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I will always love you
I will love you untill the day i die
And if youre the one to kill me
Then by all means
You should know without a trace of doubt you will not have turned me away
I will have spent the final beat of my heart loving you
Just as i always have
Only you, forever, i promise
- Olivie Blake, One for My Enemy
There couldn't be two protagonists. He wasn't meant to be here, alive and fighting fate. One of them had to die to set it straight. He didn't- he couldn't- Javier couldn't die. He couldn't let Javier die. Lloyd- no, Suho couldn't allow such a thing to happen.
Tears welled as his control slipped from his fingers. He was grasping for purchase, it falling through his fingers like grains of sand. His throat was tight as the first few tears began to trickle and fall.
“Sir?” Javier asked, worry bleeding into his voice.
Suho couldn't do anything. He couldn't fix this. There was nothing he could do without it backfiring or coming back in a new form. Everything, everyone he cared about was in danger and facing a deadly fate and he could do nothing. He had never felt so helpless, even when he was still in Korea. Never had he been left with nothing. No fight to be had. There was no job to be done, bill to be paid, or class to pass. Sure it had been hell but at least he had purpose, drive, and a fire burning inside him. Now though? Now all he could do was crumble. Shatter and break like the fragile thing he was.
“Lloyd?” Javier softly said.
His hands found his stupid brown hair and pulled, he choked on his words, “I can't stop it.”
Javier grew increasingly worried, “Stop what exactly, Master Lloyd?”
“Fate.” He brokenly whispered.
“I don't understand, Master Lloyd…” Javier helplessly mumbled.
Suho shrunk in on himself, “I can't fix it. Any of it. Everyone's gonna die. It'll be all my fault. I can't- I-”
He was spiraling. Making a bad situation worse, assuming the worst. Javier knelt down in front of him, nervous. His tears were scalding and his throat was too tight.
“I don't know how to help you.” Javier whispered desperately.
“I can't save you!” Suho cried.
He choked on air, gasped on oxygen, his throat was thick and swallowing was impossible. It was like he was dying. Maybe that would solve it all. If he died then Javier could be the protagonist of the story. Javier could save the day. Javier could be alive and well and not dead.
His hands pulled harshly at his air and he whined in the back of his throat as words failed him. The pain he felt wasn't numbing enough. He couldn't escape the loop of suffering. He felt miserable and he wanted to scream because he couldn't fix it and-
Javier pulled Suho against his chest. Arms awkward but tight around Lloyd's body. He shifted and Javier huffed.
“Be still. Quiet your crying and dry your eyes. Breathe.” Javier commanded.
Suho, or rather Lloyd he supposed, did as instructed. Javier passed him a rag from somewhere. Lloyd didn't question it. He still felt like utter shit. His throat was still tight and his eyes were watery, but he didn't feel nearly as hopeless anymore.
He'd figure it out. He had to.