Work Text:
March 15th, 2025
It didn’t take long for Jack to figure out where you were once he eyed the ED for a minute and didn’t spot you anywhere. Not charting, helping any patients or happily talking to Ellis or Shen like you usually are when workings nights. He saw your stethoscope hanging on the back of the chair you routinely sat and he knew it instantly, you went to the roof.
You were leading a case that didn’t seem so severe initially and ended up with a crash cart being rushed in and more people that should fit in the small room fighting for space to save the patient's life.
What he didn’t expect was for you to be on the other side of the railing. His preferred space for when he’s wondering what the hell is he still doing working this job or living this life at all, in the worse days. When things get so bad Robby ends up having to talk some sense back into him. 'The blind leading the blind', like he told him once after one of those moments, gaining him a shove from the day shift Attending forcing him into the elevator now laughing as if nothing had happened.
At least you were sitting down, legs folded to your chest held by your arms, your side resting on the short wall and your chin on the cold concrete ledge. You were making yourself so small he would’ve missed seeing you entirely if he didn’t have a feeling of exactly where you'd be. For now he will lie to himself for any sort of comfort as to avoid panicking or startling you into standing too fast and being in worse danger.
You've worked well together this far, bantered enough to where some unspoken limits were established, but this is the first time he gets to comfort you. He doesn’t know if you're the type to need a hug or for him to just stand there and keep you company until you decide the safe side is good enough for now. For the time being he's nervously set on default and what he does best in moments like this—for the good or bad of it—is rambling. If he has to get you to think 'What the fuck are you saying?' all the better, whatever works to get you out of your head and rid you of the awful thoughts that have your shoulders shaking as you cry with your face turned away from him.
The lack of snow didn’t stop him from getting his jacket from his locker and setting it on your back the best be could with you leaning on the wall.
"You're in my spot again." He sets his hands on the railing, standing as close as he could from your personal space from this side as to keep you from getting up until you've calmed down. He can spot his initials from a couple of days ago still etched in the bar.
He hears you sniff before you finally speak. "There's enough space, you need to learn how to share." You finally turn your face from the gray skies acknowledging him.
"What are you doing up here?" If you're so like him like he suspects it he knows, he still wants to hear you say it though.
"Just you know, calculating the survival risk." He looks down from the skyline back to you swiping a hand under your eyes with a sad smile. Joke all you want, for now it is better than your quiet crying.
"You should step back behind the railing, it's only funny when I stand there."
"I'm not gonna jump, Abbot." He knew that too, but it's still good to hear you say it.
"I know, but I'm not taking any chances."
Silence wraps itself around you again and he continues talking like the idiot he feels right now.
"Don't beat yourself up about this."
"She coded because of me, we almost lost her." You look up at him like he said something absurd.
"It's hard to know a barely conscious unaccompanied patient has a deathly allergy to a common medication we use everyday." That doesn’t change what happened but your tears still fall and you look away from him. He rests his head on his forearms for a second until you speak again.
"I found a sticker on her phone case after we stabilized her."
"We focus on resuscitating first and diagnosing later. You couldn’t have known. It was one mistake anyone else could have made if she wasn’t your patient. You're still learning."
"I almost killed her."
That's it, he's bending down to step over the railing and crouching down to face you fully now. You allow him the eye contact he initiated with a deep breath and tear clumped eyelashes.
"But you didn’t, you saved her life. You kept calm even once you realized your mistake and you followed protocol and got her back. That's what a great doctor should do. You did good today, I'm proud of you."
The tears seems to slow down for now, that's good.
"You don't have to say those things just to make me feel better." There's a barely there smile on your face now, he'll take it.
He feigns to think about it. "As your temporary Attending, I kind of do." And you scoff at him.
He smiles in defeat looking away from your sad eyes for a second before speaking again. "Okay. You were terrible, that was a disaster and you embarrassed me today. Better?"
For a few seconds he thinks he went a little too far. Until the wobbling in your chin he worried would turn into more tears gives space to a scoff and sad laugh. That’s a lot better than crying. He doesn’t like seeing you crying, he decides.
"A lot better, yeah. Thanks." Good, that's good.
"Keep up the bad work, Trouble."
"I'll do my worst." That's more like you.
"Now if you’re ready to get back downstairs, you're dehydrating on the spot and they’re having the newbies start all IVs this shift. You do not want to need fluids tonight, trust me."
He gets up offering you a hand to do the same and you accept it. Now back on the safe side holding a small pack of tissues he hands you without asking if you need them.
"I think I'll survive with some gatorade." That he can work with.
"Good, I'm buying. The vending machine on the ortho floor gets them colder than the one in the ER, come on." He points his head towards the door and you follow slowly, his jacket still on your shoulders.
He still can't seem to know when to shut up. "You know, do you want me to tell the patient to maybe get a tattoo about the allergy or something when she wakes up? Maybe a chest piece or some ink on the forehead?" Keep being stupid Jack, it's working.
"Don’t you dare." You give him your first real laugh of the night and he's happy for now.
"You're awful at this." You continue once in the elevator to ortho.
"Don't I know it, Robby basically told me to shut up last time I tried giving him a pep talk."
March 17th, 2025
Abbot is nowhere to be seen. It's close to 4am and the ED is calming down for the rare quiet stretch of hours where people wait until morning to come in for the not life threatening yet still urgent stuff.
You shared a tough case where not much could be done and the patient didn’t make it. After a moment of silence in the trauma room, things quieted down and you had to move on to another patient and he went on to assist Shen with something else across the ED. You take a look around and it seems like no one would miss you if you took a break. Abbot on the other hand, you already heard two or three people questioning his whereabouts, either needing help or seeming worried. Time to do something about it.
The elevator ride to the roof is spent thinking about how you're gonna do what he did for you the other day. You didn’t discuss it after, kind of dreaded it to be honest but he thankfully seemed to accept your distance as a sign not to bring it up. The doors open and you push the outside door knowing where he'd be standing.
You can do this. Get him back behind the railing to safety and downstairs where he can’t hit the floor at such a height. You've got this. It's just a shit day, cold air, and a seemingly out of breath panicking doctor borderline hyperventilating standing by the ledge.
He seems to feel your presence right away turning to you still struggling to take in a deep breath as you cross the railing standing next to him now.
"Do no ask me to name 5 of anything right now." His voice is hoarse like he’s been crying, his eyes are red like he did. He’s still making jokes thought, so that's good.
Not your usual approach anyways. You were more for a 'distract and confuse' sort of strategy.
"I won't. Can you sit with me?" You don't give him much of a choice holding onto his wrist as you sit down crossing your legs, making him sit too. You both rest your backs on the wall, staring back at the hospital instead of the skyline.
Jack is trying to catch his breath as you work on getting your shoelaces out of your beat up sneakers. You take deliberate deep breaths as to make him follow your lead without exactly telling him to.
"What are you doing?" Distract and confuse always works.
"I am distracting you." Honesty also helps, right?
"I should probably be in grippy socks right now and you're distracting me with your shoelaces?" Unserious again, you can manage that for now.
"Work with me here, Abbot. I'm assuming you don't want to talk about what happened back there?"
"You would be correct."
"We won't, then. Do you remember how to play cat's cradle?" He looks at you like you're insane.
"I, what? Fuck, yeah I remember how to play cat's cradle." He seems more confused yet struggling less to take in air by the second. Good, your strategy is working.
"Good, we're playing." It's not exactly an option. "And if you get it tangled you owe me new sneakers. These have been in the splash zone more than enough times."
You tie a knot loose enough to undo later and start the first pattern now sitting facing him extending your hands with the game towards him for his turn. He gently turns the pattern towards the inside, taking the string from your hands reversing it for you to change next and you try to make small talk in the meantime.
"I get why you're so possessive with your spot now. It's a great place to have a breakdown in the middle of the night."
"Don't I know it." He seems calmer now.
"It has nice view, too." You continue.
"The company isn't so bad either." He extends the game back to you again.
"Debatable." That earns you a bump of this shoulder on yours and a laugh, good.
"How long till someone comes find us?"
"Five minutes give or take, you're pretty popular in the ED, believe it or not."
The game continues for a few more rounds until you end up tangling it yourself out of his hands once the patterns get more and more complicated.
"We can share it for now." He looks at you seeming more like his usual self now, except for his pretty sad fucking honey green rainbow eyes.
"Okay."
You work on threading the shoelace back in place and getting up offering him your hand.
"You're forgetting one small detail."
"What?"
"We didn’t negotiate what I'd get if I won." Leave if to him to make this a competition.