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Dark blue eyes stared back at his own with that terrifying glare— which really wasn't much of a glare, more of a pair of uncanny eyes staring deep down at his failures like a vulture. He was staring at him weirdly, like an oblivious-obsessive devotion, like Hallritt was someone he's not, like Hallritt was meant to be more. The thought caused him to shiver from the depth of his bones; the hallway's cold chill crept his fingers as he stepped back farther and farther while Sanah trailed him forward getting closer and closer and- Hallritt was getting scared. It was before he hit the end of the hallway a small utter wretched itself out of his lungs like bile.
"Sanah... you're scaring me."
It felt like a whimper against his throat, the hallway was dark and desolate, and the distant booming of music echoed its soundwaves through the soft thumps on the walls. It was dim, dim enough for the shadows to engulf Sanah's body like a vice with his hypnotizing blue eyes looking brighter, as if Hallritt was just a mere prey.
Thud!
Hallritt's back hit the wall, with nowhere else to go and Sanah was right in front of him. Where he was too close. Where he looked comfortable in a place he didn't belong. A shiver ran through his body as he watched him smile, like nothing was wrong, like he didn't just capture him in this cage wondering what Hallritt did wrong. He knew out of anyone that he treated Sanah as warmly as he could just like he did with the others. And Sanah treated Hallritt differently than everyone else. Like he was special...
No! He couldn't be thinking like this, not when Sanah was acting weird enough to trap him like this for no reason because as much as Hallritt wanted to believe that he just wanted to talk, he couldn't ignore the feeling that Sanah wanted more than that.
"What— what's happening Sanah? you just wanted to talk right?"
Please answer, respond, anything to know what's happening isn't my fault.
A nervous laugh rippled from him, he couldn't even say that Sanah was acting weird because he was already unnerving from the beginning and it was only often worse until now. Before he knew it a cold hand touched his. Hallritts heart dropped.
"Don't lie Hallritt, you see them too, right?"
Sanah's voice was warm, soft and fluffy that it made Hallritts knees weak. He knew who he was referring to. The pits of his stomach formed an unconscious feeling of fear; he knew his hands were trembling against Sanah's cold ones. Hallritt knew Sanah wasn't like the other knights of Fragaria. After all, not even the greatest knight knew of his deepest darkest secret. They didn't know that his shadow contorted and revolted against him to taunt him, they didn't know that oftentimes he can see things he shouldn't and think the ways he shouldn't. Merold and @/=°°^^@@~# had always been right, he wasn't fit to become a knight. Much less Lord Kitty's. Not with the way he was at that moment. Cowering with his tail between his legs for mere words that didn't even mean a lot.
"What do you—"
The words felt like ash on his tongue as it died when he catched that familiar glint. Just like his.
"Nahaha! You don't have to lie to me, Hallritt. I know you want to forget too."
Forget? Lord Kitty? His friends? He won't get tricked into this.
"What are you sayi—"
"I know what you're thinking, it's painful you know? That you won't be a good knight like how Merold is... even Romarriche. This is why Lord Hello Kitty told you that you can learn something from Merold. Because you're not good enough." Sanah explained it like explaining ducks on a pond. Shame etched on Hallritt's core, because Sanah noticed. Sanah knows. And Sanah said it like it was a good thing when it wasn't and he should be disappointed in Hallritt for thinking such things, but why does he feel so warm when he hears his own failures?
"That's not true...!" It was true. Hallritt knew it to the bottom of his core.
"So wouldn't it be better to just forget?"
"What..."
How could Sanah suggest something like that with a smile? Hoe far gone was he to do such a thing to Hallritt?
"I know you want to"
Hallritt doesn't want to.
"If you forget, then you wouldn't remember all the hurt you feel, and the pain of not being good enough. You can be happy, Hallritt! Isn't that cool? And forgetting is really fluffy! And soft, and warm!" Sanah looked so uncanny saying that it scared Hallritt enough for his hand to clench to his own skin.
Have his eyes always been like that...?
Hallritt felt warmth surrounding him before realizing Sanah was hugging him, his body was warm despite the cold hands. His chin was rested on Hallritts shoulder. Hallritt hadn't realized how shallow his breath had been and how he was shaking against the body holding him.
His heart was beating so fast.
Sanah was so warm.
"I only want what's best for you, Hallritt. And this is the best option. Don't you want to be happy?"
His voice engulfed Hallritt with such a cozy feeling.
"I—"
He does.
He really desperately does. But he shouldn't, Hallritt knew deep down in the back of his mind that this was wrong, that something was controlling Sanah and using him to make Hallritt forget the people he loved. It must be SEEDS. Surely. But how could he deny Sanah's requests when he was just so. . . warm. Hallritt was addicted at the feeling, like he really was something to be proud of. It was as if Hallritt meant much more to Sanah. As if he was special.
"Because you are. You are special, Hallritt. " Sanah said it like he was right, his arms squeezed tighter against Hallritts waist. How did he know what he was thinking?
Sanah was warm. He was so warm, he could feel the beating of his heart against him, it was a rhythmic patter unlike Hallritts unpredictable thuds pitter pattering sporadically. Sanah held him like he belonged. It made Hallritt feel warm too, enough for him to lean just a bit.
"Nahaha! Just kidding! Sorry to bother you Hallritt!"
Hallritt was baffled enough to nearly choke on his spit because just like that his warmth was taken away from him, like a hushing a fire in a dark blizzard. He was cold. So cold. Hallritt shivered and bit his lip when Sanah pulled back, looking far normal with his less unnerving smile and light blue eyes that doesn't glint in the dark hallway. But that didn't help Hallritt, because he was terrifyingly cold. He needed that warmth. He needed it that badly his own arms wrapped back around Sanahs body, he couldn't let go, he needed him, he was desperate for it.
"No! I'll forget! I'll forget it all just please, please hold me closer. Don't let me go. I'm cold Sanah. I'm so cold."
A dry sob hacked itself out of his throat as Sanahs now warm hand rubbed his back with that sickening tone.
"I'm so glad Hallritt..."
He didn't need anything else.
He just needed Sanah.
Surely.
But why does it feel so wrong?