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The dream was a familiar one. Pulled from painful memory. Every detail relived in excruciating detail inside his mind, refusing to let him rest.
He made his way to the docks, and his usual spot to watch the waves. It was even more peaceful in the dark. He breathed in the salty night air and tried to clear his mind.
It always started here. Running away in the night, looking for some peace of mind. An old habit. Elek would be along to find him soon, as he always did. And once again, everything would come crashing down around them.
Veryl sat next to him. She looked tired. "I knew I'd find you here." She sounded tired too. And maybe a little bit sad. She seemed too deep in thought to say anything more.
He stared at her, eyes wide. This wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to be here.
Jericho broke the silence. "What's wrong, Ver?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
He was sure those words weren't hers, couldn't be hers. Yet, here she was right in front of him, already starting to break his heart.
But… this couldn't go the same way. Veryl knew him better than Elek ever had. He wasn't hiding from her. He didn't need to. She was his safe place. She shouldn't be here. Not in this memory. It couldn't be her.
"Why do you keep running from me, Jer? From us?" Her hand reached out to touch his face, trying to offer what comfort she could, despite what they both knew was coming.
Those weren't the words he'd learned to expect. He wanted to tell her it wasn't true. That he wouldn't do that to her. That he loved her more than anything. But his next words were the same as they always were.
"I think we both want more than the other can give right now."
She nodded in brutal confirmation.
It wasn't true. Was it? He'd thought their relationship so strong, built on trust, stability, love. Had it been a lie? Something he'd only imagined? A foolish wish he'd tricked himself into believing?
"Tell me how to fix it, Ver. Please." He was crying. Tears streaming down his face, unimpeded.
Something else that had changed. He'd never begged for a solution before… had he? Just let it all fall apart. Maybe it would be different this time? Maybe there was something left to save.
Veryl still had her hand on Jericho's face, her other holding Jericho's hand tightly. She didn't seem to want to let go. Veryl closed her eyes. If there were tears behind them, she wouldn't let Jericho see. "Fuck. Jer… there's nothing left to fix. We… I can't keep going like this."
"I'm sorry, Ver."
He meant it. But his heart was sinking. It wouldn't be enough. It never was. This was it. The end of everything that held him together.
"Me too."
A moment passed that felt like an eternity — holding each other in the dark. Both unwilling to let go. To make the break final. Veryl finally broke the spell.
He kept his eyes on her. Maybe she had always been here. It always had to happen this way. He could never be what she needed, he'd fooled himself for too long. Fooled her. He had never deserved her. It had always been too good to be true.
The realization was insidious, sinking into his core and snaking around his heart.
She stood, offering her hand to pull Jericho up as well. She looked into Jericho's eyes, her own blazing with more emotion than Jericho had ever seen in them, and kissed him. It was bittersweet. The kiss ended. And so did they.
"Goodbye, Jericho. Maybe…" Veryl sighed." I guess I'll see you around."
Veryl walked away. Jericho was pretty sure his heart left with her.
It was all too real. Had it really happened like that? It must have, if the clinching ache he felt in his chest was anything to go by. He was shattered. And she was gone. There was nothing left for him anymore.
Part of him wanted to stay on this beach, get lost in the sound of the waves. Let it carry him away. Better to lose himself here than wake up to a life she was no longer part of. But he was never that lucky.
Jericho woke with a painful gasp, quickly sitting up in bed. He couldn't bear to look beside him. Somehow he knew Veryl wouldn't be there. She'd left him on that stretch of sand and hadn't looked back. Thinking it ever could've been anyone else… probably nothing more than a desperate attempt at coping. He was alone.
As his gasping breaths turned quick and shallow, he pulled his knees to his chest and rested his aching head against them, curling in on himself. He couldn't stop the sobs that wracked his body. It was too much. He'd lost her. The love of his life was gone, and it was all his fault.
"Jer?" Groggy and startled awake, Veryl lurched into a sitting position to find Jericho already awake and breathing hard. "What is it? What's going on?" Her first instinct was to reach for the knife she stashed under their mattress, but it became obvious quickly that their safety was not currently being threatened.
She reached for Jericho's back where the quick movement of hyperventilation was apparent. "Hey, hey, Jericho- breathe for me. Please." she pleaded with him as she extricated herself from the tangle of sheets and shifted to kneel in front of him. Her hand was still glued to the bare of his back, trying to provide a form of gravity to his panic.
Jericho didn't yet look up, couldn't look up. His voice came out muffled, strained against the tears. "Don't… You can't be here. Can't be real. You left." His voice cracked, and the sobbing resumed.
Silence weighed down between them, Veryl blinked, unable to understand exactly what he meant. "I'm still here, bluebird. I- just- breathe. It's okay." Her voice came out with an edge of alarmed confusion, and she rooted around blindly trying to find some opening to get him to unfurl, worried he'd hurt himself if he tensed too much. "What happened?"
He spoke quickly, words barely audible. "It was the memory again. On the beach… you found me. Said there wasn't anything left to fix. Left me there. Same as every time." He tried to curl into himself even tighter, finding there was nowhere left to go. "If I open my eyes you'll be gone. I can't… Just please stop torturing me." Shaking, he sniffed, and gave into another wave of tears.
Stunned and horrified, Veryl could barely breathe. Same as every time? his words rattled around in her head. Reaching for his face or forcing him to open his eyes right now wouldn't do.
Nothing left to fix, the words dawned on her, Elek. Did he think she was Elek? Or had… "No, Jer, that wasn't me. Oh, sweetheart, I didn't leave. I never left." The relief of understanding was short lived because his torrent didn't ease. Her hands ran circuits across his arms and back, and she placed soft pleading kisses to any open space. Knees, fingers, wrists, shoulders, anywhere she thought might feel real. Between every press were the words, "I'm here."
Slowly, Jericho's sobs began to subside, but the trembling remained. Still too afraid to look up at her, he instead moved his hand from where it gripped his knee and searched for her own, entangling their fingers as he tried to breathe. He desperately wanted to believe she was there. Needed her to be there. He tried to focus on the warmth of her touch. Willing himself to believe it was real.
"That's it, there we go." Veryl kept her fingers gentle when she wanted to grab his like her own lifeline. Her other hand went to his hair, and her nails scraped lightly against his scalp. "You can feel me, right?" She lifted their joined hands to her heart. "That's my heart beat, and my lungs inhaling and exhaling." She explained quietly into his ear.
His eyes remained closed, though he shifted his face away from where he hid, and Veryl placed more soft and intentional kisses against his temples, cheeks, nose, and eyelids. He still hadn't totally opened his posture, but she didn't mind enveloping him completely if it meant being surrounded was the way to ground him.
Jericho gradually started to loosen his tension, raising slightly to nod at her, but kept his eyes held shut. "Please don't go, Ver." Breathing starting to slow, he squeezed her hand and held firm. Focusing on her breathing and her heartbeat had him naturally trying to sync his own with hers.
"Never, Amatus." her tone was grave, a vow meant specifically for him. Her hand came down to rest gently against his face, and she placed a small kiss to his lips. "Please, come back to me."
With a shaky breath, Jericho slowly allowed his eyes to flutter open, to take in the sight in front of him. His eyes were still wet with tears, the blue surrounded by a red tinge. "Amata," he whispered softly. "I'm sorry." He hung his head, now ashamed of his display.
Veryl shifted to cradle him close, tucking his head under her chin and brushing her fingers through his hair. "It was me this time, wasn't it? Instead of him?" She knew the memory well, the time he recounted it for her still burned in her brain.
Nodding as he curled now into her instead of himself, he sighed. "Yes. It felt too real. Made me believe it was real." Jericho wrapped his arms around her, needing to feel her as close to him as he could. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "For scaring you."
"I'm sorry you thought I was gone." She cooed softly and encouraged him to look at her. "I will never leave you of my own volition, Jericho. Please remember that. It would take a force greater than the one that tore open the fade, to separate me from you."
Suddenly feeling overwhelmed by her words, thinking he might be on the verge of tears again - this time of relief - he pulled her closer. Leaning his forehead against hers, he breathed, "I love you, Veryl."
With her own heart having reached a somewhat normal pace again, Veryl sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "I love you always, Bluebird."
Moving a hand to first cup her cheek, and then tangle in her hair, he pulled her in, pressing a firm, lingering kiss to her lips, deepening it as she allowed. He wanted nothing more in this moment than to feel her here against him, real and alive.