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I almost did it. I almost gave up, I know its what he would have wanted, for me to end all the suffering he caused.
I was alone, nobody to talk to, nobody to get me to back down. I'm sorry garroth, but I broke my promise. I'm sorry Aph, we cant have any more tea parties. Most of all, I'm sorry mommy, don't miss me too much. I have nobody else to appologise too. Nobody else who would miss me.
A knock. I could have ignored it, I should have– it would have been better than to open the door, arms bloody, weak, and shaking. But then, I was never good at making a smart choice. I opened it.
Travis was there. Why was he here? Garroth isnt home, he knows that, so why...?
"Travis." I was able to get out, cursing myself for the weakened tone. I keep my arms hidden, goddamn short sleeves, I forgot I was wearing them. Of course I did, I'm so fucking smart. Just gotta keep them hidden.
"Hey zane" That stupid flirty tone. Ugh. It's never usually towards me, must be a new way to make fun of me.
"Ew. Never use that tone on me again." I have to ignore the pit in my stomach and the ache in my heart at the tone he used caused.
It's clearly fake, dont trick yourself into thinking its real. It could never be real, not ever. Because it's me hes talking to, I'm not someone that people flirt with. Thats well enough known for the years I've been alive, hopefully that number won't be going up.
"Awh why– ...Zane, are you... Okay?" His whiny tone cut off and changed to horror as driping noises sound. He saw.
"Yeah. Obviously" Shit. Shit. Shit. Not now. What will he do? Will he make fun of me more? Will he call Garroth to tell him what a loser I am? And Garroth will tell mommy, and–
He grabbed my wrist. I stumble to keep up, though his grip on my wrist is soft, making sure not to put pressure on anything. Thoughtful...
But he doesnt say anything else, just walks in and closes the door, dragging me to the bathroom I almost did it in. He's looking through my cubords. hes nice enough not to mention the bloody blade on the sink, just carefully picks it up and moves it away from my vision.
Still not a word. Drip, drip, drip. too loud, too obvious, too red. The floor is probably stained by now. Oh well, I won't be around to clean it. Just another reason they wont miss me, the messes I cause.
Drip, drip, drip. The sound is drowned put by the sound of a running faucet. Hes... Cleaning my wound? Why? What could he possibly get from this?
"Hm didnt know you lnew how to be silent. I prefer you like this" I had to say something, to fill the silence, it was too much.
"You like quiet. I'm trying to help you." Hes trying to... What?
"You dont even like me" I just blurt it out. Ugh, bloodloss makes it hard to think.
"Thats not true, why would you think- Actually, dont answer that, I know why... Sorry" Why is he sorry... I don't understand this...
"Whatever." And the silence is back, harsher than before but also somehow lighter at the same time.
Things feel hazy. At least the dripping isnt here... Come to think of it, neither is the running water, and when did my arm get wrapped?
I dont know when we left the bathroom, but somehow we got to a room. My room. I forgot I emptied it, it feels so wrong. At least Travis won't see anything embarrasing... Well except from me bleeding out at the front door.
"-ane? Zane? Can you hear me?" Travis had been speaking. I hadnt even noticed.
"Hm? Yeah, what?"
"I was just asking, why is your room empty? Nothings wrong with it or anything just... Curious, I didnt think it was empty last time." Fuck this guys fake kindness... But he did help, maybe for once its not fake...
"I emptied it. Wouldn't want more things in the way when I was gone." And fuck that sounds depressing.
"Hm. Makes sense... Though I feel like Garroth would want to have the room kept how it was. He'd miss you, you know."
"He'd be one of the only ones to. But fine, next time I try I won't empty the room." My words taste bitter in my own mouth.
"Or... Don't try again?" The hopeful expression on his face is cute...
Ew no it isnt ugh. This guy is not smooth like he thinks he is. He definitely is NOT.
"Whatever." I definitely do not like this guy. Hes so annoying ugh... So why is my face warm.
"You dont have to deal with this alone..." He isnt helping. At all.
"Well its not like you would understand" And if that isn't the most emo thing I've said in a while.
"I would actually. I've been through this before..." He sounds empty... Quiet even. I know I said I liked him quiet but no, I dont, I really dont... Bring back the happy flirty guy from before back... I dont want to see him sad. It hurts to see him like that.
I dont say anything, just leaning my head against him.
"I can help you redecorate later... And we can help eachother get through this?"
"That... would be nice..." Why is it hard to get my words out? I hate this. So much.
My stupid plan, ruined. The effort, wasted. My reputation, gone with the tears starting to pour down my face.
He just holds me. He holds me for what feels like hours, it might be. I hear murmered words from him, its definitely not english, its nice though. I like it.
The door slams open
"Baby brother?- TRAVIS?! why are you-?... are you two-...?" Ugh. Garroth, this oaf. He can't see me like this. Not now. Not ever. Especially after I broke the promise...
"Shh. Garroth, I don't think Zane wants to talk right now. Thats if he even can at the moment." Travis, my hero. Knight in shining armour and whatnot.
I make a noise of agreement and, dispite how much I hate myself for doing it, I cuddle into Travis' touch as he runs his hand through my hair. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I can always deal with this later...