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There was only one thing that Jihoon remembered when he once talked to Hyunsuk regarding their plans after disbanding. It was a wish that the former leader had spoken of frequently—in every barbecue dinners they had, in every shared glasses and alcohol shots, in every single damn thing. It was the only thing that Jihoon remembered from the leader.
“See, I know we’re not bound to do this work forever, but if I get the chance to do a different career other than being an idol, I’d still probably rap at gigs but there’s one thing I really want to do,” Hyunsuk shared, one time, when they had a drink after their last music show.
“And that is?”
“To get married.”
Jihoon glanced at him. “You really want that, hyung?”
“Yeah, who doesn’t? I mean, I’m already 28, Jihoon-ah. It’s time to experience some good old romance that we missed during our idol years. Now that we’re disbanding, it’s only right to think about love, right?”
Jihoon just downed a glass, the bitter taste of soju burning his throat. He liked it. Among the members, he was the one who frequently drank alcohol, especially now that they’re nearing the end of their tour as a group.
“I don’t know,” Jihoon finally spoke. “I can’t wrap my head around marriage.”
“Well, that’s only natural. After all, the only thing we’ve been doing is to sing and dance on stage. But really, think about this, Jihoon-ah. There’s still a lot of things to do, you know? The other members already decided what they want to do once we disband.”
Jihoon’s brows furrowed slightly. “Like?”
“Like, Junghwan told me a while ago that he wanted to become a taekwondo teacher. Doyoung wanted a career in skateboarding, and Yoshi wanted to go back to Japan to become a kindergarten teacher.”
“That’s great,” Jihoon mumbled flatly, but Hyunsuk didn’t mind.
“And you?” Hyunsuk glanced up to meet Jihoon’s gaze. “What do you want to do, Jihoon?”
Jihoon didn’t know what to reply. He hasn't really given it any thought, at least not seriously. Of course there were a lot of things he wanted to do the moment they would finally terminate their idol activities, but he never really thought of a single career he could stick with aside from singing in whatever place he could find.
He wanted to keep holding a mic, to sing and smile at the cameras, but of course nothing ever lasts forever. Now that they’re nearing the end of their disbandment, he felt like he was only counting days, and among those days, he still couldn’t figure out a single thing he wanted to do.
Jihoon was only 27, he didn’t know anything. The only thing he knew was the fact that he didn’t want Hyunsuk’s dream to come true.
“Jihoon?”
“No, hyung. I… I don’t know yet,” Jihoon drank the alcohol from his glass, trying to compose himself. “Become your best man, maybe. If you ever get married.”
The answer seemed to have amused the eldest the most. “Yeah! Sounds like a deal to me. I’ll make your dreams come true, Jihoon-ah.”
Jihoon bit his lower lip as he drowned himself with the alcohol again. God, why did the thought of Hyunsuk getting married sounded like a fever dream he wanted to wake up from? Hyunsuk and marriage sounded so awfully out of place, like some sort of myth he was forced to believe. It sounded so absurd, to have their eldest, a soon-to-be former idol, get married.
It’s so absurd.
“I’m serious, you know,” Hyunsuk spoke after a while.
“Yeah, unfortunately I can tell at least that much.”
“You don’t sound very happy.”
Jihoon just glanced up at Hyunsuk as he poured the soju into his glass. “It sounds a little absurd, hyung.”
Hyunsuk’s brow quirked up. “What’s absurd with romance and marriage?”
“I don’t know, maybe because it’s coming from you.”
“Yah,” Hyunsuk’s voice slightly snapped, although Jihoon could tell that the older male was probably just acting to exaggerate his reaction. “That’s rude, you know. You don’t believe I’m capable of love?”
Jihoon only chuckled. “Far from it. I’m saying a girl would look so out of place.”
Jihoon didn’t know why those words escaped his mouth. Hell, he didn’t even think of it, didn’t give it much of a second thought. The words just slipped out of his mouth, gliding down his tongue like it was meant to leave and be let go.
“What do you mean?”
Jihoon drank from his glass again. God, maybe he was becoming tipsy. “I worded it wrong, hyung.”
“Yeah, so what do you mean?”
A soft sigh escaped Jihoon’s lips. “I don’t know. Like, it’s just something I’m not used to.”
“Is that so?” Hyunsuk’s gaze lingered at him before he drank from his glass. “I’ll make sure you get used to it, then.”
For some reason, Jihoon felt his stomach lurch and growl. He didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol, if he actually had too much and that he probably had to stop. He didn’t know why he felt so awfully sweaty, and restless, and a little agitated. This never happened before, especially when he had been drinking for a long time already. He knew what his body was like when tipsy or drunk.
“I’m gonna get married and have a child, Jihoon-ah. And I would really love for the kid to be a boy, because I’d play soccer with him every afternoon,” Hyunsuk grinned at the thought. “Sounds like a dream, huh? I’m only saying this to you, you know, because I think you would understand.”
Jihoon scoffed. “You think so, hyung?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’d tell you a lot about it when I finally meet someone.”
“Must be lucky, eh.”
If there was one thing that Jihoon found endearing about Choi Hyunsuk, it’s the fact that the eldest member was really adamant with keeping his promises, because the moment he finally found someone else, he really kept his promise of telling him everything about it.
Jihoon remembered the exact day when Hyunsuk dialed his number and delivered the news. It was during winter, 45 days after their disbandment. Everyone parted in their own different ways. The Japanese members all went back to Japan, while the other members all went back to their hometowns. The Iksan brothers, for example, parted ways with the group to go back to Iksan and catch up with their families.
It was only Jihoon and Hyunsuk who stayed in Seoul. The other members would still try to connect and catch up with each other, but there’s only little remedy they could have to combat distance and time, so the calls later became thrice a week, then twice, then once, then almost never.
But it was Hyunsuk who kept dialing Jihoon’s phone, because if there was one thing that the boy remembered, it was the fact that Hyunsuk promised to tell him everything about it.
“I found her,” Hyunsuk said from the other line.
“Found who, exactly?”
“Jihoon!” Hyunsuk’s breathing sounded labored. “Her! My future wife!”
“That’s absurd coming from someone who’s been in a hunt for a wife.”
“This isn’t a joke! I really found her!”
Jihoon was starting to get a little upset, because Hyunsuk did not call him late at night, in a winter evening with a snowstorm outside, and he’s in his own apartment, silently grieving at the sudden silence without the members around.
“Look, hyung. You can’t just call me after you stopped calling me for, I don’t know, two weeks? Only to say you found her. Her who, exactly?” his voice sounded exasperated.
“Okay, your complaint is valid, but those two weeks were very important, okay? I met her when I was visiting this newly opened cafe by the neighborhood. She was working there and I ordered my usual black coffee, and she looked really pretty, Jihoon-ah. Like deadass. Please believe me.”
For some reason, Jihoon could no longer bring himself to sip on his hot chocolate. God, sipping on hot chocolate with small marshmallows on top while hearing his former bandmate say that he was infatuated (finally) to someone was so ridiculous that he almost choked into laughter.
“You sound like a teenage girl, hyung.”
“Maybe I am. But really, it’s only valid! She’s really pretty! I really feel like a teenage girl right now, Jihoon-ah! I asked for her number and she wrote it on a piece of paper. So we’ve been talking for a week, and tomorrow we’ll be seeing each other. It’s a date, Jihoon! A damn date!”
Jihoon wasn’t able to respond.
He hated being an ass right now, especially when Hyunsuk was actually so excited about it. The older member has always been so excited about a lot of things, but he had never seen him become this excited, more so to a woman. He knew he should really hype the older male up, but for some reason, there was a tight constriction in his throat.
“Jihoon-ah?”
“Yeah, hyung,” Jihoon finally answered, just enough to let him know that he was still in the line.
“Was I too excited?”
“No, it’s valid.” Jihoon paused. “Go show your fashion sense to that woman or something. Look, I really don’t know about dating and stuff, so if you want to ask for some tips, ask Jaehyuk or something.”
“I’m not asking for a tip, though. I know exactly what to do, and I know how bad you are with romances.”
Jihoon scoffed. “Well then why are you calling me just to squeal in my ear, Mr. Lover Boy?”
“Because I promised.”
“What?”
“Dumbo, I promised that I will tell you everything about it, you know? And I stand by my words. So now you have no choice but to listen to me, because I will really tell you everything about it!”
Jihoon leaned back to his chair as he chuckled. Choi Hyunsuk really was dense, despite the efforts of appearing like a spicy boi or something of the sort. He knew Hyunsuk for more than a decade, and beneath those hiphop-ish clothes and aesthetic, he was really just a fluffball who would squeal in his ear like a little kid.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. Got any problem with that?”
“A lot, actually.”
“You—”
“I’m kidding. You’re so whiny, hyung. Is that what love does to you?”
“Or maybe you’re actually just a brat.”
There was silence. Jihoon liked this. Jihoon missed this very much. When he and Hyunsuk would just banter and tease each other. Just like this. He wished… it would stay like this forever.
“So… what is she like?”
“Very soft-spoken.”
Jihoon’s brows furrowed. “Seriously? That’s it?”
“Idiot. Let me finish at least, because I really have a lot of things to say. So… where was I? Oh, right. She’s really pretty, Jihoon-ah. I mean, her visuals aren't really overpowering, just the right amount. It makes her appear calm. Right, that word. Calm. She makes me calm.”
Jihoon finally propped himself to lie down on the crouch. “So your type is the calm one.”
“Yeah… I obviously don't want to date someone like you, you know. Always so unserious.”
Jihoon knew that Hyunsuk said that only as a banter, but hell, it somehow made Jihoon's chest tighten for absolutely no reason. Maybe he was becoming a sore loser to Hyunsuk’s teasing now that they barely saw each other. He hated how distance could change things so much without his control.
“Was that necessary?”
“No, sorry.” There was a pause on Hyunsuk's line. “I'm not saying you'd make a bad lover.”
“Seriously? Why the hell are you even saying that?”
“I don't want you to think that you won't find someone out there,” Hyunsuk's voice became softer. “Like, I'm just saying that you're not really my—”
“Hyung, I get it. Stop making a big deal out of it like I'm some sort of a sore loser. It's not my fault you have a horrible taste.”
Hyunsuk only sighed. “Alright, okay.”
For some reason, the silence seemed to penetrate their conversation more often than not. If this was a normal winter night in their dorm, Jihoon wouldn't really mind. But now they live different lives, and in those different lives he was probably more or less a part of it, just never completely whole. Perhaps that's why he felt a little awkward every time the silence would creep in.
“You really sound like you have a lot of things to say, hyung,” he commented in sarcasm.
“Yeah, sounds like a lot, huh? I'm really rambling right now, Jihoon-ah.”
Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I know you have a lot of things to say.”
“Yeah, I do have. It's just a little weird to say all of it through the phone. I’d get tired pressing it on my ear.”
“Or you could just invite me for dinner. What say you, hyungie?”
“I didn't think of that.”
“Obviously because there's only so little space to invite a 10-year bandmate to your apartment instead of wallowing over your stupid date.”
There was a shuffling noise from the other line. “First of all, it's not stupid to think of a date. Second of all, I just didn't think of it, okay? Come over. Like, in two weeks.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, two weeks.”
“Why the hell—”
“So we can chat the whole day and have the time to ourselves, you know? It'll be more fun, really. It'll be more fun if we have so much to talk about that our mouths would run dry.”
Jihoon thought about it. Getting invited to come over but only for two weeks from now was really driving him a little insane. Hyunsuk can get really childish at times. He didn't know if it was because of the immediate, profound freedom of being able to do anything you want after adhering to strict company rules for so long, or maybe something more than that.
“Whatever. Two weeks, then.”
“Yeah, two weeks. I’ll see you soon, Ji.”
Jihoon really wished that soon was simply later. “Good night, hyung.”
Throughout those two weeks, Jihoon realized only one thing.
He spent a huge amount of time thinking about it. After all, compared to the other members, he was the only one who literally had nothing to do in life but stay inside his room and blast music in his solo apartment. He might even beat Junkyu to it, being a homebody, because he was just so good at it that Junkyu snorted so hard when he shared the thought with him.
“Aigoo, Jihoon-hyung, you must have lost your mind…” was all Junkyu said when Jihoon dialed his number.
“Are you kidding? Yes, I am. I’m losing my mind. I want to eat Chinese food, but you’re all about pho. It’s getting annoying. You know I can’t handle spices.”
“That’s still something not worth staying at home about.”
“What’s worth it, then? What’s wrong if I don’t get out of my room that much anymore?”
“Oh, Jihoon-hyung, you’re really silly. Of course everything’s wrong about it! I mean, what do you mean when you say you’d rather stay at home when we finally have the time to actually bond together and go to art exhibits or try new food?! You barely come with us anymore!”
“I’m just busy.”
Junkyu heaved a long sigh from the other line. “Aigoo, even your lying skills have gotten rusty too… seriously, what’s up?”
“Just want some time for myself.”
A loud groan was heard from the other line. “Everyone’s having the time of their lives and you’re here retreating to your own shell! Have you heard about Hyunsuk-hyung? Like, he really was—”
“Dude, shut it. I learned about it. I hear about it almost every day.”
“Okay, fair enough. I believe that. But you’re really not coming with us tonight? The other members miss you, you know? You barely drop any messages in the chat.”
“I’ll skip tonight. Do send my regards to the other members, though. I really miss them.”
Junkyu only sighed for the nth time from the other line. “Like they would believe that… Fine, you go hide there then. I give it to you, the new king of being a homebody! Ah… but it feels so weird. It’s so weird. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Whatever you say, Kyu.”
And just like that, the call finally ended, and Jihoon was back to his red-lighted room, the same way as it was when he was still living in their dorm as a group. God, he missed everything. He missed every single thing and he wished he could go see the other members after parting for two months and counting, but there were still things that hindered him.
One was the fact that if he saw them, he’d most probably cry. The second was the fact that he might have caught feelings for his former bandmate, Choi Hyunsuk.
After his call with him, he decided to sit in front of his computer and started typing all the symptoms that weirded him out in incognito. ‘
Why does my stomach churn when I talk to someone?
Reasons for nervousness and fluster when talking to someone.
Am I drunk? My stomach feels like it’s flipping when I’m talking to someone.
Why am I suddenly feeling awkward to my best friend.
In every scroll, every click, he’d arrive at the same conclusion: You might have romantic attraction for that person! And he’d stare at the screen for a long while. He’d spell the letters one by one and rub his eyes as if there was something tremendously wrong with his vision. But the words would remain the same, spelled exactly the way it should be.
Oh.
This must be what Hyunsuk was feeling, huh?
For some reason, Jihoon couldn’t really blame him, because if there’s anything he wanted to do, it’s to dial Hyunsuk’s number on a random winter evening and tell him that he found someone too, and that someone happened to him.
But who was he kidding?
Jihoon stood in front of Hyunsuk’s apartment with a plastic bag full of canned beers and snacks. He glanced at the room number: 507. This was it, right? After all, Jihoon never once paid a visit since they split up.
A soft sigh escaped his lips as he pressed the doorbell, and in a matter of what felt like five seconds, the door swung open. Hyunsuk was quick to pull him by the wrist and immediately locked the door before turning to look at him with a grin.
“You’re finally here!” Hyunsuk beamed with a grin on his face.
“Why are you acting like a kid?”
“Uhm, because we literally haven’t seen each other for two months? God, you're as salty as ever,” Hyunsuk shook his head.
Jihoon took his time to observe the apartment, and what can he say? There really wasn’t much to point out. It was as Hyunsuk as what Choi Hyunsuk could pull off.
“What’d you bring?”
“Beer.”
Hyunsuk looked at him in sheer disbelief. “Seriously? At 10 in the morning?”
“I really don’t want to be sober while hearing your lovesick ass.”
Jihoon flopped on the couch. He really didn’t think much of it. He just thought that the best company for hearing Hyunsuk’s love and yearning for someone he didn’t even know was the bitter taste of alcohol in his throat.
Hyunsuk only rolled his eyes as he sat beside Jihoon, a look of worry now replacing the sternness in his gaze. “You look like you lost a lot of weight.”
“Blame the members for refusing to eat Chinese food with me,” he went ahead to grab a can and popped it open.
“They’re still on to eating pho? Man, they’re really obsessed, huh?”
“Yeah, and they're obsessed with ignoring my requests.”
Hyunsuk bitterly smiled as he watched Jihoon drink the beer from the can. “It’s probably not like that. You know, Doyoung sent me a message and said that he really missed you. Said he couldn’t reach your number. What’s up, Jihoon-ah?”
Jihoon casually sipped on his beer, his gaze never leaving Hyunsuk. Yeah, what's wrong? He could list a million different reasons and believe only one: he didn't want Hyunsuk to get married.
“Just some stuff,” he huffed. “Like wanting some time alone.”
“Oh yeah? Wanting some time alone and losing weight? That's not like you.”
“It's not like you to be in love and go crazy over a woman either.”
Hyunsuk sighed with exasperation. “Everyone changed the moment we terminated our idol activities and disbanded. It's only natural that we explore things we weren't able to enjoy before. Shouldn't now be the perfect time to explore new things?”
“Yeah, and I'm exploring the beauty of being away and hiding in my room. You were fine with Junkyu being like this before, so what's wrong when I do it?”
Hyunsuk was looking at him with a hint of sadness. “Of course it's different. You’re the sunshine of the team. You can’t survive a day without frolicking around and going to different places.”
Jihoon started to tap on the beer’s aluminum can, his slender fingers fiddling at the edge of the drink’s packaging. He must have fiddled for it for so long because Hyunsuk seemed to have called his name to get his attention.
“You're making a big deal out of it.”
Hyunsuk scoffed. “Oh, am I now?”
“Look, I literally bought cans of beer to hear you talk about your lover or whatever you call that woman. If you're here to talk about me, I'm taking these beers home and you'll never see me again.”
“Dude, chill. I'm not upset. You really don't like people checking up on you, do you?”
Jihoon simply rolled his eyes. “So what is it about this woman, hyung? I'm almost finished with my first can.”
Hyunsuk seemed to have relaxed at the thought, his mind finally racing through the idea of thinking about that woman again. “The name's Hamin.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, and she's, what, where did I stop? How much did I tell you?”
Jihoon clicked his tongue. “Absurd. You already forgot? You told me you met her in this stupid cafe while ordering your stupid black coffee and this stupid—”
“Okay. Okay. Enough with the stupid. So yeah, I got her number and we started talking. Just the other week, I took her to this fancy restaurant we used to eat back when we were trainees. You know? That restaurant?”
Oh, hell yeah he knew. He knew it all too well, because that was the restaurant where he and Hyunsuk shared the victory of being idols and debuting together. And it's precisely that, unfortunately, which made his chest ache—how the hell did Hyunsuk think of a restaurant out of all the places in Seoul, as if trying to replace the memory he shared with him?
He bit his tongue to avoid scoffing. Instead, he let the fizz of beer burn his throat until he could no longer speak. God thank the beer, because if there was nothing then he would be wailing, and whining, and telling Hyunsuk that he's stupid.
“And did you order her their special menu?”
Hyunsuk grinned, ever so knowing. “Hell yeah I did, she loved it. I scored right. I knew that place won't fail me.”
“And did you kiss her and hold her hand and, I don't know, fuck?”
Jihoon seemed to have crossed the line, because now Hyunsuk was looking at him with disbelief and with a slight shade of pink painting the circles of his cheeks.
“Idiot. Of course not!”
“Not yet,” Jihoon rolled his eyes, the thought of Hyunsuk kissing someone else was taken by his stomach as disgusting. “You'll eventually do it.”
“Yeah, but not now!”
Jihoon scoffed as he took another sip of his canned beer, finally finished with the first batch. “Yeah? Oh yeah? That makes you look really stupid, hyung, and it's disgusting to think about it.”
“Look, I really don't know if you're trying to cheer on me or not.”
Jihoon wanted to say not. That seemed to be the very first thing that crossed his mind when Hyunsuk asked him. But instead, he just shot him an unreadable look and leaned closer to the table, grabbed another can, and popped it open until the fizz started to engulf the room.
“Slow down,” Hyunsuk commanded.
“I can't slow down when you're saying disgusting things. My stomach’s doing a cartwheel.”
“And you seriously think that drinking alcohol would make you feel better?”
Jihoon just shrugged. “I don't know, hyung. What would make me feel better?”
Jihoon sincerely wanted to ask that, his voice just a tad bit softer when the words escaped his lips. He wanted to ask Hyunsuk, the group's former leader, the only person older than him in the group, because that's what he usually did back when they operated as idols. And he wanted to ask, even if things are different now, and he desperately wanted to have an answer—there was a voice in him that screamed how Hyunsuk held the answer for every stupid emotion he was feeling, even though the chances of him being the cause are high.
“What are you up to now?”
“Huh?”
Hyunsuk finally grabbed a can from the table and popped it open before he leaned on the couch. “You, Jihoon-ah. What do you want to do now? What are you up to?”
“I don't know, rot in my apartment. Play music. Sing in gigs when I'm invited.”
“Other than that?”
Jihoon furrowed his brow. “Other than that? Was there supposed to be something else? No, I don't want to get married, if that's what you think.”
“Why not? You're 27.”
“27 is not an entrance ticket to be married.”
“You're so damn bitter it's getting annoying.”
Jihoon clicked his tongue as he glared at Hyunsuk, finally losing his temper. “Oh yeah? Maybe I deserve to be bitter, hyung, because what the hell? You're done being an idol and then you act like it never happened? You're thinking of getting married and fucking a woman and having a baby boy and then fuck and fuck and—”
“What the hell's wrong with you?”
Yeah. What the hell was wrong with him?
Jihoon hugged his legs, bringing it closer to his chest as he finished the beer in one chug, the fizz and bitterness of the alcohol making his stomach churn. He felt sick with the act of drowning himself from everything—his mind was getting slightly tipsy as he let out a bitter scoff.
“Just not in a good headspace, hyung.”
The answer seemed to have convinced Hyunsuk, because now the older male was looking at him with that same softness in his eyes. He stood up and quietly flopped at the space beside him, his arms wrapping around his shoulder.
“I can see that, alright. We all can see that.”
Jihoon wriggled under his hold. “Stop. You know I don't like these things.”
“Well, you better get used to it.”
“There's nothing to get used to.”
“Why?”
“Because,” Jihoon paused as a soft sigh escaped his lips. He was feeling slightly tipsy, he can at least tell that much. “Because we're not together anymore. It won't happen much, so I have nothing to get used to.”
“You can always visit me when it's getting heavy.”
“Yeah? And then open your door and see you kissing your woman on the kitchen counter?”
Hyunsuk simply sighed. “You can knock first.”
“I don't have to before, though.”
“Jihoon, that was before.”
God, he hated that word. “What's now then, hyung?”
“Now we've disbanded and everyone's pursuing the lives they want, including me.”
Jihoon simply clenched his teeth. “So much for talking about getting married when you don't even know how to kiss.”
Jihoon hit a sore spot, now Hyunsuk was scoffing in sheer disbelief. “Excuse me! I know how to kiss. I—”
“Then show me.”
“What?”
Jihoon didn't turn his head to look at Hyunsuk. God, what was he saying? He wanted to slap his mouth, rewind the time, and think of something else to say. But then again, at the back of his mind, he didn't want to let go of it. At least not yet. At least not now.
“Try it with me,” Jihoon clicked his tongue as he was forced to elaborate. “Do it, hyung.”
Hyunsuk heaved a nervous laugh. “You're drunk. You're probably done for the day, Jihoon—”
“Maybe I am,” the male turned to look at Hyunsuk. “Hyung, you haven't asked me what I really wanted to do.”
“I don't think I need to ask,” Hyunsuk reasoned out. “I think I know.”
Jihoon looked at him—really looked—and in between those gazes lies an incredulous amount of fluster. “I like you.”
“I think I know that.”
“You know that,” Jihoon repeated, his voice softer than its usual sound. “Just now?”
“Just now, yeah.”
“And you still think you can help me with what I want?”
“No, Jihoon.”
Jihoon just looked at Hyunsuk and let out a bitter chuckle. “Right. Of course,” he muttered under his breath. “Of course not.”
There was a long silence. Jihoon no longer had the strength to lift his arm and take a sip of that bitter beer. Hyunsuk, surprisingly, was looking a lot calmer, his gaze never leaving Jihoon. It was enough to make the younger feel like he was getting swallowed by the earth, enough to make him feel like crap.
Maybe it's time to wrap this up soon.
“The next time you call me, it'll be at your wedding,” Jihoon said. “Only by that time, okay? I don't want calls coming from you.”
“Why only at the wedding? I can't check up on you before that?”
Jihoon only chuckled. “There's nothing for you to check up on.”
Jihoon stood up, stumbling slightly from the alcohol coursing through his system, and with that Hyunsuk stood up as well. “You're going already?”
“I think I had enough beer, enough hearing your lovesickness, and enough rejection from you, hyung.”
“Ji, you can stay for a while or I can drive you back to your apartment. You're still a little tipsy.”
Jihoon looked at him and snorted. “No, my apartment’s a top secret.”
“Then come with us tomorrow for dinner. I’ll make sure we'll have Chinese.”
“I think I had enough Chinese for the week. Also, I'm on a diet.”
“Goddamn it, Jihoon. Just—” Hyunsuk paused, clearly distressed as he raked a hand on his hair. “Let loose. You're too damn tense.”
“I think I have every right to be.”
“You're not telling us anything anymore.”
“I prefer it that way, Hyunsuk-hyung.”
Jihoon grabbed his bag as he walked straight to the door, no longer turning back. For some reason, Hyunsuk didn't call for him. Perhaps he knew. After all, they've known each other for nearly a decade—surely those years won't lie and betray them.
“Don't call me, okay?”
At the end of the day, everyone went on with their own lives except for him.
He won't be hearing from Hyunsuk any time soon.
He sat at the desk of his apartment, the rays of the light peeking through his closed curtains during the day. There was a soft hum of the whirring air-conditioner alongside the distant melodies of the songs he's been playing on repeat.
In his hand was his phone, the bright screen emanating within close distance. His eyes were fixed in every letter, every message, every emoticon that the other members have sent. And then, there it was: started by Junkyu, mentioning his name, telling him why he wasn't responding, why he was only reading behind the screen.
The other members followed. Series of “I miss you, Jihoon-hyung!” and “Where the hell are you?” sent within the group chat, the rings of his phone a reminder of the people who looked for him. And yet his hand was frozen, fingers tucked within the edges of his phone.
It has been like that since then, not until… a ring.
Caller: Choi Hyunsuk.