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She’s spent over thirty years in the Emergency Department of Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center, and something she never did was get entangled with a colleague.
No, that was a Michael Robinavitch thing. That man is easily whipped by the novelty of newcomers, and when the thrill of something new gets old, he lets go. Dana has witnessed a lot of youngsters get their hearts broken in believing that they’re the exception to the rule. He’s a walking HR nightmare. Their friend Jack Abbot rarely indulged in residents and fellow attendings after the death of his spouse, but when he did, it would only be a few dates and hookups. At least the man had established boundaries, so fewer hearts were broken.
Dana was different. While she has worked in the hospital the longest, she also built a life for herself outside of it. She was married for a while, and had two daughters she loved dearly. After her divorce, she focused more on work and on her kids. Men weren’t really in her priorities.
What she failed to consider, however, was that removing men from the equation doesn’t necessarily eliminate the possibility of romance.
Dana was straight. Straight women have girl crushes sometimes. Who wouldn’t want to kiss a girl? She is a firm believer that everyone has that tiny hint of desire within them, an attraction for the same gender. It was why she didn’t mind her husband’s clinginess towards men. He was from a strict Christian family, and at one point, even went to seminary. When he admitted that even after all their years together and the life they had built, he couldn’t repress what he had felt for years, it was then that she took it seriously and agreed to a divorce.
Her ex-husband is gay. That doesn’t mean she had to overthink her attraction to women.
“Women are pretty, and women are pretty smart, so I don’t see how it’s possible for someone not to like them at some point in their lives,” Dana said.
She was getting some air with Jack and Robby. It was six in the evening, just an hour before the shift was over.
“I think gay men would disagree with you, Dana. Not everyone would want to be with a woman,” Robby pointed out.
“No,” Dana shook her head, taking a puff of her cigarette. “No, what I meant to say is that I think people can like someone of their own gender, it doesn’t immediately have to be gay.”
Jack shrugged. “Yeah, it can be bisexual,” he said. “That might be the word you’re lookin’ for.”
Dana shook her head. “I ain’t looking for a word, I’m just sayin’ attraction don’t have to mean nothing.”
Robby raised an eyebrow. He caught Jack’s eye before speaking again.
“Any reason why you’re so pressed about this, Evans?” He asked.
Before she could reply, you poked your head out the door. “Doctors!” You exclaimed, your eyes softening as you shifted your gaze from Robby and Abbot to Dana. “Nurse Dana,” you smiled. “There’s some pancit and lumpia in the break room.”
“There better be a plate for us, doc. Last time, you ate all the lumpia before we could get some,” Abbot huffed.
“Well, I had to save some for Lily and Jasmine,” you said, referring to Dana’s daughters. “Early bird gets the worm, doctors. There’s no attending superiority when it comes to food.”
The way your face relaxes into a smile whenever you look at Dana was not lost on the two attendings. “I saved you a plate,” she smiled. “Come in whenever you want.”
As soon as you left, Jack’s face broke into a shit-eating grin.
“I saved you a plate, Nurse Dana,” he said, pitching his voice up.
“Come in whenever you want, Nurse Dana,” Robby teased.
Dana rolled her eyes at them. “The kid’s just appreciative,” she said.
“I appreciate you,” Robby pointed out. “I don’t talk like I want to get in your pants though.”
“You ain’t cute enough to pull that off, captain.”
“Ouch.”
“And she is?” Jack asked, cocking his head to where you were moments ago. “Sounds pretty gay, Evans.”
“Tread carefully, Abbot, you don’t know what I can do to your remaining foot.”
⋆. 𐙚 ˚❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
It was nothing. Surely, it was nothing. You coming over every now and then to her house because you were great with her kids doesn’t have to mean anything. Dinner in that nice Italian place whenever you two have days off, while the girls spend time with their father, is just friendly. You were a very nice girl friend, not a girlfriend.
Okay, maybe she liked how you looked in certain dresses. The scrubs you wear at work do you no justice. You were still beautiful in them, you were prettier when you’re barking orders and actively trying to save a life, but you looked much better in tight clothes that show off your silhouette. You were hot, and to Dana, that was an objective truth. It doesn’t have to mean anything. You being so kind to her kids and to her doesn’t mean anything. If you were a guy, maybe it could’ve meant more, but you weren’t. She could take you out for dinner and sleep beside you and kiss your cheek, and it would be nothing but friendly affection.
You were her friend. So why was she fuming when you told her that Robby took you out on a date?
“I mean, it was hardly dinner,” you said with a small smile. “We went to La Dolce Vita–”
“Hardly dinner, and he took you out to the restaurant we regularly go to?” Dana snapped.
Your smile faded a bit. “Well… that’s why I said it was hardly dinner. Like, a formal dinner date. It wasn’t romantic because that’s where we go to as friends.”
Dana clenched her teeth. She never lost her temper with you, but it seems that there truly was a first time for everything. In her whirlwind of emotions, she failed to notice your fading smile and the flicker of hurt when you mentioned your status as friends.
“And besides, Dr. Abbot was there–”
She shut her eyes tight. Dana could feel her temple pulsing with a migraine. What were they doing with you?
“You know better than to date your attendings, kid. Attendings, plural!” she exclaimed incredulously. “This ain’t my first rodeo. I’ve seen bright-eyed residents leave the hospital to continue their residency elsewhere after Robby broke up with them. I’ve warned you, I don’t even get why you agreed to go with him in the first place.”
Dana pinched the bridge of her nose before turning to look at you. “And what would it look like for you, a resident sleeping with two Senior Attendings – two, for fuck’s sake – do you want to be kicked out of the program?”
You fell quiet, your smile diminished to a frown. “I’m not sleeping with them. I didn’t even kiss them,” you said, your voice hushed and fragile as you felt tears stinging your eyes. Dana never yells at you. Not at work, not at home. You’d take Robby’s loud cussing and Abbot’s sharp insults over Dana getting mad at you any day.
“You expect me to believe that, kid?” she asked. “Robby doesn’t get around the hospital for pasta and wine, he–”
“Dana, please,” you sob. “Nothing happened. Stop yelling at me, please.”
If it were any normal day, Dana would have consoled you after seeing tears brimming in your eyes. Today, she was incredibly irritated and disappointed with you. Maybe a tiny part of her was jealous. It’s normal to be jealous when your friend spends time with other people. Totally, perfectly normal.
“You like them, kid?” She probed. “You keep tellin’ me you prefer people my age, well, they’re my age. Treated you like the real gents that they were, huh?”
“Goddamnit, Dana, I told you I like people your age because it’s you I like!” you exclaimed exasperatedly. “Dana, I like you so much. I like you so much. I like spending time with you and Lily and Jasmine. I love how warm you make me feel whenever we hug, I love the mark you leave on my cheek when you give me a kiss, and I try my best to enjoy the split second of it before you say something about me being a good fucking friend, because I’m not a good friend, Dana, I don’t want to be just your goddamn friend!”
Dana fell quiet. It was lucky that her kids were asleep, and that Dana’s walls were thick enough to insulate your scream. You felt guilty as soon as you raised your voice at her. “I’m sorry,” you whisper.
“You’re into women?” Dana asked in a tone that felt like an accusation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want us to be awkward,” you admitted. “And I did want to be your friend from the start. I… but it’s so easy to fall in love with you. I can’t not fall for you.” You sighed, shaking your head. “I’m sorry,” you repeated. “This doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“I want it to mean something.”
Dana sighed. She looked almost defeated. She now had to face the truth she had run from her entire life. “I like you,” she said. “I’ve always liked women, but I never acted on it. Not until you. I’ve never felt so… so jealous in my life. Not even when my ex-husband told me he had been sleeping with other men our entire marriage. The moment you said that Robby and Abbot took you out, knowing their reputation, I thought you were… I thought I was losing you to them, and I felt so mad. It’s unfair. I got you first.”
You looked at her, your eyes focused on nothing but her face. “Oh, Dana…” you murmured, reaching for her hand.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for making you cry, sweetheart,” she said, pulling you closer, wiping the tears off your cheeks. Her hands lingered on your face. She stared into your eyes before falling to your lips.
“I want to kiss you,” you admitted. She gave a very subtle nod, and you leaned in slowly, giving her a brief peck on her lips. Dana followed your mouth as you pulled away. She scowled.
“Kid, you can do better than that,” she whispered. “Come on, darling, you can do better than that.”
Fuck. You groaned, leaning in again, meeting her lips in a hungry kiss. Her hands wandered from your cheeks down to the sides of your neck, travelling lower until she gripped your shirt. She tasted so good. She felt so good.
“That’s better baby,” she moaned. “Such a good girl for me, doing so good for me.”
The way her praises fell naturally from her lips made you feel wet. When she straddled your lap, breathlessly panting, eyes darkened with lust, you knew you were done for.
“I want more, sweetheart,” she said hungrily. “You ready to give me more?”