Chapter Text
Bob has seen a lot of drug counselors in his life (because he’s done a lot of drugs), and while he doesn’t remember much about most of them (because of all the drugs), there is a woman that sticks out in his memory. He doesn’t remember where they met or when, but he remembers the way she had seemed serene and calm as he clawed at his skin and screamed.
He doesn’t remember much of what he said to her, but he can assume it was terrible. He’d been angry and scared and he could feel things moving under his skin.
What he does remember is asking her why she was there if she couldn’t do anything to help him (i.e. give him drugs to stop his suffering) and she said, “Sometimes the only thing you can do for a person in pain is to bear witness to their suffering.”
It hadn’t meant much to him at the time, but her words had lodged in his brain as a puzzle to be solved. Bob has managed to forget a great deal of his childhood, but certain memories always remained crystal clear and the golden thread connecting those memories seems to be that there was something Bob hadn’t understood in the moment. Those memories often include outdated slurs or references to sex acts that his young mind had recognized as important but inscrutable.
Over the years, the woman’s words have occasionally floated through his mind as if seeking some kind of anchor, waiting for him to be able to grasp their meaning so her memory can fade away like all the others.
Lying on his stomach on a rooftop, watching his teammates lowering themselves into a manhole and hearing them gripe about the sewer stench, Bob wonders if the words were something of a premonition. Bob was suckered into the Sentry program because he was desperate to be something better than what he was at the time. Considering how things turned out, maybe it’s best that Bob remains nothing but an observer in life. He has no idea how to be genuinely helpful in this world, but he can keep an eye out for his teammates. He can serve as their witness as they try to be actual heroes.
And he can keep an eye out for Captain America and the Falcon, because this is apparently a mission where being able to fly is a bonus.
There’s no real reason for Bob to tag along on missions with the New Avengers (Bob still thinks Thunderbolts had a better ring to it). His teammates don’t like to let Bob out of their sight, so they take him everywhere they go, despite him being mostly useless. If the team is currently walking into a trap and about to die, there’s nothing Bob could do to help other than to tell Sam and Joaquin what happened. He is there to witness their acts of heroism or their possible demise. That’s not much to be proud of, but it’s better than nothing. It's better than what he was doing before signing up for the Sentry project. At least he’s sober. And showered.
“No sign of Sam?” Bucky asks through the comm, as though Bob might have forgotten to mention seeing Captain America flying towards them.
“This is rank,” Ava whines before Bob can respond. “There isn’t enough menthol in the world to cover this smell.”
“You think this smell is terrible?” Alexei begins before Yelena cuts him off.
“The smell in the Gulag was worse,” Yelena offers, sounding weary. “We know, we know. Everything was worse in the Gulag.”
“Any sign of Sam?” Bucky asks again.
“You know what would be a fun change of pace?” John suggests in a conversational tone. “If there could be a mission where Sam is the one crawling through literal shit and we get to swoop in at the end just in time for the press photos.”
“Then learn how to fly,” Bucky snaps at the same time as Ava suggests, “Then be better looking.”
“I’m as good looking as Sam Wilson,” John argues, causing Ava and Yelena to laugh derisively.
“They are only teasing you, John Walker,” Alexei explains. “You are a handsome man. It is only your personality that makes the ladies laugh at you.”
“Thanks, Alexei,” John answers sarcastically.
There is no sarcasm in Alexei's, “You are most welcome.”
Yelena helpfully adds, “Dad saw much uglier men in the Gulag.”
“Such ugly faces!” Alexei cries out. “You would not believe the smells and the ugly faces…”
“Any sign of Sam?” Bucky asks for the third time in as many minutes.
Yelena grouses, “We’ll know when Bob sees Sam because he will yell, ‘Sam!’ like he always does.”
Bob feels mildly self-conscious at that. The fact is, he does get pretty excited when he sees Sam flying. Maybe everyone else in the party is too jaded to feel awe at the sight of a human being flying like a bird, but Bob is amazed every time. He’s seen footage of the Void hovering in the air and he knows that the Sentry could fly, but Bob has no memories of either. Seeing Sam flying towards him is like seeing Superman flying out of a comic book and into the real world.
“I think we’re getting close,” Ava announces, “the readings on this machine are… different? I’m not sure what it’s supposed to do, but it’s doing something.”
“Any sign of Sam?” Bucky asks again.
Bob scans the sky again and sees a dot on the horizon. He feels a flash of excitement, but remains quiet until he’s sure of what he’s seeing. His instincts say it’s Sam and Joaquin based on their apparent altitude, but it could be wishful thinking.
“There’s something on the horizon,” Bob says. “I can’t see what it is yet.”
Bob hears John yell and then a splash. He can guess what happened by the way everyone but Alexei is trying to stifle their laughter.
Alexei’s unrestrained belly laugh rings through the comm. “John Walker fell into the river of human waste! Such a humiliating experience! It is very funny,” he explains, undoubtedly for Bob’s benefit.
“I’m literally covered in shit,” John growls, “That means Sam, Joaquin, and the press should be here any moment.”
Bob focuses his binoculars on their highest setting. It takes a moment, but eventually he can see two figures flying just below where you’d expect to see planes. He yells, “Sam!” before he can think of changing up his script.
“Right on time,” John groans. “Right on fucking time.”
Bob actually plays a small role in the adventure. Sam is able to communicate with Bob’s comm long before he’s able to reach the New Avengers (who are underground), so Bob serves as their go-between. Bucky (with an assist from John) eventually launches a box making an ominous beeping noise high into the air. The new Falcon uses his wing to bat the box even higher into the air where Sam does a similar trick to send it flying into the clouds where it explodes harmlessly above the ocean. Bob can’t help but literally cheer at the beautifully executed moves. Everyone on the New Avengers team has remarkable skills, but they rarely manage to operate with the grace and coordination of Captain America and the Falcon. The two of them move through the world like twins, often walking in sync and finishing each other’s sentences. Yelena and Bucky are actively working on making the New Avengers more cohesive, but being part of a team means trusting your teammates and trust doesn’t come easily to any of the New Avengers. Bucky says they all need to learn to trust themselves before they’ll really be able to trust others.
Bucky also says he doesn’t see that happening any time soon.
Joaquin Torres flies down to the manhole to help the team while Sam gracefully lowers himself onto the rooftop with Bob.
“Need a lift?” Sam asks with a friendly smile. Bob nearly trips over his feet as he quickly moves towards his winged companion. The nice thing about Sam - one of the many nice things about Sam - is he is always the person you hope that he’ll be. Bob is too old to be this enchanted with Captain America, and yet he can’t pretend to be unmoved. Sam radiates confidence and kindness as he extends his arms out to Bob - who feels awkward and uncoordinated as Sam spins him around and wraps his arms around Bob’s chest. Bob barely has time to contemplate what is about to happen when his feet are suddenly off the ground. Bob clutches at the strong arms wrapped around him as they shoot up into the air, hover for a moment and then begin a careful descent. He’s seen Sam make this type of landing before and it always looks effortless. Actually going through the motions with Sam, he’s aware of the work and skill that must go into making it look easy. The wind is battering them from various angles, but Sam keeps their movement steady and controlled. It should be scary, but Sam’s grip is reassuringly firm. Bob is completely at the mercy of someone he has only met a few times, and yet he feels calm and safe. Bob may be the kind of person that people tend to drop, but Sam isn’t the kind of person to let someone fall.
He clings to Sam’s arms as he looks down and watches Joaquin helping the New Avengers climb out of the manhole. Even from a distance, he can see Joaquin smiling and laughing as he pulls Bob’s teammates out of the muck. He knows that the others (especially John) get paranoid that Joaquin is laughing at them, but the new Falcon never seems cruel or even unkind. He seems like an enthusiastic young man who is really excited to be working with Captain America. Bob has only seen him from a distance, but he always feels like he would get along with Sam’s protege. While most of the New Avengers seem to distrust Joaquin’s boundless enthusiasm, Bob admires it. Joaquin is young and beautiful with a brilliant technical mind and a pair of wings. He has every reason to be quick to smile and laugh. The fact that Joaquin appears to enjoy his many gifts makes Bob feel happy for him when he should probably be envious.
When Joaquin pulls Bucky up and out of the sewer, Sam’s arms tighten around Bob’s chest just enough to make him nervous, but they continue their smooth descent. Bob wonders if Sam gets as worried about seeing Bucky as Bucky does when he sees Sam. Bob has a vague understanding of why Bucky gets worked up. Bucky always seems to be waiting for Sam to change his mind about their relationship and leave Bucky in the dust - despite there being no evidence (that Bob can see) that Sam is anything but smitten. Bob only ever sees them together for moments at a time, but the electricity between the two men is palpable. Bob, like the rest of the team, is worried about the day when Bucky inevitably leaves them for the real Avengers, but there is no denying that Bucky belongs at Sam’s side. The only person who isn’t sure that Bucky is a proper ready-for-prime-time hero is Bucky.
Until Bucky moves on, they get to occasionally work with Sam and his teammates. They don’t ‘team up’, but they sometimes coordinate their efforts. Sam is careful with his image and with how he presents his team. Bob has no idea what they’re actually doing on this (or any) mission, because he’s just a guy tagging along, but he can tell that Sam and Bucky are thoughtful about how their respective teams are presented in the media.
Bucky says it’s good for the New Avengers - especially John Walker - to have to crawl through shit (though usually the shit is metaphorical) because it makes them more sympathetic. He says that seeing the New Avengers in miserable and humiliating situations humanizes them and makes the public more likely to give them a chance when they break away from working for Val.
There are people with cell phones gathering around. Bob notices the flash of cameras and looks at his teammates.
John Walker is looking very human at the moment. Bob hopes it helps.
Bob is relieved and grateful to see that Bucky looks relatively clean. Out of friendship (and a little bit of co-dependence) Bob worries about Bucky being embarrassed in front of Sam. Bucky is a hunky super soldier with eyes that pierce your soul, but he’s got a lot of shame issues. Like the rest of the team, Bob is entirely too invested in Bucky's relationship with Sam. They all want Bucky to succeed and not get in his own way. They all want Bucky to manage his self-destructive impulses and live happily-ever-after with his perfect boyfriend. Bucky deserves a dashing hero like Sam to sweep him off his feet and Captain America deserves a dashing hero like Bucky to sweep him off his feet. If a couple of super hot heroes can’t be happy together, what chance does someone like Bob even have?
Sam doesn’t hesitate to reach out to Bucky for a hug the moment he has Bob safely on the ground. Bucky keeps himself at a bit of a distance (he was just tromping through a sewer), but their hug seems intimate and loving as usual. Bucky closes his eyes as they embrace and Bob tries not to grin like a sap. There is already a helicopter circling and they are no doubt being filmed from every angle, so the hug can only last so long. Sam never discusses his personal life with the press and he makes a point of being seen with his friends all around the world. He's always rumored to be dating at least five people at any given time. Sam doesn’t want to draw too much attention to any particular person and make them a target for his enemies. When Bucky is in a mood, he’ll insist Sam needs to keep him a secret, but the evidence suggests Sam is playing a shell game with all the people he cares about, drawing attention this way and that so it’s hard to know who to target.
Sam and Joaquin shake everyone’s hands, flashing their toothpaste smiles and looking camera ready.
The New Avengers look like they’ve crawled out of a sewer. Bob hopes it helps.
Sam whispers something in Bucky’s ear. Bucky nods thoughtfully and seems to agree. It looks like a normal, professional exchange - like they are sharing secret information - but it’s almost certainly Sam telling Bucky where to find him later. They’ve fallen into a routine. Bucky goes home with the New Avengers for a debriefing before Sam whisks him away for a few days, sending Bucky back to the Tower pink-cheeked and glassy-eyed (and a little bit ditzy), but happy and full of hope for days… until the despair and uncertainty settle back in. Bob and the team are like the rest of the orphans watching Little Orphan Annie take off with Daddy Warbucks - happily basking in the reflected glow of someone else's good fortune but also green with envy. Bob is very happy for Bucky and he would never want to take anything from him, but he could also cry at how much he wants what Bucky has.
“Hey, Bob,” John says from behind him. Bob pulls his eyes from Sam and Bucky and turns to his teammate, who is looking very humbled by life. John holds out his arms and ominously says, “C’mon, man. Gimme some sugar.”
Bob laughs and hides behind Yelena, the one person John definitely won’t test, as the muck-covered John reaches out for a ‘hug’.
Yelena holds her hand up, warding John away and says, “You took one for the team down there, John, so you can choose dinner tonight.”
John frowns, “So I can’t get love, but I can get take-out?”
“Yes, John,” Yelena agrees, “If there is a hole in your heart, you fill it with food. This is what lonely people do.”
John nods, “Cool, then I want Chinese.”