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Things had been going quite well, with the courts, ever since Apollo and Suntar’s plot had been thwarted and the portal to the human realm had been saved.
At least. K.P. Hob thought that it had been going well. Things were, perhaps, mostly the same. But they were also very different. Things were changed. They had their own court. Their own rules. Rue and Hob were something, something of their own creation. The portal was safe, and anyone was free to use it. The Green Hunter was a motion picture, and Hob got to watch one for the first time. Chirp and BINX were often in the human realm, and Hob and Rue had even ventured out. Once. Only once. How much prefered the fae realm, to the mortal one. But the chance was there, for every fae to go to the mortal realm, and for some, rare humans to come to the fae realm. Things were different, from before the most recent Bloom, yes. But they were good. Very good, in fact.
Still, that did not mean that it was entirely without incident.
“What else have I missed, being in the human world?” Chirp asked, as they sat for tea.
They all went in and out of the portal freely, but all routine to the fae world often for- as the cousins would say, gossip, but Hob would simply call it tactical meetings.
“Oh, we had a wonderful party,” Squak said.
“The snacks could have been better,” Rue commented.
“But the orgy was delightful,” Squak added.
Hob supposed some people’s information was more tactical than others.
“The princess of the Trickster Court has gone missing,” Hob said, sternly. “Along with her butler, and her first knight.”
“Missing?” Chirp asked, intrigued.
“I bet that it was them running off together, eloping,” Squak said.
“Bet,” BINX said. “Bet as in metaphorically, or is there a betting pool I didn’t hear about?”
“I’ll cut you in,” Rue said.
“We are not betting on why the princess disappeared,” Hob said. “We are here to solve it.”
“It really does sound like an elopement,” Andhera said.
“Their valuables were left, their carriage overturned,” Hob said. “A note left, saying they were kidnapped.”
“Okay,” Andhera said. “That admittedly sounds less like an elopement, and more like kidnapping.”
“Exciting,” Rue said. Hob glanced at them. “And terrible. Very terrible.”
“Yes, it’s terrible!” Squak cried out. “Terrible for my bet!”
“We still don’t know what’s actually happened yet,” BINX pointed out. “Or where the princess went.”
“Yes,” Hob agreed. “The Trickster court has people looking, but I was thinking of investigating myself, in fact.”
“You know,” Chirp said, with a dangerous glint in her eye. “I met this wonderful detective in the mortal world, perhaps he would be able to help us?”
“How did you meet a detective?” BINX asked.
“Are you just jealous that I met one before you?” Chirp asked.
“I have met a detective,” BINX said. “Many, in fact.”
“You didn’t answer the question,” Andhera pointed out.
Chirp sighed dramatically. “I may have been caught up in a murder investigation. My own attempted murder, in fact. But they could not kill a fae, and I ended up rather endeared to the detective who solved the case.”
“And you want to bring him here?” Rue asked. “Not all little humans react well to the fae realm.”
“He’s not little,” Chirp huffed. “He is rather large, for a human. Chiseled.”
Squak perked up. “Chiseled? Oh, we must have him here!”
“I rather think we could solve this case without a human,” Hob said, most certainly not defensively. This was not about Hob, this was about the case.
“Oh, but he’s such a good detective,” Chirp said. “And I think he would enjoy it here, honestly!”
“Does he know about… here?” BINX asked.
“Oh, I didn’t tell him anything,” Chirp said. “He is a detective, though. Has a habit of knowing oh- just everything. Great deductive mind, I hear. But I would tell him, if we decide to invite him to solve their disappearance.”
“Oh, we simply must!” Squak cooed. “Another human would be delightful! Dearest Jer Bear is gone back to the mortal realm, and-”
“It would be fun to meet a detective,” Andhera said. “One not in a book, at least.”
“Or we could solve it ourselves,” Hob said, with a huff.
“There’s no doubt you- we- could solve this,” Rue said. “But wouldn’t it be fun, to have a human here?”
“It will only muddy the investigation,” Hob said, firmly.
“Oh, please?” BINX asked. “It would be interesting.”
“Besides,” Squak added. “You’re outvoted.”
“Since when do we handle things with votes?” Chirp asked.
“Since it’s convenient,” Squak whispered back, as if Hob could not hear.
Hob sighed. “Fine. You may invite this human. But do not be surprised when he goes mad. Or gets eaten. Or goes mad while being eaten.”
“How can a human not love it here?” Squak asked.
“What even is this detective’s name?” Rue asked, at nearly the same time.
“Benoit Blanc,” Chirp said, with a grin. “And I am certain he will love it here.”
Hob, however, was not so sure. For as much as they had begun to use the portal to the mortal realm more, they were not in the process of bringing random humans in and out. Especially not to use them as private detectives. Not when there were perfectly good inquisitive minds already here. Such as Hob himself. He was not doing much war, these days- there was not much war in general, these days. So Hob had to have some sort of purpose. And solving problems, crimes, and, yes, even mysteries was something Hob could now commit himself to, apart from sparring and teaching young fae to fight. So, no, this realm did not need some human detective to solve the mystery of the missing princess. Hob could handle it. And yet- that was not the consensus. Hob was outnumbered. And soon enough, the detective was through the portal.
“Now, I dare say, what is all this?” Benoit Blanc asked, as he finished stepping through the portal. “Where on earth am I?”
“Not on earth,” Chirp, well, chirped.
“Did you not tell him what was happening?” Rue asked.
“I told him I knew someone who was missing,” Chirp said. “And asked him to come back home with me!”
“Back home doesn’t exactly imply magic,” BINX said. “Did you actually explain the magic?”
“Oh, I’m sure I did,” Chirp said. ‘Did I not?”
“I assume you were European,” Benoit Blanc said. “Perhaps in a cult. It all seemed quite interesting at the time. Now- now, you are in fact a bird person, or I am having the worst trip of my life.”
“Birds were made after us,” Chirp and Squak said at the same time.
“But at least we know you know how to have fun,” Squak added. “We do have drugs here, if you want more drugs-”
“No, no,” Benoit Blanc said. He wiped himself with his pocketsquare. “I- I do not need more drugs. I need less drugs. I need an explanation, in fact.”
“We did tell Chirp to explain this, before you went through the portal,” BINX said.
“Portal,” Benoit Blanc said. “Ah. I went through a portal and now-”
“Now you’re in the fae realm,” Rue said.
“Right,” Benoit Blanc said. “The fae realm. Of course. And so I suppose that you are all fae, then?”
“Obviously,” Hob said. “Not much of a detective, are you?”
“I simply wasn’t expecting… this,” Benoit Blanc said, slowly. “Your friend here said that someone was missing, I was not expecting an Alice in Wonderland escapade.”
“Who’s Alice?” Andhera asked.
“Someone is missing,” Hob pointed out.
“Alice is someone in a children’s book,” Chirp said. “I read it to Peep, often. She gets very small, and then very big, and play some croquet-”
“We could get big,” Squak said. “Would you like potions? We have potions!”
“And what’s croquet?” Andhera asked.
“It’s a very boring game,” BINX said. “There are better human games. I should tell about cricket, sometimes.”
“Like the bug?” Andhera asked.
“Alright,” Benoit Blanc said. He took a deep breath, steadying himself enviably fast. “Now- you said there was someone missing?”
“You don’t have to stay,” Hob pointed out. “We could take you right back out the portal, and you could tell yourself this was all an awful dream.”
“No, no,” Benoit Blanc said. “There is a case, is there not? While I am here, I may as well help you all with your muddled missing person problem.”
“It’s not muddled-” Hob started.
“I still think it’s an elopement,” Squak said.
“An elopement with an overturned carriage?” Andhera asked.
“And what about the note?” Rue added.
Benoit Blanc sat down on a log. “Alright, alright. Start from the beginning, now, and tell me exactly what happened.”
“You’re certain you wish to help us?” Hob asked.
“Magic, I may not know,” Benoit Blanc said. “But mysteries are a language I am fluent in.”
“Okay,” Rue said. “Here is what we know. Princess Gardenia, ward of Fable, has gone missing. They were on route to meeting with a suitor from the Seafoam Court-“
“Which is juicy in its own right, since Gardenia has dodged hundreds of suitors,” Chirp added.
“With some wonderfully terrible pranks,” Squak added. “Suitors found themselves without eyebrows. Without their valuables. Without, in one memorable case, the ability to speak.”
“Rumours,” Hob pointed out. “Only rumours.”
“Either way,” Rue said, with a firm tone. “The princess’ carriage was overturned. No one, not their personal guard, Robin, nor their servant, Nasturtium, were found.”
“And the note?” Benoit Blanc asked. “You had mentioned a note, you know.”
“It said they were kidnapped,” BINX said. “Not asking for anything. Just declaring it a kidnapping.”
“I see,” Benoit Blanc. He took a deep breath, looking around the fae realm sceptically. “Take me to where this happened?”
“Do we have-“ Hob began to ask.
Squak cut him off. “We can use the birds!”
“The birds?” Benoit Blanc asked.
Suddenly, there were dozens of birds in front of them, carrying carriages, and Benoit Blanc looked as though he wished he had not asked. And yet, the birds were there, and now all of them were climbing into the carriages to be flown to the scene of the crime. If there even was a crime, Squak continued to remind them. It could have just been an elopement. Hob was convinced it was more, however. And Benoit Blanc was only there to see if there was anything more going on. And thus, somehow, Hob ended up following Benoit Blanc. The others all seemed content leaving Benoit Blanc to stalking around the forest, looking for ‘clues’. But Hob did not trust the human in their realm to not get lost, upset someone, or just run away. And so- Hob was trailing behind Benoit Blanc, watching as he studied the crime scene, muttering to himself.
“There’s not much in the way of clues here,” Benoit Blanc admitted, kicking the overturned carriage. “And if there were, they are sure to be gone now.”
“Then why did you insist on making us bring you here?” Hob asked.
“You wished me to find your lost princess,” Benoit Blanc drawled.
“Chirp wished,” Hob corrected.
“Yes, yes,” Benoit Blanc said. “You wanted to solve it on your own.”
“I never said that,” Hob said, stiffly.
“I am a detective, remember?” Benoit Blanc asked. “That is why Chirp asked me here.”
“Yes,” Hob said. “Meanwhile Squak wanted you here so he could climb you like a tree.”
“The bird man?” Benoit Blanc asked.
“Birds were invented to look like him,” Hob said, with a sigh. “Chirp’s cousin.”
“Right,” Benoit Blanc said. “Does he know I’m married?”
“We’re fae,” Hob said. “Marriage does not mean he could not climb you, in his eyes.”
“And yet, there are still suitors, and elopements,” Benoit Blanc said.
“Not everyone follows the norms,” Hob admitted.
“Like you,” Benoit Blanc said. “You love only one.”
Hob frowned. Now how did Benoit Blanc know that?
“Have you found any clues yet?” Hob asked, changing the subject.
“One,” Benoit Blanc said. “This way.”
“Now we’re getting even farther from the scene of the crime,” Hob huffed. “Why are we going this way?”
“The clues are leading this way,” Benoit Blanc said.
“The clue, singular,” Hob corrected. “And you still have not told me what that clue is.”
“I would not be a detective if I revealed all my secrets,” Benoit Blanc said.
“It looks to me like you’re just lost,” Hob replied.
“Well, I ain’t lost,” Benoit Blanc said, with a huff. “I’m simply letting the answers come to me.”
“Are you?” Hob asked.
“Yes,” Benoit Blanc said.
And then Hob paused. “I smell something.”
“I told you,” Benoit Blanc said. “The clues would come to us.”
“I didn’t say what I smelt,” Hob said. “Maybe it’s a flower.”
“Is it a flower?” Benoit Blanc asked.
“No,” Hob said.
Because what Hob smelled had not been a flower, nor a tree, nor any other flora. It was, instead, the smell of fae. The smell of powerful fae. The smell of the Trickster Court. What Hob had smelled was, without doubt, Princess Gardenia. And, if the small hint of The Court of Hoof and Claw was any indication, her guard, as well. Hob led them down the path by scent alone- though Benoit Blanc seemed to know where they were going regardless- through the forest. He kept walking, until finally, they came upon… a small cabin, in the forest. Hob had been expecting a lot of things. A dead body. A murderous group of bandits. An orgy in the woods. Not a cabin. And not for the princess herself to answer, when Benoit Blanc knocked on the cabin door.
“You’re the missing princess, I presume?” Benoit Blanc asked.
“Yes,” Princess Gardenia said, in rather a state of undress. “I- I just managed to escape from the terrible people who kidnapped me!”
“And your guard?” Benoit Blanc asked. “Your servant?”
“Also alright!” A voice from behind the door answered. “Perfect, in fact!”
“Your guard was not killed protecting you?” Hob asked. “That is not the point of a guard.”
“I can protect myself,” Gardenia huffed.
“You just said you got kidnapped,” Hob pointed out.
“Normally, I can protect myself,” Gardenia amended.
“We escaped from the kidnappers, didn’t we?” A second voice said, also from behind the door.
The first person laughed. “Robin, you-“
“Hush, Nat,” Robin replied.
“Both of you hush,” Princess Gardenia said, turning behind her. She turned back to Benoit Blanc and Hob. “Regardless, we are both safe. You may tell the courts that, Major Hob. As for you-“
“Benoit Blanc,” Benoit said, easily. “Private Detective, Benoit Blanc.”
“What court are you from?” Princess Gardenia asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Hob said, quickly.
“New Orleans,” Benoit Blanc, said at the same time.
“The New Court of Orleans?” Princess Gardenia asked. “I have never heard of it.”
“It’s-“ Benoit Blanc started.
“It’s new,” Hob said.
Benoit Blanc, however, did not seem to notice the hint. Or, perhaps, just refused to take it.
“It’s on Earth,” Benoit Blanc said. “The mortal realm, as you may say.”
Gardenia perked up. “You’re human?”
“What!” Robin yelled, from behind the door. Their head peaked out, a brown fur face staring at Hob, and mostly, at Benoit Blanc.
“A human?” Nasturtium asked. Their yellow face poked out from behind the door a second after. “Truly?”
“I was called here to solve your disappearances,” Benoit Blanc said. “Of course, considering you have been found-“
“After we were kidnapped by bandits,” Gardenia said, sternly. “Which we defeated, and they then ran away.”
“Yes,” Benoit Blanc said, easily. “Of course. But now that you have been found, I will be leaving this odd place.”
“Already?” Nastartium said. “But-“
“We’ve been found. It’s over,” Robin said, flatly. “I mean. Yay. We’ve been found. It’s over.”
Hob stared, ready to move forward. Something was wrong. Something-
“It’s alright,” Benoit Blanc said. “We will wait a few days, before we discover you.”
“You will?” Princess Gardenia asked.
“We will?” Hob asked, at the exact same time.
“Yes,” Benoit Blanc said. “We will.”
“Why?” Hob asked.
“They are clearly shaken,” Benoit Blanc said. “They need time to recuperate.”
“Do they?” Hob asked.
“Yes,” Princess Gardenia said. “We do.”
“Definitely,” Robin agreed.
Nasturtium coughed weakly. Fakely. “So shaken.”
“But-“ Hob started.
“It is the right thing to do, Major Hob,” Benoit Blanc said. “Allow these kind people a honeymoon.”
“A honeymoon?” Hob asked.
Benoit Blanc stared at Hob, and Hob knew. This really had just been an elopement. A quiet, soft elopement. The soft kind of love Hob wanted, had, with Rue. The kind of love the courts made difficult, if you were high up enough.
“Alright,” Hob said. “A honeymoon.”
Benoit Blanc smiled. “Have a very good time, then, you three.”
“We do not get a lot of humans,” Princess Gardenia said, finally. “You are very interesting, indeed. Thank you.”
Interesting was one way to call him, Hob supposed.
“And thank you, Major Hob,” Princess Gardenia added. “For your silence.”
“I never said I would be silent,” Hob said.
“But you will,” Benoit Blanc said.
“Yes,” Hob admitted, with as much weight in his voice as it were a promise. “I will.”
The fae courts had too much relationship drama, truly. They did not need any more.
Hob and Benoit Blanc returned to where the others were waiting. They had not found anything, they said. There was still more mystery to be solved, they declared. Benoit Blanc sat through the play version of the Green Hunter, without complaint. And the party that followed it. Three days after Benoit Blanc had first entered the fae realm, he marched into the woods, found the princess, her servant, and her guard, ‘captured by bandits’, and brought them home. And then, as soon as he was able, he marched himself through the portal, and returned to his own home.
And Hob did not say anything about it.