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cast off thy Bindings, and be Free

Summary:

Long after the barrier is broken, Martlet takes a long resurrected Clover along for a hike.

Neither know of the emotions that follow.

--

I had this on the back burner for weeks and wanted it DONE, so here it is-

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Clover found that, after monsters had been freed from the Underground, Martlet had gotten big into backpacking.

It felt ironic that a bird should prefer walking over flying, but Martlet described it as a liberating experience, walking all over the mountain that once held all of monsterkind prisoner, and who was Clover to try and tell her otherwise? In fact, it was on this particular day that Clover was to join her on just such a trip - a smaller one, as Clover themself was still young, and one of the more serious hiking walks would simply not be feasible.

As per usual, the bird was over-prepping: “Okay, so we got trail markers, trail map, trail compass, trail clothing, trail hat that goes with trail clothing, trail mix, trail seed, trail chips, trail mix-seed-chips combo, homemade trail mix, trail backpack, trail water, trail backpack with water hose, trail survival kit, trail survival kit add-ons including but not limited to-“

“Martlet!”

The bluebird looked up from her extensive list towards Clover, who was trying their best not to laugh.

“Martlet, I, pfft, I think we’ll be fine! The trail we’re going on is, what, two hours long at most? Three?”

“Three,” Martlet confirmed, “but I want to make sure! You can never really be too careful!”

“Martlet, there isn’t a single cloud in the sky! It’s literally the perfect temperature today to boot! We’re going to be fine and dandy, don’t worry too much about it.”

The bird made an anxious whining that sounded like a strange cross between a car starting and a cat purr. Clover chalked it up to one single word: bird. However, Martlet couldn’t deny that there wasn’t much to be worried about to begin with. But even so, her worrier personality demanded precautionary measures, and precautionary measures she would have. She just decided not say everything out loud.

—•—

00:00:01

The trip started pleasantly enough. They had hitched a ride with what Clover could only describe as the friendliest skeleton on planet earth - “ANYTHING FOR A FELLOW PUZZLE ENTHUSIAST!” He had said - with instruction to return some few hours thence. The deputy had to admit, looking up at the mountain, they were somewhat more intimidated. It always looked so much easier when it was far away, but here it sat, right in front of them, atop a good century or more’s worth of experiences. But when Martlet gave them that “let’s go get it” look paired with that smile, it was like all worry faded away.

“I took this road a lot when I was first starting out. It’s pretty even, beginner friendly!… still takes hours though, heh,” she added after a moment with a small laugh.

Clover repositioned their backpack. Despite Martlet’s insistence, they just wouldn’t part with the vest, holster, and the hat. It was Clover’s identity, which Starlo knew well, but getting others onto the “unspoken cowboy code” would take some time. They had managed the Wild East with the getup, and they could manage this. Not that Martlet really minded, she was more worried about the heat, which again, Clover assured her they were fine with. The back and forth about it persisted until it was time to lie in the bed they both made.

“I think I can see the trail…” Clover said, squinting their eyes as they followed a shrinking line up the mountainside. “…and you weren’t kiddin’, that does look mighty long.”

“The first few times I… got cold feet,” Martlet admitted. “But, Ceroba gave me the push I needed.”

“Oh yeah? She walked with you?”

“The first few, to make sure I actually did do it. She’s far happier on a treadmill at a gym, though. You wouldn’t think it with how well she keeps a garden, but her and the great outdoors don’t mesh well when you get to the wilderness…”

The mental image of Ceroba having an arduous journey on a hiking trail made Clover snicker. For all she’s been through, the one thing to best her? A slightly strenuous walk through the woods.

On that note, Martlet forged ahead, and Clover started after her. The beginning of the hike wasn’t all that eventful, save the deputy quickly realizing just how long it was about to take. Seems like Martlet’s estimation of hours was right.

How right she was.

—•—

00:29:36

It was close to half an hour when Clover called for their first break. Martlet was inclined to agree. It was not at all influenced by the fact that there was a small overlook with benches you could sit down on and look over a natural valley, no… it was just for the benches.

The deputy sat down with a sigh, legs already strained by the walking. On one hand, they knew the reason they were already winded to an extent was that they were carrying a backpack of supplies as well as going at a constant uphill slant. Unsurprisingly, this wore them out much faster than they had gone through the Underground, and with no cloud in the sky, the sun beating down on them wasn’t much of a help, though the shade from nearby trees mitigated it somewhat. Clover took a swig from a canteen lovingly gifted from Dina and sighed.

“How much longer, d’ya think?”

“Twooooo hours? Maybe a bit more?” Martlet guessed. She was busy opening one of her bags of various nuts and seeds, not willing to dig into the trail mix until they were at least halfway through the hike. “It’ll pretty much take the rest of this afternoon, that I know.”

“Ugh. I didn’t expect the route to be so uneven. I’m gonna get dirt all over my shoes!” Clover raised their feet in emphasis, and sure enough, there already was a dusty layer of dirt staining them.

“Don’t cowboys normally get sand in their shoes?”

“Well, sure, but they don’t get them so dirty! What will Starlo think?!”

An apparition of the sheriff appeared in Clover’s mind. “No deputy o’ MINE will have such horrendous shoe hygiene! I am a sheriff with standards, after all! Begone from my sight, varmint!

What would’ve happened next would’ve been a wild shootout, had Martlet not jostled Clover out of their hypothetical nightmare.

“Uh, Clover, you okay? You’re staring at that couple really weirdly.”

The deputy blinked, realizing that they had, in fact, been looking at a monster and human couple in horror, as though they were select beings that had come down to bring vengeance upon the deputy themself. Clover was just thankful their backs were turned.

“Oh, ah-heh, sorry! Was lost in my thoughts for a moment there…”

Martlet gave them a worried sidelong look. “I mean, we can go down if you-“

“I’m alright, really! Dusty shoes or not! I’ll jus’ polish em’ m’self tonight after, it’s no big deal, heheh!”

The nervous laughter didn’t completely assuage Martlet, but she assumed it to be some sort of cowboy thing, so she nodded along.

“If you say so. Well, if yer done, we can keep on keepin’!”

Clover froze, then looked at the bird. “Was… was that an attempt at a cowboy accent, Martlet?”

She suddenly became self-conscious. “W-wait, did I-? Was I-? Was it not right?! Did I get it wrong?!?”

The deputy burst out into laughter, which only served to fluster the bluebird more. “Naw, Martlet, just, hehe, you might need some pointers for what to say!”

Both stood up at the same time, one jovial, the other indignant.

“I-I can be ‘suthern’ as Starlo puts it!” Martlet tried again.

“Again, you need practice!” Clover laughed, starting off down the path.

“It’s a VOICE! How do you NEED TRAINING for that!?” Came the squawked reply.

—•—

01:08:28

“…how was it like? Before I came back?”

Martlet never really talked about how things were shortly after the barrier broke. Clover understood why; as they understood it, as nice as it was to be free, the impact the deputy had on the denizens of the Wild East left a sour taste in their mouths when the barrier was broken. How come one child survives, while the previous didn’t? It was hard to imagine something like “survivor’s envy”, but nearly everyone in the Dunes felt it. The same could be said for all other monsters the other previous humans had had positive experiences with (save Integrity), but Clover was a particularly sore point. It was a feeling of pain and sorrow that Clover had to be put on the sacrificial altar - or, really, in the soul container - for everyone to have a shot at freedom. There was no real rational explanation for it, other than the charged emotions it brought with it.

Likewise, the method in which Clover and the other children were revived was nebulous at best.

The deputy couldn’t remember a single concrete thing between that moment under the cherry tree and waking up in their own coffin, other than muddy images, intense emotions, and whatever each child could personally remember. In some small regard, it was likely a mercy they didn’t remember, though Clover always had a nagging sense that there was something important they were forgetting…

But as for Clover’s friends? They lived through that. And Clover was only starting to get a picture of what had happened to them during that time.

“…you know I don’t like talking about this, Clover.” Martlet quietly stated. While she wasn’t very talkative on the subject, the title for least approachable actually went to Starlo, surprisingly, but not out of grief: of pride. He had given up the badge and moniker for a time until - of all people - Vengeful Virgil convinced him to be a sheriff again. Clover would’ve trekked through hell and back to see how that conversation went down, but Starlo was tight-lipped. Not even Ceroba could coax the answer out of him, and he seemed to delight in people trying to figure it out. Likewise, he didn’t say much about the time without Clover, just that he was happy “his deputy” was back. Said deputy couldn’t help but feel a small jump of joy when they heard that, however large their curiosity was.

Martlet meanwhile…

“I need ta make sure you’re okay, Martlet.”

The bird sighed, having heard this several times before. She knew from the beginning that it was a losing game trying to hide things with her already scatterbrained nature, but she was putting Clover first before herself. Her inaction before led to… led to…

She didn’t realize she was crying until Clover stood in front of her to wipe away a tear.

“Dang it, Clover,” she muttered with no real bite to it, “I just keep… going back to the bad times, y’know?”

“I know… I just wish there was more you could say.”

They were both quiet for a while as a new weight pressed down on them. Clover tried again.

“That’s why I’m worried for ya-“

“But you shouldn’t have to!” Martlet yelled, a sudden knot of frustration coiling in her soul. “I’M supposed to worry for you! I’M the one who is supposed to be afraid that something is wrong! YOU aren’t supposed to worry… about… about me…”

Clover had physically flinched backwards a few steps when Martlet yelled. Instantly, her frustration died in her throat, even though its origin didn’t go away.

“Oh-! Oh Clover, I, I didn’t, I didn’t mean to-!”

The deputy realized what they had done and forced themselves to be calm. This was Martlet. This wasn’t them. It wasn’t him or her.

“N-no, Martlet,” they stammered, “It-it… it’s okay-“

“But it wasn’t then, and it isn’t now!” Martlet stressed, the frustration returning, but from a more understandable reason. “Even when we were in the Underground, you had problems! I don’t want you to keep bottling everything up!”

“Well, I don’t want YOU to do it either!” Clover shot back. “I know what I went through was bad, but I don’t want everyone aroun’ me actin’ like I’ll keel over any second!

“Clover- we don’t know how you got back, and we don’t know if you’ll- you’ll-!”

“And how many times have I told you that I feel fine! I’m going to be fine!”

“You broke our hearts once when you left, and we had to live with that for years!” Martlet pointed a finger in Clover's face.

“It was for your own good! It helped free you all, didn’t it?!” Clover pointed back at Martlet.

“Just because we were ‘free’ doesn’t mean that everything was just suddenly fine!”

Clover brought their hands up, as if they wanted to strangle the air, a moment of clarity washing over them.

“Agh, this isn’t working! How are we supposed to get anywhere if we keep insisting things are our own fault?!”

“How am I supposed to know that?!” Martlet hysterically squawked. “I can’t handle being put under pressure! You already know this!”

“I DO! GAHH!”

“AGGH!”

Human and monster walked away from each other in semi-circle orbits, both muttering.

01:11:38

“Why is this so hard!?” Clover yelled at no one in particular.

Martlet was angrily fuming at a small patch of grass.

01:15:02

Clover grunted, brushing their knuckles as they punched at a tree. Martlet was doing the exact same, though in the air. She twisted around and hit a different tree on accident, immediately swearing a word Clover had never heard before and cradling her hand.

01:17:55

Clover and Martlet screamed at each other. No words, just straight sound.

01:19:59

Clover and Martlet sat back-to-back in the middle of the road.

“…sorry about punching the tree,” Clover mumbled.

“…sorry about swearing,” Martlet mumbled right back.

The deputy dropped their head with a sigh before standing up. “Alright. This isn’t working either.”

“Was anything working?” Martlet bemoaned.

“Well… it was nice gettin’ it all out, I think.”

The bird mulled it over before shrugging and getting up herself. “I mean… I guess? Doesn’t solve the core issue.”

“…I don’t really think those are the types of issues to be solving on a hike.”

“Yet you brought them up anyway,” Martlet chirped with some sass.

“I just-!… I want to get all these things over and done with,” Clover pouted. “I don’t like having to keep saying that I’m okay and then being told everything else is okay when it’s not. Then everyone places the blame on themselves and… it’s just a whole hot mess!”

The deputy kicked at a stray stone, watching it sail into the brush.

“Then… if you say everything isn’t right, why say you’re fine too?”

Clover deflated slightly, looking down and away from the bird.

“…it’s what a cowboy would do. They have to be strong for the people they care about.” Then, they turned around to Martlet. “Even when they hurt.”

Martlet really, really didn’t like what she was about to say. But she felt it was necessary.

“Clover… that’s how Chujin turned out.”

The deputy flinched again, but for an entirely different reason than fear. Martlet continued.

“Chujin… he was a good man, but all it took was one thing. What… what they did. Kanako… sure, she didn’t get hurt, but people still died. She could have been next. It was that ‘could’, I think, that haunted him. That’s why he had Axis… that’s why he did… everything he did. He was so haunted by the consequences of what could be, that he didn’t see the consequences that were right in front of him until it was too late. That’s why he wanted his work destroyed, in the end. But Ceroba… well, you already know. And I think everyone is better off leaving that in the past.”

Martlet took a deep breath, balling her hands into fists. She didn’t need to say this. She didn’t need to say anything. But with all this talk of needing to air things out, she couldn't help herself.

“After you… were gone, we all managed to live and make our peace with it. It wasn’t the best peace, but we did. We don’t talk about it because, well… what would there be to talk about? That we missed you dearly? That we hated giving you up so easily? We all wanted to argue for you, we all wanted things to change, but nobody gets to decide someone else’s fate, in this world. That’s something someone has to make for themselves. Not me, not Ceroba, not Starlo, not the Angel, not… whatever is beyond that! You made the choice to give up your soul for monsterkind, and even if it wasn’t the best, it was still made by you. And that matters, no matter how many times we both say something is fine.

“S-Sorry- what I’m trying to say is, the choices you make matter, and even if they don't to yourself, they do to the people around you. Chujin hyperfixated on one thing until he self-destructed, and look how that affected all of us. Please… please don’t make the same mistake because you feel like you have to be strong for us!”

The wind blew between them, on opposite sides of the path. They didn’t even notice the clouds overhead. The breeze smelled faintly of cherry blossoms. Clover had long since looked down at the ground.

“…I…I wasn’t too harsh, was I?” Martlet hurriedly asked.

She heard sniffling, and there was her answer.

“Oh, Clover-!”

She quickly crossed over to the deputy who stepped closer to her as well, and when she knelt, they embraced in a tight hug in the middle of the path. She held onto them tightly. They remained like that for a while.

“…s’rry I made ya worry…” Clover eventually mumbled into her shoulder.

“I think at some point, we all made each other worry, so all will be forgiven at the end of the day,” Martlet sighed, standing after a moment. “Now… how’s about we finish this hike, yeah?”

She gave the deputy a rousing shake, at which they managed to smile.

“…yeah, I think I’d like that.”

—•—

02:42:50

“Wow. Maybe I misjudged how far it was.”

At the end of the trail was another small pavilion, this time with no one else around. This looked out over the city far below, giving a view towards the edge of the coastline and the horizon, which was currently covered by a stray cloud cover, though an orange glow managed to poke through it here and there. As nice as it was, Clover was just happy they got to sit down again and rest. Martlet, especially, as the deputy had begun to notice her limping slightly. She sat down with a groan, Clover joining in, before immediately diving into the trail mix. They shared for a while, but that wasn’t what was on the deputy’s mind. Ever since this walk began, they hadn’t really paid attention to it until now - and long before even today, really - Martlet still had those yellow boots, way back from Snowdin. They didn’t exactly look at the part for walking shoes.

“Hey, Martlet,” they began to ask, “have you always had those boots?”

“Hm? Hm!” Martlet started while drinking water from her camelpack. “Oh, uh- yeah! I’ve had these since forever, and they’re way too comfortable, so I figured I’d just keep them!” She wiggled her shoes for emphasis.

“Oh I figure,” Clover agreed, “but I noticed you were limpin’ in the latter half of this hike.” They added.

“Well, it is a long walk.”

“Yeah, no, I get that- I meant it looks like you’re more bothered by somethin’.”

Martlet, in all the time Clover spent with her, had never really gotten defensive about anything. And yet, the way her face scrunched up, and started nervously laughing, they could tell something was wrong.

“What? Noo, it’s just that I’m s-sore, haha!”

“…Martlet, yer a horrible liar.”

The bird deflated instantly. “Yeah, yeah, I am…” Her tone of voice just served to make Clover feel crummy, just by pursuing the subject, but they had to get to the bottom of her problem. It was as much instinct as it was trying to do something right.

“Then what’s wrong? If ya need a new pair of shoes, or somethin’ like that, I’m sure that we can probably pull somethin’ together. I know the prices of shoes nowadays are pretty high, but-“

“It’s not that!” Martlet quickly said, before her face went flush with a darker blue. “It’s just… it’s kinda embarrassing…”

“I don’t… I don’t see how that is?”

Martlet zipped the trail mix up and set it to the side. “Well… uhm… drat, uh… well, I guess at some point, you were going to figure this out anyway, so…”

Clover looked at Martlet with a puzzled expression as she reached down and started untying one of her shoes. “Um… promise you won’t laugh?”

“I-huh?” Clovers stuttered, taken aback by how odd the bird was acting. “W-What is there to laugh about?”

“Well… this?”

Clover wasn’t sure what to expect when Martlet pulled her foot out of her boot. When they saw the reason why… they figured they never really would’ve guessed, anyway.

Martlet didn’t have what Clover could consider a normal bird foot, even though that’s what they assumed she would have. But that wasn’t the immediate problem. The problem was that she had her foot bound. Bound to be smaller. Bound at an odd angle. What looked like layers of gauze wrapped around her forward toes to keep them together, almost like… Clover didn’t give it thought, their gut was already seizing just looking at it, as they gripped the bench they sat on. Martlet, for her part, didn’t seem to see it the same way, her face still blushing as though this were all as harmless as revealing a childhood crush, and as she reached down to slowly unwrap the gauze, Clover’s rapidly climbing rage boiled over.

“M-Martlet… who did this?

“M-me?” The bird nervously affirmed, looking at the deputy with both a confused and concerned look. “N-no one is making me do this??”

The anger subsided, but did not go away entirely. “What… what are you doing this for?!”

Martlet could tell Clover was mad, but she had no idea where this was coming from. She didn’t have the same human understanding they had. She had asked them not to laugh, not to get furious.

“W-well… again, it’s really embarrassing, but-“

“How could something like this be only embarrassing-?!” Clover all but yelled before stopping short when the last of the gauze was removed.

Martlet did indeed have bird talons… but she only had three toes: two forward-facing, and her hallux.

“My family all have four toes… but I was born with three.”

The anger Clover had dissipated with nary a whimper.

“They were… I was essentially told I would have problems walking normally for the rest of my life. I-I can fly fine! But… when I tried to just walk in a straight line…”

She shook her foot by the ankle, her toes staying close together as a result of being bound together for so long.

“…I could hardly keep my balance. My feet were just… too thin, as a kid. The solution back then was to use shoes to build my strength, then eventually go back to barefoot, but… I never really found the confidence to do it. When I joined the Royal guard, I had to get a new ‘outfit’, and when that meant new shoes… well, I had to find these.”

She lifted her yellow boot.

“You can probably guess these weren’t made with bird monsters in mind, hehe… so, I tried tying my toes together to make them fit, and it worked! It’s a tight fit, but at least I can walk. Been like this ever since.”

Then, Martlet looked towards Clover.

“But, um, why’d you react so strongly? I-I thought you’d laugh, o-or…”

She trailed off as Clover tried to think of the best way of explaining a human concept to her.

“…Martlet? Uhm… it’s just- well… I don’t really know how else to put this, but… There used to be a human practice called… footbinding.” Clover practically spat out the word. “It… it was made solely to demean women. It was praised as a good thing when all it did was hurt.”

They motioned to her gauze. “And you doing that… well…”

Martlet looked at her own foot for a moment. “…oh,” was all she could say. The two of them sat in silence for a moment.

“…’course,” Clover eventually started, “I know now that it’s because of your disability, but…”

“…right. And you’re all for Justice, so…”

Another round of silence.

03:00:01

“…do you want to try walking without them?”

Martlet whipped her head to look at Clover, startled at the suggestion. “W-what?”

“Without the shoes. Without being bound.”

“I-I-I- uuuhhhhhmm!!” The bird stammered. In hindsight, she probably should’ve seen this coming. “M-maybe??”

Clover hopped off the bench, standing in front of her. “Then get that other shoe off!”

“N-now?!?” Martlet squawked.

Uh oh, she knew that look in Clover’s eye. It was the kind of look they only made when they were dead set on something.

“Well, someone’s gotta help ya walk down the mountain!”

“DOWN THE MOUNTAIN?!” She practically squealed. “D-don’t you think this is a bit fast?!”

“After everything we’ve talked about on this hike? Yes! And I’ll sweeten the deal for ya!” They brought a hand to their hat to tip it. “If you can make it down this mountain, with no shoes, we’ll talk about ALL our problems when we get home, cowboy’s honor.”

“That-that’s NOT how deals work!!”

“Well? It's how MINE works!! And I said ‘cowboy’s honor’, so you know it’s serious!”

Martlet put her face in her hands and groaned into them. Just like her to be roped into something like this… and now, she was up against a very stubborn child who, once putting their mind to something, would not be easily swayed from their course.

“…ffffffiiiiinnnee,” she mumbled.

Clover put their fist in the air with a holler, and at this point, Martlet would’ve preferred them to just have laughed, but it was too late for regrets. With an air of “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” Martlet took her other boot off and removed the gauze from that foot as well. Flexing her feet, she looked at the ground with the same look as if she were playing The Floor is Lava. She slowly, agonizingly slowly, started lowering one of her feet and toes to touch the paved dirt ground, only to immediately flinch upwards at contact. She cursed under her breath.

“God-! Mm! I don’t if-“

“Hey.”

Clover quickly thought up an idea and grabbed her hands. “Martlet, look at me. Right in the eyes.”

The bird did so.

“Okay, just… take deep breaths. Don’t think about what happens next, just… follow me, and keep looking into my eyes, alright?”

Wordlessly, Martlet nodded. It wasn’t like it was hard; Clover’s eyes were pretty to look into. What she would do to make sure the shine stayed in them wasn’t a matter of what or how, but for how long it would take her to do it. They may have been completely different species, but Clover was the closest thing to both friend and child that Martlet had… really ever had. And it was because of them that she had so much more to live for, now. It was astonishing just how much had been done in under a day, just a few years ago… Martlet wondered if she’d ever be able to pay it all back-

“Yes! There you go!”

Martlet hadn’t even realized she had been walking for a while. Her rambling thoughts had been a cushion for her mind while her body took its first real steps. Of course, she stopped when she realized this, and Clover let go of her hands to let her breathe in the moment. She could feel the all-new texture of the ground, the way she shifted weight from one foot to the other as a nervous habit, and despite her being a bit wobbly, she could still stand.

She could walk.

All at once, the universe seemed to align: the small cloud cover that had grown overhead seemed to dissipate, letting rays of the descending dusk finally glow over the pavilion, all the while a breeze fluttered by, heralding Martlet’s change in perspective. It was like someone had lifted an invisible weight off of her soul, and before she could comprehend what she was doing, she was already dashing towards Clover, grabbing them into a tight hug, and continuing to run and dance around the pavilion with them in her arms. For a moment, the mountain and the talk at home were forgotten, and all that was left were two people: a human and a monster, a caretaker and her charge, laughing, crying, saying “thank you’s” and “I’m sorry’s” against the backdrop of one of the most beautiful sunsets to see.

But they didn’t need to care about that; they cared about each other, and that was enough.

Notes:

I got the idea for this fic because I noticed that Zenith Martlet has only three talons, and thought "huh, birds typically have four," then I looked up Berdly and saw he has four, and had this idea of "what if Martlet wears shoes because she is missing a toe, not because its cold", and this came about. Hyperfixations about character details for the win, babyyyyyy