he would’ve swiped right if only they want the same thing. “You’re looking for intimacy,” Jaemin punctuates, “without commitment. I’m looking for a life partner, if you even bothered to scroll through my profile. You probably just swiped because you immediately saw how good-looking I am in my photos.” Jaemin manages to tease. Gain the upper hand back.
Jeno rolls his eyes again, “It’s not even like that…” Now he’s whisper-screaming as they approach the counter.
“What do you mean?” Jaemin asks. “What is it then?”
Before Jeno gets to answer, he’s already in front of the cashier, punches in his order before Jaemin follows and moves along to the side to wait for their orders.
Jeno continues, “Not the kind of intimacy, you’re thinking of. Pervert.”
Jaemin scoffs. So now he’s the pervert one?!
“So what is it then?” Jaemin prods.
“Chai latte for Jeno,” the barista calls out.
“Later.”
💻
Jaemin spends the rest of the day hyperfixating on the way Jeno reacted, replaying their conversation in his head over and over again. Reading between the lines, assigning new meanings to Jeno’s few words with every rerun.
“You swiped left on me?!”
Was Jeno genuinely hurt? Was he really expecting Jaemin to swipe right on him? Jaemin thinks back on all their past interactions. Did he ever give anything away, let it show that he’s always been attracted to Jeno? And thinking harder, did Jeno ever show any signs of being attracted to him too? Never. Unless it counts that Jeno always approaches him at work. But that’s literally his job. Delivering job orders. Handling client communication. There was nothing beyond that.
Jeno has always been the hardest to read among their team. He’s easy enough to get along with, but no one ever gets past his innocent smiles and soft laughs. Nothing about his personal life. Jaemin wouldn’t have even known Jeno was single if he hadn’t found him on a dating app. He would have gone on thinking he never stood a chance, that there wasn’t even a shot to take. And yet here he is, practically implying that he’s attracted to Jaemin too.
And more than anything else, what does he mean when he says it isn’t like that?
What kind of intimacy is he actually looking for? Jaemin doesn’t think Jeno, the smart, type-A accounts manager that he is, is naive enough and born yesterday not to understand what “intimacy without commitment” implies.
And “later”? When is later?
As if Jeno can read his thoughts from across the long office table they share with the rest of the team, a Viber notification pops up on Jaemin’s screen.
“In my car. Later.”
Oh shit.
Jaemin nearly chokes as he takes a sip of his second Americano of the day. He can feel Jeno’s gaze burning into his skin from across the room. He starts to regret every cup of coffee he’s had. He feels it all now—the buzz, the relentless thrum in his veins. For a split second, Jaemin wonders if he’s about to be rushed to the emergency room for tachycardia. He even considers giving up coffee altogether, suddenly afraid of dying.
But the thing is, coffee isn’t going to be the cause of his death.
Jeno might be.
💻
Jaemin barely manages to submit all his work before seven. Their teammates have begun clocking out. Jaemin would’ve fled thirty minutes ago, just like he always does, leaving the office on the dot as soon as he finished his work. He hopes none of them notice, until Chenle points it out.
Jaemin mentally groans. Fuck Chenle.
“Wow. Jaemin? Overtime? Is this real?” Chenle teases, chuckling, before leaving him alone just in time, too, before Jaemin can throw the nearest object he can find.
Jaemin catches sight of Jeno finally wrapping up in his periphery. Thank God. But he forces himself to remain unfazed. He can’t make it obvious that he’s been waiting for him all along. Renjun and Haechan are still there, after all. Jaemin’s sure Jeno doesn’t want them to know they’re leaving together.
Until Jeno calls out to him.
“Jaem?” Jeno says. Jaemin glances up, eyebrows lifting in question. “Received the cascades. I’ll forward them to the clients tomorrow morning.”
Jaemin’s shoulders sag with subtle relief. He hadn’t even realized how tense he’d been.
“Right. Thanks, Jen.” Jaemin smiles and pretends to return his attention to his screen.
“I’ll go ahead, guys. See you tomorrow,” Jeno announces to the team before shooting Jaemin one last glance, tilting his head slightly as if to say, let’s go. Jaemin gives him a barely-there nod. Renjun and Haechan acknowledge Jeno and bid him goodbye.
A few minutes later, Jaemin wraps up and follows Jeno to the parking lot.
His mind completely blanks out, shutting down. He no longer knows what to expect. With the way Jeno keeps surprising him, Jaemin realizes he doesn’t know Jeno at all, not the real Jeno. He gives up on trying to gain the upper hand and simply surrenders.
Jeno flashes his headlights twice to get his attention. Jaemin looks around one last time, checking if the coast is clear of officemates who would no doubt spread rumours and blow this whole thing out of proportion.
💻
As Jaemin approaches, he takes notes of how Jeno’s windows heavily tinted are. He really is fucked (if he’s lucky enough). It’s not the first time he’s seen Jeno’s car, so he’s not sure why he’s only noticing it now. It’s not like knowing Jeno’s windows are heavily tinted would’ve been useful information before.
Well. It should’ve been.
Jaemin gulps as he unlocks the passenger door. Or should he have gone for the back seat?
Jaemin slides into Jeno’s passenger seat.
“So, hi,” Jaemin says.
“Hi,” Jeno replies.
Jaemin thinks of all the ways this could go. Is Jeno going to jump on him and go for it? Without preamble? That wouldn’t be so bad.
A few awkward silent moments, Jeno clears his throat and says, “Okay, it’s not what you’re thinking.”
Oh. That’s unfortunate for Jaemin and his half-hard dick straining in his pants then.
Jaemin pretends he doesn’t know what Jeno thinks he’s thinking, so he laughs. Jeno looks at him, glares at him. He didn’t think Jeno was capable of sending death stares but there he is.
And somehow, he looks cute doing it.
“So what is it then?” Jaemin grins, pulling up his composure. He can’t crack. His ego won’t let him. “It’s really you, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“The Bumble profile, it’s really yours. Right?” Jaemin confirms, as if it isn’t obvious enough yet.
“‘Course it is,” Jeno blatantly admits. Right. That’s a stupid question. But he needs something! Anything just to get this conversation going already and get it over with. The awkward tension, one he’s starting to suspect he might’ve imagined, is becoming unbearable.. “Who else would it be? I verified my profile, duh.”
Jaemin’s jaw drops over the duh, Jeno’s been hiding a sassy side all this time?! He’s so fucking cute. Extra attractive when he’s like this.
“Good,” Jaemin manages to say. “That it’s not a catfish or something.” He shrugs, forgetting he’s supposed to be tormenting Jeno about this. Somehow, it’s flipped. “Have you ever tried Grindr?” he asks, laughing like the immature teenager he’s currently being.
“I have. Way back in college.” Jeno casually admits.
Jaemin pretends that didn’t send his softening cock twitching back to life.
“Why are you on Bumble then? It’s much easier and faster to get intimacy without commitment out there, you know.” Jaemin can’t believe they’re having this kind of conversation. In Jeno’s car. In their building’s parking lot.
“I said it’s not like that…” Jeno’s voice drops, embarrassment creeping in as he avoids Jaemin’s gaze.
Jaemin chuckles, and again, says “So what is it then?”
“I’m not looking for hook ups, or fuck buddies. I just…” Jeno clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “Oh this is silly.”
Jaemin laughs again and starts to feel genuinely bad. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m not going to judge you anyway! Come on, Jeno. We’re adults. It’s completely fine to want to… fuck,” Jaemin says it plainly, decides it might make Jeno feel better and lighten up the mood to speak absurdly.
It’s completely fine to want to fuck, even better if it’s with me, but Jaemin keeps that part to himself.
“I should’ve known someone from the office is going to find me out there,” Jeno sighs. Realizing his mistake too late. “Now here I am explaining myself to you because no one’s going to believe what I’m about to say, and you’re gonna make fun of me.”
“What? Of course not! I’m not gonna make fun of you. Jeno, you found me there too, after all.” Jaemin protests, even though that was the initial plan anyway.
“No, no… I mean. Again, I wasn’t looking for a fuck.” Jeno says for the nth time but still not quite having the courage to follow up with the real reason why he’s out there.
Jaemin looks at him, waiting. “Then…?” He prompts gently.
“I just want hugs!”
💻
Jeno cannot be real.
Jaemin stares at him in disbelief. Not quite sure how to react despite a few silent seconds. He’s still trying to process what Jeno just said. Somehow, it would’ve been less shocking if Jeno had admitted outright that he was looking for sex. That would have made more sense. He gives him a few more moments for the follow up “I’m just kidding” but it’s been too long for that. It never comes.
Jeno is dead serious and shy about it as he pushes his glasses up his head and hides his face in both hands.
He is so fucking cute. Jaemin goes completely soft, literally and figuratively, and coos. He can’t believe Jeno is real.
“I knew it,” Jeno says, his voice muffled. “I knew you were going to make fun of me.”
“Hey, hey,” Jaemin says, finally laughing. “Wait. You’re serious, right? You’re not fucking around with me?”
“I said I’m not looking for a fuck…” Jeno says, hands still against his face.
Jaemin laughs again. Right. He’s dead serious.
Jaemin hesitates before placing a hand on Jeno’s shoulder.
Hugs? Really? That’s all? Jaemin could give Jeno hundreds. Thousands. Millions. As tight as he wants, however he wants them. He’s ready to give Jeno everything, right here, right now.
“Okay, okay. I get it now,” Jaemin chuckles, “And no? I’m not going to make fun of you.”
But he has so many questions. Why would Jeno have to go to a dating app for hugs? He should’ve just asked him for it. If Jaemin had known, he would’ve given him the tightest hugs every time they crossed paths. It’s just hugs. It’s just hugs!
“I know what you’re going to think of me now,” Jeno looks down as he finally lowers his hands off his face, “That I’m desperate. And touch-deprived.” Jeno lets out a low, self-deprecating laugh. “That’s true anyway. I’m out on a dating app looking for hugs.” The words sound more like he’s saying them to himself.
“You could have just asked me!” Jaemin blurts out.
Jeno finally looks up at him.
“No… I-” Jeno opens and closes his mouth. “I can’t.” A pause. “But… really?”
Jaemin sees the moment Jeno cracks, the moment he genuinely considers it.
Jaemin laughs, resisting the overwhelming urge to squish him on the spot.
“Of course. I mean it. Why didn’t you?” Jaemin asks.
“It’s not like… we’re not even close. It’s embarrassing.”
Ouch. That stings more than Jaemin would like to admit.
“And that’s the thing, you know…” Jeno continues, ready to explain himself. “It’s not me to ask for hugs. I don’t… I just think people thinks it’s uncharacteristic for me to ask or initiate hugs. I have already made the worst mistake of my life by establishing that… that I’m an aloof person. That’s what you think of me, isn’t it?”
Jaemin wouldn’t be able to deny that no matter how much he wants to, because yeah. That’s true, but… “I mean yeah. That’s what I think. That’s what everyone thinks. But it’s never too late to show who you really are, you know? You can always prove everyone wrong. It doesn’t matter what kind of character,” Jaemin quotes in the air, “you’ve established around everyone. You can always be yourself around us. Around me.”
Jeno looks at him but proceeds to shake his head.
“But it’s embarrassing. To suddenly do that,” Jeno says quietly. “You know?”
“Yeah. I get it,” Jaemin concedes. Jeno is right after all. It would have really shocked him too if Jeno went in for a hug. It couldn’t be as easy as Jaemin makes it sound. And truthfully, no matter how Jaemin hates to admit, they aren’t that close yet. Fine.
“Besides, I just…” Jeno continues, “I just feel like being yourself around colleagues just don’t feel right. We’re just colleagues, after all.”
“That’s not true?” Jaemin protests immediately. “Colleagues can be friends too. Don’t you think?”
Jeno visibly thinks hard, eventually shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
That thought unsettles Jaemin more than he expects. The idea that Jeno hasn’t felt safe around them all this time. That every hangout was casual, obligatory politeness rather than comfort. Maybe he’s just good at it. Jeno has always been reserved, but Jaemin never thought of him as antisocial or someone who avoided people.
But it hits him, that Jeno’s out here, saying this to him. He trusts him enough to admit this.
“But you swiped right on me,” Jaemin says with a small chuckle. “Did you really?”
“Yeah. I did,” Jeno admits. “I’m actually relieved that it’s you.” He adds.
Jaemin practically glows at that. His ego swells, warm and satisfied in his chest.
“Why so?” Jaemin prods. Expecting.
“I know I said we’re not that close, but…” Jeno trails off, then continues, eyes drifting away. “I actually do trust you.”
The admission makes Jaemin preen. His shoulders loosen, his head feels light, like something heavy has finally been lifted.
“That’s good then. We can be… friends,” Jaemin hesitates. Being friends is the last thing he wants to be with Jeno. But one step at a time, baby. One step at a time. Slowly, but surely. “You can be yourself around me.” He smiles. “So, who’s the real Jeno, anyway?”
Jeno glances at him, studying his face like he’s searching for something. When he finally finds it, he sags back into his seat.
“I don’t know… I just… I just don’t know how to break it up to everyone that I’m not as aloof as they think,” Jeno pouts. Really pouts that Jaemin wants to kiss it off his lips. “I don’t know how and when I made it seem like I’m allergic to touch when all I’ve really wanted is to touch,” He punctuates and realizes, “No. That sounds wrong. Ugh,” he groans, pressing his forehead on his steering wheel.
Jaemin coos at how frustrated he sounds. “It’s not always sexual!” Jaemin clocks the always. So it can be sexual sometimes. “Am I even making any sense?”
“Of course, Jeno. It does. I do get it.” Jaemin assures him. “And if you don’t believe me, I understand how frustrating that is because I love to touch as well, okay? Right. That sounds wrong. But just like what you said, it’s not always sexual. Or sensual in any way. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I do understand because I’m just as touchy. I might die from touch deprivation.”
That might sound like an exaggeration but Jaemin means it. He can’t imagine holding himself back from touching his friends. Jaemin is sure Jeno has friends outside his colleagues that he’s allowed to touch, in the most platonic ways. But he gets the problem now. Jeno doesn’t allow himself to go out of the character he’s established.
Still, Jeno asks him, “So how do you manage?” As if he’s really interested in hearing what tips and advice Jaemin has to offer. “Wait. Right. You must have someone.”
“Jeno, you literally found me on a dating app.” Jaemin laughs.
“Right.” Jeno says. Wait, Jaemin realizes, did he say that to confirm something?
“And you know why I haven’t died from touch deprivation?” Jaemin continues. Jeno looks at him, waiting. “Because I don’t hold myself back.”
“Good for you,” Jeno mutters. “I just don’t know how. Or who.” He frowns. “And I don’t want you to think I don’t have friends.”
“Of course not,” Jaemin assures quickly.
“But I can’t. I just can’t hug them. I would rather hug a stranger.”
Jaemin nods slowly. “Right. I do get it now. That’s why you were on a dating app looking for hugs. Right?”
Jeno nods back.
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Jeno says. “How it’s easier to be yourself around strangers.” Jaemin blinks. Woah, that’s deep, Jaemin thinks. But he’s right. “People who don’t know the aloof, touch-allergic Jeno everyone else knows.”
“But I’m not a stranger, am I?” Jaemin points out.
Jeno freezes in his seat. He’s visibly running out of reasons—out of excuses. He could’ve avoided all of this if he’d just swiped left on Jaemin. He already said he’s relieved that it’s Jaemin because he trusts him, but he didn’t say that it’s the reason he swiped right on him.
“I already said I trust you.” Jeno repeats.
“But you haven’t told me why you swiped right,” Jaemin counters.
Jeno closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It might have been the moment he realizes he’s fucked. Jaemin grins.
“You swiped left on me anyway,” Jeno shoots back. Smart ass.
Jaemin can feel his heart hammering against his chest. So this is the game Jeno decides to play, huh? Time to show him he’s chosen the wrong opponent.
“I would’ve swiped right.” Jaemin confesses. It’s now or never.
“But you still swiped left.” Jeno presses on.
“And you’re disappointed.” Jaemin says and waits for Jeno to deny it, but moments have passed and he hasn’t. “Why is that? Does that mean you would’ve wanted me to be your… hugs buddy?” Jaemin chuckles at how ridiculous that sounded. Jeno sends him another death stare.
God, he’s so infuriatingly cute.
He wishes Jeno would just give in and admit that so he can hug him all he wants.
And God was he so good at manifesting, Jeno nods.
Jaemin grins, warming up. He was so ready to pull Jeno in his arms right then and there, before he adds.
“I’ve always… I’ve always seen you hug them, you know.” Jeno looks down. “I kind of envy… the way you’re so comfortable about hugging everyone. Haechan, Chenle… and only you get to hug Renjun,” Jeno exhales, laying all of his heart out. “Except me. You never hug me.”
Oh. Oh.
Jeno is sulking, and he feels absolutely awful.
“Oh God, Jeno…” Jaemin says, ready to apologize. “I’m really sorry. I-”
“No! No… don’t be!” Jeno cuts in quickly. “I get it. I really do. I know.”
“I really didn’t mean to make you feel left out. And I…” Jaemin trails off. Fuck. How is he supposed to explain this? This have gone way too far. It’s not what Jeno thinks. And there’s no other way to explain this without confessing.
“No, Jaemin, really, it’s okay. It’s not like that. Like what I said, I’ve always known that people think I’m aloof so it’s no surprise that you think that way too and I just said it myself that we’re not even close-” Jeno rambles before Jaemin cuts him off.
“Jeno. Hey. Listen. Jeno,” Jaemin straighthens up from his seat. “It’s really not like that. I swear.”
“But it’s okay.” Jeno proceeds to assure him.
“I said it’s not like that,” Jaemin says again, reaching out for Jeno’s hand as if to prove his point better. All the points he’s been trying to make about touching and what he’s about to say. Jeno flinches but lets Jaemin hold his hand while looking down on Jaemin’s hand on him, visibly sagging from the touch. “You might be right that we’re not close yet. But that’s not the only reason. Okay?”
Jaemin pauses, while Jeno looks at him earnestly. Waiting for him to continue.
How is Jaemin even supposed to say this? God, he used to be good at this. At confessing his feelings. It’s not even that deep to be called feelings yet. Yet here he is. Stuttering. It must be a mistake to hold Jeno’s hand because now he can feel his palms sweating, almost shaking.
“I’m not… I’m not the same way around you because… because I’m, fuck,” Jaemin chuckles, “Damn it. This sounds stupid. I have a… I have a crush on you. Okay?”
Silence.
Jaemin finally manages to look and finds Jeno blinking. Staring. As if the world just stopped spinning for him. Jeno looks at him blankly. As always, Jaemin finds it hard to read Jeno’s expressions.
“Jeno. Say something.” Jaemin nervously laughs.
“No… I- I mean… wow,” Jeno finally manages to speak. “Wow.” Jeno laughs. “But… but you swiped left on me.”
That again. He’ll really never let this go. Jaemin sighs.
“Okay, I’m sorry that I did. Okay? But I honest to God didn’t think you will swipe right anyway. I was ready to let it go and realize you’ll probably never swipe right especially when you acted as if you didn’t even see me out there!” Jaemin explains.
“Okay.” Jeno finally says.
“Okay?” Jaemin repeats. That’s all he has to say?
“So you would’ve swiped right on me.” Jeno repeats what he just heard from Jaemin, as if he’s still processing it.
“Yes.” Jaemin says, spot on. No more stalling. “And you swiped right on me.” Jaemin points out. “And you’ve been trying to outsmart your way out of saying why you swiped right on me.”
“I already said-”
“That you trust me.”
“That I wanted you to be my… hugs buddy!”
“Is that all?” Jaemin holds Jeno’s gaze this time, daring, not allowing him to break the contact as he squeezes his hand. Jeno sighs, frowns, lips curling.
“God, Jaemin. You’re so dense,” Jeno groans. “Do I still have to elaborate this?!”
“Like you will in a job order if you must.” Jaemin grins. “In simpler terms, please. Come on, Jeno. You’re good at this”
“I’m attracted to you!” Jeno sighs and spews the words quickly. As if saying them quicker will save him from embarrassment. “I have a crush on you, too.”
“There you go,” Jaemin grins.
Warmth blooms in Jaemin’s chest as he looks at Jeno. He’s so adorable. He can’t believe this is how this whole thing goes. He’d planned to tease Jeno endlessly, to torment him a little, and now he’s about to go out of Jeno’s car having confessed his long standing crush. And out of all things, it’s reciprocated. Always been reciprocated. He’s soon to find out since when. But it doesn’t matter right now.
“But you were going to look for someone else to hug you,” Jaemin fakes a pout.
“I didn’t even know!” Jeno protests. Jaemin stops resisting when he finally reaches out to leave a light pinch on Jeno’s cheek from how cute he is. “I didn’t even know that you… that you liked me.”
Jaemin knows he just said he can be friends with Jeno and that he’d be willing to take it slow, one step at a time, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to take it slow when Jeno acts like this.
“So…” Jaemin begins, grinning, dramatically and slowly opens his arms, “Are you going to hug me now or what?”
“I can?” Jeno asks genuinely, as if sill in disbelief.
“Come, come.” Jaemin urges.
Jeno hesitates before giving in and finally leaning closer to let Jaemin embrace him in his arms. Jeno physically sags and lets out a heavy sigh as he wraps his arm around Jaemin’s broad back. Jaemin can inhale more of his intoxicating scent this way. He smells so good, and warm. Jaemin won’t mind giving him all the hugs that he needs.
Jeno huffs the moment Jaemin squeezes him in his embrace.
“So you’ve been jealous, huh?” Jaemin teases against Jeno’s shoulder as he rubs his back.
Jeno snorts. Jaemin laughs as he tries to picture Jeno’s face. This is still characteristic of Jeno after all. Innocent and cute.
“It just looked… warm,” Jeno admits, voice muffled, almost squeaking from how tight the hug is. Jaemin nuzzles into Jeno’s neck, earning a soft whimper. His breath must’ve tickled.
“So how is it?” Jaemin says, still hugging Jeno, slowly swaying their upper bodies together. “Is it warm enough?”
Jeno nods against his shoulder.
“Good,” Jaemin murmurs. “You’re getting more of this now, baby.”
Jaemin says, feeling Jeno tense in his hold.
“And more.”
And that’s a promise.