Archive of Our Own

Renjun has made a very big mistake. A mistake that would make his parents sigh, probably.

Usually, he’s the one that’s responsible, the one to carefully follow the instructions for every potion he makes and never one to even attempt with the dangerous ones. He gets the pronunciation for every spell perfectly accurate before he attempts any, careful to practice the syllables one by one. He prides himself on that fact, of being the reasonable and smart one.

The love potion recipe is one that he deemed too dangerous to try, initially. But, somehow, he’d fallen for Chenle’s antics and decided to try.

It was stupid, really.

“Please, Renjun. Just try it, I want to see if it actually works.” Chenle pleaded.

Chenle is odd in his own special way, the way most of Renjun’s friends are. Which is why it’s not surprising that he’s curious of how the potion would affect his feelings for Jaemin. Despite him and his boyfriend being very much in love and still in the honeymoon phase after almost a year together, he wants to know what would happen.

Unfortunately for Renjun, Chenle can be really persuasive when he’s determined enough for something and Renjun was too curious to say no. Plus, considering that Chenle and Jaemin are already dating and have a healthy relationship with tons of meaningful communication, he didn’t think any hearts would be broken.

So, like he does with every potion, he got out the recipe book and turned to the page he had attached a red sticky note to, the words ‘DO NOT TRY’ written on it, and began to gather the ingredients he needed.

The potion itself is not difficult to make. He’s made things far more complicated, like the shapeshifting one that required very specific movements when stirring.

Still, with the love potion being one that most witches - the ones he knew, at least - were advised against, the side effects of it were not as well known. One wrong move could lead to irreversible damage. And, with witchery being somewhat of a side hustle, Renjun hasn’t had the opportunity to travel and learn of other practices.

So, Renjun reads the page carefully while Chenle watches him, practically vibrating in his seat with excitement.

After looking at every bit of ink on the page and flipping through the pages to ensure there’s no extra information on the potion, Renjun finally lets out a sigh.

“You have to promise me this will be a one time thing.” Renjun tells the younger, “I don’t care what kind of effect it has on you or how much you might like it, but it’s never, under any circumstances, going to happen again.”

The warning is more so for Jaemin. He’s responsible, of course, but he can also be borderline insane at times. If the potion does its job, Chenle will likely become even more obsessed with Jaemin than he currently is. Jaemin would, of course, love the attention and Chenle has a hard time saying no to his boyfriend.

“Honestly, I don’t know why you didn’t ask Jaemin to make this. He’s a witch too, you know? A self-proclaimed expert on potions, too.”

“The potion might be biased if he’s the one that makes it!” Chenle exclaims, “Jaemin said some potions have a tendency to do that, where the effects of it can be greater or lesser depending on the one who makes it and who drinks it.”

It’s an unconfirmed rumour. Jaemin likely only told Chenle that to prevent the younger from dragging him into trying all the potions in the recipe books he owns. And because Renjun is a good friend, he decides not to point it out.

He gathers all the ingredients needed for the potion, looking at the page over and over to ensure he adds the correct amount of rosemary, stirs it in the correct direction, and whatever else is needed.

“Is it done?” Chenle asks from his corner of the room.

Normally, when Renjun makes any potions, he kicks everyone out of the room unless it’s Jaemin. Because regardless of who it is or their intentions, even a small sneeze can disrupt the potion. But as much as Renjun hates to admit it, he has a soft spot for Chenle and couldn’t say no when the boy asked to stay with hopeful eyes.

Renjun, usually, also makes sure to lock the door. It’s to keep Chenle out lest he decide to enter the room without knocking the way he tends to. During a majority of the process, Chenle is surprisingly quiet - after the third time Renjun shushes him.

He manages to fool himself into thinking he’s alone, that he’s making one of the potions that he has done hundreds of times to feign confidence.

Everything is going well, until it’s not.

They hear a scream, the door of the apartment next to theirs opening followed by their own.

It takes a second for Renjun to register the noise and a moment longer to realise that it’s familiar. He feels panic rush into him when he finally remembers that there’s another person with him, and that he had forgotten to lock his room door.

Their neighbours, who happen to be their friends, have a spare key to their apartment that Renjun had given them to take care of his plants while he and Chenle were in China to visit family. Neither saw a reason to ask for it back, a safekeep for their friends in case of any kind of emergency.

The problem is that Donghyuck has a very different definition of emergency to the rest of them.

Donghyuck comes barrelling into the room moments later, voice shrieking about how Jeno was out for his blood, no doubt a result of his own actions. He’s too busy with his theatrics to take in his surroundings, to notice what Renjun is doing, and runs straight into the table with the potion.

Mirroring a comedy movie scene or a soap opera, Renjun opens his mouth to yell at Donghyuck and instead has some of the potion fly up from its pot and into his mouth.

The shock of it has Renjun’s eyes closing when the liquid flies up in front of his face. He blinks them back open and his vision of anything or anyone else in the room is obstructed by Donghyuck.

If it weren’t for the fact that Renjun was the one subject to the potion’s effects, he might have taken a moment to appreciate how flawlessly he made it. As soon as the liquid is down his throat, eyes open and staring right at Donghyuck’s face, Renjun can tell it’s working the way it should.

Donghyuck looks down at the pot, now fallen onto the floor where the table had braced the impact of his crash. Then, he looks up at Renjun, and between the two a few more times before it clicks.

“Shit.” He turns frantically towards Chenle, “What potion is that?! What did I do to him? Chenle-”

“A love potion.” Chenle replies easily.

Renjun looks at the younger, expecting to see at least a small hint of disappointment that the potion has been wasted. Despite the large amount of it still puddled in the pot, the potion is only effective for its first consumer.

Chenle must know that this was his only chance of getting to try the potion. He knows that Renjun is stubborn and, especially after this unexpected turn of events, he won’t ever make the concoction again.

Instead, he looks amused. He’s far too happy considering his plans have been ruined.

“A love potion?” Jeno echoes, more interested now in this revelation than whatever had him chasing Donghyuck around.

“You’re lying. Renjun has been saying for years that he’d never make that thing.” Donghyuck scoffs, “I literally saw him write on that sticky note and put it onto the page in high school. Very angrily, too, by the way.”

Chenle grins, pointing down to where the recipe book is lying on the floor, still open to the page they’re talking about now. Donghyuck follows his finger, recognising the note immediately and looking at the ingredients that have also been knocked off the table. His eyes widen in horror and he finally turns his attention back to Renjun.

“Then that means…”

“Yup!” Chenle cackles, “Renjun is in love with you!”

The statement makes something churn in Renjun’s stomach. Up until Chenle speaks those words, Renjun had felt as if he was an outsider watching the scene play out in front of him. As if he were watching a movie, or died.

He belatedly realises that it’s probably the potion messing with his senses. Now, it seems to have fully settled in and he starts to feel sick.

“Renjun?” Donghyuck calls out softly, face warped with worry and his tone so sweet that Renjun can feel his breakfast coming back up.

“I think…” He starts, seeing the humour gone from Chenle and Jeno’s face as they look at him with concern, too, “I think I’m gonna throw up.” He runs out the room towards the bathroom, ignoring the three voices that call out his name.

“That’s odd.” Jaemin muses, “A love potion shouldn’t make you sick. Are you sure you followed it exactly?”

“Yes!”

Honestly, it’s a little offensive that Jaemin would question him. He’s aware that it’s weird to throw up after consuming a potion but it isn’t out of the ordinary. Plus, he’s at least 90% sure that he has food poisoning from that new kebab place that Yangyang took him to. The sickness must have somehow been triggered by the potion.

He tells Jaemin as much and the other man hums, “Yeah, makes sense.” He sighs after, “I still wish you would have told me you were trying this. You know I wouldn’t have stopped you if you truly wanted to make it, regardless of whatever brat convinced you to do it.”

“Hey!” Chenle yells out in protest, pouting, “I only asked Renjun because you kept saying no. So, really, this is your fault.” He says the last sentence with a triumphant huff.

Jaemin flicks his forehead, though his eyes are still fond, “Like I said, brat.”

“God, can you two not flirt in front of me right now.” Renjun groans, clutching at his stomach, “I really do think it’s food poisoning. If I had anything else left in me to throw up, I’m sure I would be right now.”

Chenle stares at him, eyes gleaming with mischief that Jaemin would usually play along with easily. He knows now is not the time, though, so he’s quick to put a stop to it by ruffling his boyfriend’s hair, “This is partly your fault. Let’s be nice to him, okay?”

And, as always, Chenle agrees easily. He leaves Renjun’s room to refill his glass of water. When the door opens, he can clearly hear the conversation between Donghyuck and Jeno - or, rather, the argument.

Donghyuck is clearly worried, throwing the blame on Jeno in some sort of an attempt to cope with their joint mistake. Jeno says that Donghyuck knows better than to interrupt his games and that the only reason the fight broke out is because Donghyuck kept bothering him out of his own boredom.

It’s entertaining to listen to, Renjun won’t lie. It would be even more amusing if he weren’t feeling so sick at the moment. And if he didn’t have this urge to get out of the room and defend Donghyuck despite fully knowing it was his fault.

“This love potion is stupid.” Renjun complains, “Even if I were genuinely in love with Donghyuck as a natural development, I would never defend him when he’s so obviously in the wrong.”

Jaemin agrees, “Yeah, you’ve never been so head over heels for someone like that. You have respect for yourself.”

“Maybe the love potion is actually just a potion that makes you shift all your morals to be in favour of the first person you see instead of being in love with them.”

“Is that a theory you want to test?” Jaemin questions, laughing when Renjun scowls at him, “I’m kidding! Anyway, since you made the potion, I’m sure you did it flawlessly.” He praises, following it with words that Renjun has been dreading to hear, “Which, unfortunately, also means that the effects will last around a week.”

Donghyuck is in the living room at the moment, voice still loud as he argues with his roommate. A third voice that was meant to be bringing Renjun water joins in, too.

Renjun thought it best that the two be separated while they waited for Jaemin to come. Because as soon as Renjun had finished puking his guts out, Donghyuck was outside the bathroom door waiting for him. The potion’s full effects had begun by that point, meaning that when Donghyuck offered him tea to soothe his stomach, Renjun felt some sort of pull.

He tried to grip the door like a lifeline to hold himself back, but it wasn’t working. Donghyuck only got more worried, getting closer to him to hear what Renjun was mumbling. Because he still felt like throwing up and couldn’t project his voice; that much he was sure was unrelated to the potion.

“You need to leave right now.” Renjun let out, the pain in his stomach travelled up to his chest.

“What?”

Donghyuck was too close and Renjun couldn’t help it anymore. He let go of the door and threw himself onto Donghyuck. The surprise of the action had both of them land on the floor with a loud thud. Chenle had thought it was hilarious and Jeno was concerned enough to help them both up before laughing along with the younger.

Jaemin arrived minutes after Renjun forced Chenle to help him drag himself away from Donghyuck. Okay, he was being dramatic and probably overplayed it because of the sickness but, in his defence, in the moment, it genuinely felt like he was glued to Donghyuck.

And now they’re here.

“You’re telling me that I’m going to be making a fool of myself like that for the next seven days?”

“Well,” Jaemin glances at the clock, “more like six and a half, now. But! Throwing up the potion might make it act differently. We have no choice other than to simply see how things play out.”

The reassurance, if that was what it was meant to be, isn’t as helpful as Jaemin wants it to be. Renjun feels his mouth dry at the thought of being and acting in love with his best friend for the next week. His frustration boils to a point where he’s had enough of waiting for Chenle and leaves the room.

Jaemin calls his name, desperately trying to warn him of the reason he had locked himself in here to begin with.

Donghyuck’s attention turns from Jeno and Chenle to Renjun as soon as he hears the door open. His eyes widen as if he was expecting Jaemin to come out and kick him out.

Renjun’s stomach does flips when the shock wears off and Donghyuck smiles at him, soft and gentle and concerned all at once. It’s a sight he wants to paint and hang up on his bedroom wall, preferably the one right in front of his bed so it can be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes.

Maybe even the ceiling, if he can figure out how to hang a canvas up there without having it fall on top of him in the middle of the night.

“Renjunnie?” Donghyuck’s eyebrows furrow, smile faltering, “Are you okay? Why are you looking at me like…that?”

“Like what?” Renjun squeaks out, words coming out quickly in defence. The love potion may have changed the way he feels about Donghyuck, but it doesn’t change the fundamental personality traits that make up a person. Or, it’s not meant to, at least.

Renjun had been fascinated by that fact when he learnt it. Of course, the potion would likely have the affected person acting in extreme ways in favour of the person they loved at that moment. Still, it doesn’t change the person to the point where they become someone else.

Theoretically, if person A had feelings for person B and gave them the love potion, they wouldn’t want that person to change fundamentally to the point where they became someone different. So, if the love potion changed person B into another, for person A, having their feelings reciprocated, however fabricated they may be, would be worthless.

He told Donghyuck that very thing when he learnt of it in high school, when he was still debating if trying to make the potion would be a good idea or not.

“Isn’t that so cool?” Renjun had marvelled, “Of course, it’s a horrible way to get your feelings reciprocated and could end very badly after the potion wears off. But it gets you the temporary happiness of having the person be your person for a short period of time.”

Donghyuck hummed in response, deep in thought, “I don’t know.” He shrugs, “Yeah, it could be nice. Best case scenario, they might still be in love with you after. But it would feel so real and that would make it hurt so much more when it ends so abruptly, don’t you think? Like, you get to have that person love you, but there’s a time limit. Once the clock strikes 12, it’s over and you realise it was fake happiness.”

Renjun has learned over the years that Donghyuck is much more realistic, a little too much at times. It makes him come off as pessimistic.

On the other hand, Renjun can be a hopeless romantic. That’s not to say he can’t be logical, though. Like, he wouldn’t expect his partner to go out of their way to hand pick flowers and make a bouquet for him daily - everyone has their own life, after all. He doesn’t want to be codependent with his partner, either.

Still, getting a bouquet or two every now and then would be nice.

He’s going off topic, letting his mind wander where it shouldn’t. He blames it on the love potion.

“Yeah, Renjun.” Chenle echoes moments later, “Why are you looking at Donghyuck like that?” He’s grinning, enjoying the situation too much for someone that played a major role in this chaos occurring.

A stern clearing of the throat from Jaemin is the only thing stopping Chenle from teasing Renjun further. His grin doesn’t falter, though, still smiling as he half-skips over and hands Renjun the glass of water.

Renjun gulps the whole thing down, feeling that lump that makes it hurt to swallow when he drinks it too fast and scowling at Chenle and Jeno. He should be pointing a nasty look or two at Donghyuck, too, considering that he was the one who crashed into the table.

Except when he tries, he can feel his face softening immediately, eyes crinkling with fondness and unable to complain about him using the spare key for no good reason. All he can do is give in when his body moves on its own, legs taking a few steps towards the couch and hands reaching out to cup Donghyuck’s cheeks the way he would to Jisung.

Donghyuck blinks up at him, concern turning into confusion, then fear, “Please don’t hurt me.”

He very much could. Renjun quite literally has him in the palms of his hands. He doesn’t - he can’t. There’s a laugh that bubbles up and escapes through his lips before he can stop it, hands squishing Donghyuck’s face, just shy of actually hurting him.

“Cute.” He mumbles. It’s quiet enough that Jaemin and Chenle can’t hear, but loud enough for Donghyuck and Jeno. The latter of the two snorts.

“Never thought I’d see the day Renjun calls Donghyuck cute without being condescending about it.” Jeno announces.

Renjun knows his friends and he’s sure that the news of their little mishap will spread to Mark and Jisung soon enough. Chenle probably messaged their group chat already.

On the outside, Renjun can’t show his distaste because Donghyuck is still within his view and he feels like his insides have turned all gooey, brain a mush as he stares at Donghyuck like he’s the new snake plant Renjun recently bought.

By the end of the day, Chenle has done him the service of letting this information travel to Ten and Minghao - his witch and wizardry mentors, as the younger calls them.

Minghao facetimes him later that day, starting with small talk, acting like he hasn’t heard of the events of the day from Chenle.

“How’d you let that one convince you?” Minghao sighs, clearing eyeing Chenle in the background, shamelessly eavesdropping on them, “I thought you’d know better.”

Minghao is like an older brother to Renjun the same way Ten is. Which is why it hurts a little to hear the disappointment in his voice. Minghao has always been blunt with his words. He knows that Renjun isn’t so fragile that he can’t handle a little scolding when he’s made a mistake.

“Well, it wasn’t supposed to be for me in the first place, ge.” Renjun answers back petulantly, “And Donghyuck was the one that barrelled into the goddamn table! Jeno was chasing him! Chenle didn’t lock my door!” He ignores the noise of complaint from Chenle, continuing, “Why am I the only one getting blamed for this?”

“I’m not blaming you.” Minghao insists, his tone leaving no room for argument, “How did Donghyuck get into your apartment, anyway?”

Chenle has migrated from the kitchen to the living room, leaning on the back rest of the couch next to Renjun’s head, “We gave those Donghyuck and Jeno-hyung a spare key when we were away to take care of Renjun’s plants. I told him we should take it back ‘cause Donghyuck kept using it to come in here when neither of us were home. But someone,” He points a look at Renjun, “fell for his puppy dog eyes and let him keep it.”

“I did not!”

“Did too!”

They go back and forth until they hear a voice on the other side of the call, someone calling Minghao. He bids them farewell with a stern warning to Renjun and wishes him good luck for the next few days, ending the call to tend to whatever business he has. Renjun pulls down the lock screen to find messages from Ten, mirroring what Minghao had told him.

As he reads them, new messages appear above those notifications, coming from a different contact.

can i come see you tmr or is it better we avoid each other for the week?

Logically, it would be hard to avoid one another; they live right next to each other and their schedules line up on two of the three days Renjun has classes.

Emotionally, Renjun just doesn’t want to avoid Donghyuck.

Renjun blames the love potion for the ache in his chest at the thought of not seeing Donghyuck for a week.

The first day after Renjun accidentally took the potion, day two of the seven expected days that it would be affecting him, he has to get up at 7 in the morning to get to his 8:30 class.

“You’d be able to sleep so much longer if you didn’t shower in the morning like me.” Chenle tells him, half-asleep with his hair sticking up.

He wouldn’t usually be awake at this hour. He’s able to sleep through all sorts of ruckus and only starts his day by the time Renjun gets home. Apparently, he does feel a little guilty over the whole potion ordeal and woke up to make sure Renjun got a good breakfast.

“Are you going to meet up with Donghyuck later?”

Donghyuck has a 9:30 class that runs for an hour, while Renjun’s lasts two hours. It’s his only class for the day, while Donghyuck has another one after a short break. Usually, Renjun will get snacks or a coffee - paid by Donghyuck - while he keeps the other company for the hour-long break.

Originally, they’d planned to study during that time. But, after the first two weeks of semester, since neither shared classes at the moment, attempting to coexist and study was a lost cause. Renjun would probably be far more productive going to the library or taking a nap at home.

“I don’t know.” He sighs.

He remembers Donghyuck’s message from the night before, the one he has yet to reply to or even open. It glares at him when he turns his phone on and finally types out a reply.

I don’t think avoiding each other will help

The message is read instantly, which is weird, because Donghyuck shouldn’t be awake yet.

Even weirder is the fact that Donghyuck is standing in front of his apartment door when he’s leaving, hand raised as if he was about to knock. Renjun looks down at his hands to find that he has the spare key to the apartment in the other hand, clearly planning to break in if they hadn’t opened the door for him.

Renjun sighs, fondness seeping through his attempt at irritation, “First of all, why are you awake? Second, why bother pretending to be polite?”

Donghyuck hides the key behind his back despite it being too late, “I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” He ignores the second question, pouting, “I thought you’d be happier to see me first thing in the morning.” He cups a hand to cover the side of his mouth, leaning in and whispering, “You know, with the love potion and all.”

Renjun snorts, leaning back ever so slightly rather than pushing Donghyuck away. The other man seems to read into this small detail and grins.

“Nevermind, I guess it really is working.”

Renjun scowls at him as best as he can. He wants to respond with a snarky comment but his mind draws a blank.

Instead, he starts walking towards the stairs. Just two weeks ago, he’d gotten stuck in the elevator and missed his class. It was terrible; he’d woken up early for nothing and had to spend an hour in their stinky apartment elevator waiting to get help.

He made sure to message Donghyuck about it to make sure he didn’t make the same mistake. Donghyuck was late to his class because he took it upon himself to call Renjun and entertain him until someone arrived.

Going down stairs is much easier than climbing up and he’d rather not risk getting stuck in there again when he has places to be. Luckily, it’s a quick commute down from the second floor.

“Who do you think will be the next victim of the elevator?” Donghyuck questions.

Renjun shrugs, “I hope it’s that guy living right above us.” He muses, “He keeps stomping around even after we’ve complained about him and talked to him personally.”

“He’s clearly doing it on purpose. I guess you pissed him off by dobbing.” Donghyuck teases.

“We’re not the only ones who have a problem with him!” Renjun defends, “He never holds the elevator door open when he sees people waking toward it. He completely ignored that nice, old lady that lives two doors down from us.”

“Mrs. Kim?!” Donghyuck gasps, “What kind of monster would be mean to her? She baked me cookies for my birthday!”

Conversing with Donghyuck comes as naturally as it always does. The only difference now is that when Donghyuck’s lips pout for no reason at all as he speaks, Renjun gets this unexplainable urge to do something he’d surely regret in a matter of seconds; with or without the potion.

His class is uneventful as always and if he didn’t like his professor, he wouldn’t even show up to these. He’s a little slower than usual packing his things up and Donghyuck is waiting for him by the door when he leaves his lecture hall.

“How’d you get here so quickly?”

Donghyuck’s class is in a different building.

He shrugs, “We got through the slides quickly so he let us out early.” It seems like a half-truth, based on the way Donghyuck is looking at Renjun’s nose instead of his eyes. He’s never really been the best liar.

Renjun doesn’t push, though. Donghyuck links their arms together, waiting for his reaction. When he realises that he’s being given permission, he tangles their fingers together and suggests boba as their drink choice for the day.

An hour, when it’s spent talking about anything and everything, passes by very quickly. Donghyuck groans when he eventually checks the time on his phone and Renjun goes home after walking him to his class.

He locks himself in his room to finish up the assignment he’s been procrastinating for too long and feels the physical weight of it lift from his shoulders once he hits submit. With that out of the way, he has the rest of the week to worry about things unrelated to his classes.

It’s only when Chenle calls him for dinner that he leaves his room. The light in their living room is brighter than his bedroom, likely a sign that he needs to change the lightbulb.

“Were you actually doing your assignment or taking a nap?” Chenle asks with a teasing grin.

Renjun rolls his eyes but pouts at the reminder, “No wonder I’m so tired. I haven’t taken my nap today.”

The younger laughs as he motions for Renjun to set their table, bringing the pot with stew and the rice over to rest in the middle of it. He proceeds to ask Renjun about his day, keeping it casual, pretending he’s making small talk and doesn’t have ulterior motives.

“Have you seen Hyuck much today?”

There it is. The awkward comments of the weather and faux interest in what Renjun learnt in his lecture today was simply a lead-up to this.

He looks pleased with himself when Renjun sighs long and hard.

“It was fine.” He lies.

In truth, Renjun gave into the urge to hold Donghyuck’s hand about three other times, two of which were simply him not fighting back when Donghyuck took hold of him. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was out of character for him to give in so easily and he knew that Donghyuck had noticed too, even if he had been nice enough to keep quiet about it.

That’s not to say he doesn’t enjoy physical affection. Donghyuck is always warm. There’s something about the way he holds another person that feels comforting. But Renjun struggles against him just for show, just to make Donghyuck work for it.

Unfortunately, today he was nothing but a weak, weak man.

He’s sure he had the eyes of a high schooler looking at their first boyfriend the whole day. Donghyuck had, again, been nice and didn’t point it out.

There’s one change in particular that he’s been desperately trying to deny, one that sounds so ridiculous to him that he hasn’t dared to think about it since it crossed his mind.

Jaemin had told him once that when something sounds absurd, saying it out loud would help him decide if it truly was insane or if it was a truth he wanted to reject.

“I wanted to kiss him.” He lets out, words coming out quickly and in a whisper. He didn’t say it clearly enough, and the silence lasted for just long enough to fool him into thinking that Chenle hadn’t heard him. That he could pretend he didn’t say anything at all if Chenle asks him to repeat it.

The sound of his roommate’s cackling quickly shuts that thought down.

“If you’re going to admit that, at least do it with confidence.” Chenle says as his laughter dies down, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Liar! You tell Jaemin everything.”

“Jaemin will find out, anyway.”

It’s true. But Chenle adds fuel to the fire and he does it with pride.

Renjun decides to get ahead of his university coursework to give himself time to go through all the magic related books he has, all of which have been passed down for generations.

Day three rolls around and Renjun doesn’t feel like his whole world is crumbling, yet. It’s Donghyuck’s day off from classes and work, while Renjun had a morning class and his afternoon shift at the cafe. He wakes up early to conduct his research on love spells and potions, comparing all the different types there are; their duration, the exact effects, the aftermath.

The two of them don’t see each other much that day but Donghyuck calls Renjun during his break.

“Chenle said you looked like a mad scientist with all your spell books and shit sprawled on the floor.” Donghyuck chuckles, “What were you doing? DId you get enough sleep? Have you eaten today? Should I bring something for you?”

He sounds like a nagging parent, something that often makes Renjun sigh and scold the other for - he’s a grown adult and he’s very much capable of taking care of himself.

Today is no different, except the fondness seeps through in the sigh, his voice coming out softer than it had last week when they had this exact conversation.

It seems to catch Donghyuck off-guard, because he stays quiet for too long. The silence stretches and Renjun worries that he might have hung up.

The reaction is odd considering that Renjun had been this way the day before and Donghyuck had no problem with it. So, why did it make him freeze today?

Donghyuck brushes it off with an awkward chuckle, changing the topic in what would have been a seamless manner if Renjun couldn’t feel the way the air became tense. Renjun considers ending the call but there’s a curiosity that pulls his finger away from the red button.

Nothing happens, though. Neither of them acknowledge it so, eventually, the awkwardness disappears.

Renjun goes home that day feeling a hint of disappointment to find that Donghyuck isn’t waiting there for him. Which is insane. While it’s true that Donghyuck enters their apartment unannounced, it doesn’t happen nearly as much as they say it does. He does respect their boundaries and he knows that Renjun is often in a shitty mood and wants to be left alone for the night after he closes at the cafe.

Still, the love potion had apparently given him expectations - ones that, from both an emotional and logical perspective, are unrealistic in the context of a platonic relationship.

He feels possessed in a way when he finds his finger hovering over the call button, screen open to Donghyuck’s contact. He contemplates for a few more minutes, trying to push the thought to the back of his mind while he changes into his home clothes.

“Renjunnie?” Donghyuck’s voice comes soft despite the obvious surprise in it, “What’s up? Did you get home? Or do you need me to pick you up from work?”

The cafe that Renjun works at is only a ten minute walk from the apartment. But sometimes, when he’s already talking to Donghyuck and doesn’t feel like walking, he’ll take advantage of the fact that the other man is practically at his beck and call and asks for a ride home.

It started as a joke, with Donghyuck offering, no, announcing to their whole friend group, that he’d drive Renjun everywhere after he’d passed his driver’s test.

At first, Renjun limited how often he asked Donghyuck for a ride. And then, when he realised that his friend wasn’t as bad of a driver as he assumed, he’d become Renjun’s personal taxi service, as Jisung claimed.

“I’m home.” Renjun answers, keeping his voice steady.

There’s noise coming from the background, shooting sound effects and generic talking lines from that game Donghyuck plays with Jeno and Jisung. Which either means that Renjun called while Donghyuck was taking a break from playing or that Donghyuck had paused his game - does that game even have a pause option? Did Donghyuck’s character die? - just to answer his call.

“Can you come over?” He’s expecting a no, a polite rejection to the invitation or a promise to see him the next day.

Instead, the immediate response he receives is an eager, “Yes.” Followed by the absence of the game noises and some shuffling around. It makes Renjun’s lips raise at the corners.

And soon enough, Donghyuck is in Renjun’s apartment, having let himself in as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“So,” Donghyuck starts, letting the bedroom door shut behind him and taking a seat next to Renjun on his bed, “movie night?”

Donghyuck doesn’t really drop everything for Renjun, even if he acts like an overworked personal assistant to him. Often, though, he goes out of his way to do things for Renjun. Things that he probably doesn’t even realise make Renjun feel special.

Renjun has never needed to, but he felt like he had to actively do things to contribute to their friendship. Eventually, the little things he does for Donghyuck became natural, effortless. He makes sure Donghyuck keeps track of his assignment due dates, keeps him company when he’s bored between classes, lets him keep the spare apartment key so he can come over whenever he pleases with no real consequences - it’s only a few things, all of which he does by his own violation rather than a sense of obligation.

Plus, Donghyuck has never minded. He offers to pick Renjun up from work to save him from the ten minute walk. He always seems to know when Renjun is craving hot pot the most and takes him out to his favourite restaurant. He eats with him despite the stomach ache he’ll get the next day, just so Renjun doesn’t feel weird eating alone.

He doesn’t seem to mind now, either. Donghyuck’s eyes look a little red, like he’s been sitting in front of a screen for a few hours.

Renjun frowns at the sight, closing his laptop screen and briefly leaving the room.

When he walks back inside, Donghyuck is waiting for him obediently, having kept the laptop shut. His eyes travel down from Renjun’s face to his hands, “What are those?”

“For your eyes.” Renjun replies, getting back into bed and making himself comfortable and motions for Donghyuck to do the same. He takes the two cold gel pads and places them onto Donghyuck’s closed eyes, “Give your eyes a break from time to time.” He scolds.

Donghyuck smiles, letting his head sink back into Renjun’s pillow. He reaches his hands out above him, as if looking for Renjun, “Where are you?”

Renjun chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief, “I’m right here.” He takes hold of Donghyuck’s hands, holding both in his own and places a kiss to the knuckles of each one.

Donghyuck sucks in a sharp breath, hands tensing momentarily before he all but melts at the gesture, “Lie down with me, please?”

It’s hard for Renjun to say no to Donghyuck when he asks so nicely, tone soft and hopeful. And now, with the love potion having him do things like kiss his best friends’ knuckles, he has no control over his own body as it obliges with the other’s wish.

Donghyuck stays the night unplanned. He fell asleep with the gel pads on his eyes, now with each one lying on either side of his head when he turned to sleep on his side. Renjun had also fallen asleep at one point, back pressed to Donghyuck’s front and with a gel pad pressing against his scalp.

The arm resting over his waist doesn’t have much of a grip on him, so if he moved slowly enough he’s sure he could get up without waking Donghyuck up. But he doesn’t want to.

Instead, he grabs hold of Donghyuck's hand where it rests over his stomach and pulls his arm tighter, trapping himself against Donghyuck’s chest. The movement has Donghyuck snuggling closer to him, face pressed against the nape of his neck.

Just as Renjun’s about to fall back asleep, someone’s alarm - Renjun’s - starts going off.

Donghyuck groans, not at the sound but at the fact that Renjun moves away to grab his phone and turn the alarm off, “Where are you going?” He mumbles, voice thick with sleep.

“Nowhere.” He manages to reach the bedside table and takes hold of his phone, presses stop and not snooze then drops his phone somewhere next to him on the bed.

In hindsight, going back to sleep without so much as checking the time was probably a bad idea. Not asking Donghyuck if he had plans for the day was also just as bad. And even worse? Renjun knew of these plans because Donghyuck always tells him his schedule and he forgot about them.

Because the next time they wake up, it’s an hour before Donghyuck is supposed to meet up with Mark to work on their project together. Having been asleep for so long at this point, Renjun can’t shake off the drowsiness even after brushing his teeth and showering.

Which, somehow, translates into having his legs sprawled across Donghyuck’s lap on the couch, effectively trapping him in place.

“Renjun-ah.” The other man starts slowly, almost as if placating a child, “I don’t really want to, but I need to go over to Mark’s so we can work on our project.”

Renjun isn’t that sleepy anymore, but he latches onto the excuse just to cling to Donghyuck a little longer. He drops his phone in his lap to wrap his arms around Donghyuck’s shoulders, “Can’t he just come here?”

They go back and forth a few times; Donghyuck tries to be reasonable and explain that Mark would need to stop at his apartment after work to bring his laptop and their other materials to Renjun and Chenle’s apartment. It would be counterproductive to do so, not to mention that it would simply be a hassle for poor Mark after his seven-hour shift.

Renjun can sometimes let his emotions overwhelm him and control his every move, but he prides himself in his ability to think things through more often than not. And yet, even when the realisation that he’s acting like a toxic, clingy girlfriend to Donghyuck hits him, he still doesn’t want him to go.

Luckily for the current Renjun that’s being controlled by the love potion, Mark is a sweetheart and much too sympathetic of his situation, if it could be called that. He can’t say no when Donghyuck asks him to come to his and Jeno’s apartment - where they’ve migrated to because Donghyuck’s materials for the project are in his room.

Chenle had watched the whole thing with amusement and very mild concern. Renjun doesn’t blame him, the last time he had acted this clingy to anyone was to his mother the night before their flight back to Seoul. If it wasn’t for the fact that he had basketball practice, he might have followed Renjun and Donghyuck just to watch them a little longer.

Jeno doesn’t seem bothered by the return of his roommate with two uninvited guests in tow. In fact, he seems quite happy to see Mark; even more so to watch the way Renjun is physically holding himself back from gluing himself to Donghyuck’s side and being a distraction.

“Someone is having a hard time.” He teases, voice low enough that Mark and Donghyuck can’t hear from where they’re having a weirdly heated debate over the font they should use for their slides.

Renjun shoves Jeno - or tries to, at least, “It’s the stupid potion.” He grumbles, “It’s making me act out of character.”

“Really?” Jeno hums in thought, “I feel like you two have always been clingy to each other. You just can’t pretend to hate it right now and initiate it with less shame.”

Jeno is observant and logical. He sees things as they are and states them bluntly. Knowing that, having this detail pointed out to him by Jeno of all people has Renjun’s mind spiraling. A confronting thought occurs to him then, a reminder that he doesn’t truly hate the way he’s been acting with Donghyuck - except for what he’s currently doing which is admittedly a little embarrassing.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though. Because when Renjun thinks about it more, he realises that Donghyuck would make a very good boyfriend.

He knows what Donghyuck was like the first and last time he dated someone back in high school. It was the first serious relationship he had been in and he treated the boy like he held the entire universe in his hands.

Renjun never got told the exact details of why they broke up, just that they had some disagreements about their futures and their priorities in life.

It made Renjun sad to see Donghyuck so gloomy but it was also the first time he’d seen Donghyuck look so in love. He saw the lengths that his friend went to for his boyfriend at the time, the way he remembered every little thing the other boy said and got him little gifts or cooked lunch for him.

Donghyuck was sweet and Renjun had almost felt jealous at the attention the other boy was receiving - a thought he had never dared to utter to a single soul, a thought he had thought was buried somewhere in his head to never be brought up again.

At the time, he had felt horrible about it. Because Donghyuck still tried to spend time with his friends, he still remembered their birthdays and when they had something important going on. But it was also a reminder that Renjun was just another one of Donghyuck’s friends and that only seemed to feed the ugly, green monster inside of him.

Renjun falls asleep on Donghyuck and Jeno’s couch, hugging a pillow and rolling himself into a comfortable ball when Jeno throws a blanket over him. He feels his head being lifted up, so slow and gentle that he thinks he dreamt. But then, he feels a warm thigh under his head and he knows who it belongs to without opening his eyes.

The next day, on day five of the love potion incident, Renjun wakes up to the sight of Mark sprawled out on the floor, and by the sound of something playing from someone’s phone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Donghyuck’s voice comes from above Renjun.

Renjun sits up slowly, seeing that the sun has risen now. It takes a second for him to put two and two together, staring at Donghyuck as the realisation hits him. He’s been sleeping on Donghyuck’s thigh the whole night. And if he was able to get through his slumber uninterrupted, it means that Donghyuck probably hasn’t moved for a couple of hours.

He gasps, slapping Donghyuck’s shoulder, “How long have you been sitting here?”

“Not long.” Donghyuck hisses, rubbing the now sore spot on his shoulder, “You look so peaceful when you sleep. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Are your legs numb now?” Renjun questions, ignoring the way that Donghyuck’s statement makes him feel, “Does your back hurt? Did you fall asleep while sitting or have you been awake all night?”

“No, no, and I was asleep. Ow!” He yelps when another slap is aimed at his forearm.

“Liar.” Renjun presses a hand firmly onto Donghyuck’s thigh, sighing when the other suppresses a hiss of pain, “Stand up and stretch.”

Donghyuck follows the instruction with difficulty, failing to hide the clear indications that his legs have gone numb and that he has an ache in his back and neck. Renjun stretches his own limbs and back, motioning for Donghyuck to sit on the couch with his back facing himself. He starts massaging his shoulders, unable to stop the smile that spreads when Donghyuck lets out a sigh of relief.

“Why is Mark on the floor?”

Donghyuck shrugs, “He was working on the slides and said he needed to read another article to add stuff. I guess he fell asleep there. I did offer him my bed.”

Their project is due at the end of the week, which gives them less than a day to complete.

“The research is all done.” Mark says when he wakes up, “We just need to finish up the slides, practice what we’ll say a bit, and we’ll be all good to present tomorrow.”

It’s not a hint at Renjun telling him to leave, because Mark is much too nice to kick him out. If this were yesterday, he’s sure he would have stayed and continued to be unproductive just to be in Donghyuck’s vicinity.

Both him and Donghyuck have classes today, though. Usually, Renjun would stay behind to hang out with Donghyuck and Jisung at campus, but he promised Chenle to accompany him on his trip to the grocery store. Their fridge and cupboards are in desperate need of restocking and Renjun is sure he needs to buy some more supplies if he wants to keep practicing spells and potions.

It feels easier to leave Donghyuck and Jeno’s apartment, as if the tug towards Donghyuck that he’s felt the last few days has become weaker or disappeared entirely.

“This is a good sign, isn’t it?” He asks Ten at the flower shop, “It means,” He lowers his voice, tilting his head closer to the other man, “the potion’s effects are wearing off, right?”

Ten hums in thought, tending to any flowers that look out of place as Renjun follows him around the store, “Maybe.” His voice draws out in a way that suggests there’s more he wants to say, something that has Renjun frowning.

With a sigh, Renjun asks, “What is it now?”

“It’s just,” Ten looks hesitant, which is odd. He’s the type to say what he thinks when he thinks it, especially when he thinks that the younger has made a mistake, “it might also be a sign that you’re getting used to the love potion’s effects.” He greets a customer that walks in then guides Renjun to the counter, gesturing for him to take a seat behind it, “If that’s true, then it might mean that even after the love potion has worn off, you’ll still feel like it hasn’t.”

Renjun feels his stomach churn, that same sick feeling he got when he first took the potion. Except, his food poisoning has worn off and he’s almost certain he hasn’t eaten anything bad - he’s avoided the places Yangyang suggested to prevent catching something again.

“Or that the potion opened up your eyes to something, specifically in relation to Donghyuck.” It might be a trick by Renjun’s ears, but he swears Ten’s voice sounds more…hopeful, less unsure, at this other possibility.

That makes Renjun fear that he might throw up into one of Ten’s plants.

And, as if realising, Ten hurries to add, “But this is all just speculation. A love potion, no matter how well made, shouldn’t have the ability to truly change a person’s heart in a permanent sense. You’ve known Donghyuck for years and he’s your best friend, so maybe the potion is just confusing your platonic feelings towards him for romantic ones.”

It’s not an unthinkable conclusion. Renjun has had trouble differentiating between the two in the past even without any potion affecting him.

With the way things have been going this week and the fact that he and Donghyuck have been spending a lot of time together, it wouldn’t be out of the question if his brain - and heart - were a little confused.

So, he comes up with what he thinks will be the best solution.

Renjun has always believed in exposure therapy. When he was a child, he watched horror movies with his older cousins and conditioned himself to feel excited by them rather than to allow his fear to control him. He can watch horror movies now without worrying about the nightmares that he may or may not get after.

“And your plan is to do what exactly?”

Renjun turns to meet Jaemin’s confused and concerned expression with a grin, “I just need to stop trying to hold back when I want to be affectionate with him. Then, once the potion starts to wear off properly, I’ll realise that I only view him platonically and that the urge I have to kiss him now is purely because of the potion.”

Chenle starts cackling, falling off the couch and onto the floor with the force of it. Jaemin blinks at him, stares right into his eyes as if to look past them and make sense of Renjun’s thought process. Eventually, when Chenle has pulled himself back up, Jaemin sighs.

“This is the second time you’ve verbally admitted that you want to kiss him.” Jaemin points out - Chenle, that traitor, “This plan of yours, I think you’re going to regret it.”

“I think it’s a great plan! Why don’t you go over there right now and kiss him?”

“I don’t mean that!” Renjun rushes to clarify, “I’m not going to kiss him.”

It would feel ingenuine to do something that could potentially ruin their friendship or make things awkward between them because of a potion. Donghyuck doesn’t deserve that.

“I just think that it would be better to be around him than try to suddenly start avoiding him, you know? Besides, it’s not like he’d let me, anyway.” Renjun adds, “He’d get worried and think he did something wrong and come to check on me.”

Jaemin hums, seemingly more supportive of the idea, “You’re an adult and I’m sure you know what you’re doing. But if anything goes wrong, let me know, okay? And I mean anything at all, potion-related or not.”

“If you don’t and I notice something’s off with you, I’m gonna dob on you.” Chenle supplies, now half-laying in Jaemin’s lap, “Don’t make that face at me. This is how you and Hyuck were the other day.”

“We were not!”

After making his plan known to the couple, he tries to go through with it immediately.

Shopping for groceries and his visit to Ten’s flower shop had taken up most of the day. By the time he’s done telling Jaemin and Chenle what conclusion he’s come to, it’s already late at night. Donghyuck has to be up early to present his project with Mark the next day, so he decides to settle for sending him a goodnight text and wishing him luck for the project.

He only gets the chance to put his plan to motion the next day.

Donghyuck looks happy when he enters the apartment despite the fatigue that seems to weigh down his limbs. He’s still in his work uniform - a sign that he’s come straight to Renjun instead of making a stop at his own apartment a few steps away.

Renjun doesn’t think twice before stepping aside to let Donghyuck in, “How nice of you to knock.”

“I left my key to your apartment at my apartment that’s like, a five second walk away.”

It’s not that funny, really, but Renjun finds himself laughing anyway. It’s embarrassing that he knows it’s not the love potion that has him reacting this way - he and Donghyuck have always had the same sense of humour, finding things funny when no one else does.

“How was the presentation? I hope you did well, for the sake of Mark’s grades.”

“You don’t care about my grades?”

“Do you?”

“Yes!” Donghyuck defends, voice pitching up the way it does when he’s performing for other people’s entertainment and his own amusement, “It went very well, I think. I know we did better than at least two other groups.”

Renjun snorts, “Considering the number of students in your class, I don’t think that’s a big achievement.”

He watches Donghyuck walk through his apartment, from the front door to the kitchen. He stops at the sink to wash his water bottle and leaves it to dry.

“How was work?”

Donghyuck shrugs, “Same as usual. Can I use your shower?”

It feels natural when Renjun hums in agreement, when Donghyuck comes out of the shower and takes a nap in Renjun’s bed. Renjun spends his time on his room floor, with his spell books abandoned in favour of completing the readings for his classes that he’s put on hold for the week.

Everything feels normal about it; like Renjun doesn’t smile like a lovesick fool every time he looks up and finds Donghyuck sleeping soundly in his bed. Like it isn’t weird that he’s chosen to nap here and not in his own bed.

Chenle didn’t really question it, either. He only raised an eyebrow in question when he saw Donghyuck, fresh out of the shower, wearing Renjun’s oversized shirt and a pair of sweatpants that Donghyuck must have left here some other day.

“I hope you didn’t use all my moisturiser.” Was all the Chenle had said before moving on with his day.

Renjun doesn’t know why the younger stayed silent besides that comment and he didn’t care enough to ask, as long as it meant - as cheesy as it sounds - that he could spend more time with Donghyuck. For the sake of his plan, of course.

It should be weird that this is all so normal. Because in all honesty, Donghyuck coming straight to their apartment without making a stop at his own isn’t normal. He’s very specific about the lotions he uses and says the ones he has are the best for his skin - not to the extent that Jaemin is, but he’s pretty close to that level.

Some people might be surprised to find that out about Donghyuck, considering he rarely cares about his appearance.

But Renjun knows that Donghyuck is particular when it comes to skin care, that he wants to feel soft and smooth because it gives him a sense of satisfaction to be complimented on it all the time - even if he’s bad at accepting the praise.

Even then, sometimes, he lets the hair on his chin grow sometimes and Renjun hates when he does it - because it suits him and he looks ridiculously attractive with a stubble.

Renjun feels like he could name every detail about Donghyuck, about everything he’s learned about him since they were kids; all that has changed and things that remain the same. He could probably point out the scar on his leg without seeing it, he can remember the story behind it despite not being there to see Donghyuck fall off of his bike.

Yet somehow, Renjun doesn’t think he can carry the same sentiment for himself. He had thought he knew himself, that he was emotionally aware and knew how to navigate who he is as a person. But the potion has made him think and he isn’t sure he’s ready to address all those things so soon.

Hell, he can’t even remember where the scar on the back of his shoulder had come from.

Renjun makes no progress on his coursework with this new thought plaguing him.

Eventually, Donghyuck wakes up from his nap. He sits up to stretch his arms above his head. There must be a sign in the way Renjun is sitting or something in his expression that prompts Donghyuck to suggest, “Break time?”

It feels too natural to slide into bed next to Donghyuck, to allow his best friend to snuggle up to him, hiding his face in Renjun’s shoulder and completely disregarding the series he’s put on.

“Are you not watching?”

Donghyuck hums, the feeling of his breath sending a shiver up Renjun’s spine, “We’ve watched this season three times.”

“It’s good!” Renjun retorts, “You love Anthony and Kate just as much as me, don’t lie.”

Donghyuck chuckles but the sound is quieter than usual, an indication that sleep hasn’t left him fully.

Renjun pinches his forearm, having easy access to it since Donghyuck had linked their arms together, “Why did you suggest Bridgerton if you don’t want to watch it?”

“‘Cause your head needs a break and if we watch something new, you’ll think too much.”

It shouldn’t make Renjun’s heart flutter to know that Donghyuck pays attention to him just as much as he does to Donghyuck. They’ve been friends for years, it’s natural that they would pick up on each other’s mannerisms like this.

Donghyuck’s knuckles knock against Renjun’s temple, asking for his attention, “What are you thinking about, anyway?”

Renjun shakes his head, taking Donghyuck’s hand and keeping it in his hold. Donghyuck doesn’t push the matter, content with using Renjun’s shoulder as a pillow, dropping a kiss onto the exposed skin there and making a soft, happy little noise when Renjun doesn’t shove him away.

Donghyuck had gone home the previous night upon Renjun’s insistence, telling him he needs to go back to his apartment soon or Jeno will miss him. He’d laughed about it, made a show of being kicked out of the apartment because Renjunnie doesn’t love me anymore, Chenle!

The last day of the whole potion debacle is boring for the first half of it. Jaemin invites them all over to celebrate the end of the week; something that they’ve never done before.

“Are we celebrating the fact that the potion is supposed to wear off today?” Jisung is the first to address the elephant in the room.

Jaemin waves him off, “Of course not! I just missed you all. Is it a crime to want to see my friends?”

“You just want to see Renjun act lovey-dovey with Donghyuck before it’s over.” Jeno says, directing an innocent smile at Renjun when the man glares at him.

Jaemin shrugs, “It’s not an opportunity we get everyday.”

Renjun’s friends tease him for a while. It starts when they trickle in one by one and dies down a little bit when they become distracted with Jaemin’s cats.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m allergic, I would steal all three of them.” Donghyuck declares. He proceeds to huff and puff about how Luna had chosen Mark over him, that Luke is too attached to Jisung and that Lucy is developing attitude problems.

Jeno is a favourite of all three, dividing his attention between them where they’re dispersed among the apartment. Donghyuck watches it happen and grumbles about how unfair it is.

“He has some sort of charm to him. Animals and kids love him and Mark.”

It’s a known fact among them. Donghyuck had cooed countless times watching stray cats flock to Jeno or when Mark was able to converse with his youngest brother so easily. His brother constantly asks about Mark and Donghyuck complains about it endlessly.

Donghyuck turns to glare at him, “I thought you were supposed to take my side until the end of the day, at least?”

Renjun laughs, “What? Are you jealous?”

“Maybe.”

He admits it so easily, the word seemingly escaping his lips before even he registers it. This isn’t their normal banter. To any witness of their usual interactions, it might seem that way. But it just isn’t. It’s charged with something raw and vulnerable that neither are equipped to deal with at the moment, not to mention the fact that they’re surrounded by their friends.

When Renjun turns to look at Donghyuck, he’s looking away, the tips of his ears turning a pretty shade of red. His hair is covering up the sight of it, though, so Renjun reaches out to tuck the strands behind his ear without thinking twice about it.

Renjun belatedly has the thought to look around the room, to ensure that their friends are distracted enough not to pay them any mind.

Donghyuck turns his head back to meet his eyes, a look on his face, one that’s almost pained. He opens his mouth to ask something, then seems to decide against it and presses his lips together again.

Soon enough, when Jaemin decides it’s time to start on dinner preparations, he drags Donghyuck up from the couch towards the kitchen.

“I’m supposed to be a guest!” Donghyuck protests the whole way there, “Why do I need to help?”

Chenle cackles, “You’re one of our designated cooks. Mark’s designated driver and Renjun is designated sit there and look pretty. We have roles to fulfil, Donghyuck!”

Jeno gets involved in the cooking process because Mark had decided to try and be helpful and Jeno took it upon himself to keep an eye on him. Jisung and Renjun are left on the couch, all three cats boring of them eventually and leaving to do their own thing.

“So,” Jisung starts awkwardly, “how have you been, hyung?”

Renjun stares at him for a moment, then bursts into a short fit of laughter, “What are you being so weird for?” He pulls Jisung towards him with an arm around his shoulder. The angle is probably a little uncomfortable for the younger, but Jisung lets himself be pulled into the side-hug anyway.

“I haven’t seen you since this whole potion thing happened! I just wasn’t sure if- I don’t know if I’m supposed to ask you about it or talk to you like we usually do.”

Renjun’s gaze softens, letting Jisung shift until both of them are comfortable, “I’m still me, Jisungie.”

It’s a reminder to himself as much as it is to the younger.

Jisung seems to relax and after getting Renjun’s permission, he starts to ask him more about the potion, about how Renjun feels after taking it and what he did to make it. Jisung himself wasn’t born into a bloodline of witches the way Renjun and Jaemin were. But he’s grown up around Jaemin and has always found the craft fascinating.

It’s nice to talk to Jisung, a curiosity in him that’s refreshing, in a way.

The two are interrupted while talking about the most recent space expedition that Jisung has learned about when Jaemin announces that dinner is ready.

Jaemin’s table isn’t really big enough for seven people, often having them bump elbows with one another if they try to sit together. Jisung, being the tallest and with the longest limbs, often opts to stand by the counter. Mark joins him in some show of solitude.

Renjun thinks of pulling a chair to the counter to keep talking to Jisung but a hand tugs him into an empty seat before he can.

“Save yourself a spot before it gets stolen.” Donghyuck whispers to him, “Mark said he isn’t in the mood for standing today.”

“I heard my name.” Mark pops up behind them, a hand landing on each of their shoulders, harsher on Donghyuck than on Renjun. He smiles when Renjun looks up at him, reaching over to fill his plate and wordlessly walking next to Jisung.

“He doesn’t seem like he had any intention of sitting here.” Renjun replies, a hand coming up to rub gently against what Donghyuck claims is now a sore spot on his shoulder.

“Okay, fine.” Donghyuck relents, “Maybe I just wanted to sit next to you before they could steal you away from me.”

Renjun hums in thought, looking around the room to find that their friends are all having their own conversations with one another. He turns back to Donghyuck, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Don’t look at me like that!” He complains, picking up the tongs resting on a plate of meat, “Better load up your plate before everything’s gone.”

“I’ll just steal from you.”

Donghyuck makes a scandalised noise and makes a show of holding his plate close to his chest.

Renjun rolls his eyes at the dramatics but leaves the matter at that. Donghyuck is right, though - the dishes laid out on the table are very quickly getting smaller.

There’s never a dull moment when their group gathers, not a moment of quiet that has a chance to carry on longer than a few seconds at best. And even then, there’s the sound of cutlery clacking against plates.

Eventually, Jisung looks at the time and asks to be driven home by Jeno. Chenle stays the night at Jaemin’s, leaving the other five to crowd into Jeno and Donghyuck’s shared car. He makes three stops, one to the dorms for Jisung and one to Mark’s apartment, the final one being to their own apartment building.

“Will you be okay on your own?” Donghyuck asks, faux concern in his voice, “I remember you used to be so scared of the dark.”

“In primary school! You didn’t even know me back then.” Renjun sighs.

Jeno, the traitor, joins the teasing. He starts lying about how, just the other night, Renjun was texting him late, telling him he couldn’t sleep because of the horror movie they watched.

Renjun is only a weak man and the potion makes him weaker to Donghyuck’s antics. So, when Donghyuck latches onto that, follows Renjun into his apartment, waits for him to change, then drags him until Renjun ends up in Donghyuck’s bed, Renjun lets it happen.

By that point, too drained from keeping up with their friends for the past few hours, Renjun can’t complain and gives into the sleep hanging heavy on his eyelids.

The week ends and Renjun had woken up expecting to feel normal again, to feel the way he did about Donghyuck before accidentally drinking the potion. He thought that maybe, once he could be sure that the potion was completely out of his system - not his digestive system, because potions don’t work in that way - that Renjun’s inner turmoil would end.

Except, he wakes up and he feels no different than the day before. Of course, he can’t be sure of anything until he sees Donghyuck in person. But the image of Donghyuck crosses his mind and has him feeling something that doesn’t feel as platonic as it should.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on that thought when there's a knock at the door. He groans lightly to himself, trying to ignore it and fall back asleep.

The knock comes again so Renjun opens his eyes, getting ready to yell out asking who it is only to pause when he takes in his surroundings. Right. He slept in Donghyuck’s bed last night and the person at the door is either Jeno or Donghyuck.

One look at the clock tells him it’s too early for Jeno to be awake which means-

“Renjun, can I come in?” Donghyuck’s voice asks from the other side of the door. He mumbles something after, sounding like, “You’re probably not awake yet.”

Normally, Donghyuck wouldn’t be awake yet at this time, either.

Despite his potion-induced inner turmoil, Renjun finds it a little funny that Donghyuck feels the need to ask for permission to enter his room. The space next to Renjun is cold when he puts his hand over it, the blanket laid out neatly and pillow propped up against the headboard.

“Come in.” Renjun calls out. He holds his breath, silence feeling long and loud until he hears the door knob turning and sees Donghyuck come into view. His stomach drops when his suspicions are confirmed.

Donghyuck offers him an apologetic smile when he sees the other still in bed, “I know you said the food poisoning was gone, but I thought that with the effects of the potion ending today, it might somehow influence your stomach in a bad way. That makes no sense, does it? Sorry for waking you up so early. Maybe I should have just come in here quietly or left you alone. I was just worried.” He rambles, looking everywhere except Renjun with that shy little pout of his, “Just- how are you feeling?”

“I still want to kiss you.” Renjun admits. It feels a little insane to do so at the same time it does freeing, “I still think you look like an angel and I want to spend hours counting all those freckles.” He hasn’t said that out loud yet.

“Renjun.” Donghyuck sounds like he’s had the breath knocked out of him, brows furrowing as he tries to understand the situation, “The potion should’ve- it should’ve worn off, so why?”

“I don’t know.” There’s almost a desperate edge to his voice. He doesn’t know why this is happening, either, and it confuses him even more that he isn’t fully against letting it continue this way.

Donghyuck wouldn’t be so bad to date. Renjun has seen the way he acts when he likes someone and being on the receiving end of that doesn’t sound so bad.

Renjun groans, falling back into his bed. He can’t believe a stupid love potion has him imagining dating his best friend.

“Hey.” Donghyuck’s voice is closer now so Renjun squeezes his eyes shut, pretending he can’t feel the bed dip next to him. Pretending he can’t feel the hand that gently cups his cheek, “Look at me, please?”

“I will pounce on you.” Renjun warns, “Don’t laugh! I’m serious, Hyuck. This shouldn’t be happening and I don’t know what I did wrong! I followed the instructions exactly, I measured out all the ingredients and read over that page at least 50 times after Chenle asked me to make it. I got brand new stock of everything just to ensure there was no cross-contamination, or whatever-”

“Baby.” Donghyuck placates, both hands on Renjun’s face now, thumbs rubbing over his eyelids. He hasn’t used any pet names for Renjun this whole week, he realises, “The book might have missed something. You’ve said it yourself that sometimes things get lost over time. That all those recipes and spells are old and passed on for generations.”

“I threw up after taking the potion.” Renjun reminds him, finally opening his eyes to look at Donghyuck. He regrets it immediately. What comes into his field of vision is the softest smile he’s ever seen on his best friend’s face, fond and concerned and careful, “If anything, the effects should have been weakened. And now- now I can’t shut up about everything that I’ve wanted to say to you for the past week and I feel like I’m making things weird between us.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “It’s only weird if you say it’s weird.”

“But it is-”

“Nope!” He insists, “Repeat after me, ‘none of this is weird’.”

“Donghyuck.”

“Renjun.”

With a sigh, Renjun relents, “None of this is weird.”

He feels silly even as he says it, but there’s a grin that spreads over Donghyuck’s face and suddenly he can’t find it in himself to care what an outsider might think if they saw this scene.

“Good boy. Let’s wait for Jaemin and see what he has to say, okay?”

Renjun nods, preparing to resign himself to giving in and being pressed against Donghyuck on the couch again like he has been the past few days.

That is, until he remembers the time and what day of the week it is.

“Wait.” He starts, “You’re supposed to meet up with Mark to study for your quiz tomorrow!”

“Mark can wait.” Donghyuck waves it off, physically and literally.

“Mark is a sweetheart and you absolutely will not be cancelling on him last minute like this. Especially after what happened last time.” Renjun sighs, “Go study. I’ll still be here when you’re done. Or, well, in this building.”

Donghyuck stares at him, biting his lip in thought - which, by the way, is not helping Renjun at all at this moment, “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Renjun feels his heart swell, stomach doing flips in a way that makes him worry he might throw up again. It’s been doing that a lot lately, only in the presence of Donghyuck, too. A sure consequence of the potion. He wonders if experiencing the combined effects of a love potion and food poisoning somehow merge the symptoms of the two together.

He shakes his head resolutely, “Think of your friend and your grades, Hyuckie. I don’t want you to sacrifice your time or sleep, or Mark’s, for my sake.”

After some pushing and a promise to update Donghyuck on what Jaemin says, he manages to get the other man out and on his way to Mark’s apartment. Renjun sits and stares at Donghyuck’s bedroom door for a few moments before sighing and fishing out his keys for his apartment.

Renjun is overcome with a confusing sense of disappointment. He’s been learning about potions, about what it means to be born into a family of witches and wizards, his whole life. He’s studied relentlessly and has thought himself to have a better understanding of potions.

Even if the love potion is one that is rarely attempted nowadays, he’s researched enough that he should know how the effects of it work. Of how any potion can influence an individual, that is.

At the very least, he had hoped that he knew himself.

He thinks back to the promise he made to himself in high school. Days before, he attempted a spell, a simple, harmless, sleeping spell on Jaemin because he had been over-confident and sure that nothing would go wrong. And Jaemin being Jaemin, had full certainty that his friend was skilled enough to pull it off.

Both of them were wrong. The spell that was meant to keep Jaemin asleep for a few hours at most stretched to a full day. Renjun went to Minghao crying, thinking he had killed Jaemin. It was through Ten and Minghao’s joint effort that they broke the spell and Renjun had begged them both not to tell his parents.

It was the first time Renjun had gotten scolded by the pair like that, and it was something he wanted to avoid. Which is why from then on, he became stricter with himself.

Immediately after Jaemin had woken up and Renjun had fussed over him to make sure he was really okay, he started going through the spells and potions that he hadn’t tried before. Donghyuck was there for emotional support. He watched Renjun frantically write the words ‘DO NOT TRY’ and ‘RESEARCH A LOT’ and other similar phrases on bright coloured sticky notes to paste onto pages.

Renjun doesn’t know what led him to allow himself to be convinced by Chenle. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe over-confidence. Either way, he’s not sure how to navigate this situation and he’s even more at a loss when Minghao can’t give him advice.

“Ten’s right.” Minghao tells him over the phone, “I can’t tell you how you feel, only you know that.”

Renjun groans, “Can you at least scold me?”

“For what?” Minghao snorts and Renjun doesn’t know what he finds humorous enough to laugh about, “I already told you off for trying the potion in the first place. I’m not going to scold you for not knowing how you feel about your best friend.”

Renjun can picture the look that Minghao must have on his face - fond and pitiful all at once. Like the way Ten looked at him in the flower shop.

It’s confronting for a lot of reasons. Renjun doesn’t want to think about them, but it’s becoming increasingly clear to him that avoiding it isn’t a solution.

“What happened to exposure therapy?” Jisung asks. He sounds so sincere that Renjun almost misses the teasing lilt to his tone.

Chenle had dragged Jisung away from spending another Sunday in the library to, as he put it, save him from another day of having his head buried in boring books.

Renjun is saved from the pair’s gossip session only when Jaemin arrives to cook them lunch.

“Why do you guys have no ice cream?” Jisung asks with a pout after lunch.

Chenle hands the last plate to Renjun and dries off his hands, “I swear I bought some the other day, though?” He looks over Jisung’s shoulder to confirm that the freezer contains only frozen meat. He points an accusatory stare at Renjun but says nothing else, “Trip to the store?”

Which leads to Renjun being left alone with Jaemin.

They sit in silence for a few moments. It shouldn’t feel as awkward as it does right now, not between them.

It’s clear that Jaemin has something to say and it’s weird that he’s hesitating to say it.

“Spit it out.”

He doesn’t need to elaborate or ask again for Jaemin to realise he’s picked up on his unspoken words. With a sigh, he says, “I think we need to talk.”

“About?”

Jaemin fixes him with a look of disbelief and amusement, “Really?”

Renjun is anything but an emotionally constipated man that refuses to talk about his feelings with his friends. Jaemin knows this; the two have had heart-to-heart conversations many times. Renjun was the first to know that Jaemin had a crush on Chenle, hell, he was the one who helped him ask the younger to be his boyfriend.

On the other hand, Renjun hasn’t had much of an interesting love life save for a few dates he’s been on from time to time. All of which have ended with no further progress because, according to Jaemin, Renjun has standards that he shouldn’t lower for a man not willing to put in the effort.

Still, Renjun doesn’t remember the last time he’s seriously liked someone - it’s hard for him to get attached to people like that. Somehow, though, it felt so easy to let the love potion do its thing with Donghyuck once he accepted it. And it would be just as simple to admit that there was some truth to the way he acted the past week. But he can’t do that yet, not when he’s still confused on whether it’s real or a product of external factors.

But Renjun also knows that it’s something he needs to address sooner rather than later, both for the sake of his mental state and his friendship with Donghyuck. The last thing he wants is for a stupid potion to ruin what he has with Donghyuck.

“The potion, it was definitely working on me. I could feel that it was affecting me.” He starts, hating how defensive he sounds, “Even though I threw it up right after swallowing a tiny bit of it.”

“You know how potions can be.” Jaemin offers, “It’s not a matter of how much you consume, but the fact that it’s entered your system. Plus, I told you, right? You made that potion really well.”

Renjun nods along, “It shouldn’t have lasted more than a week, though.”

Jaemin agrees, opening his mouth then shutting it again, eyebrows furrowed in thought as if considering his words. He presses his lips into a thin line, eyes boring holes into Renjun, assessing, “Renjun, can I be honest with you?”

Renjun doesn’t like where this is going. He wants to say no. Maybe he can try and escape this conversation, this whole thing that he’s going through, for a little longer if he says no.

That would be immature, though.

So, he relents, “What?”

“I think,” A pause, “I think the potion may have worn off earlier than we expected. Probably at least two days ago.” He says it cautiously, like he’s scared of breaking the dam.

Renjun stills. That can’t be right.

By that logic, the love potion has definitely worn off by now. But just hours ago, he had admitted to Donghyuck that he still had the urge to kiss him. If the love potion wasn’t the reason he felt that, then that means-

“Do not tell Donghyuck that under any circumstances, Jaemin.”

Renjun watches as Jaemin’s face contorts from confusion, to mild concern, until eventually settling into a look of amusement. His lips spread across his face, teeth on full display and his eyebrows camouflaging with his bangs.

“What exactly did you say to him this morning?” He’s grinning in the way he often does, when he’s trying to seem supportive but is finding joy in another person’s misfortune. It’s a lot like Chenle, a product of dating the man for as long as Jaemin has, he supposes.

Renjun shakes his head, pursing his lips into a pout and refusing to make eye contact with Jaemin. He can’t ignore the way his friend is still staring at him, though, leaving him feeling naked under the constructive eye of Jaemin.

Jaemin, quite literally, takes matters into his own hands and tilts Renjun’s head up to meet his eyes, “I thought you’d immediately deny it if I admitted that the potion wore off. So, I’m just curious. What did you say to Donghyuck this morning, baby?” His voice is dripping with sweetness, a ploy to try and get Renjun to give in.

It’s the same pet name that Donghyuck used a few hours ago, the same word that had him melting. The effect is vastly different, though. From Jaemin, it feels condescending, his ulterior motives clear as day.

“I’m not Chenle.” Renjun tells him, feeling his skin burn under Jaemin’s hands - Jaemin can probably feel it too, “That won’t work on me.”

With a thoughtful hum, Jaemin lets his friend free, “You’re right. Maybe I should just ask Donghyuckkie instead.” He goes to grab his phone from the coffee table and Renjun’s reflexes are too slow to stop him, “Ah, ah. Tell me what you said or I’m telling him the potion wore off two days ago.”

“You’re threatening me when I’m in such a vulnerable state?”

“And why exactly are you in such a vulnerable state right now?”

Renjun groans, placing both hands over Jaemin’s, covering his phone screen to prevent him from using it, “Can we not do this right now? Please?”

Jaemin shakes his head, “No, I think this is the perfect time to do this.”

Renjun pouts and hopes that it’s enough for Jaemin to let him off the hook easily. Unfortunately, he seems dead set on getting this one piece of information out of Renjun and meets his pout with a raise of the eyebrows. He stares at Renjun for what feels like hours. It’s almost like a battle of nerves.

“Fine.” Renjun grumbles, “I told him I wanted to kiss him.” It’s the fourth time he’s said that out loud now, not that he’s counting or anything.

To his surprise, instead of squealing or launching into a plethora of teasing comments, Jaemin gasps. Silence follows, one that’s inviting, like Jaemin knows Renjun has more he wants to say, more for his own sake than Jaemin’s.

“But that wasn’t the problem. It was the fact that he was all sweet afterwards. He felt like- you know, a boyfriend.” He starts fiddling with his fingers, picking at his skin, “And now you’re telling me the love potion had nothing to do with it and I have no idea how to feel about it. If he finds out, I don’t know how he’ll react or what it will mean for the two of us moving forward.”

Jaemin reaches his hand out, placing it in between both of Renjun’s to give him something else to fiddle with, “It’s okay to like your best friend, you know?”

Renjun falls back onto the couch, clutching onto Jaemin’s hand, “Is it really?”

The look that Jaemin gives him makes him feel exposed in a way he never has. It’s pitiful at the same time it is fond. He feels like he’s being treated like an adult and a child all at once.

If it weren’t for Jisung and Chenle coming back, making their presence known with Chenle’s loud voice announcing their return, Renjun might have broken down right then and there.

Despite his talk with Jaemin and his newfound ability to consider the idea that he might like Donghyuck just a little bit, not much changes. Their friends tip toe around the topic for the first few days before eventually, Jeno is the first to test the waters and makes a joke about the love potion situation.

Soon enough, it turns into a funny little story for them to look back on and laugh at.

Except Renjun can’t laugh because it’s only been a few days and he still isn’t over what the potion did to him. It’s not so much the new revelation that he might - keyword: might - like Donghyuck. Rather, it’s the fact that he doesn’t know whether these new feelings have always existed and only come to light because of the potion or if they exist purely because of the potion. Like what he feels for Donghyuck has been carefully curated by the potion.

He’s gone on dates with shitty, self-absorbed guys before that showed little to no interest in his interests. Some of those guys would pretend to care about what Renjun would say, acting just so they could have whatever they wanted to have with Renjun, rather than because they liked him.

The love potion gives an idealistic view of what a relationship could be, where one person is a little obsessed with the other. Whatever version of Renjun that the potion showed, though not completely different from himself, was not truly real.

Renjun doesn’t want to rush into anything with Donghyuck without knowing if he’s capable of feeling that way about Donghyuck when he’s not under the influence of a love potion. Donghyuck deserves better than that.

Donghyuck should be taken care of, should be given flowers and plants that he’ll probably end up killing. He should feel loved and have someone that lets him cling to them as much as he wants. He needs someone to banter with, to challenge everything he says just for fun.

Renjun thinks he can only be half of that, as it is now.

It eats away at him. He knows exactly what Donghyuck would want in a relationship, but he also knows he can’t give him everything he deserves. It makes his stomach twist and heart ache and it only makes him believe that what he feels for Donghyuck is real.

For the most part, he thinks he does a good job acting normal with his friends - with Donghyuck.

“You’re doing horrible.” Ten so helpfully provided when Renjun decides to seek him out.

Ten and Minghao are the only ones outside of Renjun’s immediate friend group that know about the potion. With Minghao spending time with his family in China, Ten is the only option Renjun has.

“Thanks.” Renjun deadpans, “I come to you for advice and you make me help out at your shop to get it. And then, you insult me. What a great big brother figure you are.”

Ten laughs, too amused, “Your other option is Minghao, who would probably be meaner than me.”

Neither Ten nor Minghao are actually mean, unless it’s necessary. They’re blunt, yes, but they know when to be soft if that’s what Renjun needs. Apparently, the crisis that Renjun is going through doesn’t warrant that sort of delicacy.

“All I’m saying is that Jaemin, at the very least, is not convinced by your act at all. But, since he knows why you’re having such a hard time with this, he hasn’t said anything because he wants to let you figure it out yourself.”

Renjun knew that. He can’t hide things from Jaemin. Maybe if it were Chenle, he might be able to distract him. But Jaemin? If he decides he needs to start meddling with something, Renjun has no way of stopping him.

Luckily, or unlikely, really, the semester approaches its end and Renjun gets too busy to worry about the matter.

“I don’t know why I let you convince me this would be an easy class.” Renjun groans, staring at the slides for his economics elective, a class he shares with Jeno.

“I never said that.” Jeno defends, “I only told you to do it ‘cause you needed an elective and I didn’t know anyone else taking this.”

It’s true. Renjun needed another unit and it seemed interesting at first, based on what a classmate told him. It was too bad for him that the professor changed from the year before and the new one was boring.

Despite it, he’s been doing his best to keep up to date with the content and he thought he was doing a good job revising it every week. Except now, with the date of the final exam getting closer, he’s finding that he knows less than he believed.

It’s just him and Jeno in a random coffee shop near campus at the moment. The place is busy in the mornings and gets quiet in the afternoon, even during exam season when people can be seen studying in every other corner. It’s a nice place to avoid distractions, like the rest of their friends who are likely somewhere on campus doing anything but studying.

Renjun decides he needs to give his brain a break from the slides and checks his phone. Their friends have their locations shared with each other most times, an idea propositioned by Mark after Jisung had gotten lost and almost got scammed by a cab driver.

Chenle’s story shows him and Mark playing basketball with their friends from the university team. Jaemin had messaged the group a few minutes ago asking what everyone wants for dinner and offering to deliver it to wherever they are - procrastination at its finest. Jisung is either very absorbed in his textbook or staring at a random speck on his dorm wall.

Donghyuck is the only one that hasn’t read Jaemin’s message in their group chat, which is odd. He’s usually very easily distracted at this time of semester. He’s not active on discord playing some game, either.

“Do you want another pastry, Jeno?” Renjun asks, just to give himself something to do other than think about whatever Donghyuck is doing.

Jeno raises an eyebrow at him, “Are you trying to get out of studying by bribing me with pastries?”

“No! I would never.” Renjun smiles at him. His lips twitch and drop with a sigh when Jeno only stares at him, “Okay, fine. I just want to take a walk for a bit! I promise I’ll come back but I think my eyes are getting too dry from the screen.”

Jeno hums in thought, looking at Renjun for a moment longer before shrugging, “Can you get me a dark chocolate croissant? Are you going outside for your walk? Don’t be gone for too long if you do.”

Renjun is quick to get out of his seat with a nod, “Just need some fresh air. I’ll get you your pastry and be back in ten minutes.”

He buys the pastry and places it in front of Jeno, who thanks him and starts a ten minute timer on his phone. Renjun rolls his eyes.

Renjun doesn’t mean to, but he ends up walking further than he planned and ends up in the campus library. It’s completely unintentional, his legs simply having followed a route he’s familiar with and not at all because Donghyuck’s location said he was here.

But, since he’s here anyway, he might as well go see Donghyuck.

So, he walks through the doors and goes to the second floor to find Donghyuck at his favourite table in the corner. It’s next to a window, the blinds of it closed.

“Were those already closed or did you close them?” Renjun asks, startling Donghyuck from where he was glaring at his notes.

“What are you doing here?” He asks once he recovers, amusement clear on his face, “Aren’t you meant to be studying with Jeno?”

Renjun shrugs, “I was taking a walk and I thought being in the library might motivate me.”

Donghyuck doesn’t seem to believe him, but he doesn’t question it. He seems more than happy by Renjun’s presence when he takes a seat next to him, letting him lean over to look at the page he’s been glaring at.

“Doyoung already saw me closing the blinds. He just sighed and walked away.” Donghyuck tells him, “I don’t think he gets paid enough to care.”

It’s not as if they’re restricted from touching the blinds, but the librarian can be a bit touchy about it. She doesn’t want anything to be damaged, books and window blinds alike.

“He probably dobbed on you.”

“No way! He loves me too much.” Donghyuck argues.

Though Renjun wouldn’t admit it, it’s probably true. It’s a part of Donghyuck’s charm. As much as Doyoung complains about the younger, he has an undeniable soft spot for him.

“Plus,” Donghyuck continues, “I couldn’t see my screen properly ‘cause of the sun. What do you expect me to do?”

Renjun doesn’t answer verbally. He looks at the seats opposite the two of them, looks around the room to see one other empty table.

“I like sitting on this side and that table was occupied when I got here!” Donghyuck protests, “You know how it is at this time of the semester. I got here super early to make sure I got my table.”

To no one’s surprise, Renjun makes Donghyuck forget about studying. He feels a little bad interrupting him, considering that he must have been in some sort of super productive trance for a few hours if he hasn’t even checked their group chat. But, Renjun found him visibly upset at his own handwriting when he walked in so he thinks this break was much needed, too.

They talk about Doyoung for a bit longer and somehow, the conversation shifts to ranking their friends, mutual or otherwise, on their cooking abilities. It’s ridiculous, because Renjun has never tried Taeyong’s cooking or Doyoung’s and Donghyuck is asking him who he thinks is the better cook out of the two.

It lasts much longer than ten minutes for sure and Renjun doesn’t notice his phone buzzing with two texts.

“You two are a horrible influence on each other.” Mark interrupts, “Jeno has been texting you, Renjun-ah.”

At the mention of his forgotten study buddy, Renjun flips his phone screen to face him and finds two messages.

[image]
i can literally see both of your locations

“Lucky for him, I was closer so he didn’t have to come all the way here to get you.”

Renjun gives him a sheepish smile, “It’s Donghyuck’s fault for distracting me.”

“Me?!” Donghyuck gasps, words coming out too loudly for the space they’re in, “I was being so productive and you came and crashed my study session!”

Renjun shushes him, pinching his thigh below the table, “Shut up!” He whisper-shouts, “We’re still in the library, you know?” He starts getting up then, ignoring all of Donghyuck’s offended whispers and squeezing Mark’s shoulder as he passes him, “Thanks, hyung. I’ll buy Jeno a drink or another pastry.”

“I think he’d prefer it if you didn’t leave him in the first place.” Mark mumbles then trails off into scolding Donghyuck for letting himself get distracted, “You were doing so well.” Renjun hears him say solemnly.

When he gets back to the coffee shop, Jeno pouts at him. He watches Renjun walk in, all the way from the door to their table. It’s like he’s expecting Renjun to change his mind and walk back out.

“Ten minutes, huh?”

Renjun slides back into his seat, cheeks heating up, “I’m sorry.”

Jeno sighs, “At least you have the decency to feel bad. But now you’re forbidden from getting out of your seat for any reason other than to pee.”

“I guess I deserve that.”

With that, Renjun spends a good two hours of proper revision and feels much more prepared for the final exam - Jeno is patient and he makes it easy to follow along when he explains things.

To reward themselves for a somewhat successful study session, the two stop by a convenience store on the way home, a two-minute walk from the bus stop. Renjun uses this as an opportunity to fulfil his promise of buying Jeno’s forgiveness.

“Please keep in mind that I’m a broke, struggling student like you.” Renjun pleads.

Jeno pauses from where he’s loading up a basket with chips and ice-cream, eyes glinting with mischief. He takes out the cheaper items to replace them with the expensive stuff that he only gets himself as rewards after exams end. Renjun should have kept his mouth shut.

“I’ll share them with Hyuck.” Jeno adds when they make it to the counter.

Renjun has his card out, paying for the items and smiling politely to the cashier despite the damage this has done to his bank account, “Okay? I was assuming you would, anyway. Since he’d try and steal some if you said no.”

Jeno shrugs, “I just thought you’d be less upset if it wasn’t just me eating all of this.”

It’s a weird sense of logic that doesn’t seem like Jeno at all - he’s teasing rather than attempting to placate Renjun.

The realisation comes to him late, after the bus has arrived they’ve managed to find two seats near the middle. He narrows his eyes at Jeno, “Is this about the…thing?”

Jeno laughs, “‘Thing’? Really?”

Renjun blushes, “I can’t just say it out loud in public. People will think we’re insane.” One look around them would make it obvious that most of the other occupants of the bus are either not listening, or have no interest in eavesdropping on the pair.

The statement seems to further amuse Jeno for reasons that Renjun can’t figure out. Mostly because Jeno only hums and doesn’t add anything on the topic.

Whatever. Renjun has exams to worry about.

Renjun’s final exam is on a Tuesday and exam season officially ends that Friday, marking an end to the semester. It should be relieving to know they get a break now, but one less semester means that they’re closer to graduation. Means that Renjun needs to actually figure out what to do with his journalism degree sooner rather than later.

On the bright side, though, it means Renjun has free time to get back into his hobbies. By that point, Minghao is back in Seoul and invites Renjun out to buy art supplies together. Being in the art store is always nice, it’s like a whole different world that he can get lost in, lets his creativity flow and gives him ideas.

He has time now to go on walks in the park, to pick up extra shifts to make up for the money he spends on new paint.

It’s a good thing, really. Everyone else is happy about it and so is Renjun.

But the one downside is that when Renjun wants to sit and do nothing or lay down for a nap, his head is too empty and devoid of things to stress about. Which means that he doesn’t have anything to think about other than Donghyuck. About what he feels about the man and what that means for the two of them.

And, Renjun is stuck in Seoul because he can’t afford to fly back to visit his family for the break and he feels bad making Chenle pay for his ticket again, especially because their families don’t live near each other and he wouldn’t even see the younger.

Most of his friends, including Chenle who leaves the following Monday, go home and Renjun tries not to feel lonely.

The only person that stays is Donghyuck, because his parents had said they wanted to visit him instead and see what his apartment looks like. Apparently, it turned into a family trip and they decided to bring along one of Donghyuck’s three younger siblings.

“They’re not going to fit in our tiny apartment!” Donghyuck had complained, “And Hayoon hates having people in her space. I don’t know why she decided to come here instead of staying with our grandparents like Dohyun and Jihoon did.”

Hayoon is Donghyuck’s sister, the second oldest. Dohyun, the third sibling, is allegedly going through his teenage angst phase where he cares more about his friends than his family. Jihoon is the youngest, apparently having refused to come because he found out that Mark wouldn’t be here.

“It can’t be that bad.” Renjun tries to placate. But he comes from a big family, always having cousins or aunts and uncles at every corner that he turns to when he’s back home. So, he can understand how it feels to have too many people in a small space, “At least it’s only three of them.”

“Hayoon is demanding that she gets Jeno’s room and I sleep on the couch.” Donghyuck deadpans.

Both their apartments have an identical layout, with two rooms and none to spare for any guests. It’s never been a problem, considering that the overnight guests they have are usually their friends that they don’t mind sharing a bed with or who are fine with taking the couch.

Jeno was nice enough to lend his room to Donghyuck after hearing that his family would be visiting. Since Donghyuck splurged on a queen-sized bed, he’d thought it best to let his parents and sister use his room while he took Jeno’s.

Donghyuck groans at a message on his phone, “Jeno said I should be nicer to my sister and take the couch for the week.”

“He’s right.” Renjun grins when Donghyuck glares at him, “Don’t look at me like that. You were her age once, you should know what it’s like.”

“I never demanded that other people lose sleep for my own sake!”

Renjun laughs, “Okay, fine. If the couch really gets that unbearable, you can use Chenle’s bed. You have the spare key so you can come in even if I'm not awake.” He shouldn’t really be offering without consulting Chenle, but the words are out and he refuses to take them back now.

Donghyuck pauses, staring at Renjun with an unreadable expression. It’s a mix of shock and something else that Renjun can’t pinpoint - which is weird, because he’s known Donghyuck for years and he’s always been able to figure him out.

The moment ends when Donghyuck clears his throat, “I might have to take you up on that. Our couch is getting pretty old now.”

Renjun agrees, “I sat down on it the other day and I think I got stabbed by one of the springs.”

“What? Really?” Donghyuck lights up, “And I missed it?”

Renjun smacks his thigh, “I’m going to tell your mother that you’re mean to me when she gets here. She loves me more than you.”

Donghyuck groans and he seems like he’s getting ready to make some witty comment before pausing. Instead, he asks, “Speaking of, did you want to come with me to the airport? There’ll be enough space for you and I think I might lose my mind dealing with mum’s nagging and Hayoon judging the cleanliness of my car while driving.”

Renjun has met Donghyuck’s family a few times. Back in high school, Donghyuck was staying with his aunt who lives in Seoul and his parents came to visit him from time to time. Once, when Renjun and his parents couldn’t go back to China for the holidays, they got invited by Donghyuck’s parents to spend their time in Jeju with them.

After high school, when Renjun’s parents moved back to China, Renjun has been to Jeju with Donghyuck twice. He talks to Donghyuck’s mother from time to time, too.

“What time’s their flight landing?”

Renjun wakes up at 8 in the morning to get ready to pick up Donghyuck’s family. The drive is only an hour long and they don’t need to actually be at the airport until 11. But it’s been a while since Renjun has last seen them, mostly because Chenle paid for his ticket so he could visit his family for the holidays the last two years.

“I want to make a good impression on them.” Renjun says to Donghyuck, who has been watching him fuss over his clothes for the last ten minutes.

“Why? It’s not like this is the first time you’re meeting them and they already love you.”

“I know! But Hayoon is a teenager and it would hurt my pride if she thought my sense of fashion got worse in the last two years.”

Donghyuck snorts, “So you’re fishing for compliments from a teenager?”

“No.” Renjun glares at the other, “I’m also fishing for compliments from your parents.” He grins, feeling triumphant when his friend rolls his eyes.

With a sigh, Donghyuck gets up and gently pushes Renjun’s hands away from his hair, turning him to face Donghyuck instead of the mirror. He starts fixing the strands of Renjun’s bangs, smooths out his cardigan over his shoulders and takes a step back to look at him. There’s a soft smile on his lips and Renjun feels an overwhelming urge to kiss him.

“You’re acting like you’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents for the first time.”

Renjun flushes. He can’t think of anything he could say to play it off casually. He feels warm everywhere and he doesn’t know what he can say to pretend it doesn’t.

To make matters worse, Donghyuck stares at him, watching his face turn red, watching the blush spread to his ears and laughs. He laughs.

“You’re cute.” He turns away then, grabbing his car keys and wallet from Renjun and Chenle’s couch and walking to the door, “Shall we get going?” He spins his keys around his finger. The gesture shouldn’t be as attractive as it is.

Renjun nods, legs functioning on autopilot to lead him out of the apartment, arms moving to lock the door, then he follows Donghyuck down to his car.

It’s only when they’re deciding who gets to play music that Renjun feels normal again, his heart rate settling into its resting state.

On the way there, Donghyuck talks too much and takes at least two wrong turns despite Renjun having the GPS open and telling him the way. Luckily, they still manage to make it to the airport ten minutes before his family lands.

“Are you nervous?” Donghyuck asks, taking a hold of Renjun’s hand to stop him from picking at the skin. Donghyuck’s hands are a little sweaty but Renjun doesn’t care; the touch is comforting all the same. He tilts his head down and to the side slightly - diagonally is the word - to look at Renjun’s face.

“I’m excited.” Renjun tells him, “Are you not? You didn’t even bother to dress nice.”

Donghyuck looks down at his hoodie paired with shorts, both of which Renjun has seen him in a hundred times, and shrugs, “If I dress nice, they’ll make fun of me.”

Renjun snorts, “And if you dress like this, they’ll also make fun of you.”

“Exactly. So there’s no reason for me to waste my energy.”

“Oh? So you thought I was wasting my energy this morning?”

“Yeah, actually.” Donghyuck keeps his face neutral but his eyes give away the teasing edge to his words, “You get tired so easily, too. Poor Renjunnie, how are you going to survive the day now?”

They don’t have much planned for today. Donghyuck was planning to let his family rest and cook lunch and dinner for them to, in his words, be a perfect son and older brother. He kept the schedule for the week to a minimum, since his parents and Hayoon have already seen the famous places in the city.

Renjun doesn’t know how it happened. In between helping Donghyuck make a loose schedule and spending all their time together, Renjun ended up getting included in all the plans. So, now he’s going to spend a majority of the week with Donghyuck and his family.

Hayoon is the first one they see, walking ahead of her parents and looking at the small crowd of people until her eyes land on Renjun first. She smiles at him, then sticks her tongue out at Donghyuck.

“Brat.” Donghyuck mumbles. He’s still holding Renjun’s hand and doesn’t let go until they meet his family halfway and he greets them all with one hug each. Hayoon groans when he holds her but she doesn’t push him away, wrapping a single arm around his back half-heartedly.

She’s much more enthusiastic with her greeting to Renjun, saying she likes his cardigan and that his hair looks nice today. Donghyuck’s mother pulls Renjun into a hug, too, and his father pats him on the back, “You’re so grown up now.” The older woman says.

Donghyuck whines at the lack of attention he’s receiving, grumbling about it the whole way back to his car even as he wheels most of the luggage without complaining. Renjun helps him put them inside - well, he watches Donghyuck lift the suitcases up and into the boot and closes the door for him when he’s done.

“How kind of you.” Donghyuck says sarcastically.

Renjun shrugs, “I can’t do heavy lifting. I used up all my energy to dress nice this morning, remember?”

“Right, of course, how could I forget.” He walks with Renjun to the passenger seat, “Since you have no energy, I’ll open this for you. Princess treatment or whatever Jaemin calls it.”

“Jaemin doesn’t call this princess treatment.” Renjun says, pinching his side, “He says it’s the bare minimum.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and Renjun doesn’t stop him from following through with the gesture. He gets into the seat and lets Donghyuck close the door for him. At this action, he can feel a pair of eyes on him - they feel…motherly.

He busies himself with getting the GPS open while Donghyuck puts his seatbelt on, only turning around after they’re ready to go. Donghyuck’s mother is already looking at him when he turns, “Are you guys comfortable?”

She smiles at him, “Yes, thank you, Renjun-ah.”

“Why does your car smell like kimchi?” Hayoon asks. It starts an argument between the siblings, one that their parents must be too tired to try and put a stop to.

Once they make it back to the apartment, Donghyuck gives them a quick tour and lets them get settled in while he makes lunch. And, once they’re done eating, he pulls out a few board and card games.

“You cheated!” Hayoon yells, “Did you hide a card somewhere?”

It’s a screaming match between the pair more than anything and normally, Renjun might join in. But, with Donghyuck’s parents here, he feels it necessary to keep up his reputation as the calm friend that he’s built up - it doesn’t last very long, though. Because Donghyuck knows him too well and knows exactly how to taunt him to get a reaction out of him.

Renjun thought it would be a good idea to spend time with the Lee family at first. They’ve always made him feel welcome and, as much as he loves his family and the history of their magic, being surrounded by them is an escape from the responsibility that comes with the power.

He doesn’t regret it now either, even when he gets roped into helping Donghyuck prepare the ingredients for dinner.

“I can’t believe I’m being exploited like this.” Renjun lets out once the two are alone in the kitchen.

“This stew isn’t going to make itself.” Donghyuck replies with a grin, “I’m only one person and they’re hungry. Can’t take too long and let Hayoon get grumpy.” He’s teasing, or trying to. His voice has an edge to it, gentle and caring, an undeniable soft spot for his sister.

Renjun knows how much Donghyuck’s family means to him, something that had become clear to him from the moment they met. He takes care of his siblings, buys them presents in the middle of the semester just so he has something to give them when he goes home to Jeju. He learned to cook in middle school to help his mother out, learned to be independent so his parents wouldn’t worry about him while he was in an entirely different city from them.

The sentiment is something Renjun can relate to; the need to appear perfect so his parents could sleep at night knowing he was happy and safe.

Despite how much they may try, their parents never stop worrying about them; likely part of the reason why Donghyuck’s family are here right now.

The first day of the visit is spent in the apartment building and ends with Donghyuck reluctantly letting his sister use Jeno’s room - only after getting Jeno’s permission to let a teenager into his room, of course.

Renjun eventually leaves and just as he’s about to turn his bedside lamp off, his phone buzzes.

i know you said i could come if i wanted to
but can i really?
this couch isnt as comfortable to lie down in as it is to sit in

Honestly, Renjun had kind of forgotten about his offer. Donghyuck didn’t bring it up since he’d first mentioned it.

I told you to use your spare key, didn’t I?
Why are you interrupting my night routine?
Just barge inside

His message gets left on read - which, rude - and Renjun thinks that Donghyuck decided to suck it up and deal with his shitty couch to prove some point.

That thought is thrown out the window when he hears the front door opening. He turns his lamp off, holding his breath in anticipation - he doesn’t know what he’s expecting. There’s some shuffling around outside, maybe Donghyuck bringing in his own pillow ‘cause he doesn’t like Chenle’s. Then, he hears Chenle’s room door open and close and he expects it to be the end of the noise.

He flops back onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the tiny bit of light coming through his curtain from the street light outside.

There’s a single glow-in-the-dark star up there, one that Jisung had stuck on by climbing onto his bed and reaching as high as he could. It was when he and Chenle first moved into the apartment two years ago, because Jisung said he wanted to help decorate in some way.

It’s not as bright as it was back then, now a dim, neon yellow. But it’s still there, its presence never truly forgotten.

Renjun startles in his half-asleep state when his bedroom door opens, head snapping towards its direction.

“Sorry.” Donghyuck says sheepishly, “You can totally say no if you want, but Chenle’s bed isn’t comfortable. Can I sleep here?”

Chenle and Renjun have the same mattress. Donghyuck was there when they bought them.

Renjun responds by lifting the blanket up, making space for Donghyuck and falling asleep with his shoulder against Donghyuck’s chest.

Donghyuck is a lot like the star. A presence that Renjun can never forget. One he never wants to forget.

Being around Donghyuck simply being a son to his parents and an older brother to Hayoon is eye-opening. It’s a side of Donghyuck that’s so similar yet so different to his usual self. Similar, because he’s close to his friends as if they’re family. Different, because the way he shifts from playful to responsible feels more noticeable now.

When they’re with their friends, Donghyuck is seamless in switching between the two sides of himself. Now, though, it’s as if he’s intentionally making a big deal out of the ‘adult things’ he does so his parents will be proud of the son they raised; so he can be a big brother that his siblings can rely on.

Renjun feels comfortable with the four of them. Like he belongs here and they’re not just letting him join them on their visits to Seoul landmarks that they’ve already been to out of pity.

It’s nice being around them. Without them, he likely would have spent the whole week lounging around his apartment and bothering Minghao. So, he likes having their company and he feels a little better despite not being able to visit his own family,

On the other hand, it also feels confronting. One second he’s tag teaming with Hayoon about Donghyuck’s annoying habit of stealing off of other people’s plates - You do that to me too, Renjunnie! Actually Hayoon too. You hypocrites! - the next, he’s staring at Donghyuck like he holds the answers to everything that Renjun could ever ask.

At one point during their third day of staying here, Donghyuck’s mother snuck up on Renjun, “How have you been, Renjun?” She’d asked with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Unfortunately, he’s distracted watching Donghyuck proudly reciting what Jaemin told him about stocks to his father and gets startled anyway, “Oh my, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She laughs and the sound is so warm, so similar to Donghyuck.

“It’s nice to see you all again.” Renjun answered then allowed her to steer the conversation to his well-being, asking if Renjun has been eating well, if Donghyuck has been nice to him.

He almost tells her everything that happened with the potion and everything that’s been plaguing his mind and heart - the urge he gets when he’s having a hard time and his mother’s voice gives him the illusion of receiving a warm hug over the phone.

Renjun doesn’t, though, because Donghyuck’s family aren’t well-versed in magic-related things and he doesn’t want her to think that he’s going to try and take advantage of her son’s kindness and trust.

The gravity of his own feelings hits particularly hard towards the end of the week.

Everyday, since Donghyuck’s family arrived, he’s been sneaking into Renjun’s apartment and leaving at a time where he thinks no one will catch him slipping back onto his shitty couch.

In any other scenario, Renjun would be hurt by this - like that boy he liked in middle school that refused to let any of their classmates see them together.

But, in this case, he can’t deny that he finds it a little funny that Donghyuck wants to keep it a secret that he hasn’t actually been sleeping on his couch.

His mother catches him on the fourth day because Donghyuck overestimated how long she’d be asleep and the woman, according to her son, had sighed and continued with her day as usual.

Renjun finds it less funny on the fifth day, when Donghyuck doesn’t even bother going to Chenle’s room before entering Renjun’s without knocking. He has a pillow in hand and he’s dressed in his sleep clothes and hair a mess.

It’s natural by this point, the way Renjun doesn’t put his book down, doesn’t look up and lets Donghyuck make himself comfortable next to him.

“You’re not sleeping yet?” Donghyuck asks him, voice thick with fatigue from the day. He took them all to the pool and almost got drowned by his own sister because he refused to be one of those older brothers that was rough with his younger sister. It was sweet of him and Renjun found it endearing.

Renjun shakes his head, finishing the paragraph he’s reading before giving a verbal response, “Once I finish this chapter.”

“Nerd.” Donghyuck mumbles.

Renjun puts a finger to mark his spot on the page, mouth opening to argue but cutting himself off without getting any words out. Donghyuck shuffles closer to him, arm coming up to wrap around Renjun’s waist and nosing at his side for a second. It’s over Renjun’s shirt yet somehow, his breath feels hot as if it was directly hitting Renjun’s skin.

After a few seconds of that, he rests his head on Renjun’s thigh, right under the book he’s holding.

“Hyuck.” Renjun hears himself whisper, “What is this?”

“Your lamp light isn’t letting me sleep.” Donghyuck answers as if that explains it all. As if that’s supposed to justify why Donghyuck is cuddling up to him like this.

The first time Donghyuck hugged Renjun was two weeks after they met. Back in high school, Donghyuck was even more persistent with his affections towards Renjun than he is now. Or rather, Renjun was less tolerant of it.

Donghyuck was always sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, hands itching to reach out towards Renjun at any given moment. When he thinks about it now, Renjun finds it cute how Donghyuck seemed to crave his touch.

Initiating a full-blown hug, though, seemed to take Donghyuck a lot more courage.

It was at the end of the school day, when Donghyuck walked Renjun back to his house - since it was on the way for him.

Instead of leaving like he usually would, Donghyuck lingered, stalled to keep Renjun standing at the gate of his house for as long as he could.

Renjun grew annoyed and just as he was taking a final, resolute step backwards to retreat, Donghyuck reached out and pulled his arm. He tugged until Renjun stumbled forward and caught him in a hug. It felt a little awkward, nerves heightened with the foreign feeling of being held by Donghyuck, of Donghyuck holding Renjun for the first time.

It took about a month of that before Renjun would allow himself to raise his arms and reciprocate.

He wasn’t emotionally constipated as a teenager or opposed to receiving affection, but it did take him a while to realise that Donghyuck saw Renjun as someone important to him the way Renjun saw him.

And that realisation was what it took for Renjun to open up to Donghyuck more, to be sure that Donghyuck would always be there when he needed him and that he would drop everything to be there for Donghyuck. Not in return, but simply because he wanted to be.

In the early stages of their friendship, following their first hug, Donghyuck was always so nervous trying something new. Like when he properly held Renjun’s hand, when he first dared to even attempt to press a kiss to Renjun’s cheek.

And yet, here he was now. Moulding himself against Renjun like it was the easiest thing in the world. Completely oblivious to the way Renjun’s stomach flips, the way he feels his entire body heat up, only partially due to the added body heat from Donghyuck.

Renjun grows stiff, book forgotten. Donghyuck seems to notice even in his drowsy state. He lifts his head up then, staring up at Renjun with one eye open, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Renjun answers too quickly, a clear giveaway.

Donghyuck keeps his eyes focused on Renjun’s face, assessing. He either finds something or doesn’t find the one thing he’s looking for and sits up, forcing both eyes open.

“Why are you so stiff?” Donghyuck asks in a mumble, “We cuddled like this when the you-know-what was affecting you and you were fine with it. We’ve been cuddling even before the thing.” He sounds like he’s trying to justify it to himself and Renjun doesn’t know why.

“I know.” He answers dumbly.

Donghyuck narrows his eyes at Renjun. He lets them soften after a moment, taking Renjun’s book, marking his page for him, and placing it carefully on the bedside table.

“I think you need some sleep.”

For a second, Renjun worries that Donghyuck took his reaction the wrong way. He shifts a little and Renjun thinks he might leave. It throws him into a panic and he grabs a hold of Donghyuck’s bicep - has he been working out? - grip tight and desperate.

Donghyuck looks at him, at his face and his hand wrapped around Donghyuck’s arm. He knows what Renjun is thinking without him saying, purely from the gesture and his expression. Donghyuck smiles, teasing and fond, “I’m just turning off the lamp.”

Renjun blushes. He nods, loosening his grip but not fully letting go yet. Donghyuck manhandles Renjun to be the little spoon, pulling him against his chest with a firm arm around Renjun’s waist.

It feels intimate. All of this. From when Donghyuck first came into Renjun’s room all the way until Renjun woke up the next day and felt the presence of his best friend against his back as strongly as it's ever been.

Bidding Donghyuck’s parents and Hayoon farewell at the airport is bittersweet.

Renjun hates seeing them go but he thinks that being around them for the week has only made him feel even more conflicted. Especially because, right before leaving, Donghyuck’s mother pulls him to the side while the other three are occupied.

“You’re good for him.” She whispers, words genuine and pure, completely unaware of the inner turmoil that she’s sent him into.

She doesn’t explain what she means - good in what sense? Is she saying that he’s a good friend to Donghyuck? If so, why now? She’s seen them since they were in high school and the way they’ve been acting around each other this week isn’t any different.

Does she somehow know about the love potion? Donghyuck wouldn’t have told her, though, so how? What is she seeing that Renjun seems to be missing?

He smiles politely, tries not to let it show on his face until the three of them pass the gate to board their flight.

Renjun lets out a breath, shrugging when Donghyuck questions it.

With Donghyuck’s family gone and most of their friends still away on vacation or visiting family, the two of them are left to keep each other company. There’s nothing weird about it. They don’t spend every waking - or sleeping - second with one another, but it’s almost as if they’ve merged their schedules together, like they’ve unintentionally tried to accommodate one another.

The weirdest part of it all is how willing Donghyuck is to join him on a hike.

“Are you serious?” Renjun asks incredulously, “You complained that one time we had to walk home ‘cause we missed the last bus. And you’re saying you want to hike up a mountain with me?”

Donghyuck looks silly when he scratches his cheek, as if only now realising what he’s agreed to. He’s determined, though, and nods his head, “I can take it.”

With that confirmation, Renjun wakes up early and makes sure Donghyuck is up, too. Then, he starts packing their bags, ensuring they have plenty of water and snacks. Donghyuck shows no signs of backing out and Renjun thinks he might actually be okay.

A few minutes into the trail, though, with the sun blaring, it’s becoming abundantly clear that Donghyuck, in fact, cannot take it.

But, again, Donghyuck is determined and he seems like he wants to prove something. Renjun can’t figure out what he would gain from this at all, so he asks.

“Jeno said I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everything you do if I spent everyday with you. So I’m proving him wrong.”

Renjun raises an eyebrow, “Proving him wrong by sitting here for,” He checks his watch, “ten minutes?”

“I’m slowly proving him wrong! At my own pace!”

Renjun laughs, shaking his head in disbelief, “If I’m feeling nice enough, I won’t tell him the details about this hike then.” He says with a smile, only half-lying. He bends lower with a hand resting on his thigh to pat Donghyuck’s cheek. It feels warm.

He hands Donghyuck an energy bar and takes a photo of him when he isn’t looking. The reception sucks where they are, so Renjun makes a mental note to send the picture to their group chat later.

Regardless of the excessive amount of breaks he takes, Donghyuck does his best to match Renjun’s pace and they eventually finish the trail. By that point, Donghyuck is getting irritated by the sweat rolling down his neck and his bangs sticking to his forehead. He pouts as he tries to wipe it all off.

Sighing, Renjun grabs the small towel from him, “Come here, you big baby.” He pulls the back of Donghyuck’s shirt collar down and wipes from the top of his head to his shoulder blades.

“How are your hands still somehow cold?”

“I don’t think they actually are. Probably just cold compared to your skin right now.” Renjun keeps wiping and folds the towel to a clean side, turning Donghyuck around to dry the front of his neck, “Why is your face so red?”

Donghyuck seems to turn redder, embarrassment clear on his face, “It’s hot.”

Renjun hums but doesn’t comment further.

After the whole debacle, he was half-expecting Donghyuck not to follow him around anymore. So, just to see how far he could take it, Renjun invites Donghyuck out to a free trial of an art class that he signed up for. He takes Donghyuck with him to refill the fridge before Chenle comes back and makes him hold all the bags on the way to the car - Donghyuck’s car driven by Donghyuck, of course.

He puts on all the Avatar movies one day after spontaneously inviting Donghuck over. Which both of them enjoyed, obviously. And when they’re done with those, he starts going through his list of movies that he’d wanted to watch but didn’t get a chance to yet. Of the three that they manage to finish, two of them are cringey and Donghyuck sits through all of it anyway.

“Those were so shit, I don’t know why you wanted to watch them.”

“It’s not like I was forcing you to watch them with me.” Renjun rolls his eyes, “I saw them trending online. That’s the last time I trust TikTok, I guess.”

“You were using me as a pillow.” Donghyuck protests, “And yes, stay away from TikTok recommendations.” He pretends to shiver in fear.

Renjun ignores both of his comments.

Donghyuck continues to say yes to everything that Renjun invites him to, including the outdoor activities. Which is odd, because Donghyuck loves staying home whenever he gets the chance.

“He’s only saying yes because it’s you asking.” Mark tells Renjun over the phone. He’s waiting for his flight at the airport, having gotten bored and asked Renjun if he was free to talk, “If it were me asking, he’d say no to at least half of those things.”

The statement plants a seed in Renjun’s head.

Eventually, all their friends come back and they try to make the most of their break while they still can. They go to the beach once and Jaemin takes them all ice skating a few days after that. He makes sure they remember the basics, re-teaches to those who forget and stays close to Jisung for the first half-hour that they’re there until Jisung manages to stay steady on his own - Jeno sticks to the younger from then on.

Jaemin skates around with Chenle, hand-in-hand, looking so in love and in his element. Mark and Donghyuck skate together for a while and Renjun drifts between the three groups they’ve formed. Eventually, Mark gets hungry and Jeno and Jisung join him for a snack.

“Guess it’s just you and me now.” Donghyuck says, sliding to a stop smoothly next to Renjun.

“Jaemin and Chenle are still on the ice too.”

“Yeah, but,” Donghyuck leans against the railing, looking around the rink to find the pair, “they’re in their own world. They wouldn’t even notice if we all left. Or if an asteroid came down on the building right now.”

Renjun snorts. They stay against the railing for a little while longer, not talking and letting a silence settle between. It’s not awkward, never is.

Donghyuck pushes himself forward after a minute, holding out his hand to Renjun, “Shall we?”

Renjun isn’t the worst skater but he’s nowhere near Jaemin’s level. He’s still better than Jisung, but worse than Donghyuck. It makes him feel competitive.

He stares at Donghyuck’s hand, considers scoffing at it and skating alone - he’s done that before and fell on his ass immediately after letting go of the railing. Donghyuck’s face filled with concern, helping him up and making sure his face was red from embarrassment and not actual pain. Only then did he allow himself to laugh. After he was done, though, he refused to let go of Renjun’s hand.

“Renjun-ah?”

Renjun meets Donghyuck’s eyes, reaching his hand out to let Donghyuck grip it. His hands are colder than Renjun’s for once. Even then, Renjun still feels like Donghyuck is the one making him warmer.

Renjun’s friends come home and a sense of normalcy returns. He doesn’t spend everyday with Donghyuck anymore, or at least, not exclusively with Donghyuck.

They still see each other a lot, still talk daily even if they don’t meet in person.

It’s the way it should be, the way it always has been. Everything is familiar and somehow still so new. It’s strange, not negative but rather something that’s different and unexplainable to him.

He feels his heart flutter too many times for it to be normal and he feels stupid smiling at the emojis that Donghyuck uses.

His mind helpfully supplies him the memory of what Ten had told him a few weeks ago.

Even after the love potion has worn off, you’ll still feel like it hasn’t.

It makes something settle in his stomach. Something ugly and unsettling. He feels sick, like he had after he took the potion. But it doesn’t feel like it’ll go away if he simply throws up. It’s the same feeling he had two days ago, when he and Donghyuck went to an ice cream shop and ran into a guy that Donghyuck had shared a class with two semesters ago. The interaction was normal, just two people catching up after a long time.

Renjun smiled at him politely and let them talk despite feeling awkward. He was fine with the whole thing, until he saw this guy’s hand rest on Donghyuck’s forearm while he was flailing it the way he does sometimes when he gets excited.

It’s not weird for someone that Donghyuck knows to be touchy with him, because fundamentally, Donghyuck is a touchy person. Still, Renjun didn’t like it.

What Renjun could only describe as jealousy and possessiveness urged him to not-so-discreetly wrap an arm around Donghyuck’s waist - not his shoulders, but his waist. A gesture paired with an expression that was so clearly insinuating that this guy should go. A hint that there was something between the two of them when in reality, there really wasn’t.

Donghyuck stuttered his words, caught off-guard but letting Renjun keep his arm there and doing nothing to stop his former classmate from getting the wrong idea and scurrying away.

He recounts this whole exchange to Jaemin and ends his story with, “I think I’m losing it.”

“Okay.” Jaemin starts slowly, “I hope you know that it’s not normal to feel so possessive over a friend. Especially if this guy wasn’t even flirting with Donghyuck. They were just talking normally, right?”

“Yes.” Renjun responds, a little embarrassed that he’s willingly engaging himself in this conversation, “They were making small talk, just catching up. The guy wasn’t being flirty and even if he was, it’s not really my business, right?”

“Right.”

“So, it makes no sense for me to feel like that.”

“Logically, no, it doesn’t.” Jaemin agrees, “But I think there’s a really big detail here that you’re refusing to consider.”

Renjun knows that. But he also knows that Jaemin knows why he’s refusing to consider the possibility.

As if realising this, Jaemin clears his throat, “Speaking off, I’ve been doing some research.” He starts, pulling out a book from his bag, “I know a lot about potions, yes, but there’s always more to learn. I came across this book in Ten’s library.” He hands it to Renjun, lets him start going through it for a bit before intervening, “I marked a page, right there.” He flips the pages to the one with a magnetic cat print bookmark on the corner.

Renjun starts reading it, both of them silent as he carefully takes in each word. In summary, the book is telling him that the love potion’s effects can never be permanent. The book doesn’t say it, and Jaemin doesn’t verbalise it either, but it’s implied what Renjun feels now is not as heavily influenced by the love potion as he’s been thinking. Ten had told him something similar, likely having gotten it from this book.

He reads further and it tells him that the potion is the strongest when the person affected by it is in close proximity or mentioned by name. That, or if the potion is continuously consumed.

“This…” Renjun starts, finger tracing over the words as if to check that they’re actually printed onto the paper. He swipes over them and they still remain perfectly intact.

“Yeah.” Jaemin replies with a nod, “From what you told me, you’d start thinking about Donghyuck all on your own. I mean, you live next to each other so it’s not a surprise, but still.”

He doesn’t need to address the other concern at hand. Renjun already knows. He only drank the potion once and it was too small of an amount to alter him too much.

Renjun might be getting too hopeful. Maybe everything he feels is real. Or maybe, he’s justified in believing that he’s overthinking it. Jaemin is his biggest enabler.

“Renjunnie, I didn’t bring this to you to convince you that your feelings for Donghyuck are real or that you should tell him about it. I know you and I know that you know yourself well enough to be able to determine whether you truly like Donghyuck in that way or not.” He pauses, gaze boring holes into Renjun, “I just don’t want you to miss an opportunity to be with someone that would make you the happiest you’d ever be, the way you deserve.”

His words are loaded beyond what he says. Renjun understands the direct meaning of what he says; stop overthinking and let yourself be happy. But he can also tell that there’s more to it, something that only Jaemin knows that he’s refusing to tell Renjun.

“Not to make this all about me, but,” Jaemin says, humour laced in his voice in an attempt to lighten the mood, “it took me a while to figure out that I wanted to date Chenle. You know how he is. Always cute and caring. I didn’t know whether I wanted to give him that care in return because I thought he was endearing or because I was in love with him.”

Renjun’s head shoots up, eyes narrowing, “You realised you were in love with him before you even started dating?”

Jaemin shrugs, “Not the point but yes. I guess I can be a little…intense.”

“Chenle likes it.”

Jaemin smiles at that, eyes round with undeniable fondness, “He does.”

Renjun feels like he’s intruding somehow, like this is a moment meant to be kept private between Jaemin and Chenle despite the fact that it's a conversation between himself and the former.

“I don’t want to tell you how you feel, only you’d know that. But there’s this sparkle in your eyes whenever you look at him. It’s become more noticeable recently.”

Renjun thinks that’s Jaemin’s way of encouraging him. It works.

Renjun does think about what Jaemin says. He stops denying himself, stops trying to pretend that the butterflies in his stomach are from nerves when in reality, it’s the lemon water that Donghyuck makes him first thing in the morning.

“It’s hot today.” Donghyuck explains, as if that should be enough to make sense of the situation.

It doesn’t, though. Because Donghyuck lives next door and there’s no reason for him to be here so early. They have plans for dinner with their friends at a restaurant they frequent, but that isn’t until much later in the day. It’s currently 10 in the morning. Donghyuck isn’t usually so awake at this time, regardless of his plans for the day.

Donghyuck doesn’t leave after that, either.

Chenle is out of the shower by the time Renjun finishes his lemon water, barely sparing Donghyuck a glance before leaving the apartment to take Luna to the vet with Jaemin.

It’s a normal day at the same time that it isn’t. Donghyuck would do things like this from time to time, bringing a pastry back that he thinks Renjun will like. Renjun has always appreciated these little gestures but they’ve never made him feel like this.

Everything that Donghyuck does is without ulterior motives and only because he cares about people. And that makes Renjun’s head spin.

Donghyuck makes Renjun feel special in a way that he’s always craved. Donghyuck makes him happy in the way that Jaemin says he deserves to be.

Renjun comes to the conclusion that he wants this to be their everyday. He wants to wake up and see Donghyuck next to him, or walk out of his room and find the man making him breakfast, paired with coffee when it’s cold and lemon water when it’s hot.

Maybe, Renjun thinks, he could be what Donghyuck deserves, too.

He asks Donghyuck a question then, as if it would be the final nail in the coffin to his resolve, “Donghyuck.” He starts, pulling down the stretched-out collar of his shirt to reveal his left shoulder blade to Donghyuck, “Do you know where this scar was from?”

It makes Donghyuck still momentarily. He recovers quickly, though, and stares at Renjun’s face then drifts his gaze down to the scar. His eyes stay for far too long, “When you went hiking with your sort-of brother Minghao and fell back onto a rock. Why?”

Renjun feels his heart flutter. It’s stupid. Really stupid.

But it feels less stupid because it's Donghyuck.

He tries to shrug casually and keep his voice steady, “Just forgot where it was from. I thought you might remember.”

Donghyuck hums and starts clearing their plates off of the table. Renjun stares at him, who’s now too preoccupied with humming to himself as he washes the dishes to notice.

Renjun regrets judging Jaemin for admitting that he was in love with Chenle so early on, realising that he very well may be in the same boat right now. In his defence, though, he had to deal with a literal love potion and he’s known Donghyuck for longer than Jaemin and Chenle did when they started dating

It feels a little silly to justify it to himself. He’s sure that he’s not speaking his words aloud and unless Jaemin tries that mind reading spell again, there’s no way for anyone else to know his thoughts.

“What are you spacing off for?” Donghyuck flicks water onto Renjun’s face, smiling as he watches the other blink his eyes after the sudden action, “Still sleepy?”

Renjun realises what Donghyuck did, glares at him for a second, then gets up and beelines for the tap. Donghyuck is closer to the sink, though, and traps Renjun in a backhug before he can get close enough to turn the tap on.

“Let go!”

“So you can splash me? I don’t think so!”

“It’s only fair.” Renjun, embarrassingly, whines out, “Let me do it once.” He turns his head to try and meet Donghyuck’s eyes and feels his breath catch when he realises how close together their faces are.

Donghyuck shakes his head, tightening his grip around Renjun, “It was, like, two drops! You’re gonna try and drown me.”

This is the part when Renjun would reply with something petty, maybe it’s what you deserve, or it’s just water, it’ll dry, you drama queen! Donghyuck would complain, say something like I was a drama kid! What do you expect?

None of that happens, though, because Renjun feels tongue-tied. His words get caught at the tip of the tongue when he feels Donghyuck’s breath on his cheek

They’re too close. They’ve been like this before when Donghyuck presses wet kisses to Renjun’s cheek or neck or whatever part of him that he can reach with all of Renjun’s squirming. But never for this long. Not when they’ve been this sober and awake, at least.

Donghyuck seems to notice too, grip on Renjun loosening a little. He’s giving Renjun an out, letting him decide if he wants to leave.

Renjun stays perfectly still, waiting for the arms around him to tighten again.

His neck hurts from the angle it’s turned at so he grabs onto Donghyuck’s forearms, making sure he doesn’t go anywhere while he shifts so they’re face-to-face.

Donghyuck’s face is red and Renjun is sure he must be in a similar state.

“I want to do this with you everyday.” Renjun whispers, words coming out like a secret he wants to keep between them.

Donghyuck doesn’t respond, frozen and staring at Renjun, stuck in some sort of trance. Renjun leaves him be until the silence drags on and he starts to get embarrassed. He brings his hands up to Donghyuck’s shoulders, not to push him away completely but to get some space between them, the proximity somehow acting as a distraction.

Donghyuck seems to think that Renjun is walking away, though, and his arms slide around Renjun - he feels warm all over, skin burning hottest where he can feel Donghyuck against him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Renjun tells him, voice still low, “Just want you to concentrate on what I’m saying.”

“I am.” Donghyuck argues, “I’m concentrating so hard right now, can’t you tell?”

It’s probably not meant to be funny but Renjun huffs out a small laugh of disbelief. Donghyuck’s face softens at the sound.

“You sound pretty.”

Renjun feels like the breath has been knocked out of his lungs and he can’t get himself to hate the feeling.

“Do you get what I meant when I said that?”

Donghyuck nods slowly, hesitantly, “Do you mean it? You want to be like this everyday? You want people to see us like this?” There’s a hint of fear in the last question and Renjun feels his heart break a little. Has he really made Donghyuck think he was…ashamed of him?

“I want to show you off.” Renjun admits, keeping his hands firmly on Donghyuck - a show of conviction, perhaps, “If you’d let me.”

It’s not the typical confession but Donghyuck seems to understand anyway. His face is still glowing in pretty shades of red and pinks and somehow, the sun coming from the window behind makes him brighter. Renjun feels his heart swell when Donghyuck grins at him.

“If I said I wanted to kiss you right now, would you let me?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer right away, not with the eagerness that Renjun had been expecting. He feels disappointed but Donghyuck makes up for his slow reaction by acting, pulling Renjun closer; wordless consent.

Renjun won’t have that, though. He snakes his hands up, crossing over Donghyuck’s neck to rest over his cheeks, keeping his grip gentle, “Answer me.”

Immediately, Donghyuck’s lips form a pout, “You know already.” He whines, needy and desperate. It’s such an abrupt change of pace, the air around charged from that phrase alone.

“I want words.” Renjun insists even as he starts to grow impatient, too.

Donghyuck is stubborn to the end, mouth in a tight line until he presses against Renjun’s. He parts his lips slightly then to slot them together.

They’ve never done this before. Never kissed, never made out, never let their desires get the better of them and give in. Desires that Renjun didn’t even know he had for Donghyuck.

It feels foreign. It’s not the first time Renjun has kissed someone and he knows it’s not Donghyuck’s first, either. But it’s their first time kissing each other.

First kisses are meant to be awkward; getting to know one another in this new way. And yet, Renjun doesn’t feel awkward at all.

It does take them a little while to find a rhythm, to figure out what the other likes; Donghyuck’s arms tighten around Renjun’s waist when he moves his hands back to the base of his neck, tugging gently at the short strands of hair. Renjun melts when Donghyuck licks at his lips, waiting for them to part and pressing even closer.

They pull away every now and then between kisses, just to let themselves breathe, “I’ve never been ashamed of you.” In those spaces, Renjun whispers against Donghyuck’s lips, “I was just scared-” Kiss, “letting people see me like that.”

His words come out with great difficulty, because Donghyuck refuses to let him finish the sentence in one go.

“I wouldn’t have-” He gets cut off again but he doesn’t want to push Donghyuck away, so he continues speaking as best as he can, “wished for it to be anyone else.”

Donghyuck hums in question, finally letting the distance between their lips stay for a little while out of curiosity. He doesn’t let Renjun move far, though, foreheads touching and noses brushing against each other. His eyes are closed and Renjun lets out a breathy laugh, a thumb pressing lightly against his eyelid to coax both eyes open.

“When I opened my eyes,” Renjun explains, “I’m glad you were the one I saw.”

The smile he gets in response is one that Renjun never wants to stop seeing.