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Beep beep.
The alarm woke Noah from his sleep. With heavy feelings, he slowly opened his eyelids and glanced at the empty space beside him. In the past, when he woke up, an angelic face would welcome him. But now? It was nothing but wishful thinking.
Noah finally got up from his bed. He needed to, he had to. Today was his cousin's wedding, and he needed to be there as a family member. Truth be told, Noah really didn't want to be there, but what could he do?
While showering and preparing himself, memories from his old days with that blue-haired man kept flashing through his mind, and Noah could only laugh mockingly at himself for being so pathetic.
After finishing breakfast, which Noah couldn't even taste, he started his car and drove to the wedding venue.
When he arrived, he saw Hamin, his cousin, welcoming the guests with a bright smile. Beside him was Hamin's mother, Noah's aunt.
"Hello, aunty. I hope you've been well. Congratulations on your wedding, Hamin," Noah said with his signature blinding smile—the smile that was once loved so much by that blue-haired person.
Hamin looked hesitant at first, then sighed before hugging his favorite cousin. "Thank you for coming, hyung. I'm happy you're here on my special day," Hamin said. Noah didn't reply and only patted Hamin's back.
"Bonggu-hyung and Eunho-hyung are already inside. You can find them there," Hamin said. Noah replied with a small nod. When he entered the reception hall, he spotted Eunho and walked toward the table.
"Oh, hyung, you came!" Eunho said with a happy face.
"Of course. I need to witness my little Hamin-ie becoming someone's husband. Ah, he grew up so fast. I still remember when he was this small," Noah said while exaggerating with his hands to show how tiny Hamin used to be. Eunho laughed at his antics.
"Where is Bonggu?" Noah asked.
"Ah, he's currently with Yejun-hyung. You know Bonggu hyung treats Yejun hyung like his own brother, and now he's acting like he's sending off his daughter. He can't stop crying and keeps sticking to Yejun-hyung," Eunho answered while biting onto the food.
Yejun. Nam Yejun.
The name Noah used to call every morning and night. The name of the person who used to fill Noah's every day. Nam Yejun.
Noah and Yejun had known each other since high school. They were classmates, and teachers often paired them together for school activities like group assignments. Noah was viewed by the teachers as a delinquent, and Yejun, the exemplary student, was tasked to "tame" Noah.
Because of the time they spent together over three years, they went from strangers to best friends. When choosing universities, they decided to attend the same one, even though they ended up in different majors.
It was around their second year of university when Yejun finally gathered the courage to confess to Noah. At first, Noah was surprised by the confession and needed time to think. But after distancing himself from Yejun, he felt incredibly lost. Then he realized, he didn't want to lose Yejun. So he accepted Yejun's confession, and they became a couple.
The first few months went just fine. Lovey-dovey, like any normal couple. But Noah, who was young, immature, and inexperienced, started spending less and less time with Yejun. Yejun didn't really have a problem with this. Noah was a grown man and needed his own time too. Yejun always tried to match Noah's days off so they could go on dates.
But Noah, being foolish, would say he couldn't go on dates with Yejun because he wanted to hang out with his friends.
Yejun would say it was okay. "We'll have another time. Have fun with your friends, okay?"
Of course, Yejun felt sad, but he didn't want to be a boyfriend who restrained his partner. So Yejun cheered himself up and contacted Bonggu, his favorite little brother, to hang out.
Maybe the universe planned it that way. That day, Bonggu was hanging out with Hamin, his dance classmate. At first, Bonggu was confused about what to do. He would never decline his favorite hyung's invitation, but he already had plans.
Seeing Bonggu looking so anxious, Hamin asked what was wrong.
"So… there's someone I really like asking if I'm free to hang out, but I already have an appointment with you," Bonggu said.
Hamin told him to just invite the person to join them. He didn't mind at all. Bonggu was so happy to hear that and quickly told Yejun.
That was the first time Yejun and Hamin met.
When Yejun approached them, Hamin immediately recognized him. "Are you, by any chance, Noah hyung's boyfriend?" Hamin asked as Yejun sat across from him beside Bonggu.
Yejun looked surprised, his eyes widening. Hamin noticed and let out a small laugh. What a cute person, he thought.
"Wha—how did you know?" Yejun asked.
"I'm Noah hyung's cousin, Yu Hamin," Hamin said as he introduced himself.
"Ah! You're the bear—oh no, I mean the beloved cousin he always talks about! I'm so happy I finally get to meet you. He can't stop mentioning you, you know,” Yejun said excitedly.
The three of them spent the rest of the day talking, as if they never ran out of topics.
After that, every time Bonggu met up with Yejun, Hamin would be there too. The three of them clicked instantly and decided to have monthly hangouts. Sometimes, Hamin would also visit the apartment Noah and Yejun lived in.
Noah was surprised when he found out that Hamin knew Yejun. He was happy that his boyfriend and his favorite cousin got along so well.
Time kept passing, and the graduation of Noah and Yejun drew closer. Because both of them were so busy, they rarely spent time together. Yejun didn't want to disturb Noah, knowing how important this period was for them.
When Yejun finally heard that Noah had a day off, he asked if Noah wanted to go on a date as a way to heal and relax. Filled with excitement and expectations for their long-awaited date, Yejun felt his dream shatter when Noah declined, saying his friends had already invited him to a small party.
Yejun could only nod and hide his disappointment.
The day that should have been their date turned into a sad day for Yejun. Noah left early in the morning, leaving Yejun alone in their apartment. Having lost all motivation, Yejun locked himself in the room, wiping his tears over and over.
In the middle of his sadness, the doorbell rang. Yejun held onto a small hope that Noah had come back to take him on their dream date. But reality was cruel. The one standing there wasn't Noah, but Hamin.
Yejun felt like scolding himself for having such foolish expectations. Of course it wasn't Noah, Noah wouldn't need to ring the bell to enter his own home.
Hamin had come to deliver side dishes at his mother's request. He was shocked to see Yejun sobbing uncontrollably. He tried his best to comfort him. Since Yejun didn't say anything, Hamin didn't ask. He just stayed there, offering silent comfort.
After that incident, Yejun stopped asking Noah out on dates. He didn't want to get hurt anymore. With no expectations, there would be no pain—or so he told himself. But deep inside his heart, he was still waiting for Noah to ask him out.
Month after month, Noah spent less and less time with Yejun. Bonggu, who noticed Yejun's worsening condition, finally couldn't stay silent. At first, he wanted to confront Noah, but Yejun stopped him.
Bonggu could only do his best to accompany Yejun. Hamin, after hearing about it, also joined Bonggu to cheer Yejun up. To be honest, Hamin really liked this kind hearted hyung. He felt comfortable around Yejun and didn't want to see him sad. Sometimes, Hamin couldn't understand why Noah kept making Yejun cry.
Things got worse when rumors spread that Noah was dating the campus flower. When Yejun heard about it, he was in the middle of finishing his thesis. At first, he didn't know what to do. He trusted Noah and believed it must be a misunderstanding.
Bonggu heard the rumor from Eunho, their junior, and immediately ran to drag Yejun to confront Noah. Yejun kept trying to stop him, after all he didn't want to make a big fuss. Hamin, who came along, disagreed. He said they needed to clear up the misunderstanding.
When they finally found Noah, he was with Eunho. As Bonggu confronted him, Noah visibly grew annoyed.
"So you trust those baseless rumors, Nam Yejun? You don't trust me at all, huh?" Noah said mockingly.
"No, it's not like that, Noah-ya. I know this is just a misunderstanding. You'd never cheat on me. I know that," Yejun said panicked.
"Yet you brought a group to confront me. If you don't trust me, then fine. Nam Yejun, let's end this relationship," Noah said in anger.
Yejun felt his world fall silent. Ah… so this is how it ends.
Exhausted, Yejun nodded. “Okay. If that's what you want. I'm sorry, and thank you for everything, Noah. I'll move out today. Thank you for all these years we spent together. Goodbye, Noah.”
Holding back his tears, Yejun walked away. Bonggu and Hamin froze at first, then realized what had happened and chased after him.
That was the last time Noah ever saw Yejun.
After that incident, Noah heard that Yejun finished everything he needed for graduation and moved somewhere Noah didn't know. Yejun didn't even attend the graduation ceremony.
The next time Noah heard about Yejun was ten years later, when Hamin came to tell him that he was getting married. When Noah glanced at the invitation, he saw the name that had become his greatest regret.
Nam Yejun.
Noah knew that Hamin had started a long-distance relationship a few years ago and would travel every weekend to meet his lover. But he never expected that lover to be Yejun.
Noah's flashback ended when the wedding ceremony began. He watched Yejun walk down the aisle, say his vows, and kiss his husband. He witnessed the happiness on Yejun's face as Hamin took his hand and danced with him.
Noah could only hope that Yejun would be happy, even without him—and that Hamin would give Yejun the happiness Noah never could.
That I should've bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should've gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
'Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man