Chapter Text
Pomni couldn't help but smile.
The restaurant she and her friend were at left a lot to be desired decor-wise, but the food was okay and the fact that she was sitting with her friends made the experience euphoric. Nicky (Zooble) was fondly watching Emily (Gangle) ramble with a small smile. Cathy (Ragatha) was attempting to listen to her and watch Kinger (Neal, but he preferred his circus name, just like Pomni) play with his numerous bug-themed fidget toys.
After months of searching they had finally found Cathy and Kinger. Well maybe "found" was the wrong word. That implies that Cathy stumbling onto Pomni's dead zone of a youtube channel wasn't a complete complete stroke of good 'ol fashioned ignorant luck ("With a dash of plot armor" catcalled a voice in her head that sounded too much like Jax) .
"...and the commission work is really beginning to pick up!" Oh, Pomni's zoned out again hasn't she? That's always been a bad habit of hers. Fuck, what are they talking about now?
"I'm so happy for you Emily. It's good to see you doing something that you love" said Cathy who was beaming. "Um... Thank you." said Emily. "In fact, it's good just to see you to be honest. These last few months have been quite...rough". Pomni can't help but let out a sigh at that. Oh Cathy. "But that aside, it's just really nice to have the gang back together. Well, almost. But with all of us working together I'm sure that we'll find Jax in no time!"
... Cathy's smile dropped at the eerie silence that greeted that proclamation. "Is something wrong?" she asked gently. Nicky and Emily both turned to look at Pomni. Nicky raised one eyebrow pointedly. Pomni sighed again but it was more tired this time. "Cathy, we already found Jax" said Pomni.
"What! You did? But then, why isn't he here?" asked Cathy as her eyes darted between the three of them. "He asked to be left alone for a bit" said Pomni and Cathy turned pale. Nicky scoffed. " 'Going through shit', my ass. motherfucker probably just doesn't want to see us, because he wants to pretend that the circus didn't happen so he doesn't have to face the consequences of all the shit he pulled. Well, I say that we don't let him get away with it".
Nicky leaned forward and their eyes flickered towards Pomni. "You know where he lives, right?". "Yessss" said Pomni hesitantly. "I think we should go over there and really makes sure that he goes through shit". "Nicky, I don't think that'll achieve anything but make him push us away more" Pomni said tightly. "He already pushing us away Pomni! We've got to push back" said Nicky determinedly. Pomni looked at the rest of the table. No one would look her in the eye.
"You said that he didn't get back to you." Cathy began softly. "Does that happen often?". "It didn't before but, he hasn't been answering me for the past two weeks" said Pomni as her heart sank. "Well then maybe it is a good idea to go and visit. Not to harass him! But to just, you know, check in. How far does he live from here? We should probably go now that we're all together". "I think only Pomni should go" said Kinger. Everyone turned to stare at him.
"All of you are right. There is a possibility that Jax is trying to push us away, and from what it sounds like he could definitely do with a check-in but, if we corner him he'll run. His game avatar was really appropriate, huh?" Kinger chuckled. " Out of all of us, Jax was the closest with you when we escaped. He'll listen if it's just you". "I agree with Kinger" piped up Emily. She turned to Pomni and smiled.
"Are you sure you want to go alone, Pomni?" asked Cathy worriedly. "You know how he can be". Honestly, Pomni's not entirely sure if she even wants to go, but... She can't say she isn't worried about Jax. He had looked really bad the last time she saw him in person. But he had also looked really serious as he told her that he needs to be alone for a bit. But, it's been three months. Surely one little check-in is to be expected? Especially since he's stopped taking her calls or answering her texts? "Yeah, I'm sure" said Pomni confidently.
They move on to other conversation subjects afterwards, but just before they leave Emily asks her "What's Jax's real name?". Pomni smiles. "He prefers Jax but, his real name is Felix. Felix Conejo". After the meal everybody else heads home. She turns her car towards Jax's apartment.
~~~
Jax's apartment wasn't actually that far away from Pomni's. She had considered visiting when he stopped replying to her two weeks ago, but ultimately decided against it. Her hand shook slightly as she lifted it to knock on his door (it looked exactly same as it did three months ago). It's okay, she reminded herself. You're just here to make sure he's alright. If he gets mad at you, then he gets mad at you. Nothing you can do about it.
She steeled herself and knocked. She waited and then knocked again in case he didn't hear her. "I'm coming! Just wait there...oh, shit" said a voice that was decidedly.. female. Before Pomni question that, the door is slammed open by the most gorgeous girl that she's ever seen. Her greenish brown eyes are opened wide over her constellations of freckles and her red bitten lips were open just slightly in...shock? Wait! Now's not the time to be writing soft pornography.
Who the hell was this girl? She's pretty sure that Jax lives alone. Had he moved? Was this his girlfriend? The girl continued to stare, probably wondering who the hell Pomni was was. Right, introductions.
"Hi, I'm Pomni or Christine I guess? I'm a friend of Jax's or maybe you know him Felix? Ugh. Look, he told me that he wanted to be left alone for a bit, but it's been three months and he hasn't been answering his phone and I'm getting a bit concerned" Pomni said in a jumble. Good job, Pomni. Really nailed it.
The girl's eyes widened even more, but her shoulders loosened. Okay Pomni, you've successfully convinced her that you're not a creep with your intro, but she definitely thinks that you are a weirdo now. Time to wrap this up then. "I was wondering if maybe I could see him or maybe you could-" "He's dead" said the girl with the finality of someone dropping a stone in a lake. "Dead?" asked Pomni as the stone seemed to miss the lake entirely and hit her instead.
"Jax? What... Jax is dead? How? What?" asked Pomni as she slowly sank to the floor. Jax wasn't dead. He couldn't be. Not after everything. He'd... They'd escaped the circus. They'd escaped the circus and what was all that agony for if it meant that... if it meant this.
"He died in a car crash" the girl said a bit hysterically. "When?" asked Pomni. "Three weeks ago" said the girl. Three weeks. The exact same time he'd stopped answering his phone. Oh god, oh fuck. "Um...are you okay?" the girl asked. "No" barked Pomni. "None of this is okay". Then something occurred to her.
"Hold up, who are you and how do you know Jax? Why are you living in his apartment?" asked Pomni accusingly. "I'm Jax's sister." the girl said quickly. "We weren't really on good terms, so I doubt he mentioned me. I got a call when... it happened and had to come up here to sort everything out, and well, I couldn't afford a hotel". "Oh" said Pomni numbly. "Yeah" said Jax's sister.
"I...Fuck I'm sorry, I...I just can't deal with this right now. I'm going to go home. Could I maybe have your number?" asked Pomni as she tried to hold back her tears. "Sure" said Jax's sister. She dove back into the apartment to get her phone and then she and Pomni exchanged numbers.
"What's your name, by the way" asked Pomni as she realised that she didn't know the name of the person she'd been talking to for the past about fifteen minutes. Jax's sister looked suprised by the question. She hesitated for a couple of seconds before quietly saying "Daisy". Pomni nods and then flees.
By the time she makes it to her car, it all fully hits her. Jax is dead. She's never going to see him again. She's never going to see his malicious grin or hear him laugh ever again. He's gone.
And Pomni knows that it's getting late and that the rest of the circus crew are probably waiting for her to call and tell them what went down, but right now she can't do anything but press her head against the steering wheel and sob.
~~~
Daisy shut her apartment door once was out of sight. She then pressed herself against the door and, mimicking Pomni's actions earlier, sank to the floor. "Fuck" she said. "Fuck" she yelled as she gripped her hair and started pulling it in frustration. It wasn't that long compared to most girl's hair but it was the longest Daisy had ever had it. She had decided to grow it out instead of buying a wig when she began to transition.
Daisy (or Jax as she had previously been known) groaned as the implications of what she had done finally set in. She had told Pomni that she was dead. Well, she told Pomni that Jax was dead. And that is technically true, she doubts Pomni will appreciate the technicality when Daisy comes clean. Fuck. Pomni had looked like she was going to start crying. Daisy had never meant to hurt her. Hell, she'd never even meant to lie!
She had completely frozen when Pomni had shown up and when she realised that Pomni didn't recognise her all she could feel was relief. But then Pomni started talking about seeing Jax and Daisy. Just Panicked.
And worst of all, she couldn't even take it back without looking like a complete psychopath!
"Fuck" she yelled again as she curled up in a ball. "What am I going to do?"