Work Text:
"You have a brother?"
Peter stood staring dumbly at Neal and his maybe-the-red-hood? brother, gun now loosely in his hand.
He didn't know, why that had been the first question to make it out of his mouth. There were definitely more important questions he should have asked, but somehow Neal revealing something about his past felt special.
There was so little Peter knew of his CI's past and nothing from before his 18th birthday. So him having a brother was surprising to say the least.
"A brother? A brother? God he wishes it had stayed at one brother." Neal's brother wheezed out in a fit of laughter.
"Sometimes I wish it had stayed at none." Neal now muttered under his breath.
So Neal had more than one brother? And apparently he was the oldest? Peter needed to sit down. This was the most he had learned about Neal in years and Peter was thoroughly regretting not even closing his eyes for a few minutes last night.
Neal's brother was still laughing uncontrollably, but Neal got up and walked over to Peter.
"Maybe you should sit down? I'll get you something to drink."
Peter carefully took a seat on the opposite end of the couch, as far away as possible from the cackling maybe-crime lord?.
Neal walked to the kitchen aisle and came back a minute later with another steaming mug of what smelled like hot chocolate.
In that minute Peter had attempted to sort through his thoughts.
"Neal, are you alright? The Red Hood didn't do anything, right?"
Neal's brother abruptly stopped laughing and now had a mildly disgusted look on his face.
“Oh no, he brought straight here. You do know Hood kills people for stuff like that, right?” Neal hurried to assure Peter.
Peter did know that, but he also knew that The Red Hood was a dangerous and unpredictable criminal, so he just wanted to make sure. The scenarios his mind had come up with over the past hours would probably haunt him till the end of time.
“Yeah, I just thought with the notes he send…”
“You let them see the notes?” Neal’s brother asked incredulous, a smile tucking at the corners of his mouth again.
“You were the one that send them to the office.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think you’d let anyone see them.”
“Jason, if you send something to the office, there is hardly going to be anyone who won’t see it.”
“Well, how should I have known that. I have never worked in an office a day in my life.”
“Maybe that’s cause have never actually worked a day in your life.”
“I have had work!”
“Hold up,” Peter interjected, looking worriedly at Neal’s brother. “you sent those notes?”
“Yes?” he answered, as if that was obvious.
“And you used The Red Hood’s name for that?”
“Yes?”
How could he stay so nonchalant about this? As if using the name of one of the top 10 most wanted criminals was an everyday occurrence for him.
“And you’re not dead yet?” Peter stared at Neal’s brother.
“No, I feel like if anyone should know what that feels like, it’s me and I’m telling you this ain’t it.”
And wasn’t that a strange statement.
“Jason…” Neal sounded pained in a way Peter didn’t want to think about. So he decided to just leave that particular can of worms be and move on.
“And the bombs in Neal's apartment? Those turned out to only be glitter bombs by the way, Neal, so your apartment is still standing, just a bit more sparkly than before.”
Neal groaned.
Neal’s brother, Jason? right, almost doubled over with laughter.
“Yes, that was also me. Got the glitter bombs from Steph, Neal here will now forever sparkle.”
“Why did you do that to him?” Peter asked.
“Oh, dear Peter, you see, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that an older brother in possession of his own apartment, must be in need of some glitter. Is that not reason enough?”
Peter blinked.
“I’ll translate, Jason decided he had to fill the role of the most annoying middle child and Stephanie choose to be an asset and provided him with the glitter to do so.”
“Hey, hey, hey, hold up! The glitter bombs were all Steph’s idea. I just implemented it.”
“I’m sure that’s true.” Neal shot Jason a glare.
And if Peter had had any doubt that the two men in front of him were brothers until now, then it had just vanished faster than the speed of light.
“Who’s Stephanie?” Peter asked carefully, because if she threw around glitter so liberally than he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
“One of our half of a sisters.” Jason proclaimed, grinning like the cat that got the cream.
Peter furrowed his brow.
“Do you mean one of your half sisters?”
“No,” Jason said slowly, as if that would make it easier for Peter to understand. “she’s one of our half of a sisters.”
“They’re basically just very close family friends.” Neal piped up helpfully at Peter’s confused expression. “Or alternatively the children B, or dad, adopted emotionally, but not legally.”
“Yeah, Steph just eats his food, steals his money, but refuses to sign shit. Babs is not that bad, but she’s still B’s child, at least in his mind.”
“I also feel like the only reason they aren’t legally adopted yet, is because they both still have a parent around.” Neal mused with a smile.
Jason snorted. “Like that’s stopped him before.”
“Yeaah, but like I’m pretty sure he waited with filing the documents to adopt Tim, until after his Tim’s parents had died and Damien is his bio kid, so that would have been more than a little concerning, especially after all of us.”
“Wait how many siblings do you have?” Peter was starting to question his own sanity. Who were all these people and how had he never heard of any of them from Neal before now?
“Five.” Neal answered the same time Jason said “Six.”.
The two of them looked at each other.
“Five siblings and two close family friends.” Neal amended as Jason nodded as if two whole family friends translated to one sibling. Though if they counted their family friends as half a sibling, then maybe it did.
It was safe to say that Peter felt very confused about Neal’s family dynamics.
“Right, you know something I still don’t understand is how The Red Hood knew to bring Neal to you and why he did it. Like, do you know him or something?” Peter questioned Jason.
Jason let out an amused laugh a that.
“Oh yeah, Hood and I go waayyyyy back. I knew him even before I met B. And he is not above helping me or my siblings out, when we need it. It’s also why I can use his name like that, if you were wondering.”
“Wait, so The Red Hood, a grown man, befriended you when you were a child?? Has no one ever told you how concerning that is???”
“He wasn’t always a grown man, you know?”
Jason looked disgruntled and Neal looked oddly amused. Did he not understand how strange something like this was?
“Obviously I know that, but you don’t look older than seventeen, no offense, and judging by his skill level The Red Hood is estimated to be around his late thirties, maybe early forties.”
Jason looked very offended and Neal seemed to be trying his hardest, and failing, to suppress a grin.
“I’ll have you know that Hood and I are both nineteen, thank you very much.”
“Ahm, bu-t ah, his-s skill lev-el” Peter stuttered, taken aback by the apparent age of the crime lord.
“Mhm, maybe he just had some very intense teachers.” Jason offered and Peter see Neal mouth the word intense.
“Okay, yeah, cool. So you and The Red Hood are what? Friends? Together?”
“And if we are together? What then?” Jason asked, squinting slightly at Peter.
“Not much, it’s not like you’d be dating a violent criminal, who’s on top of the FBI’s most wanted list.” Peter said sarcastically, but Jason perked up at that.
“Top of the FBI’s most wanted list, you say?” his voice sounded intrigued. “And…”
“Okay, time to go, Peter. I’m sure Jason has lot’s of things to do, like apply for an actual job or annoy one of his other siblings.” Neal cut Jason off and started pulling Peter up and towards the door.
Peter halted after a few steps.
“Sure, I wouldn’t want to impose, but why doesn’t come over this Sunday for dinner? I’m sure El would love to meet him.”
“I’d be honored.” Jason accepted graciously. “It’s not like D-Neal here ever invites me over for dinner. And Neal has told me so much about you and your wife, I’d love to meet her.”
“Great, see you then, bye Jason.” Neal called and them pulled Peter out of the apartment.