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The instant he sat down, he noticed them. They had chosen to sit in a corner, somewhat secluded from prying eyes (the reason why Kakuzu originally had planned to get reservations for that particular table and felt rather grumpy they had beat him to it). Though the table was clearly big enough for a larger group, they had chosen to sit right next to each other, always touching, their heads mere millimeters apart. He whispered into her ear, making her giggle and grab his face to plant a kiss on his face with a loud smack! that even Kakuzu from his place several tables away could hear.
The couple looked freshly, deeply, purely in love. It bordered on being too obnoxious to be called healthy.
They also did not hold hands like normal people would - they held both of each others' hands. While constantly maintaining eye contact.
Eating food was not their current priority, so it seemed. Rather uncommon, given they were at a tea shop.
Where one went to drink tea and eat.
Kakuzu had to look away. Before he could ask Hidan about his opinion on sharing an entrée (the chance Hidan would agree were approximately at about 30 to 70 but since he was not the one paying tonight, Kakuzu felt optimistic about risking it) when he saw the face his partner was making:
Unblinking, narrowed eyes stared into the direction Kakuzu had been facing a few moments ago. Hidan's brows were deeply furrowed, his nose scrunched up as if he smelled something putrid, his upper lip curled and revealing his perfectly white teeth.
Hidan looked like he was trying to read something too far away with a font of <10. But since he kept staring at the couple, Kakuzu understood what it actually meant - Hidan's face was twisted into the look of utter disgust.
Kakuzu had to cover his face with his cup of tea to refrain from telling his partner that he looked extremely stupid like that.
His partner. The man he had been dating for five years. His boyfriend as the younger man so often pointed out, not without a teasing undertone. The guy who had practically - in front of all of their friends! - harassed him into taking him out on a date tonight. A date he, Kakuzu, had to pay for.
Revenge had been on his mind ever since. Initially, he had planned to just give the younger man a kiss, drive him back to his old place and simply not fuck him (Hidan hated to be left by himself, all hot and bothered), a new idea formed in his head.
With an evil grin, he sat up straight and turned towards his partner. "Hidan", he murmured and stared into his magenta colored eyes. The other man looked at him, confused at first. Then, he must have caught something in the other man's eye, because he whispered: "What the fuck, Kakuzu - no!"
"Hidan..."
"Don't you fucking dare, Kakuzu!"
"Hidan, I simply wanted to tell you-"
"Nuh-uh! We're not doing the lovey-dovey shit tonight, Kakuzu! I-"
"Okay, guys!", a new voice interrupted their rising voices, "Are you ready to order?"
The two men turned towards a very perky looking, young woman who looked at them with a very polite smile and expectant eyes. Ah, yes - the waitress! About time.
"We are", Kakuzu said smoothly, ignoring the visibly flustered man next to him, "We would like to order this-", he pointed at something on the menu, patiently waiting for the waitress to scribble the order down, "this....and for dessert this. We're sharing it all, thank you"
With that, he closed the menu with a loud clap!, wrestled Hidan's menu out of his hands and nodded the waitress away.
Hidan narrowed his eyes at him. "The fuck was that?", he said, gesturing towards the retreating woman, "What the ass did you bastard order? I wanted fucking steak!"
But Kakuzu didn’t react to Hidan's crass words. Instead, he took one of the wildly gesturing hands from in front of his face and engulfed them with his large ones, patting it gently. "You'll see, love", he said simply and leaned slightly forward to bring his mouth close to Hidan's. Hidan, clearly not used to Kakuzu's sudden display of affection, twitched. "We're in freaking public, 'kuzu!", he hissed and tried to tug his hand out of his boyfriend's grasp, "Cut it out! Someone could hear your stupid words!"
But Kakuzu refused to let go and started to pay the hand attention like it displayed today's front page of "The Global Economist", Kakuzu's favorite Newspaper section. Hidan tried to huff the heat out of his face - he couldn't believe that something as stupid as hand holding would make him blush.
Again, he tried to yank his hand from his boyfriend's grasp. But to no avail. Was Kakuzu actually pulling him forward?! With widened eyes, Hidan again tried to get his hand back.
"Oi!"
Why the fuck was Kakuzu so damn strong?
Was one of the less vulgar thoughts that crossed Hidan's mind when he suddenly lost his footing and collided with the table, missing their drinks by a centimeter. "What the-?"
Kakuzu, still holding Hidan's hand, gave it an innocent peck and looked up. "Sit next to me. Please"
Green eyes gazed into magenta eyes. The fuck, were they in a shitty romance novel? What was wrong with Kakuzu all of a sudden?
Hidan had to hold his breath for a second to suppress the embarrassing sound he was about to make. Kakuzu rarely said 'Please'. And he hated asking for things. Narrowing his eyes, Hidan stared and calculated. What was the old man's plan here? Kakuzu just raised his eyebrows and maintained an innocent face. All while still holding his partner's hand. This whole gooey hand-holding stuff was so cringe!Clearing his throat, Hidan stood up. "Okay, okay. Scootch over, jeez!"
Maybe he'd be able to wrestle his hand out of the geezer's grip when he could distract him with playing footsie or something. With a triumphant smirk, Kakuzu moved to the side but stopped mid-motion. Hidan, who was already about to sit back down into the booth, nearly collided with the big man. "Ow! What the f- I said, move over, damnit!"
"I did", countered Kakuzu, "That's enough room for you"
Hidan, who awkwardly hovered mid-movement, stared at him incredulously.
"Enough- c'mon, or Imma go sit back down on my bench"
"No, you're not, you stay"
And with a firm tug, Hidan was seated and squished right into Kakuzu's side. It took a lot of flailing, huffing and pushing against the unrelenting man until Hidan finally could say he was seated and could breathe at the same time. Scowling at- no: up at the man right next to him (geez, was this guy always so freakishly tall, even sitting down?!), Hidan's mood soured even more.
"Seriously: What is wrong with you?", he muttered and tried to look around the human wall and look for the waitress. Where were their drinks? Fuck, he needed alcohol already! He would not be able to endure this night while being sober.
Kakuzu peered down at him with an amused looked (Hidan didn't know that his face could do that!):
"I'm flirting with you, we're on a date"
The Jashinist's head turned back around so fast, he almost got whiplash. "You call that flirting?", he whisper-yelled incredulously, "Seriously? Which of your benevolent ancient history books gave you that idea?!"
Kakuzu doubted that Hidan even knew what "benevolent" actually meant. But he decided to let it slide for now as the waitress approached their table with several plates, placing them right in front of them with a flourish. "Enjoy!", she chirped and off she was again.
Thankfully.
Hidan leaned over his shoulder and glanced towards the things that currently resided on their table. A second later, Hidan snapped his head towards him.
"What the fuck did you order, Kakuzu?!"
The plates were hideously pink. Pink, and heart shaped. He felt more than he heard Hidan gag excessively to express his disapproval of the whole situation.
Good.
Kakuzu could feel a warmth spreading within his ribcage, right behind the sternum. Picking up his cutlery, he informed his partner: "I chose the special. It was the cheapest option". That earned him an outrageous gasp from the man next to him. "ON VALENTINE'S DAY?!?"
The obnoxious couple a few tables over was staring at them. He could not tell what they were thinking but either they looked as disturbed as Hidan supposedly felt - or they were very, very jealous.
Even better.
"Eat your food, sweetheart", he said nonchalantly, "We don't want to eat it cold"
"What the FUCK did you just call me?!?"
Oh, this would be a very fun day.