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V is standing on the 2nd floor of the Charter street apartment building. Hand hovering over the ‘call’ button next to Judy’s door. Press the button.
C’mon, gonk, press the fucking button. V’s hand’s sweaty, her eyes lazer-focused on the button. Why wasn’t she pressing the button? What would she even say? Hey Judy, just came by to say hi, alright bye! Stupid. This was a stupid idea. She lowered her hand and turned around, ready to head to the exit.
“Jesus- Fuck, Johnny. Could you not jump scare me like that?!” V hisses. The appearance of Johnny right behind her startled her as she’d bumped into him when she turned to leave.
“You need to get your fuckin’ head in the game, V,” Johnny replies, “The fuck you doin’ over here?” He looks her up and down, disappointed look on his face.
“Reminding me not to get sidetracked again? Get it, Johnny, was already leaving.” V tries to brush past him but he stands firmly, blocking the way, arms crossed and head hanging.
“What?” V tries brushing past him again but he extends his arm, pushing against her to hold her in place. “The fuck is your problem, Johnny?!”
“Could ask you the same thing.”
“Excuse me?!”
“Never did answer my question, V.”
“What my problem is? Currently, you not letting me through.”
“What are you doing, V..?” Johnny lowers his aviators and looks V in the eyes.
“Nothing- nothing, I’m going, like I said.”
“So why come here in the first place?”
“Fucks sake, Johnny, what is this? An interrogation? Just let me through-“
“Actually trying to help out, believe it or not.”
“Gonk way of showing it.” V glares at Johnny, who shrugs.
“Come out for a smoke?” He moves towards the fire exit. V sighs before nodding and following to the fire escape. She didn’t want to admit it, but being as stressed out as she was right now she was kind of craving a smoke. Grabbing the metallic cigarette case out of her pocket, she felt a knot tightening in her chest as she thumbed the golden heart-shaped crest on it. She opened the case, grabbed a cigarette and lit it. She hung her head as she exhaled, expecting some remark from Johnny about her giving into smoking but he said nothing. She suspected he knew she was in a bad ways and didn’t wanna pile on.
“So, spit it out.” Johnny said, leaning against the railing of the emergency stairs. V sighed. She could try to run away from Judy’s apartment but she wouldn’t be able to run from Johnny, or this conversation, for that matter. So she caved. Looking at Johnny she started, “I’m dying, Johnny.”
“I know, V.” His voice wasn’t dripping with sarcasm, or hard edges. Instead he sounded worried.
“Don’t want that to happen to Judy ‘s well.” V sighed, looking out at the city skyline. “Rogue had a point, y’know. Jackie, Bug, Evelyn, Scorpion too now. I’ve got a trail. Nasty one at that. And Judy…-”
“Coulda gotten her killed back at the scav hideout, not to mention what ‘saka woulda done to her if they’d discovered her ties to your failed little heist.” V leans forward onto the railing.
“ ’Xactly my point. I’m a walking fucking time-bomb, Johnny. I can’t risk her dying, too.” She takes a long drag and pinches her nose, before letting out her breath in a sigh and looking over at Johnny.
“She’s not though.” Johnny says.
“Not what?”
“Dying. Or dead. She’s right there.” He gestures to the door behind them.
“But I am. She doesn’t need to be around to see… Not after what happened with Evelyn.” She takes another drag. “Would never forgive myself if I was the next corpse she’d have to handle.” They were quiet for a bit, listening to the sounds on the street, the ads playing all around, sounds of screams and gunshots, some laughter from goons high off their asses.
“You’re right, V.” Johnny sighs, shaking his head. “Imagine you wouldn’t want her to be around when that biochip finally does you in. She’d be devastated if you died in her arms and she could do jack shit to save you. Or god forbid she catches a stray bullet on your next mission. Or just walking around the street, still is Night City, after all. A shootout at clouds is all it would take. Not that unlikely since the tygers have probably found out she was behind the stunt at Clouds. The tragedy of a young life lost too soon…”
“Really helping here, Johhny-“
“But really, V, the worst tragedy would be if you’d let all of that get in your way of trying in the first place. Night City takes anything it can from you, but it can only take this if you let it.”
“I don’t even know what this is!” V throws up her hands in desperation. “I mean, c’mon Johnny-“
“But you want to know.” Johnny squares up next to V, poking her sternum. “You know you want to. Fuck, V, are you even listening to anything I’ve been saying?”
“Why the fuck do you even care, hm, Johnny? You don’t even like Judy! What’s this gotta do with you?”
“Because! I fucked it up! Okay?” Johnny shouts, hitting the railing before turning away.
“What?” V scolds. “Famous Rockerboy Johnny Silverhand, you practically had the girls lining up for you! Saw those memories, not like you particularly gave a shit ‘bout any of ‘em!”
“But I did Rogue.” Johnny says, his voice sounds soft for the first time. “Fuck, I- I loved her, V. And gonked it all up before there even was anything to gonk up in the first place..” He sits down on the stairs, putting head between his legs.
“Never told me…” V replies softly, scooting up besides Johnny, who shrugs in response.
“So I’m tellin’ you now.” Johnny looks up at V, leaning back onto his elbows and crossing his legs to simulate a confident aura. “Rogue… First time I saw her I- well I don’t actually remember. Was high off my ass and apparently made some unsavory remarks. Cuz the 2nd time I met her, which I thought at the time was the first, she met me with a flat palm against my face, called me all sorts of names.
“Thought she was the most badass woman, going off on me like that with no reason. When she said something alluding to us having met before I got the full story out of her within no time, offered to buy her a drink to make up.”
“She actually took you up on that?”
“Why the surprise? I know you couldn’t tell, but ladies generally find me quite attractive, y’know.” V scoffs at that.
“So we started seeing each other. Seeing lots of each other, if you catch my drift.” Johnny jokes, “It was casual enough. See her after playing a show, go at it in my dressing room. Pick her up after she did a gig, go at it in my car. Invite her over to eat some take out, eat-”
“Okay Johnny, I’m getting the picture.” V interrupts. “Thought you said you loved her, capital L, this sounds like you just wanted to get some. So how was Rogue different from the others?”
“Cuz when I was with her, I felt this calmness come over me. I can’t explain it, V. It just felt right, being around her.” V leans her head against the bannister and sighs, the stillness she feels when around Judy tugging at the back of her mind.
“Yeah, I get what you mean.” She looks over at Johnny, “So then why didn’t it work out? She didn’t feel the same way?”
“No, she did. That was the worst part. Could see it in her eyes whenever I looked at her. Looked at me like… Well anyway, I thought, me? Nah.. I’d only murk it up. So one day she asks me to take her to the movies, drive in.”
“Drive in?”
“Jesus, V, you kids these days don’t know anything… A drive in is when you park your car in front of a huge screen where the movie plays.”
“Ah.”
“ ‘Nyways, kept pestering me to take her.”
“Didn’t you wanna be around her?”
“I did, V, I really did. But I felt her hooks sliding deeper into me, and knew that sooner or later I wouldn’t be able to free myself anymore. Wanted to protect her from what’d happen if she got too close. So I slept with someone else.”
“Takin’ it she didn’t forgive you?”
“Did, actually. Sent me a message asking to call her back and figure something out. Said she knew we could get through it." Johnny pauses for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose before hanging his head and mumbling, "Never called back…” V inhales sharply.
“I’m-” She starts hesitantly.
“No need to sugarcoat, V. Like I said, I fucked up badly, I know that.”
“Yeah, you- you really did…” V responds, not knowing whether to get upset with Johnny or to comfort him. “Did you regret it? I mean, when you were still.. Alive?”
“Did, after a while. Not seeing her it- it left a hole in me. Tore my heart straight out. But I was a coward. Wanted to see her, but didn’t have the balls. Thought things would be too awkward, so I laid low for a while. When I’d finally gotten the balls to show my face again…” Johnny falls silent.
“She held a grudge?”
“Worse… She pretended like nothing’d happened between us. Top of that she’d gotten together with Blackhand.”
“The Blackhand?”
“The one and only…” V whistles. Johnny nods and rubs his fingers over his forehead. “So take it from me, V. Might be a terrifying road to walk, but...”
“Yeah…”
“Come on, V.”
“Still scary…”
“Who knew,” Johnny says as he stands up, turning to face V,” stealing from ‘saka no prob, but talking to the girl you like scares the pants off you. Reminding me of someone I know.” Johnny jokes. V rolls her eyes, but takes his held-out hand and lets him help her up.
“Kay,” She says before taking a deep breath and entering the building, emergency exit sliding closed behind her, “let’s do this.” Back at square one, finger hovering over the ‘call’ button, V takes another deep breath. Then she feels Johnny put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly, and she presses it.