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Ilya loved All Stars weekends, where else could he antagonize every single star Hockey player all at once. And this year, it was extra special for him, for his son (adopted) had been invited for the first time. He was over the moon, ecstatic to be able to spend a weekend with his son and his husband and his best friend and his great-great-great-great-great gay grandfather and Hayden Pike. He was less excited about Pike being there.
Then teams were drawn and his son and great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather were on the same team. Ilya and Shane would be playing against them, great, father and son being matched against one another, a story for the ages, possibly even greater than his own rivalry with his beautiful, sexy, breathtaking, drop-dead gorgeous husband.
Luca of course had only met Scott Hunter in passing, so it was Ilya’s job to introduce the two, finally let Luca meet his great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather.
“Remember, my son, Hunter is old, with weak knees, and a sore back, he will need extra support!” Ilya exclaimed as he hurried Luca down to the hotel bar, where all the other players were hanging out before the skills competition.
“Ilya, for the last time, he’s not our son,” Shane pinched the bridge of his nose, as he strode beside them.
“Then what about the adoption papers I signed?”
“Those weren’t legally binding, Harris just made them for that stupid tiktok you guys did,” Shane rolled his eyes fondly at Ilya.
“Still, would be fun to see Hunter have life crisis, no?” Ilya shrugged at his husband.
“True.”
As soon as they stepped into the bar, heads turned to them and Ilya could see Scott Hunter sitting with Carter Vaughn and Barrett. Ilya hated that his best friend was obsessed with the trilobite (Ilya knew his prehistoric animals, purely for Scott Hunter insults), if he needed a queer role model then he should’ve looked no further than Ilya himself.
He grabbed Luca’s hand and dragged the kid over to the trio, “Barrett!” He yelled as he hurried over, “Is Hunter being boring and telling stories from his childhood in the jurassic?” He smiled widely as Scott Hunter rolled his eyes.
“Alwaysa pleasure, Rozanov,” Hunter grimaced, Ilya loved his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, and Hunter tolerated him.
“I need you to meet the child,” Ilya declared, holding Luca’s hand up in the air.
“Can you stop terrorising Haas?” Troy sighed, he turned to where Shane was standing next to them, “Can you tell your significant annoyance to stop terrorising Haas?”
“I tried.”
Troy gave him a defeated look, “I know you did. Have a seat then,” He gestured to the seats surrounding the table.
“You know, I have a funny feeling I know what's happening,” Hunter muttered, “Just get it over with, throw all the old man jokes at me.”
“Hunter, I want you to meet our star rookie, Luca Haas,” Ilya declared gleefully, “He is like me and Shane in one, bisexual, star rookie, european and very polite.”
Luca nodded along with what he was saying, like a good son, “It’s very nice to meet you Mr. Hunter,” He reached out a hand towards Hunter.
“God, please don’t call me that, it makes me feel old,” He paused, face accepting his fate.
“Because you are old,” Shane stated, smiling, “I’m gonna get us drinks, what do you want?”
“Beer for me and fanta for our son,” Ilya responded, smiling at Shane’s unimpressed glare.
“Sorry, do you call Haas your son?” Carter howled with laughter. As Troy and Ilya spoke at the same time.
“All the time.”
“He is.”
That sent Carter into a deeper fit of giggles, which lasted a little longer before he started struggling to breathe, and had to take in a deep breath.
“I signed the papers and everything,” He gestured at Luca.
“By papers he means something Harris, our social media manager and my boyfriend, wrote up as a joke for a tiktok,” Troy explained to the two confused men.
“Oh god don’t remind me, there’s a little tiktok person that’ll be making the rounds this weekend, I don’t get it,” Scott sighed, looking wistfully at the half full bottle of beer in front of him.
“Ilya is obsessed with tiktok, he has a very public account, where he reposts the weirdest shit he can,” Shane said as he returned with drinks for his sexy husband and cute son.
“True, my fans love it, because I am- what is word Harris used? Like un- something,” Ilya looked over at Troy expectantly.
“Fuck if I know, I stay off of social media.”
“Unfiltered,” Shane supplied helpfully.
“Unfiltered, yes. I put in request for a tiktok.”
“None of us are surprised, Rozzy bear,” Scott sniped at him. Ilya’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, that was new.
“Yes, but not for me, for my son and the ammonite.”
Scott audibly groaned and slouched further into his seat, “I think I know how this is going to go, oldest player with the youngest player, goldmine for material.”
“You have been oldest player since me and Hollander met.”
“Wait, when was that again?” Troy piped up, “The timeline always confuses me.”
“World Junior Hockey Championships, 2008,” Shane supplied. Ilya loved how smart and beautiful his husband was. Shane scanned the faces of the other players, before quickly adding on, “But nothing happened, I just told him not to smoke.”
“And I did not know english,” Ilya looked at his husband. It always made him feel so giddy, even though it had almost been two years since they said I do.
“I was only 8 in 2008,” Luca squeaked. All the players turned to stare at him, looks of dread and shock very apparent.
“I need another beer,” Scott declared, as he stood up.
“Knees creaking already, grandpa?” Ilya chirped at him.
“Fuck off.”
-
“We are here at the all stars game in Vancouver with the captain of the New York Admirals, Scott Hunter, and the youngest player here today, Luca Haas of the Ottawa Centaurs!” The lady exclaimed, clearly bubbling with excitement.
Ilya stood to the side, his own phone recording the entire ordeal, just in case they cut any comedy gold. Shane had seen what he was doing and stalked off to find JJ, muttering about how little shame his husband had.
“So, Scott Hunter, how does it feel, being the oldest player here this weekend?”
“I can feel my knees creaking,” he joked, Ilya snapped up from his phone recording, that was his joke! Indignation flew through him. He started to protest when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Troy just shook his head at him.
“He stole my joke!” Ilya whisper-yelled at Troy.
“Use it against him later, let the social media lady do her work,” Troy whisper-yelled back.
“And Luca, how does it feel, yourself? Being the youngest here?”
“People treat me like a child.”
“Because you are one,” Scott chirped. “Kid was only 8 in 2008, I was already playing for the New York Admirals can you believe that?” he slapped a hand onto Luca’s shoulder.
“Okay, now into our little game, we are going to compare how different it is for you guys! Alright first question, What is your roman empire?
Scott looked perplexed, “I’m sorry what?”
Luca then responded, sagely, “Hollanov tumblr after the 2017 all stars game.”
“Sorry, can you explain what you mean by roman empire?”
“Like what’s a super niche thing you think about a lot or all the time,” The tiktok lady explained, the poor dinosaur.
“Oh um, I guess, my fight with Hollander?”
“Great!” The lady clapped her hands together, “Now I want you guys to tell me your beige flags!” Luca nodded along in understanding, Ilya was so proud of him. Scott just looked perplexed.
“My beige flag? Um, I only know how to cook 3 recipes?” Luca supplied, slightly unsure.
The lady seemed to pick up on Scott’s confusion “Beige flag is something that's not a green flag but also not a red flag in a relationship.”
“Oh, okay, um, Kip is always complaining about how I eat the same meals everyday during the season,” He shrugged, boring answer from a boring man.
“Okay now what do you guys think is Shane Hollander’s beige flag?”
“Man’s fucking obsessed with hockey, like he knows anything and everything about Hockey, ask him who won in 1994 and he’ll know every stat!” Scott exclaimed, “Right Haas?” Luca nodded fervently with the answer.
“What about Carter Vaughn?”
“Too obsessed with my love life,” Scott laughed.
“Troy Barrett?”
“He doesn’t eat a lot of sweet treats, he thinks smoked salmon is a special treat,” Luca said, with a lot of seriousness.
“Ilya Rozanov?”
Luca’s eyes-widened, shell-shocked look across his face, “He, um, won’t stop flirting with Hollzy, on and off ice.” He looked towards Ilya. “And is obsessed with his freckles.” Ilya’s heart swelled once again, his son knew him so well.
“Great! Lets move on, can you tell us a moment that felt like Hozier’s yell?”
“I’m so lost,” Scott muttered.
“When I scored my first goal in the NHL,” Luca grinned, “I have the puck displayed on my shelf at home!”
As the questions progressed Ilya watched with glee as Scott looked more and more confused, not fully understanding anything the tiktok lady was asking.
“I always knew you were my third biggest fan,” Ilya mused at Scott, “After Shane and Luca of course. Using my jokes for silly interview.”
Scott rolled his eyes and moved past, Ilya followed, nagging him for answers. “Where’s your master?” He glared at Ilya.
“You mean my beautiful, sexy, second-best-hockey-player, freckle-faced husband, Shane Hollander?” Ilya smiled coyly, “Is true, he does walk me like a dog, is what our team says as well. I am whipped.”
“Gross,” Scott rolled his eyes, “Thanks for the material Rozzy bear.”
“Do you feel super old now?” Ilya yelled after Scott. He turned to Luca, “I will buy you ice cream now, yes?”